Disclaimer: I don't own Chaotic, or Hellsing. Darn.

Peyton, Sarah, and Tom sat at their usual table at Chaotic Central, trying to watch a match between two Underworld players. "Trying" is the key word here; Kaz sat across from them, yammering on and on about this new anime he'd started watching, and his friends were finding it impossible to tune him out. Peyton had ordered ten burritos, two milkshakes, and three orders of fries, and he chewed angrily in time to Kaz's endless blabbing. Sarah was pretending to do Algebra homework, but was really doodling stick-figure drawings of Danians duct-taping Kaz's mouth shut. Tom sat slumped over with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands, alternatively yawning and obnoxiously slurping a Mountain Dew. In spite of all this, Kaz talked on and on, furiously trying to convince his friends to get excited about his new obsession.

"... and all of a sudden, Anderson showed up, and it looked like he and Alucard were going to have it out right there in the museum! Of course, Maxwell tried to stop them, but no one was really paying any attention to him by that point. And just as Alucard and Anderson were about to start fighting, Seras shows up with a bunch of Japanese tourists! Total surprise! So then they didn't fight, and Integra and Maxwell went out to the café garden and..."

"Kaz!" Tom interrupted. "I'm sure this 'Hellsing' is great and all, but could you please find another time to tell us about this? We're trying to watch the match!"

"Yeah, bro," Peyton added between mouthfuls. "We're getting' kind of tired of hearing you blab about this stuff. You haven't even explained any of it yet!"

Kaz blushed angrily. "Well, fine! If you don't care, then I guess I won't show you my surprise!"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Your 'surprise'?" she asked cynically. "We're not in fifth grade anymore, Kaz!" She turned to Tom. "Remind me again what this anime's about?"

Tom wracked his brain, trying to remember what Kaz had told him. "It's about this vampire, I think, and his name's Alucard. Somehow he's the slave of this Hellsing Organization and a woman named Integra, and he sired a girl vampire named Seras Victoria. They're always fighting this Iscariot Organization, which is basically a bunch of crazy Catholic vampire hunters, and the strongest fighter among the Iscariots is... umm... Alexander Anderson, right? He has, like, healing powers or something, and his boss is a really pale Italian guy with a pony-tail named Enrico Maxwell."

Peyton laughed. "The pony-tail's name is Enrico Maxwell?"

Tom rolled his eyes. "No, the guy's name is Enrico Maxwell. Pretty much, they all fight each other for the duration of the series."

Kaz snorted indignantly. "There's a lot more to it than that! There's philosophy, insight into human nature, excellent character development..."

"What's your surprise, Kaz?" Tom interrupted again. To himself, he mumbled, "Might as well get this over with."

Delighted that he would finally have the attention of his compadres, Kaz reached into his bag and pulled out a couple of Chaotic cards. Carefully, so no one would see what was on them, he laid them each face-down on the table. "I worked really, really super-hard on these," he said, barely able to suppress his excitement. "I know you're gonna love them!"

He turned over one of the cards. On its face, it showed a picture of a man with jet-black hair and red-orange eyes. He was dressed in a long, blood-red coat, and he wore a red fedora. There had obviously been some Photoshop work done on this picture to make it look like a Chaotic card; the man stood at the gates of Underworld city, wielding dual pyroblasters with uncanny ease. There also seemed to be a pair of jet-black bat wings sprouting from his shoulder blades. Kaz looked up and smiled ecstatically. "I made the Hellsing characters into Chaotic creatures!" he said. "Of course, it required some slight physical modifications, but they are now scanner-friendly and ready for use in the dromes! Cool, huh?"

Sarah sighed as she bent over to look at the card. "Only you, Kaz, only you..." The name Alucard was written across the top of the card, and he was an Underworlder. Sarah looked over to check out his stats... and froze. The energy bar was full to the maximum, and tiny letters across it read "Unlimited". She gawked at Kaz. "'Unlimited'?" she asked, incredulous. "How can a Creature have unlimited energy?"

Kaz grinned. "Well, if you read his stats more closely, you'll notice that he's not completely invincible. You just have to code him over three million times."

Suddenly, everyone at the table got up and scrambled to look at Kaz's cards. Amidst the hubbub, Kaz deftly swiped the Alucard card off the table and put it in his pocket. "This one's mine," he said. "You guys can pick out whichever ones you want. Be careful, though! I don't want any of them to get bent!"

Eventually, Tom, Sarah, and Peyton simply settled on picking out the cards that correlated to their respective tribes. Tom looked at the cards in his hand. The names read: Maxwell, Anderson, Heinkel, Yumie, and Makube. "You made all the Iscariots Overworlders?" he said to Kaz, who was fiercely guarding his Underworld cards from prying eyes.

Kaz nodded. "They're very team-oriented, and they're the natural enemies of Hellsing, so I figured they'd make good Overworlders. Maxwell's a bit of a wimp, but his courage gets crazy high when he's in the middle of a bunch of Overworlders. I also gave him a couple of Mugicians to compensate. Anderson is your powerhouse there; his energy is freaky high, too, and he comes with built-in battlegear. Get used to bayonet-throwing. Heinkel and Yumie work best when they're next to each other; Heinkel is fond of dual-wielding, while Yumie is more of a sword girl. Makube is really only good when your Maxwell card gets knocked out; until then, he's virtually useless. I also made a 'Holy Nail of Helena' battlegear card; use it with Anderson as a last resort."

Tom looked over his hand with a sort of reverence; these Iscariot cards would be great in the dromes, there was no doubt. Sarah cast a glance at her hand; the names on her cards were Dok, Schroedinger, Hans Gusche, Zorin Blitz, and Walter Dornez (Assimilated). She looked at the last card thoughtfully. "This one's been infected with a Danian parasite," she said, showing the card to Kaz.

"Yep," Kaz said. "You got one half of the Millennium Organization. Walter used to work for Hellsing, but then he turned traitor and started fighting for the Nazis. I have the Underworld version of him in my deck. Dok is Millennium's resident evil genius, much like Ulmar. He relies heavily on battlegear, and doesn't have much attack strength of his own. Schroedinger is actually a little boy, but he can teleport around from place to place. It's impossible to really kill him, because if something is shot at him he'll simply disappear. He's horrible at attacking, though. Hans Gushe is the most powerful card in your hand; he never talks, but he has some... interesting... features up his sleeve. He and Walter work pretty well together. Zorin is very reckless, but she... yes, Zorin is a 'she', don't look at me like that... has some pretty wicked mind control powers."

Peyton cast a quick glance at his hand. The cards he'd gotten read: Major, Rip Van Winkle, Tubalcain Alhambra, Jan Valentine, and Luke Valentine. "Don't worry, Kazzy, I don't need an explanation," he said. "The Valentines are bros, so they probably work well next to each other. Major is a lard-butt, Rip Van Winkle beats people up with her parasol, and the Mexican guy is a card shark who got kicked out of a casino."

Kaz rolled his eyes. "Not even close. Luke and Jan are brothers, but they don't have to be next to each other. The Major is indeed short and fat, but he's the leader of Millennium and he gives all the Creatures on his team a courage boost. Rip Van Winkle uses a special rifle, and she's able to control the path of the bullet. She can kill ten people with one shot. Tubalcain Alhambra uses cards that can slice through almost anything. Actually, he probably did get kicked out of a couple casinos..."

"Alright, Kaz," Tom said. "Now show us your cards."

Kaz instinctively moved his hand to cover the cards he was holding. "No way! Why would I reveal the secrets of my cards to you guys so you can beat me in the dromes?"

"Umm, because that's exactly what you did for all of us!" Sarah snapped. "Now everyone here knows exactly what each of these cards is good for, except for your Underworlders!"

Kaz humphed. "Fine. But don't expect me to tell you everything." He reluctantly placed his cards face-up on the table, and pointed to one showing a blonde girl in a red military uniform. "This is Seras Victoria, Alucard's fledgling. Since he changed her into a vampire, she's very much like him as far as power goes, but she's not quite as strong. Her favorite battlegear is the gigantic 30-mm anti-freak cannon Harkonnen." He motioned to the next card, which showed an image of a woman with white-blond hair carrying a sword and smoking a cigarette. "This is Integra Hellsing, Alucard's master and head of the Hellsing Organization. She gives the creatures on her team a courage boost, and she's really good with a sword." The next card showed a man with reddish-brown hair, an Australian brush hat, and an eye patch cradling a machine-gun-like pyroblaster. "This is Pip Vernadead. He's a master of trash talk and perverted distraction, so he automatically decreases his opponent's courage by five. Other than that, he's pretty average as far as battling goes. He's a little protective of Seras Victoria, though..." The fifth and final card showed an older man with tied-back black hair and a monocle in the midst of swirling, gleaming, silver wires. "This is Walter Dornez. He's the Hellsing family butler, but he's also a top-notch vampire hunter. Those wires he uses can cut through pretty much anything." Kaz scooped up all his cards and took a step back. "There," he said. "Happy?"

Tom nodded. "Definitely. Now, you know what this means..."

"Sorry, dude, but what does it mean again?" Peyton asked, mouth full of burrito.

Kaz grinned. "It means we're going to have a four-way Beta Drome match!"

"Woot!" Peyton yelled, and threw his hands up in the air excitedly. "This is totally gonna rock!"

"You bet it will," Tom said. "This is going to be the most awesome match of all time!"

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AN: Well, there you have it! Don't ask how Kaz got his custom cards to be recognized by the scanner, because I don't know. These things just magically happen, I suppose.