|Between Pleasure and Pain
Author: sadtomato PM
Bella's been keeping her kinky fantasies a secret from her husband, Edward. When he finds out about her dark desires, he turns to Carlisle for guidance. This story is E/B/C- Carlisle is involved as their mentor and participates in scenes. AH, D/s.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 21 - Words: 124,624 - Reviews: 3,381 - Favs: 2,195 - Follows: 1,507 - Updated: 05-10-12 - Published: 09-18-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6332911
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: This story started as a one shot I wrote in honor of cherieblossum's birthday, but I've decided to expand upon the original idea. I've made a few changes with the help of the lovely SuperKannen, who taught me the difference between a hyphen and a dash.
***If you have already read the o/s, please note that I split that original story into two chapters. There is one new scene, you can find it in the last section of this chapter.
Please note: This is certainly not a manual for safe/sane BDSM behavior, it is a work of fiction. I recommend doing some serious research before engaging in any BDSM activity. Also? I do not own the Twilight characters, just the pervy plot.
"Bella, baby, you feel so good," he whispers, kissing my neck and rocking his hips against mine. "Are you close?" he asks. I can tell that he is by the way that he's moving- erratic and desperate.
"Mmm, Edward, you feel good, too. Harder, baby," I encourage him. Everything he's doing feels good. Making love with Edward is always... nice. He's so tender, pouring all of his love for me into every kiss, every touch, every movement. Being with him like this makes me feel cherished. But it doesn't make me come.
He gives me orgasms, sure, but usually before we have sex. He loves to go down on me, and he never fails to get me there quickly. Actual sex, though... well, it's a lot harder for me to come. I tell him it's not his fault, that a lot of women have trouble getting there from penetration alone. I don't tell him the real reason I'm not coming.
"Is that good, sweetheart? Is this too hard?" he asks, lifting his head to look into my eyes. He's not moving harder against me, not that I can feel. I want to tell him it can never be too hard. I want to open my mouth and beg him to pound me, break me, punish me with his cock. I want him to tie my wrists to his grandmother's stupid antique headboard and fuck me until I scream.
But I don't. I can't. He wouldn't understand; my sweet, tender husband would never be capable of those things. He's the kind of guy that lights candles in the bathroom and draws me a bath after I've had a rough day. He leaves me love notes that I find in my pockets during the day. When we started dating, it took him three months to work up the nerve to take off my clothes. I love that he takes care of me, and I don't want that to stop. I don't want him to be see me differently-treat me differently-when I tell him the dark desires that have haunted me for as long as I can remember.
"Yeah, that's so good. Mmm, Edward, I love you," I whisper, lifting my head to kiss him. The kiss is slow and sweet, definitely not enough to push me over the edge. I wrap my arms around him, pull him back down, and push his face against my neck. I want to come with him, and I find myself closing my eyes, letting my mind drift to some of my fantasies: Edward, standing over me with a paddle, about to spank me. Edward tying my ankles to the bedposts, forcing me to spread my legs. Edward's voice whispering the words from the dirty stories I read online...
"God, Bella! Yes!" he shouts, throwing his head back as he pulses inside me. He stills, riding out his orgasm, and I wrap my arms around him, ruffling his hair affectionately. He pulls out, flopping down beside me and breathing heavily. "Mmmmmm, I love you," he hums, kissing my neck. "Want me to...?" he asks, his fingers trailing down my side to rest on my belly, right above my aching clit.
"No, baby, I'm good. I came so hard from your mouth," I answer, tracing my finger around his lips. I feel too guilty to let him get me off. He was making love to me, worshipping my body, and I wasn't here with him at all. I was thinking about another life, another Edward. I blink back tears, moving closer to him and burying my face in his shoulder so he won't see.
"I love you, Bella," he says again, quietly.
"Um, I'm looking for Dr. Masen? He's a resident? Is he around?" Bella asks, not having spotted me yet. I'm just a few feet behind her, watching her nervously approach the nurse's desk. I lean back against the wall, enjoying the opportunity to stare at her unabashedly. She's lovely-always a little shy around people she doesn't know, but polite and friendly. I'm torn between calling out to her and hanging back to check out her ass.
"I haven't seen him," Jessica, the desk clerk, answers. She doesn't look up from her paperwork. Jessica is rude to everyone, so I'm not surprised.
"Oh. I'm supposed to, um, meet him? Do you think you could page him?" she asks, tentatively. Jessica sighs heavily, lifting her eyes to Bella, and frowns when she sees me standing behind her.
"He's right there," she answers Bella, tilting her head in my direction. And that is the most effort Jessica will put forth all day. I shake my head at her laziness before Bella turns to me and steals my focus. I feel my shoulders lift, the weight of my busy day melting away. Her shy smile still dazzles me, even after four years together.
We met while I was in medical school; Bella was an undergrad, and she came in with a twisted ankle while I was doing my rotation in the ER. I took her medical history and tried not to stare at her too much; she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever met, and I wanted to make her mine. She was shy, though, flushing with embarrassment every time I asked her a question.
I didn't ask her out that night, thinking she'd find it inappropriate, but I did notice on her paperwork that she worked at a local coffee shop. I made a habit of stopping by every morning, chatting her up while she made my latte. When I finally asked her out, she happily agreed. We dated for a year before I asked her to marry me, and we eloped soon after that. Bella didn't want all the fuss and attention of a big wedding, and all I wanted was to make Bella happy and keep her safe.
"Hello, Wife," I greet her. She zigzags over to me, dodging an intern and an orderly as she crosses the hallway.
"Hello, Dr. Masen," she responds, and I pull her in for a hug.
"I love it when you call me doctor," I whisper, flexing my hips slightly so she can feel how much I love it.
"That's why I do it, Dr. Masen," she answers. I laugh, kissing her cheeks, and drop my charts off at the front desk. We head to the cafeteria, hand in hand, and I listen to Bella tell me about her morning class. My schedule at the hospital is crazy, and we often go days without seeing each other at home. Bella's schedule teaching literature at the local community college is more flexible. She is always kind enough to go out of her way to meet me at the hospital for lunch to squeeze in as much quality time as we can.
We pick out the best items from the shitty cafeteria menu and make our way to a table in the corner. She flirts with me all through lunch, leaning forward to touch my arm and licking her lips. Sometimes I wish I could pull her into an empty room and have sex with her here, but that kind of thing never works in real life- only on TV shows. Bella would never go for that, anyway... she would be mortified to have sex in public.
"Masen, did you hear anything back from the lab on that CHF patient?" I hear, jolting me out of my Bella-in-the-on-call-room fantasy. I look up at Carlisle Cullen, one of the surgical attendings, and pull my hand away from Bella's. He's important here, and I don't want him to think I'm just a kid mooning over his girl in the cafeteria.
"Not yet, Dr. Cullen. We should have them by four, and I'll run them upstairs to consult with you," I tell him. He nods his head, checking his pager distractedly. "Carlisle, this is my wife, Bella. Bella, this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen." She reaches out to shake his hand, and his eyes snap to her face as though he just realized she was there.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Cullen," she says shyly. He smiles and lifts her hand to his mouth, brushing his lips against it. Bella's face flushes in embarrassment and she pulls her hand back into her lap.
"The pleasure is all mine, Bella," he answers. Bella blushes, pulling her hand away, and he turns to walk away. "Dr. Masen," he says, nodding politely as he exits the cafeteria.
"The pleasure is all mine, Bella," I mock him quietly after he leaves.
"What? He seems nice," Bella replies, narrowing her eyebrows at me.
"Yeah, real nice..." I mutter, remembering the rumors that circulate about his rather... unique personal life.
"He was just being polite. He wasn't hitting on me, Edward." Bella is oblivious to her effect on men; she's never believed that anyone was hitting on her, even when guys in college bars were buying her drinks left and right.
"No, he probably just wants to take you down to his dungeon," I tease, lowering my voice. I try not to listen to the gossip that runs rampant around this hospital, but everyone's heard the legends of Dr. Cullen's sexual habits.
"Dungeon?" Bella asks, leaning forward in interest. I match her posture, checking to make sure no one is in earshot before I fill her in.
"Yeah, one of the nurses dated him for a while and told everyone that he has a full-on dungeon in his house. Chains, whips, shackles, all that shit. Said he was into some really kinky stuff," I tell her, whispering so that no one walking by would hear. Bella's face flushes in embarrassment, and she looks down at her cup of coffee. She's probably never been exposed to anything like this. I reach over and caress her wrist, rubbing my thumb against the back of her hand.
"Don't worry, baby, I'd never let anyone like that come near you. He's just a pervert." She nods her head, but doesn't look up at me. The poor thing must be really embarrassed by this conversation. "You ready to go?" I ask her, gathering up our trash.
"Yeah, let's go," she says, sighing as she stands up to join me.
It's Friday night and Edward's working late. I try to grade papers, clean the house, read a book, but nothing works. I saw Dr. Cullen again last night, when I stopped by the hospital to drop off some dinner for Edward. He didn't see me, but I was able to study him for a minute while he talked to another doctor in the hallway.
It's all I've been able to think about for weeks- Carlisle Cullen and his dungeon. I've Googled him, looked for him on Facebook (he's not there) and made extra trips to the hospital hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Don't get me wrong-I love my husband more than anything and would never cheat on him. But I'm fascinated by this handsome, successful man who lives a lifestyle I've only encountered in fantasies. I'm not even sure that he does, but I can't stop imagining it.
I sigh and climb up into bed. The clock catches my eye- it's only 9:30. Edward won't be home for an hour, at least. I shouldn't... but maybe just for a few minutes...
I flip my laptop open, typing in the name of the website I know by heart. I scroll to the BDSM section, and glance at the new stories to see if anything catches my eye. There are a few that look promising, but... my body is already aroused from picturing Carlisle in his dungeon and I need something guaranteed to do the trick. I find one of my favorite authors and click through her stories until I find the one I want. It's filthy, full of vulgar words that Edward would never say. I read, savoring every word, imagining I can feel every stroke, every slap on my skin. Imagining they're coming from Edward's hands.
My left hand slips under my panties, and I use the other hand to scroll down the page. Mmm... I put myself and Edward in place of the main characters, imagining him restraining me and teasing me. Imagining him bringing me to the edge and keeping me there. I close my eyes, my fingers stroking my slick skin furiously, imagining Edward's voice commanding me not to come until he gives me permission.
But then it's not Edward, not anymore. It's Carlisle, and he's commanding me. He tells me I'm not allowed to come. He's fucking me, spanking me, and telling me that he owns me, that I belong to him. I beg him to let me come, but he denies me again and again. I'm so close, so close to coming and I want him to push me until I do.
"Bella?" Edward asks, his voice hoarse. My eyes open and I see him standing over me in his scrubs, his eyes wide. I was so involved in my fantasy that I didn't even hear him come in. I pull my hand out of my panties and hide it behind me, as though hiding the evidence of my arousal will make this any better. Tears sting my eyes as I feel the weight of his stare, and I can't even look at him. I close my eyes and turn away, wishing I could crawl out of my skin and hide.
I don't know what I'm expecting-I guess for him to walk away, or to yell, but he shocks me when he grabs my laptop and turns the screen towards him.
"NO!" I shout, lifting up on my knees and reaching for the computer. He pulls it out of my grasp, twisting away so I can't reach it, and I slump down in defeat, mortified. I can't stop him, he's already seen enough to know what I was reading. He skims the screen, raising his eyebrows at what he finds.
"What have you been reading, B? This looks kinda hot," he says. I'm surprised that he's not angry with me. I feel hot tears spilling down over my cheeks as discovers my secret shame. "Hey, are you crying? Bella, don't cry. It's okay," he adds, tossing the computer on the bed before he sits next to me. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, wiping the tears away and taking a deep breath to control myself.
"Had to start without me, huh?" he asks, cupping my chin and forcing me to look up at him. He wipes my tears away, kissing my cheeks. "C'mere," he says, leaning back against the headboard and pulling me with him. He spreads his legs, settling me between them, and reaches for my computer.
"Edward, what..." I ask, unable to get out the words I want to say.
"Let's read it together, okay?" he asks gently.
"You don't have to... I wasn't really..." I stumble, searching my brain for the right thing to tell him.
"Where were you?" he asks, and my shaking hand lifts to point at the screen.
"Is this what you need, my little pet?" he recites, and my eyes flicker back to the screen to see the words. He reads in a low, gruff voice that makes my heart race. I close my eyes, letting him read to me, feeling more aroused than I've ever been by reading the words to myself.
Edward's left hand is balancing the computer on his knee, scrolling down as he reads through the chapter, and his right arm is wrapped around my waist. I feel his hand slide down lower as he reads, over my panties, until his fingers are pressing against my clit rhythmically. I push myself against them, his words and his touch bringing me back to the edge quickly.
"I released the cuffs and tied her hands behind her back, enjoying the way her breasts were thrust forward for me," he reads, and my body responds. My back arches, and Edward's hand moves up to cup my breast. "Her tight nipple was begging for attention, and I squeezed it roughly, earning a scream." Edward pinches my nipple hard, harder than he ever has, and suddenly my brain starts working again, lets me speak.
"Edward, please, I want you. Please," I moan, over and over, moving in his arms and twisting around to face him. I hear him snap the laptop closed and toss it over the side of the bed. His strong arms push me off of his lap, rolling me onto my stomach. He kneels on the bed, pulling my hips up with his hands so my ass is in the air. For a sweet, delicious moment I think he's going to spank me, but he moves behind me-too close to get any leverage.
"I want you too, Bella. I'm gonna take you, right now, just like this," he warns, pulling my panties down my thighs. He doesn't even slide them down my legs, just leaves them around my knees. I expect his fingers to explore me, make sure I'm ready, but the only warning I get is a brief pause when the head of his cock touches my entrance. He thrusts hard, moving my whole body forward with the force of it, and enters me.
"Oh, Edward," I moan, gripping the sheet with both hands and relishing every sensation as he fucks me like I've always wanted, finally. His movements are rough and stilted, in a rhythm he isn't used to, but they feel amazing to me. I'm so close, I need to come desperately. I relax my fist, pulling one arm back and reaching down towards my clit. Edward surprises me by grabbing my elbow, lifting my arm over my body so it's slightly twisted behind me.
"No. I'm gonna make you come, Bella. Just me," he grunts, holding me still with one hand gripping my wrist and the other holding on to my shoulder. "Come, Bella," he commands, and I wish it could be magical like that. I just need... I just need a little more...
"Edward, please, touch me!" I beg, my voice strained. He lets go of my wrist, but leans forward over me- trapping my hand between us. He reaches around my body, zeroing in on my clit and rubbing it furiously.
Then Edward growls, "Is this what you need, my little pet?" And suddenly it all connects: my trapped hand trapped, Edward's firm touch, his gruff voice, the sexy words from the story. I scream and clench, gasping for breath as I come and come and come. I lose the strength to hold myself up, and I fall forward into the pillow. Somehow I'm aware of Edward shouting through his release as well. He calls my name. My heart is still thundering, my body trembling.
"Oh, Bella," he whispers, rolling off of me. He's lying on his back, stretching his arms over his head, catching his breath. "We're gonna have to do that again."
Fuck. Did that really happen last night? I stretch out in bed, rubbing sleep from my eyes. I reach over for Bella, but her side is empty. I let my mind drift to last night; how happy I was to be getting out of work early for the first time in months. It had been a long day and all I wanted to do was fall into bed and crash. I was climbing the stairs, checking the baseball scores on my phone, when I heard a quiet moan coming from our bedroom. I was shocked when I opened the door to investigate and saw my girl leaning back against the pillows, her computer open on her lap. Her hand was in her panties and she was rocking against it.
I'll never forget the look on her face after I called her name-panic, pure fear. For a moment I wondered if she were cheating... if there was another person she were chatting with. I grabbed the computer away from her and stared at the screen. Words jumped out at me: pet. cuffs. spanked. fucked. My girl was getting off to some dirty shit and I got hard as soon as I saw it. She looked so sad, hanging her head in shame, and I wanted-needed-to make her feel better. I held her, read to her, watched in awe as her body came alive when I handled it roughly for the first time. She'd always seemed so hesitant, almost afraid, and I'd never dared to touch her like that before.
My dick starts twitching at the memory, and I adjust myself before I get too carried away. I climb out of bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants, and follow the scent of coffee down to our little kitchen. Bella is sitting at the table, wearing one of my old t-shirts and a pair of cotton shorts. Her knees are drawn up against her chest, and she is picking at a bagel absently. She looks away as soon as I walk in, giving me a quiet "Hi."
"Morning, Baby," I tell her, bending to kiss her forehead before moving to pour myself a cup of coffee. I hold up the carafe to see if she wants more, but she shakes her head. I pour myself a bowl of cereal, groaning when I see what comes out of the box. Bella is trying to wean me from kids cereals by mixing Kashi into my Lucky Charms. I see fewer and fewer marshmallows every week. She is still nervously eviscerating her bagel when I sit down, so I make a show of grumbling about my cereal to lighten the mood. She finally cracks a smile when I throw a green clover marshmallow at her head.
"There's my girl," I tease, throwing a purple horseshoe. She catches it, tossing it back and giggling. "How are you this morning?" I ask, casually, trying to feel her out. I need to make sure she's okay with what we did. And I really want to find out if she has any other dirty little secrets.
"Good," she answers, taking a sip from her coffee mug. "Kind of embarrassed, but um, good."
"Yeah, about walking in on you last night... I'd say I'm sorry, baby, but I'm really not." I grin, reaching over and pulling her chair closer to mine. "Did you like what we did last night?"
"Yes... definitely," she mumbles, looking down at her cup of coffee. I reach over and lift her chin with my index finger.
"Did you like it when I read to you? Do you want me to do that again?" I watch as she lets out a shaky breath, her eyes locked on mine. She nods her head slowly. "Good. I liked it too, Bella. How many stories like that have you read?"
"Ummmm... a lot," she answers, fidgeting.
"How long have you been into that... reading stories like that?" I ask gently. I don't want to put her on the spot, but I am curious. It hurts my pride a little to know that she gets off like this without me. She takes a deep breath, wrapping one arm around her stomach.
"A long time, Edward. Since... since before we met." I bite my tongue, trying to swallow my reaction. Since before we met? For the entire time I've known her, she's been reading kinky shit online and she's never told me?
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I ask, looking down at my cereal.
"I don't know," she says, defensive. "I just never knew how to... how to talk about it. I've always been kind of ashamed." She looks away, wiping a stray tear from her eye.
"Bella, look at me." I wait for her to turn her head back towards me, lift her eyes to mine. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. Some of the stuff in that story was a little kinky, but it's nothing outrageous, Baby. You don't have to hide any of your fantasies from me." She nods, leaning forward to rest her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her back, squeezing her tightly.
"What about you?" she asks. "Do you have any um, fantasies?" She whispers "fantasies" like a kid saying a dirty word.
"Mmm, yeah," I tell her, thinking back to all the things I've dismissed as too dirty, too crazy, too wild for my sweet Bella. "How would you feel about me tying your hands to the headboard?" I whisper, and I feel her shudder in my arms. She lifts her head to look me in the eye again, a wicked smile on her face.
A/N: Please leave a review and let me know what you think! If you have any questions, leave a comment or find me on twitter at sadtomatoff.