|Total Drama Detour
Author: pinkluver93 PM
Chris takes in 20 characters from Adult Swim, Detour in Canada, and takes them on a journey around the world, while they try to win a cool mil in the process. Rated T for the usual drama, some cussing, e.t.c.Rated: Fiction T - English - & Chris M. - Chapters: 8 - Words: 24,958 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 05-15-12 - Published: 09-11-10 - id: 6317846
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
(Chris recaps last episode. Theme starts.)
(In first class, Cheyenne is singing to her music, bobbing her head and eating appetizers.)
Cheyenne:(confessional, sighs) It sucks without Emily and Gummi. These guys are kinda hard to talk to, ya know? They always seem to be to themselves and all. I know! I'll cheer myself up with a song! (sings) I wanna be friends, I wanna be smooth, There's no one in the world that smells worse than you..
(Frylock and Shake watch TV, while some interns massage them and give them appetizers.)
Shake:(with food in his mouth) Man, I'm so glad I can be up here.
Frylock: Well, it ain't gonna stay this way if you're lazy with every challenge.
Shake:(swallows) Why must every positive be replaced with a negative? Look, I did my work, okay? I was the one who kept that CRAP inside me, but any appreciation? No!
Frylock: All I'm saying is you gotta "do your work" everytime, alright? Do your part, and we'll always end up here. Maybe even get into the final three, well, maybe not that far. At this point, I'm guessin' top 6.
Shake: Not if Ren gets herself there first! (angrily throws TV remote down, it explodes)
Frylock: What are you talking about? Just cuz her team's had the best luck?
Shake: Ugh! She landed on Chris's man belly, man! She was tryin' to get some action and...be like a prostitute and try to get the money herself!
Frylock: She was bitten by bats, Shake! I think "getting action" is the last thing on her mind.
Shake:(reclines chair) That's what they all say.
Frylock:(grins and raises an eyebrow) What, you jealous?
Shake: Huh? Jealous of who? I'm up here in first class, baby! I'm not jealous of no one! (drinks a shot) No one.
(In economy class.)
Huey:(to Riley) Hope Ren's bites finally healed, usually they last for weeks if they don't kill ya first.
Hayley: Don't worry about her, we don't need her.
Riley: Who was talkin' to you, shawty?
Hayley: No I'm just saying, even if her "deadly bites" don't heal today, she wouldn't be so beneficial to us anyway.
Renee:(walks in, hair tied back up and bites are a little better) That's nice to know. (goes to sit next to Huey)
Huey: Chef must have somethin' fast healing. You seem a lot more able.
Renee: Yeah, I guess it's awesome painkillers, or the bites weren't really that fatal.
Hayley:(clears throat, they look at her for her to continue)
Hayley:(smiles) So, my concern now is that... our skills might not be able to outrun the others this time around, especially the Chumpions up there. They seriously shocked me with their sudden win.
Riley: Man, they was gettin' beat the whole time.
Meg: Yeah, we've been in first class more times than anyone.
Hayley: Way to point out the obvious, Meg, thank you. (glances around the gross economy class) By the way, we can't slack any more. (quietly to her team) We gotta focus on our game and what we can improve-
Renee:(puts on headphones)
Hayley: And how the others will react in a non-peaceful manner and-(sees Renee with headphones on and yanks one out) Uhh, I'm trying to help us win here.
Renee: You don't like what I have to say. Why shouldn't my feelings be mutual?
Hayley:(confessional) See? This is what I hate about her. She jumps to MAJOR conclusions. Okay yes, she's right. I don't care about what she has to say, but...still. I'm the best this team has, I mean, have you seen the team?
Chris:(over P.A.) Attention Yakkity Yaks, our plane is coming in for a landing.
Brian: Ain't that a miracle.
Chris:(over P.A.) Please prepare for immediate jump-off! And I mean now!
(All 17 jump at the same time. They all land on a hot airport ground. This airport has a body of water right next to it, about 50 feet away.)
Chris:(comes out wearing a Brazillian flag shirt and khaki shorts with his usual shoes, and sunglasses on his head. Pulls out a sheet and reads it.) Olá, iscas de tubarão! Or, "Hello, shark bait!" Welcome tooo (shows aerial view of Rio de Janeiro) Rioooooo de Janeiro!
Riley:(gets up) What's with all this foreign stuff, man? When we goin' back to America?
Chris: We are in America! South America!
Huey: He meant the States.
Chris:(chuckles) That's a no-can-do. None of you have rights while you're on my contract.
Cheyenne:(gasps) Did you say Rio de Janeiro?
Chris:(looks at her oddly) Uhh, yeah. I just did-
Cheyenne: Oh my God yes!
Cheyenne:(confessional) Even when I was off tours, I couldn't get to Rio. It's a dream come true!
Steve:(checks her out and nudges Stewie) I hope it's a swimming contest, know what I mean?
Chris: Can I finish here? Okay, as you can see, we're a bit far from anything right now, but if you look to your left(they all look left) Off the airport dock sits four motor boats. Each one contains a map and all the necessities you need.
Meatwad: Food and candy and a pillow to go night night?
Chris: When I said necessities, I meant the stuff that was built on the boat already, like a compass and a special mayday signal which you can use to call for help. And some other stuff.
Stewie:(sarcastically) How informative.
Chris: So, each team will take their boat and race, yes, I said RACE.
Brak: Fast bumper boats oh boy!
Chris: You'll race your boat across the Rodrigo de Freitas Lagoon. Using your map, you'll find your way to the main docks on Guanabara Bay. The first one there will win an advantage for the next challenge, which I like to call: Finding Wonder! Before I move on, I'm gonna give you guys 60 seconds to guess what you'll have to locate after making it to the bay.
Chris: Do we get a hint?
Chris: No, Chris, that'd make it too easy. Buuuut, I will say that it's freakishly huge, old and it stands very high.
Shake: Is it that Chef guy? (laughs, Chef glares at him and throws a tambourine at him) Ow!
Chris: Pick one member from your team to announce your answer. If you get it right, your team wins a very helpful advantage, so I'd use your pea brains to the max! (looks at watch) 60 seconds startiiiiing...now!
Brian: I have no clue. There's a lot of things that are huge here.
Zorak: Yeah, like womens' tatas.
Early: Imma say it's a big momma.
Roger: But it'd be a waste of time!
Early:(points gun at Roger) Don'tchu mock me!
Renee: Chris said the challenge was "finding wonder", so maybe that has something to do with it.
Huey: Hayley, you took a world regions class, what is it?
Hayley:(thinks) Hmm, wonder, wonder. What is the world's wonder (gasps but says quietly) It's one of the seven wonders of the world! (Meg and Riley shush her so she won't reveal it out loud)
Shake: Where the Rio babes at?
Frylock: Shut up, Shake, I'm thinking!
Shake: You're smart, you should know this!
Cheyenne: But he barely gave us any clues.
Stewie: Sooooo... you guys have any idea? Any idea whatsoever?
(They all look at each other with confusion.)
Stewie:(laughs) I'm just kidding, I already know the answer. Heheheh. You, you big idiots, I got you! (laughs)
Chris: Time's up! Team Chris, got an answer?
Early: It's a big momma.
Chris: Uhhh, no. Incorrect. WAY incorrect, but relevant I suppose.
Early:(points gun at Chris) Gimme the damn avantage!
Chef:(takes gun away from Early) You'll get this back when you cool off. (walks back to plane with it, Early glares)
(Stewie, Frylock and Hayley raise their hands, all eager and know the answer.)
Chris: What's this? All three of you know the answer? I'm pleasantly surprised at the geniousity you guys have.
Renee:(grins at him) That's what she said.
Chris:(grins back) I got plenty more for ya.
Hayley:(still has her hand raised) Pick someone already, ugh!
Chris: Fine. Team Mexico, what's your answer?
Stewie:(with an innocent-looking smile) Well Christopher, I believe the answer you're looking for is Christ the Redeemer, one of the seven wonders of the world.
Chris: Correct! Team Mexico wins this advantage! (pulls out a GPS)
Frylock and Hayley: What the f***? No way!
Chris: Oh yes, way! This GPS will instantly find the location you all are looking for and give you perfectly explained directions to find it, and..you can use it when you're looking for Christ the Redeemer! Yep, you can take this baby on the go! (Looks to Stewie) Pun intended (he raises an eyebrow) The rest of you have to rely on those crappy ol' maps in your boat. Remember, first one to the checkpoint at the bay docks gets a special advantage as well. Now move it!
(Everyone boards their boats.)
(They're on the way to the bay. Steve is driving while Stewie checks out the GPS.)
Steve: You're so awesome, Stewie!
Stewie: I know I know. Now, keep this thing en route to the bay while I give you wisdom of talking to someone like Cheyenne.
Steve: Yes sir, no problemo! (keeps boat in motion)
Stewie:(to Brak) Space cat thing, massage my shoulders.
Stewie: You'll earn my respect.
Brak: Okay, sir! (goes to massage his shoulders)
Stewie:(points to Chris and Meatwad) Fatboy and Meat, you keep watch for oncoming boats, make sure WE'RE first!
(Hayley is driving the boat, while the others are looking at the map.)
Huey: According to the map, we gotta go west in about two miles so we're going in the right direction.
Hayley:(puts head on her hand while driving the boat, sighing) It'd be a lot easier if we had that damn GPS..
Hayley:(looks back at him) What?
Riley: Heheh, nothin', cept you got served by a baby! (rolls on floor laughing)
Hayley: I didn't get served, you little s***! Chris picked the dumb baby before me, I knew the answer!
Renee: I don't think he's so dumb anymore.
Meg:(a bit irritaed) Yeah, Ren's right, he's super smart. And don't call him dumb, okay? He's my brother.
Hayley:(looks back and glares, yelling) He's not your brother on this show! (She gasps)
Hayley:(confessional) She'll get over it, I disowned my brother and Roger on this show too! It's only temporary! This is a game, so we're all each others' competition, family or not.
(Brian is driving. Early gets glared at in the back of the boat by the Roger and Zorak.)
Early: Whatchall lookin' at!
Roger:( Zorak and him smack him) A smacked-up dummy!
Early: You better watch it, boys! I'll-
Zorak: Ooooh you'll what? Shoot us with your imaginary gun? (laughs)
Brian: Hang on guys, I gotta concentrate, here. I have no idea where this bay would be.
Zorak: What are ya, blind? Just look for land.
Roger:(sprays shaving cream on Early)
Early: Ey! What the hell?
Roger: Oh no, was that me? Oh no! I hope it's whipped cream and not shaving cream!
Early:(tastes it and spits it out)
(Frylock drives the boat. Cheyenne and Shake try to hold in their laughter.)
Frylock:(notices them) Don't yall even start!
(They both laugh. Frylock sighs, watching the front of the boat.)
Shake: You got told by a baby, son! I bet you didn't even know the answer!
Frylock: Yes I did! Chris called him first, it doesn-
Shake: Okay then, prove it, what are we looking for?
Frylock: Christ the Redeemer!
Cheyenne: But we all know that now. (Frylock facepalms)
(At Guanabara Bay, Chef looks out with binoculars on the dock. Chris stands by.)
Chris: See anyone yet?
Chef: I think so. How fast can them things go-*gets hit by Team Mexico's boat*
Steve: YES! I'm ready to tell her!
Chris: Hope no one gets injured today.
Chef: I'M INJURED!
Chris: I mean the cast. You got hit, which means we can't send injured people to the infirmary, you know? (walks up next to Team Mexico's boat, where they all get out) Congrats, Team Mexico!
(Team Champions' and Team Alpha's boats come in at the same time.)
Frylock and Hayley:(to each other) I got here first!
Chris: You're both incorrect! (They both glare at him)
Steve:(runs to Cheyenne who's trying to get off, offers his hand) Here, I'll help you.
Cheyenne:(smiles and takes his hand) Wow, thanks! (gets off) I'm Cheyenne!
Steve:(smiles) I'm Steve..
Chris:(scratches his head) I'm confused..
Chris: I'm getting sick by all the lovesickiness. Now, we just gotta wait for the other team-
(Team Chris's boat blows up before it hits the dock, causing all four of the members to crash land on the dock)
Chris: Okay, who's responsible for blowing up that boat?
Zorak: Me, why?
Chris: (whiny voice) Zorak! These boats costed like twelve grand a piece, and they couldn't sell them in a set!
Zorak: Too bad. It was fun, so go cry me a river, girly boy! Muahahahahaha!
Chris:(grins angrily as he pulls out Space Ghost's power bands, aims them towards him)
Zorak: Wait wait, ok no-(gets blasted) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (burns to a crisp, Chris grins)
Chris:(confessional, laughing, holding the power bands) Yeah, these are the mighty Space Ghost's power bands. I got his huge belt too so he wouldn't fly or inviso away from my grasp. Ah, the beauty of a contract.
Chris: Okay, now that all you guys are here, I'll explain your next challenge: Finding Wonder! Luckily for Team Mexico, they have a GPS which will help them find Christ the Redeemer in this huge town!
(Bird poops on GPS from up high.)
Stewie: What the douche? (shakes the GPS) No, no! Work you complicated gadget! (throws it down) AGH!
Chris:(laughs) I forgot to mention those things break easily like smart phones from even the dumbest things.
Stewie: Bird doody wrecks it up? Really?
Chris:(smiles) Yep! So, if I were you, I'd find any possible way to get to the landmark, even if it means working with the enemy. (Steve smiles)
Steve:(confessional, excited) I could work with Cheyenne's team! And be able to talk to her! Did you see that back there? She said thank you to me AND she said hi to me and told me her name! Holy crap, I must be a stud!
Cheyenne:(raises hand) When do we get to chill on the beach? And drink shooters? That's what Rio's all about!
Chris: Only place you'll be chillin' on is the plane. Rules are rules.
Steve:(walks up beside her) Ah man, that sucks. You'd look great in a bikini.
Cheyenne: I totally do! You should see my thongkini I got from Africa!
Steve:(drools) I should see, indeed...
Chris: Uhh, I got a show to do here, lovebirds. You know, the show that only lasts like 30 minutes? Anywho, when you finally find the big ol' statue, heheh, IF you find it, one member from your team will attempt to go to the top of Christ the Redeemer and collect the red flag that's up there. The one that collects the flag first rides first class to our next destination, as always.
Hayley: How are we supposed to climb a high statue like that?
Chris: I don't know how you guys are gonna climb it, but since Team Mexico got to the bay first, they win this! (throws them a box of climbing gear)
Stewie:(looks inside) Ooh, this is better than any GPS.
Chris: That'll help you climb any type of mountain, statue, anything high you can think of.
Roger: But but but, how are we gonna climb?
Chris: I dunno, bro. Use your arms, feet, tentacles, anything you have. (to Frylock) And you can't-
Frylock: Damnit I know! I know I can't fly!
Chris: I think you wanna hear this one. If I see you float even one millionth of a centimeter up the statue, not only will YOU be eliminated, your whole team will be as well!
Shake: Hey, whatever, I don't mind being stuck in Rio. C'mon, look at this place!
Chris: Yeah right! As if I'd let you guys roam free around a place like this. I'm not that careless. You'll be taking the plunge like everyone else does, unless you'd like to reason with Chef. (shows Chef chewing up a teddy bear)
Shake:(sighs) You heard him, Frylock.
Frylock: I know, I'm not dumb!
Chris: Good to know. Now, any questions? (a lot of them raise their hands) Okay then, find that wonder! (blows whistle)
(Team Mexico and Champion stay back, while the other teams head off. Steve kept Cheyenne and her team there so he'd talk to Stewie about their special team merge for the challenge.)
Stewie: No Steve, they're the enemy.
Steve: Please please please let 'em go with us! (nudges) I might get lucky, man!
Stewie: Whatever, I'm not losin' this! (Him and the others go off, Shake and Frylock go as well. Cheyenne starts to go but Steve jogs beside her.)
Steve: Hey again!
Cheyenne: Hey Steve! Don'tcha just love it here?
Steve:(glances to her eyes and then her breasts back and forth) Oh yes, yes I do!
Chris: Yeah...I think we should go to break before this gets any more explicit.
Chef: What? I don't mind it. (watches)
Chris:(sighs and looks to screen) Stay tuned for more Total...Drama...DEEEEETOOOOOOOUR!