|Cat's New Girlfriend
Author: demondreaming PM
It doesn't make any sense to Tori. Why would she do that to Cat? Set immediately after Cat's New Boyfriend, as you may have guessed. Cat/Tori pairing. Oneshot.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance - Cat V. & Tori V. - Words: 3,085 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 9 - Published: 10-13-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6395366
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Victorious, much like a squirrel who can ride a tiny tricycle, does not belong to me.
It doesn't make any sense.
I've been thinking about it for a while now, here at home, just holding ice to my bruised nose. I don't know why I acted that way, why I did those things to Cat. I thought maybe it was because I still had feelings for Danny, but... I don't. I mean sure, I had awkward, uncomfortable feelings towards him, but I still felt the same way I did when I broke up with him all those months ago. I thought it had to be Danny... maybe those feelings were just buried deep down? Why else would I act that way? I mean, I love Cat, I really do... I'd never wanna hurt her.
So I've been thinking about it. Was I jealous? Was it one of those someone-else-has-it-so-I-want-it kind of thingies? If I'd had any buried feelings, wouldn't they have surfaced when he kissed me? I mean, I knew he was still into me. He was so upset when we broke up. But when we kissed... it was nice, but there wasn't any thunder flash or music or anything. I just felt bad, and guilty. And then that times a million when Cat came out. It actually made me sick to my stomach. Or maybe it was Sikowitz's mystery meat sausages.
I take the ice away from my nose, prodding it tenderly. I'd actually be asleep, but no, I have to stay up to take care of Trina, who's still puking and shivering. Her feet are really smooth though. Anyway, it's given me a lot of time to think. Why would I do that to Cat? She's like the sweetest thing ever. Now if it were Jade... well, I can see me sabotaging her relationship then. But Cat?
Danny was right. It makes no sense. It makes zero sense. It's not me – I don't do things like that. I mean, I guess I was jealous of my ex-boyfriend making out with Cat, but why? I don't want him back, and I didn't want to hurt Cat. I just... I didn't like seeing her with him. Seeing them kissing... it made my stomach twist. I mean, who was Danny to kiss someone like Cat? If he wasn't good enough for me, then there's no way he's good enough for her.
Whoa. Wait... what? Danny's great... I dumped him because I just didn't feel anything for him, not because he wasn't good enough for me. I don't know where that came from. But... well... he isn't good enough for Cat. I mean, he can be kind of a jerk sometimes, but he's a good guy, just not good enough for Cat. Cat's good and sweet and kind, and she deserves a lot better than him.
I frown, glancing over at Trina. She's moaning and groaning like something out of The Exorcist, but at least that means she's not bothering me. All this thinking... it's making me realise a lot, and I'm not sure I want to find out just how far it goes. At the same, I have this insatiable curiosity. How is it that there's this much I don't know about myself? I mean, when did I start thinking Cat was so... so perfect? When did she become my best friend? It's happened without me really realising. With most people, you slowly get to know them, and sometimes you click, sometimes you don't, but either way, you don't open up to them straight away. You don't care about them all that much. But Cat... right from the start she clicked. For lack of a better term, she latched onto me and opened herself so far up it scared me a little. How do you react to that? To someone who makes themselves so vulnerable to you, who says that you're their best friend before they even know you? Most people who call you their 'bestie' so soon... they lie because they want something, but as far as I can tell, Cat means it. She's put herself on the line with me, showed me her beating heart, and I've betrayed her. And she's the last person I'd ever want to do that to. I know how sensitive she is, all too well.
I saw it. I saw the hurt in her eyes, the confusion when she saw me and Danny. She was speechless, and that never happens with Cat. I felt like just hugging her and telling it wasn't true, even though it obviously was, since she'd just walked in on us kissing, but I'd deny anything to protect her. I hung back when she ran off. I mean, Danny was her boyfriend, he was the one who was supposed to go after her, but he didn't do anything. How could he not go after her? I mean, I went after her, and I'm not even the one making kissy-faces with her.
I don't know when Cat became my best friend, but I realised that she was in those few days when she wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't see me. Crept around just to avoid me. It hurt... more than I thought it would've. I guess I'd just gotten used to having her there, with a joke, or a random comment, dreamily spoken. No one else seemed to care. They were all there getting Trina's stupid fish to nibble their feet or something when they should've been comforting Cat. I mean, I would've done it myself, if I weren't the reason. Nobody was there for her; and, thanks to me, Danny wasn't either. Cat's like a piece of fruit; she bruises so easily.
It consumed me... wanting to talk to her, wanting a chance to explain, a chance I didn't deserve, especially since I couldn't really explain. So I may have, just maybe, overreacted when I saw Cat's head peek around the corner at me. I mean, I don't usually chase girls and drag them into a janitor's closet... although I do seem to spend a lot of time there. I just wanted her to forgive me, to talk to me again. To tell me I was still her friend. Even though she punched me and I was in a lot of pain, I was still more terrified when I held my arm out to her, hoping for her to hug me. And when she did, it was such a relief. It overwhelmed even the pain in my throbbing nose... as it turns out, Cat has a mean left hook. And a giant ring.
Trina coughs weakly in my direction, flapping a hand at me, and I stand, moving to the kitchen to get her a glass of water, my brow still knitted in thought. There's one thing I still don't get. Why did I do it? Even when I was explaining to Cat that maybe I possibly still had some feelings for Danny I knew it wasn't true. It was just the only reason I could think of. It was the only thing that made sense, but it's not the reason why. I was jealous... I know that. I know that's what I was feeling every time I saw them kiss, every time Cat giggled at something he said and snuggled into him. I was jealous... of him.
I stop dead, fingers clenched tight around the glass of water. I was jealous of Danny. I didn't want to break them up so I could have Danny back, I wanted to break them up so Cat would be alone again. So she'd only have... me.
My face twitches as I hand Trina her water and she grabs hold of it eagerly, drinking from it breathlessly. My expression is blank as I sit back down, mechanically putting the bag of ice to my nose again. Okay... okay. Okay okay. This is... this is... what? What is it? I was jealous of Danny? Because he made Cat so happy, so giggly, and she wasn't like that with me. She was so happy, so very deliriously happy when she was with him, and... yes, I was jealous. I wanted to make her feel that way. I wanted to be the one covering her eyes, and saying her brownies were delicious. I wanted to be the one who... who...
It makes sense. I wish I could've left it the way it was, just left it as unresolved feelings for Danny, but no. I had to poke and prod until everything fell away. It all makes sense. I understand now why Cat means so much to me, why I was so eager to have her look at me again, talk to me again. Why I broke her and Danny up. I... I want her.
Images are running through my head, little flashes that make my stomach flip-flop. And in every one, I'm replacing Danny. It's me she's cuddling up to, it's me who's covering her eyes playfully. It's me who's kissing her.
Trina looks up at the choked sound I make. "What? What is it?"
I glance up at her quickly. "N-nothing."
She puts her head back down again. "Oh. Okay. Tori, will you get me some pudding?" But I'm already out the door.
My mind is still ticking over furiously. Am... am I sure? I can't really like Cat, can I? But just the pull in my stomach every time I think of... of kissing her, answers the question. I wonder, what would've happened if Cat had been the one sitting on the steps with me, while Danny was in the bathroom instead? Would I have realised? Would she... would she have kissed me?
I've gotten here in a blur, outside her house, and I'm only just now realising that it's such a bad idea. But I can't do anything else. This realisation... it's struck me like a hammer, and I'm seeing stars. I have to talk to her, and... part of me is hoping when I see her that nothing will have changed. That I'll see her and realise I'm wrong, that I do just think of her as a friend. That all the stuff I did to break up her and Danny was just from a bad sausage or something.
She answers her phone after the fifth ring, her voice thick with sleep. "Tori?" She mumbles, and I can almost picture her in her pastel room, her red velvet hair messy from sleep. "What is it? Are you okay?" Her voice is more alert now. She's seen the time on her clock.
"I'm fine Cat. I'm... I'm outside your house. Can you come out?"
I hear her yawn over the phone, and I smile slightly at the sound. "Sure Tor. I'll be out in a second!"
I'm pacing back and forth nervously, too worked up to feel the slight chill in the air. I turn at the sound of Cat's door opening, and then she's padding out, fluffy pink pig slippers on her feet. She looks around, searching for me and waving eagerly when she sees me, starting to walk over.
I was wrong. Wrong about being wrong. I'm not seeing her the same. Everything's changed. My heart's thudding in my chest, and I lick my lips nervously. I'm not crazy, I'm not stupid. I do want Cat, and the longing is so strong I wonder how I possibly could've missed it before, how I could've thought it was anything else.
"Uh. Hey Cat." I say nervously, rubbing my arm. She's tilting her head at me curiously, wondering why I'm here, and her hair is almost black in the moonlight, her skin tinged blue. I jump as she brings her fingers to my nose, stroking over it gently.
"Is your nose okay?" She asks softly, looking slightly guilty.
I fight to stop myself shivering from the sensation, Cat's hand leaving my nose. Things have definitely changed. "It's okay. I deserved it."
Cat shrugs, trying to act nonchalant, but I know she's still hurt by what happened. It took her an immense effort to forgive me, and I know that every time she sees me, she must be reminded of what happened, must feel what she felt then. "It's okay. If you wanna be with D-Danny, then-"
I put my hand on her shoulder, cutting her off. "No, Cat... I don't. I don't have feelings for Danny, I really don't."
She bites her lip, looking at me in confusion. "Then why did you kiss him?"
I take a deep breath. "Can we sit down?"
Cat nods, a worried expression on her face as she leads me to her stoop, sitting down.
I close my eyes for a moment. She deserves the truth, and I can't have this... this realisation smouldering in me. I can't live like that, feeling the way I feel about her. It's already too hard. "I was jealous."
"Of me?" Cat touches my knee gently, wanting me to look at her. And it works.
Cat's eyebrows furrow. "But what-?"
"I don't have feelings for him, Cat. I have feelings for... for..." I trail off, my eyes flicking away from hers. My heart's twisting sickly in my chest. Why am I here? Why am I doing this? This is a terrible idea. I've never done this before... never liked one of my friends in this way. Never liked a girl in this way. It's so much harder than telling a stranger you think they're cute. There's so much invested in this.
I swallow hard, glancing back at Cat fearfully, watching as realisation spreads across her face like a ripple across a still pond. "Tori?" Cat says softly, a question in her voice, and it's one I'm so close to answering, but I just can't bring myself to say it. Saying it makes it real.
I can't take my eyes off her, tracing them over her face like I'm seeing it for the first time, memorising it's shape. I don't want her to say anything. I don't want her to run away. If anything, I want to run away. "Cat... I... I..." I swallow with difficulty, unable to tear my gaze from her lips. I want to kiss her. I want to know if it'll be as good as my heart is promising me. My eyes flick between her eyes and her lips, and they part as if to say something. And then I'm leaning in, unable to take this galloping inside my chest anymore because I've never wanted something so bad, and this, this is what I was supposed to be feeling when I kissed Danny.
Cat's eyes flicker closed, and I hear her breath hitch right before my lips touch hers, and my heart is like a jackhammer in my chest, chipping away at my lungs and my ability to breathe. Her lips are soft, and sweet, and they meld so perfectly to mine. They're still at first, Cat unsure, but then she starts to respond, kissing me back, tilting her head slightly. It's real. I do like her. Even now, even stumbling over my words to her, I'd hoped that maybe I was mistaken. Because it's so much easier to not do it. It's so much easier to be wrong.
I pull back, only because I need to breathe, spots appearing in front of my eyes. My lungs are squashed up against my ribs, and I can only take little sips of air, and then Cat's kissing me. She's actually kissing me, moving her lips insistently against mine, and she tastes like bubblegum toothpaste, and it takes my breath away all over again. I bring my hand to her face, fingers trembling against her cheek and she pulls back, keeping her forehead resting against mine. I'm almost hyperventilating, and it feels like I'm about to go into cardiac arrest, but I feel good. I feel great. I think my heart finally beat so hard it burst, because there's this warm feeling spreading through, setting my nerves on fire.
Cat laughs breathily. "Why didn't you just talk to me?"
I lick my lips, tasting her. "I didn't know." I kiss her again, impulsively, as if to remind myself that I do know now, as if to remind myself of how it felt the first time, and just because I want to feel her respond, to feel her kissing me back every bit as eagerly as she did with Danny. But I kiss her just a little too eagerly, my nose twinging suddenly so that I pull back, wincing.
Cat bites her lip, touching my face gently. "I'm sorry."
I smile. "It's okay. It's worth it."
It makes sense. It all makes sense now, and it's worth everything that happened. I'd take a broken nose for this. Because this... this makes sense.
A/N: Okay, so maybe it was just me, but it seemed like a pretty femmeslashy episode to me, and, like a drunken foreign girl who doesn't speak any English, I took advantage of that.
If I've convinced you, or if you agree, then please review. You know what, review anyway! Yeah, just go nuts there. Did you like it? Did you love it? Of course you did!
And if you didn't? If you don't approve of this whole 'femmeslash' thing, then... what are you doing here? Research? Neeeerd.
Also, Katje, if you read this, or learn English, please call me.