Author: Mystic 777 PM
What began as a routine trip for weapons and supplies prompts a horrifying revelation. Set in the pursuit of Sephiroth arc.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 681 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 03-13-12 - Published: 11-16-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6483139
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note/warning: This is crack, not just any crack, but crazy crack. Please don't take this seriously. I blame this entirely on Mountainelements asking me how the villagers saw Sephiroth's tattoo... this was the result. I finally got the guts to post it.
Had any of our heroes decided to inquire further about how the village informants knew of Sephiroth's tattoo, an interesting discovery would have been made. In each of the instances, the rouge first removed his gloves. Eating chili dogs is a messy business after all, and fitted black leather gloves are painfully hard to come by.
Yes, that's right, chili dogs. It was a very quietly spoken of scandal among the higher-ups in Shinra that the Silver General had an unhealthy addiction to the sloppy dish. Oddly enough, "chili dog Wednesdays" were one of the few days Sephiroth attended the military canteen.
Unknown to any but himself, the day the self-proclaimed god made Jenova his avatar he only intended to kill a few scientists out of spite. That changed when he learned that President Shinra had abolished "chili dog Wednesdays." Despite the fact he never intended to frequent the company canteen again, the enraged avatar would not be satisfied until justice was served. He proceeded to splurge on the messy yet addictive food across the continent despite the fact that while trapped in crystallized mako, he couldn't enjoy it personally.
And thus, by failing to apply Occam's razor, our intrepid heroes missed their chance to bribe food vendors into poisoning the Sephiroth-controlled Jenova. Instead, they went on a pointless side quest for materials to make lead boxers that would fit Barret's girth and a better fitting bra for Tifa's generous assets.