Author: Double R Awesome PM
Not actually about 27 Dresses but I created this entirely from my imagination so...please read anyway I would like feedback on my writing good and bad.Rated: Fiction T - English - Suspense - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,796 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 03-10-11 - Published: 11-09-10 - id: 6463627
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This is my first try at writing a suspense story so let me know how I do, if you want me to continue it leave an idea and if I have time I might expand. Please read and review!
I stared into the setting sun which was casting a vibrant, crimson red across the sky. It was so entrancing; the only thing that broke my gaze was my bike going over a ditch in the road. Looking around I realized I had gone off the familiar road and onto what seemed to be a barren dirt path where the only visible life was the surrounding bushes that were scattered everywhere, just sitting lifelessly on the windless night. As I looked trying to figure out where I was and how I'd gotten to the dirt path, I caught a quick flash of movement out of the corner of my eye. I whirled around expecting to see some kind of animal, but I saw nothing as I stood there, my heart beating as fast as the wings of a humming bird. As I waited, watched, and listened, I heard the rustling of leaves coming from one of the larger bushes. Peering in all I saw was a pair of large, intimidating, crystal blue eyes, familiar eyes, human eyes. With a shocked gasp I stumbled backwards and raced to my bike, desperate to get away, away from the eyes, away from his eyes. I knew them; I knew them all too well, in the past they held passion, care, and love, they held passion, care, and love for me, now all they hold for me is hatred, disgust, and power. Thinking of his eyes brought back memories both wonderful and horrible. Remembering how I would gaze into them as he held me in his warm embrace when I was sad and loved me unconditionally. As the days passed his eyes began to change, their love replaced by hate, passion by disgust, and care by power. My hand went up to my face where he would strike me when he came home. If he hadn't been drinking before he got home he would start instantly. The more he drank the more violent he became. His violent nature became too much to bear, I left before he came home one day, leaving behind the ring that had pledged me to him, knowing then it was just keeping me under his control and at his mercy, I left behind the ring that had betrayed me.
An unnaturally warm gust of wind swept through me sending me into the middle of a whirl-wind of leaves. The touch of a hand on my cheek snapped me out of my reverie, but as I opened my eyes and looked around I didn't see anyone around. Was it his hand? A leaf? Or just my imagination? "Nessie" The hoarse yet smooth voice whispered into my ear. Startled, I jumped and began looking around for him when I felt him come up behind me. I could feel his warmth pulsating around me, wrapping me in a familiar blanket of comfort that had an air of pure hatred around it. I broke down into tears, "Why are you doing this?" I sobbed, "What did I do to deserve this cruelness?" by now I was choking on my words. "What did you do?" his angry yet slightly amused voice cut through the air like a knife. "You left me! Not a word, not a note, nothing!" he was growing angrier, "I come home with a gift for you to find you and all of your possessions gone. The only thing you leave me is your ring!" he started to say when I interject and say, "A gift for me? What was it? A torture chair?" I ask sarcastically. "May I finish?" he growled. "Be my guest" I replied, getting irritated. "You break my heart, leave me with nothing but a ring and you have the audacity to ask what you did to deserve this? Well, now that you know it's time for you to pay the price." His voice went ice cold. I hear a metallic pop, it sounded like a switch blade, terrified I turned around slowly to face him seeing the gleam of the blade in his hand. "No…." I whispered, "Why? What will you gain from this?" I had stopped crying now, everything was perfectly quiet, I stood, paralyzed as he raised the knife. As it came down I jolted up in bed screaming at the top of my lungs. I finally stopped screeching when I felt the comforts of my secure room surrounding me. I shivered as a gust of cold air blew through my hair, the feeling that someone was running their fingers through my hair would not go away. Wanting to get rid of all memories of him I shuffled over to my window and slowly slid it closed, recognizing the look of the setting sun sent shivers down my spine as the all too real dream came back to me. I was too busy thinking about the dream to notice the pair of crystal blue eyes watching me carefully, calculating how else he could mess with my mind.
What did you think? Leave a review and let me know. Remember, if you want this story to be continued leave a suggestion and if I have time I'll try to continue the story. Please talk to your friends, I want as many writing suggestions on how to improve my writing because I want to have a part time job as a fictional short story writer.