Here’s my short and pointless fic.  Why?  Because I’m addicted to the UPS truck and cardboard boxes, plus I have nothing better to do with my time.

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Ding-dong!  Snake walked to the door and answered it.  It was the UPS guy.  “Hey Mr. UPS!” he greeted cheerfully.  “Can I ride in your cool truck?”

“No.”

“Can I high-jack your cool truck?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“The last time you did that, you ran over a nun.”

“Well, she shouldn’t have stopped to pray in the middle of the damn street.”

“She was in the church.”

“Churches are overrated.”

“Do you want your package or not?”

“Yeah!  Gimme!  Gimme!  Gimme!”

The UPS guy dragged in a medium-sized cardboard box.  “Here you go.”

Snake studied the box.  “Fra-gi-lee.” 

“That says Fragile.”

“Hey!  I know how to read, dammit!  Ummm… what does that say?”

“This Side Up.” 

“Yeah right.  Stupid post office.  Tell them I refuse to play their little Chinese mind games!” 

“Riiiiight…”

Snake ripped open the box.  “My bubble wrap!” he squealed happily.  He pulled it out and began popping it.  “Hehehe…”  He noticed the UPS guy watching him.  He quickly hid the bubble wrap with a suspicious look in his eyes.  “You saw  nothing.”

The UPS guy just nodded.

Snake then picked up the cardboard box and draped it over him.  “I’m go-one!” he sang.  “I’m hi-ding!”  He started shuffling around the kitchen.  “I’m on the move, Colonel!”

“What are you doing?”

“I’ll never tell…”

The UPS guy gave up asking questions of this psycho. 

Snake peeped out of the handle hole.  “I see you!” he called.  “Hahahahaha!”  Then, he started shuffling around singing, “We all live in a yellow submarine!  Yellow submarine!  Yellow submarine!  We all live in yellow submarine-”

“The box is brown,” the UPS guy said.

Snake stopped, and peered out from under the box.  “You RUINED my MOMENT!” he shouted.  “If you don’t have anything to say about Harry Potter, make lemonade!”  He disappeared under the box again, and shuffled himself into wall.  “Oops, I did it again.  I made you believe that I have a sense of direction.  But I really… just don’t.  So don’t rely bets on my perfection.” 

“Did you just come up with that off the top of your head?” the UPS guy asked.

“Yep.” 

Suddenly, the codec beeped.  Snake irritably pushed the button.  “I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME IN THE BOX!” he yelled, and switched it off again. 

“Alright, I’m gonna go now,” the UPS guy said. 

Snake jumped up.  “Wait!  I need you to do something for me.  Watch my box very carefully, right there.  Ok?  Just for a sec.”

“What am I-?”

“AH-HAHAHA!” came from outside.  And Snake drove off with the UPS truck… then hit a nun.

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I’ve had my 10 minutes of insanity, and I’m happy now.  Remember!  When life gives you peaches, don’t say a word.