|The Candied Fruit Cottage
Author: GreatOne PM
When Han and Leia leave the Rebel Celebration on Endor for a little alone time, they meet up with an evil Witch bent upon revenge.Rated: Fiction T - English - Horror/Humor - Han S. & Leia O. - Words: 1,402 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Published: 10-06-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6378754
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Halloween Challenge story. The 'monster' I had to use was a Witch and I had to use the words - "yell - candied-fruit – seductive"
The Candied-Fruit Cottage
Endor, several hours into the Rebel Victory Party
Leia Organa pushed her way through the thick tangle of vines, turning back briefly to glare at her companion. The noise of the celebration had been long overruled by the noise of the various night insects, and the wind rustling through the overhead branches. A forest could be an amazingly noisy place, all things considered. "I don't know why I trusted you not to get us lost."
"We're not lost," Han Solo argued. "Corellians can't get lost. The party is back, uh, that way." He pointed to his left, then shifted his index finger and pointed over in the opposite direction.
"I know lost when I see it." Leia waved her hand, indicating the darken forest of Endor. "We should've stayed at the victory party."
"Maybe," Han conceded with a cocky grin. "But you just can't resist my seductive charms."
"Luke and Chewie will be getting worried," Leia pointed out. "If we both yell very loudly, they'll find us."
"Why do we want them to find us?" Han asked, irked. "Didn't we come out here for some romantic alone-time?"
"This a bit too alone. We could get attacked by a dangerous animal."
"As dangerous as me?" Han asked, grinning as he leaned closer to the Princess. "Quit worrying so much. I've got a fully charged blaster, and a very good aim. I'll protect you with my life, sweetheart."
Leia smiled as she leaned her back against an enormous tree trunk, and tilted her face up, allowing Han lean closer, and kiss her…
"What do we have here?" a screeching voice cried out from the blackness. "After all this time, you've returned to the scene of the crime, haven't you?"
The Princess pulled back in surprise, and Han gave a disgusted grunt at the unexpected interruption. An old crone with scraggly gray hair, dressed entirely in a long, tattered black dress and leaning heavily on a cane, hobbled into their sight. "Who are you?" Leia asked.
"Pallapina," she spat out. "As if you don't remember."
"Why would we remember someone we've never met?" Han groused.
The old woman walked up to Han, and wagged her cane under his nose. "I recall you very well, Hansel. You might have grown up a bit, but you've still got that same smarty-aleck attitude."
"My name isn't -."
Pallapina spun around to face Leia. "And as for you, Gretel. Don't think for a moment you'll escape my wrath. You might have killed my poor sister, Furghie, but you won't have the same opportunity to push me into a fiery oven!"
Han rubbed his forehead, sensing a headache coming on. "Why is it that we can be the only living beings in a two thousand mile radius, and somehow, some way, the only lunatic on the entire system seems to find us?"
"Just lucky, I guess," Leia said dryly. She then address the old woman. "My name is Leia, not Gretel. And my friend's name is Han-"
"- sel!" Pallapina finished in triumph. "Hansel. Yes, I knew it."
"No… Han Solo."
"Whatever," Pallapina said dismissively. "I'm not interested in splitting hairs. Now, splitting hares might be jolly fun." She laughed hysterically at her own joke, snorting spittle past her broken teeth and thin lips while a confused Han and Leia backed away from the ancient hag. The woman stopped laughing abruptly. "Don't you dare try to escape. I am taking you back to the scene of your terrible crime, where you'll suffer the same fate as my poor sister."
"What if we refuse to go with you?" Han asked, resting his fingers on the handle of his blaster in an intimidating gesture.
"Then I will put a spell on you, Hansel," Pallapina warned. "I will conjure up a large tornado, and send you to spend eternity in a terrible place that is filled with has-been wizards and talking tin men."
"Kenobi and Threepio will both be there?" Han asked worriedly. "Kriff. That does sound bad."
"It doesn't sound any worse than getting shoved into a fiery oven," Leia pointed out to Han.
"Speak for yourself."
Pallapina wagged a crooked finger at the couple. "Come along. I have some baking that needs to be done this evening."
Han started to follow the old lady, when Leia grabbed his arm. "What are you doing?"
"She's just a harmless loon," Han informed the Princess. "And I'm sorta hunger. Maybe she's baking cookies."
"Cookies?" Leia repeated, eyes wide. "She wants to bake us, laserbrains! And doesn't she remind you of a female version of the Emperor? Even her name is eerily similar!"
"Oh, you worry too much," Han said dismissively, pulling Leia along as he followed Pallapina.
They soon approached a very small cottage sitting in a clearing. The tiny home twinkled invitingly in the bright moonlight. "Is this your home?" Leia asked.
"You know it belonged to my poor sister, Furghie," Pallapina snapped back. "Don't play dumb with me."
Han poked the brightly colored, spongy wall of the house. "What are these gluey bricks made from?"
Han tasted his sticky finger. "Hmmm. Sweet."
"How could your sister have an oven inside a house made entirely from candied-fruit bricks?" Leia questioned the old witch dubiously. "Wouldn't the heat make it get all melted?"
"Candied fruit is quite indestructible. They put it inside holiday fruit cakes, and those last forever."
"She's got a point," Han agreed.
"You mentioned you wanted cookies?" Pallapina asked, tempting Han.
Han nodded eagerly. "Yes! Yummy cookies!"
"Well, come along and help me put them into the oven."
"Alright," Han said, and headed into the strange home.
"Han!" Leia hissed out, attempting to pull him back.
"I think this is a trap."
Han gazed around at the home. "I don't see how. The house doesn't even have a door."
"Han, if you go in there, you're going in alone," Leia warned.
"Fine," Han said. "Stay outside. You're gonna be sorry after I've eaten all those warm cookies, fresh out of the oven."
Leia lingered outside the doorway, peering nervously inside the house as Pallapina requested that Han stick his head inside the oven, and check the temperature. If it wasn't hot enough, the cookies wouldn't bake properly, the witch claimed.
Han was about to comply when Leia hurried into the house. "Wait! Han can't check the temperature of the oven!"
"Why not?" Pallapina asked suspiciously.
"Yeah," Han added. "Why not?"
"Well…" Leia said, as she thought desperately. "He's too tall. That's it! By the time he leans over and checks, the oven will have cooled off because the door will have been left open too long."
Pallapina frowned, a bit flummoxed at this explanation. "Then you check, dearie."
"I can't, either."
"Why ever not?" the witch questioned, getting highly annoyed.
"Yeah, why not?" Han asked. "You're a lot shorter than me."
"Well… I'm a princess… see?"
"No, not really," the witch replied, rolling her yellowed eyes.
"A Princess's skin is too sensitive to properly check temperatures," Leia explained. "Just like we can't sleep on a pea."
"What's checking the temperature of an oven got to do with the fact you can't fall asleep before you pee?" Han questioned, totally confused.
"No! We – us princesses – can't sleep ON a pea!"
"Oh, I get it," Pallapina said, as comprehension finally dawned. "Fine. Then I'll check the oven myself."
She pulled the door open, leaning inside… when Leia raised her foot and planted her boot firmly in the witch's backside, sending her careening into the fiery oven, where she promptly melted into a lump of tarry goop.
"Kriff," Han said, peering into the oven. "I suppose I won't get those cookies after all."
"Han, forget about the cookies," Leia said sternly. "Let's try and find our way back to the party."
"I'll lead the way," Han informed the Princess. "Corellians can't get lost you know."