Author: rockyhorrorgirl PM
Songfic to Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. Mostly Esme's thoughts during an AU look at the end of Breaking Dawn. Features Esme, Jacob, Renesmee, Carlisle, and Edward.Rated: Fiction K - English - Angst/Romance - Carlisle & Esme - Words: 3,307 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10-29-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6436065
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
the stars lean down to kiss you
I stared over at Carlisle with a look of fear hidden within the amber irises of my eyes - his eyes reflected the same sort of fear. I wasn't afraid of dying, I was just afraid of losing Carlisle, and fate threatened to take me away from him at any time now. He reached out a hand and pulled me close as we stood in the garage - I didn't want to get in that car. Not without him. My lips found his and I kissed him, putting all the emotion I could into it. Somewhere, Jasper was probably going to overload.
I was just afraid it would be the last time I would be able to kiss him for a long time, if at all ever again. He pulled me into a hug afterward and when the time came, it took all my strength to force myself into that car.
and i lie awake and miss you
I got twenty miles out of Forks before it became too much and I had to pull the Mercedes over, my body shaking with tearless sobs. My hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel as I tried to get a hold of myself - a warm hand on my shoulder made me look over - Jacob was silently asking to drive. I could only nod, moving even slowly than a human pace as we switched seats. Renesmee was still sleeping in the back seat, leaving me to try and keep myself quiet as I 'cried'.
The entire car held his scent and it wouldn't get out of me head - I simply let myself drown in it as I clenched my left fist, the gold band of my wedding ring standing out against my pale skin. Bad things were going to happen to my family, to my Carlisle, and I was powerless to stop them.
pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
I stared out the window as Jacob drove. Forks lay far behind us. I glanced down at the map I had just been looking at – lines were marked across it. A purple line that represented Jasper, Seth, and Rosalie moved from Forks into Canada; a red line that represented Bella, Leah, and Emmett that moved toward the south, into California; a blue line that represented myself, Jacob, and Renesmee as we moved east. The other two lines represented Edward (the orange line) who was weaving a pattern across Alaska with Bella's scent, and Carlisle (the green line) who was moving around Forks with Renesmee's scent.
I traced the lines with a pale finger, knowing that these were just rough sketches. Carlisle and Edward were due to meet up sometime in Montana, and then work their way farther east. We were protecting Renesmee as best as we could from the Volturi, and splitting up like this seemed to be the only way to do it. I didn't like it, but I had no choice in the matter really. I sighed and turned my head to look back out the window – nothing else much to do.
'cause i'll doze off safe and soundly
We stopped only when we needed gas. While Jacob filled up the car with the money I had shoved into his hand, I took Renesmee into the nearby woods to fill up. Even as I took down two deer – she was still a bit too small to take on anything large – my thoughts were still on Carlisle and the others. Every other hour I was praying to whatever God was listening that nothing would happen to them. I wouldn't be able to stand it if something did happen to them. I wanted to cry at the thought of it, but it would do no good. I had to stay strong.
Thirst quenched for both my granddaughter and I, we headed back to the car. Jacob was nowhere in sight. I panicked for a moment, until I saw him out of the corner of my eye near the gas station entrance, talking on the cell phone I had left in the car – untraceable, Edward had gotten one for each one of us so we could stay in contact if needed. We were only supposed to call if something happened. Jacob say the fearful look on my face and just shook his head with a relaxed look, mouthing the words 'just checking in'. Nodding, I loaded Renesmee back into the car. It was going to be a long ride.
but i'll miss your arms around me
Eventually, we took the chance and stopped at a hotel that was back off the main highway to let Jacob and Renesmee get some normal sleep. Since it was impossible for me too, I sat at the desk in the corner, staring at the television that was playing some 24 hour local news, not really paying attention. My focus was on listening to the surrounding area, making sure no Volturi or anything else was going to attack us for the time being. Sensing no eminent danger, I wrapped my arms around myself and curled up in the chair.
I had never been apart from Carlisle this long. I wanted to go home and be with my family, but in order to do that I had to protect my granddaughter first. I just wished Carlisle would have come with me instead. As sad as it was, I didn't feel safe without him. Reclining back in the chair, I tried not to worry about it. It would all be over soon.
i'd send a postcard to you, dear
I stared at the rows of postcards along the shelves net toward the candy and such, trying to distract myself as Renesmee wriggled in my arms. Jacob was paying for gas up at the front of the station, leaving us to wander until he was finished. It'd actually been quite a while since I'd been in a gas station.
Renesmee's hand reached out and I brushed hair away, letting her press her hand to my cheek. I shut my eyes, letting her flood my mind with images of Bella, Edward, Carlisle, and the others, but mostly of her parents.
"We'll get to see them soon. We're just protecting you, okay? Keeping you safe from the bad people that want to hurt you." I told her as she dropped her hand and I slipped back into reality. I would never get used to her gift. "But you have to be brave for them."
She nodded, and I only hoped I could be as brave as she appeared to be.
'cause i wish you were here
Another night on the road - Renesmee was asleep in the back seat and I was driving again, Jacob slipping in and out of sleep beside me. I didn't realize he was awake again until he spoke.
"Are you okay?"
"You're a bad liar, Mrs. Cullen." He said and I gave an almost bitter smile. I had never been a skilled liar, he was right.
"I'm just concerned for the others."
"They'll be fine. Mr. Cullen will be too, you know." He seemed to instantly pinpoint the source of my worries.
"I hope you're right Jacob. I really do."i'll watch the night turn light-blue
Sometime between three and four the next morning, just as we crossed into Montana, Edward called. I reached the phone before Jacob did since he was driving once more. It felt good to hear his voice.
"Where are you? How are you?"
"Calm down, mom. We're fine. We're just across the border - Carlisle's working out a way for us to go now. He wants you to circle down through Ohio and back up to New York - we'll meet you there and then head South." He relayed and I nodded, before realizing he couldn't see me.
"Yes, of course. I'm just glad you're okay? The others? Carlisle?"
"Everyone's checked in - they're fine. Alice is having trouble seeing what decisions the Volturi are making, but she's keeping us updated. Dad's fine - he's out hunting right now." He continued, then asked to talk to Renesmee. I handed her the phone with care, and for the next few minutes the car was filled with the chatter of the girl as she talked to her father. She was lucky - I wanted to talk to Carlisle, just hear his voice. It would sooth my nerves better than anyone else could.
But it was okay. I knew he was still safe for now, which was enough.
but it's not the same without you
We picked the next hotel at random - it was more fancy as it was in a larger city. As I was checking us in, Jacob and Renesmee roamed the lobby. Out of the corner of my eye a crop of blonde hair caught my eye - it belonged to a man accompanied by a young woman with darker colored hair, both of them laughing and holding hands. They appeared to be newlyweds - it reminded me instantly of Carlisle and myself. I wished I could stop thinking about him, and focus on protecting my granddaughter, but it was no use. My thoughts were so muddled by my worries, focusing wasn't possible. If eventually we had to fight the Volturi, I would need to clear my head.
Shaking my head, I tried to push the thoughts back. I signed the guestbook with an unfamiliar name and grabbed the room key handed to me, heading over toward Jacob and Renesmee.
because it takes two to whisper quietly
In the middle of the night, the phone vibrated on the nightstand next to me. I grabbed it quickly for fear of waking up Jacob or Renesmee, flipping it open as I slipped into the bathroom, just in case my quiet talking awoke them.
My heart nearly kicked back into life.
"Carlisle." The name felt wonderful to say as I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my pale complexion. Noticing my eyes, I realized I would need to hunt again soon.
"I can't talk long, but I wanted to check in with you."
"I'm fine. We're fine." I said quietly, moving to sit on the edge of the bathtub.
"Good. Stay that way."
"I've got to go - Edward will be back in a moment. I'll see you in New York."
"I love you."the silence isn't so bad
For three days we received no phone calls, and I feared the worst. Someone had been checking in at least every night, but for those three days, we received no word. I had started panicking the second night, and Jacob was starting to worry by the third. We parked in a small town and sat the phone on the dashboard, waiting. I didn't want to continue without any word.
Rain fell softly, pelting the windows - it was the only sound in the car except for Jacob and Renesmee's quiet breathing. I even let out an unneeded sigh at some point. I lost track of time after we stopped, at least until the sun's rays began to stretch over the horizon.
The fourth night without a word.
'til i look at my hands and feel sad
My hands were shaking so badly by the time we pulled into the next town that I thought I might slip into a seizure at any moment. I was going crazy by the fifth day we had received no word. Jacob had tried calling, I had tried calling, but we still received nothing.
We understood why on the sixth day.
'cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly
On the sixth morning, Edward finally called. The Volturi had almost found them, and the pair had laid low for a while, as had the others, just in case. I felt slightly relieved that they were okay, but still slightly stressed about the Volturi being so close. I stopped stressing for the time being, and went back to focusing at the task at hand. I found that I could bring myself to focus on other things if I just remembered that I would meet up with my Carlisle in New York in another week or so, if everything went well.
I couldn't wait.i'll find repose in new ways though i haven't slept in two days
Another two days of straight driving and I was mentally exhausted, so we stopped at another hotel somewhere in Ohio. Sometimes I wished I could sleep like a normal person, but it was impossible for me to do so. With the other two sleeping, I decided to go out and hunt. Out of town I found a group of deer that I set my sights on. I took down two, stocking up on blood just in case it was a bit before I could do so again. Hopefully the next time I got the chance, Carlisle and Edward would be with me.
I quickly swung up into the branches of a tree when I caught scent of someone else coming through the forest - it was a human, who soon stumbled over the two deer I had killed. The man looked around, gun in hand, before continuing along his way. I waited a few moments before jumping down.
At least it hadn't been the Volturi.
'cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
I remembered Carlisle telling me stories of his time with the Volturi, the horrors he saw while there. It bothered me the more I thought about it - I wondered if we were caught, would we experience the same fate? It made me wonder even more what would happen when we died. I refused to believe we were damned, and I hoped some sort of afterlife did await us. Knowing that nothing but darkness awaited me wasn't very reassuring.
but drenched in vanilla twilight i'll sit on the front porch all night, waist-deep in thought
We reached New York, and while Jacob and Renesmee stayed in the hotel room for safety, I sat down in the lobby, watching for any signs of Carlisle and Edward, or the Volturi. Rain was softly falling against the large windows of the lobby I sat near - they faced the street, and I could watch people pass by. We had lived in New York once, and it had been nice for a time. Now, I imagined, it would be much different than the 1920s. I smiled fondly at the memory just before a flash of bronze hair caught my attention outside of the window.
I met Edward at the doors, pulling him into a tight hug, ignoring the fact he was soaking wet. I clung to him a long moment, before I realized Carlisle wasn't with him. He read my thoughts before I could ask.
"He went to get witnesses with Alice, Emmett, and Bella. The Volturi are there and are threatening to kill every human there unless we meet them, and stand against him. Prove to them Renesmee isn't that bad. I'm heading back tonight - wait a day, then follow."
because when i think of you i don't feel so alone
I did as Edward said. A day after he left, we followed, heading back toward Forks. My mind was racing - our running had been for nothing. We still had to fight. They were finding others to stand with us - which was good, considering we could not do it alone. We were powerful, but not enough to go against the Volturi. Hopefully we would able to best them, and perhaps afterward they would learn to finally leave us alone.
as many times as a blink i'll think of you tonight
"Go toward the mountains, and stay there until one of us comes to get you." I ordered Jacob as we climbed out of the car in the driveway of the house - it was good to be home, but I wasn't going inside. "Keep her safe, Jacob."
He only nodded, as he was in his wolf form, Renesmee clinging to his back. She reached toward me and I let her touch my face - she silently conveyed how afraid she was, and how much she loved me. I pressed a kiss to her head.
"Everything will be fine, sweetie."
Turning, I took off into the forest, toward the sounds of voices - it had already started.when violet eyes get brighter and heavy wings grow lighter
I circled around behind the Volturi - who sounded like they were going to pounce at any moment. I kept above wind to make it harder for them to trace my scent - even though I was one single person, I had the small element of surprise.
I stopped, waiting. A few moments later, the sounds of fighting reached my ears.
Bursting into the clearing, I realized only half of the Volturi - the guard - had rushed the many others gathered. Something heavy settled in the pit of my stomach as I rushed forward, quick to join the fray.
i'll taste the sky and feel alive again
I had never been a fighter, but in that moment, I was enraged. Furious. Angry that my family was being attacked. I flung myself at any guard member I could find, snapping their head off their shoulders, ripping their arms off, anything I could do to kill them, keep them away.
I couldn't see Carlisle anywhere.and i'll forget the world that i knew
It appeared we were winning, at least until a violent pain shot up my body and I screamed, falling to the ground. Other screams mingled with mine, as well as people shouting out names - my name was among them. The pain overtook me as I writhed on the ground, back arching and body convulsing as the pain coursed through me. I screamed again.
but i swear i won't forget you
I thought my entire body was going to explode until the pain finally left me. I couldn't focus, but I heard the voices talking, some loud, some soft. Footsteps in the snow followed and I sensed others growing closer toward me - and I assumed the others that had been overtaken by the pain.
Another sudden jolt of pain shot through me in one sudden burst - I heard a shrill scream pierce the air before the pain stopped as suddenly as it had started. The clearing was filled with more silence.
oh, if my voice could reach back through the past
Footsteps sounded - by the amount, I knew it had to be the Volturi. They were fading, which meant they were leaving. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered who was dead. There was no way we had gotten out of that fight without someone being killed.
A pair of hands found my cheeks, thumbs rubbing along my pale skin in an attempt to get me to focus. I blinked, clearing the haze, giving a small smile at the face I saw hovering above me.
"Carlisle." I whispered and he gave a relieved smile.
i'd whisper in your ear, oh darling, i wish you were here
He gathered me in his arms, easily lifting me off the ground, arms under my back and legs. His face nuzzled my hair and I wrapped my arms tightly around him, merely breathing in his scent.
"We're safe.." I heard him murmur quietly.
"It's over. For good."