It All Boils Down to Hurt

Two brothers; one woman; one eternity stretched out before them.

He mulls over the situation, a glass of liquor resting on his palm as he toys with it, toys with the decision he has to make. Over one night – one night – he has endured what feels like an eternity of misery.

On the one hand, a past love has told him what his head has been telling him for years, only his heart was too foolish to listen. She doesn't love him – fact. She's never loved him – fact. It'd always been Stefan – fact, plus another reason to hate his brother on top of the growing list he's compiled over the years just from observation.

On the other hand, a present love has more or less said the exact same thing. This time, both his head and his heart pay the price; his head for screwing him up into opening his heart; his heart for repeating history and falling for someone he knows full well has never been his to fall for. She doesn't love him – fact. There's a possibility she's denying her own feelings – a definite maybe, if nothing else.

Therein does the dilemma lie; should he stay, risking further heartbreak, to see if she really is just lying to herself? She acts one way around Stefan, another when she's around him. He's sure he unnerves her, brings out feelings she certainly doesn't want to accept, but he's not sure.

That's what kills him, no pun intended – the uncertainty.

He smashes the glass into the fire without really thinking about it. The rage consumes him; he embraces it. If he'd just continued shutting down his emotions, this would never have happened. Katherine's return has messed everything up, which he's sure is not unintentional on her part.

What he hates the most about all of this, however, is Stefan's role in all of this. He's always got the girl – always. He doesn't brag about it, but what he does do is infinitely worse. He becomes all self-righteous, consistently throwing judgemental looks in his direction like he's so perfect.

It all boils down to hurt – there's no denying it.

He feeds and kills because of what he is; he's what he is because of her, because of Stefan; and they're all caught up in this twisted love triangle because they are afraid of being told that all 145 years were a lie. Though Stefan will never admit it, especially since he plays things quite close to the vest, he still hurts from Katherine.

He's drawn the short straw, which is why he's staring murderously into the fire. For the first time in his entire immortal life, he wants to die. He wants the fire to leap from its spot and burn him alive. He's sure it'll hurt less than the blows he's received tonight, first from Katherine and then, the clincher, Elena.

He doesn't know why Elena's betrayal hurts the most. It could've been the fact his love – if that's what you called whatever the hell it is he feels for her – is newer than the love of Katherine's, or that it's not based on lies and the act of compelling. Maybe it's the way she looks at him, like she really and honestly does care about him.

He feels so…broken; like everything he knew about the world has shattered, along with the remaining fragments of his already dead heart. He feels broken like that glass he's just flung into the fire, with one crucial difference.

The flames which surround him, torture him, make him squirm and writhe underneath their intense gaze are still out there somewhere, masquerading as innocent girls when, in reality, they are the devils. They are the devils which torture his soul – if he even has one after all his misdeeds – and the worst part is he can't escape it.

It was always Stefan; it'll always be Stefan.

Two women; one weak willed vampire; one eternity stretched out before them.

You would've thought he would've learned by now.

It all boils down to hurt.

It all boils down to Stefan.

And the more he thinks about it all, the angrier he gets, until he feels the dregs of his humanity disappear.

And he finds himself running; running towards Elena's house because he still kindles a small flame of hope inside himself. Maybe she's lying to herself, he thinks, maybe she's denying what she feels because she doesn't want to hurt Stefan.

Maybe, maybe, maybe… It's all too vague for him. He wants - no, needs - answers; even if he doesn't like them.

He wants Elena to at least admit she does harbour something for him. Just so he knows he's not wasting his time loitering when he could be out snapping someone's neck or spilling his rage like blood on the wind.

He doesn't want to end up as second best.

Not again.

A/n: LOVED the season premiere of Vampire Diaries so had to write something down. Poor Damon! He's so twisted and tortured and I just want to hug him something. Cannot wait for next week's ep!