Notes: alright here's my lyric wheel fic(finally). i'm warning ya this is kinda rushed. but if you wanta see a fic do an impression of my dog when i walk him and he sees a rabbit; this is the fic for you.

please forgive my rushed ending, and tell me what ya think. the song used in this fic is "Noah's Dove" by Natalie Merchant.

Disclamer: if i owned them do you think auron, braska, and jecht would have died? hell no. i blame that all on square.

Warnings: you know what yaoi is(two guys getting together)? you don't like it? then don't read it cause i have no pity for you.

Recurring Themes

by fairady

I remember facing off against a pack of piranha with only a blitzball and a rusty kitchen knife between us. The blitzball'd done more damage than I thought it would, and Chappu had been surprisingly good with the knife. We were still lucky to get out of it unharmed.

~

"Alright!" Chappu laughed, wet auburn hair plastered to his face. "Ain't nothin' to it, eh Wakka?"

"Hmph, right," the older man was already standing on the beach, "but next time ya decide to go hunting wait till we get back to tha village and get some real weapons, ya?"

"Aw, come on! You can't get outta life alive!" Water streamed off his clothes as he slogged through the shallow water onto the beach. Grinning he tossed the small knife into the air, deftly catching the hilt as it arced down to the ground. "A little danger, a little uncertainty makes it much more interesting."

Wakka shook his head, smiling at the younger man, and absently spinning the battered blitzball on one finger. It was just like Chappu to laugh and joke after nearly dying. The young man seemed to love danger, he was no stranger to it. He courted death and danger with reckless abandon.

"Just leave me outta it next time, ya?"

"Chicken."

~

The next time came a few short months later. He joined the Crusaders and told me he was goin to fight Sin. I remember the arguments we had afterwards. Day an' night we fought over it, neither of us backed down. We eventually reached a truce over it, he was going and I wasn't happy about it. We never mentioned it again. Not till the day he left to fight Sin.

~

"Why you always gotta be so damn reckless, eh?"

Bright blue waves lapped against the wooden pier. The cool breeze that drove them blew over the small crowd gathered there. Though Besaid was a tropical place, and rarely anything but warm, the breeze promised snow in far off lands. Far off lands where his younger brother was headed.

"Wakka, we've already done this. It's just somethin' I gotta do alright!" Chappu crossed his arms glaring at his brother. The late afternoon sun glinted off the high polish of his Crusader armor and new Al Bhed weapon. The equipment looked bulky and wrong on Chappu.

Wakka's eyes narrowed as he glared back at Chappu. "No, this ain't somethin' ya gotta do. There's no reason for you to be going off, wit only some damn machina to protect you, like a fool and gettin yourself killed! You gotta blitzball tournament to win this year and a girl to get married to, ya? Ain't no reason for this."

"No!" Chappu grabbed Wakka by his shoulders shaking him slightly. "I don't expect you to understand, but that's every reason why I should do this!"

"Chappu! There's no time for long good-byes!" The shout drew the brother's attention. Captain Luzzu stood on the ship's deck waving for the young man to board.

"I gotta go now," Chappu grabbed his pack, shrugging it over his shoulder. He turned, studying the beach and villagers who had come to see the young Crusaders off.

"Chappu," Wakka wrapped one arm around the young man's neck pulling him into a hug. Hot tears formed in his eyes as he held onto his younger brother. The only family he had left from Sin. His voice croaked horribly when he spoke. "You come back here alive. You gotta tournament to win and a nice girl to marry, ya?"

"Don't worry, I will. Look after Lu for me will ya? An' make sure the guys keep in shape."

"Chappu! Hurry!"

Wakka released him and silently watched him board the ship. It set sail immediately. The Crusaders lined the rail shouting their final good-byes to friends and family.

A soft sigh drew Wakka's gaze away from the quickly retreating ship. Lulu stood beside him hugging one of her dolls tightly as she watched the ship.

Her soft voice carried over the yells of the villagers. "There was no way to stop him from going Wakka. We might not like it but his mind is set on this. The freedom and danger of it appealed to him. He wouldn't be Chappu if he didn't do something this foolish," she smiled, the corners of her mouth barely twitching, as Chappu waved towards her. "He'll be back soon. He promised."

The black-haired woman lifted one arm in farewell before the ship passed beyond sight.

~

He deserved a prize for that. For telling lies like that so well that we believed it. Chappu never came back. He died on some cold, distant land. Fighting something he damn well should have known he couldn't beat.

It was hard for me an' Lu to accept that he was dead and gone. Lu spent months hiding away from the world, locked away in her grief over Chappu. I wasn't any help to her at all. I spent most of my days trying to forget, taking out my anger on Sin spawn. I hate ta admit it, but I was spiraling outta control. I took on more than I could handle more than once. It's a damn good thing for me that Luzzu had taken to keeping an eye on me, making sure I came back to the village alive and unharmed.

~

"OWWWWW!" Wakka glared at the Crusader captain. "That frickin hurts, man!"

"Really?" Luzzu sat back frowning thoughtfully as he stared at the healing ointment. "I would think that it would be more painful to allow the toxins of whatever creature it was you decided to eradicate today to set into your wound. Thus causing your arm to become infected. Which of course leads to gangrene and, naturally, amputation. I would think a little stinging is a small price to pay."

Luzzu scooped more ointment out of the jar, rubbing it into the jagged cut that ran from Wakka's shoulder down to his wrist. Wakka hissed at the stinging pain unwilling to admit the other man might be right. He sighed in relief when Luzzu began to wrap his arm in a bandage.

"This is not good for you, Wakka."

"No kiddin. It ain't gonna be easy to fight with a lame arm, ya."

Luzzu tied the bandage off and sat back staring hard at the other man. "That is not what I meant, and you know it Wakka."

Wakka avoided his stare flexing his arm hesitantly. It wasn't the first time the captain had patched him up after pulling him out of a battle. It wasn't the first time he had tried to talk to Wakka about his grief.

Wakka was getting tired of it. He didn't want the man's pity or his help. "It's no concern of yours, Luzzu. He wasn't your brother. You wouldn't understand."

Luzzu's eyes widened, his muscles tensing in anger. He deliberately let out a breath, forcing himself to stay calm. His knuckles turned white as he clenched his fists tightly, his voice turned harsh and cold. "No, he was not my brother. But he was my soldier, I trained him. He was my responsibility. I was supposed to look out for him, for them all. I was supposed to watch my soldiers fight and win, not watch helplessly as they were slaughtered. Do not tell me that I wouldn't understand, Wakka. He wasn't my brother, but he was my friend."

It wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation.

Wakka stared at the ground silently before standing. He walked to the Lodge's door, stopping before going into the village. "Thanks for the help Luzzu. I'll see you tomorrow, ya?"

~

Life wasn't pretty then for a lot of people. We all dealed with it in different ways, some people just handled it better than others.

It was Yuna who saved us from our grief. Scared us pretty badly when she told us she was gonna be a summoner. Me an Lu tried to talk her outta it, but she's stubborn when she wants to be. So we became her Guardians to make sure she would be protected. It gave us something else to think about, something to focus on. To forget, without locking ourselves up.

Did pretty good too, till he showed up. A blonde stranger with a hella-mean kick, strange clothes, Sin toxin...and Chappu's face.

~

A gull wheeled in the air cawing as it dove to the ground attempting to steal a morsel of food away from another gull. Tidus walked along the edge of the water, listening to the waves as the wet sand squelched under his sneakers. The sunlight sparkled off the water in swirling eddies of blue. Like the sword he carried, the one that had belonged to Wakka's brother.

Touching the handle of the sword he turned to watch the older man. Wakka stood patiently watching his team practice their passing.

"Wakka."

"Huh?" Wakka was startled. He hadn't noticed the blonde walking up to him. It unnerved him how Tidus could be so loud and noisy, but walk quieter than a ghost. Blue eyes stared at him, and the blonde frowned one hand nervously scratching his head. Wakka knew what was coming next. "You gotta question, ya?"

"Uh, heh..yeah I do," Tidus plopped onto the sand, arms out behind him supporting his weight. "But you don't have to answer it. I mean it's not really a question. Well, it is, but it's not something that I need to know. It's just that I'm curious, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Wakka chuckled, sitting next to him. "I've got a feeling I'm going to regret asking this, ya. But what's your question?"

Tidus watched the Aurochs, wincing in sympathy as Keppa was laid out by a vicious throw. Turning back to Wakka he shook his head. "It's not really a question. I was just wondering what your brother was like. You and Lulu say that I'm like him. I...was just curious. I understand if you don't want to talk about it or anything."

Letty and Josh were shaking Keppa trying to get him out of his daze, Botts held up three fingers asking Keppa how many he saw. Datt just stood to the side laughing.

"Nah, it's fine. I suppose you remind us of him cause you look just like him, 'cept for your hair, ya. He was a good person, always tryin to help others out. He liked ta live, least that's what he said anyway," Wakka snorted in amusement. Keppa had been hauled to his feet and was back to catching throws from Datt. "Not that you'd have known it from the way he acted. Chappu liked to take risks. He was always doing some fool thing or another. I remember once he took a dare from some traveling merchant to get an expensive neckless for Lulu. He walked around the whole island naked except for a skirt made of fresh veal while holding a fork, and screaming 'Fresh meat, Sin spawn! Come and get your fresh meat!' "

Tidus fell back onto the sand with a loud snort. Covering his eyes with one hand he began to laugh. Wakka watched him, smiling, before giving in to his own laughter.

~

Lu had been furious with Chappu for that trick. She'd screamed at him for hours and refused to see him for a week. Chappu only grinned and waited to give her his gift. As mad as she was at him Lu's never taken it off.

Anyway, Tidus came with us to the Kilika temple. Damned fool couldn't take a step without stumbling into some enraged monster. I swear, I've never seen a man attract spawn like that. Not since Chappu's bet at least.

~

"Nothing to it!" The blonde man tossed his sword into the air, deftly catching the hilt as it arced down to the ground. Tidus turned to Wakka. "Pretty good for a "newbie" huh?"

"What do ya mean? You're just lucky you have us here to keep you safe,"

Wakka said and lunged grabbing Tidus around the neck in a headlock. Tidus twisted trying to throw Wakka off balance.

"I don't remember there being this many spawn the last time I came to Kilika," Lulu frowned, straightening a twisted buckle. The trail curved out of sight ahead of the group.

Tidus drove his elbow into Wakka's stomach and twisted out of his grip. Wakka fell to the ground groaning. "So what? The more the merrier, right?"

"We can hardly take a step without being attacked. This is not normal," the pale mage said.

Wakka rolled to his feet trying to put some distance between him and Tidus. Tidus moved quickly, sweeping Wakka's legs from under him. Tidus then grabbed Wakka's arm and began to drag the larger man towards a nearby stream.

"Maybe it's a coincidence," Yuna smiled as she stepped out of the struggling pair's way. "Or maybe more spawn just show up at certain times of the year?"

Wakka managed to twist to his feet, and grabbed Tidus before he could run. He slung Tidus over his shoulder and continued towards the stream. Tidus began to kick and twist, trying to get Wakka to drop him.

"Perhaps it is," Lulu watched as Wakka dropped Tidus into the water. Wakka threw his head back and laughed as the other man came up with an angry shout, and missed seeing Tidus reach up to yank him in. Yuna pressed a hand to her mouth trying to stifle her laughter as Wakka surfaced with a curse. Tidus immediately pushed him back under. "Or perhaps it's the company we keep."

The brush rustled as three spawn charged out, attracted by the noise.

Kimahri nodded, agreeing with the mage.

~

Tidus reminded me of Chappu. Mostly it was his face. I swear they're probably twins and no one told me about it. He kinda acted like Chappu too. For a while there I thought that he might actually be Chappu. That he'd survived Sin's attack, but had no memories of his past. Lu was right though, he wasn't Chappu and he wasn't going to replace him either.

But it wasn't until we got to Luca that I started to believe her.

Sir Auron, the legendary Guardian. Kinda hard ta believe Tidus was raised by him, and survived.

I knew that Tidus wasn't Chappu. Till then I'd never really knew him. Then, I started to pay attention and saw what Lu had seen from the start, the differences. Tidus was too loud, a hundred times more hyper than Chappu. Tidus was reckless but, unlike Chappu, he knew he didn't have more lives.

~

"I'm tired!" Tidus fell back onto the bed with an exaggerated sigh. "Any further and I'd have happily slept on a rock."

"Get used to it. Inns along this road are few and far between," Auron walked silently to a cot. The man dropped his pack next to it and barely paused before turning back to the door. "Sleep now. We leave before dawn tomorrow."

"What!" Tidus jumped up in time to glare at the retreating corner of Auron's red robe as it disappeared around the door. Groaning Tidus sank back down onto the cot. "Will this pain never end?"

"Pain? Don't tell me your still tired from yesterday," Tidus looked up as Wakka entered carrying two wooden bowls. Sitting next to the young man Wakka held one out to Tidus. "Better eat this while it's still hot, Lulu made it. She's good at a lot of things, but cooking isn't one of em. It'll be easier if your tongues too burnt to taste, ya."

"Thanks for the warning," Tidus took the bowl wrinkling his nose at the smell. "I'm not even gonna ask why it smells like burnt Flan."

Tidus eyed the green liquid before holding his nose and draining the bowl. The hot soup scalded his tongue as he swallowed, whatever taste it had was blocked by the searing pain. Tidus gasped and leapt off the bed, frantically looking for the water jug. Wakka snorted in amusement as the blonde man gulped the water.

"Oh, shut-up!" His tongue still hurt, but the water had helped, a little. Very, very little. "Remind me again why do I ever listen to you?"

"That's one of those questions that have no answer, ya?"

Tidus let the empty jug drop to the floor and sat back onto the cot. He swore to never move from the cot until the next day.

"Sorry."

"What?" Tidus didn't think Wakka was apologizing for the soup.

"For not believing ya," Wakka gestured out the room's door. "I mean about you knowing Sir Auron."

"Naw, it's alright. I was actually starting to wonder if any of my memories where true," The room was getting darker as the sun began to set. Tidus had wondered in Luca if he really was being affected by Sin's toxins. Until Auron had appeared and confirmed that his memories where true. "At least I remembered something."

"Yeah," Wakka smiled down at Tidus, poking a finger into his ribs. "So tell me how the hell ya managed to stay alive with him. If I were him I woulda killed you a looong time ago, ya."

Tidus punched his kidney. "One more word out of you and I'll drop kick you out of the room. I 'survived' by being my sweet and charming self."

Wakka rubbed his side. "I just meant that I can't really imagine Sir Auron would be good at kids or stuff. You said he watched after ya since you were eight, ya?"

"Yeah," Tidus grinned. It had been hard for him after his mom had died. Auron hadn't really helped much, but he'd tried his best. "After my mom died he was a good father to me. A lot better than my old man. It's kinda funny now remembering what we did back then. Can you imagine how fun it was to be taught the birds and the bees by him?"

Wakka smirked. "I don't think that would have been too bad," The day had ended taking the light with it. Wakka squinted in the shadows barely able to make out Tidus' outline. "Maybe I should go get a lamp or somethin, ya?"

"Nah," Tidus sat up. "I want to get some sleep. Auron said we'll be leaving real early tomorrow morning."

"Right. Guess I'll be turnin in too, ya."

"Thanks."

"Huh? For what?"

Tidus could barely make out the older man's face. "For everything," He leaned in, lightly brushing his lips over Wakka's. Tidus laid back thankful the room was dark enough to hide his blush. "Good night."

"Yeah."

~

Tidus wasn't Chappu. I was kinda glad too. It just isn't right to be in love with someone you think you may be related to.

They woulda made good friends if they'd ever been able to meet. But...

That's the past. I've gotta worry about the future now.

end