|A Very Hetalia Thanksgiving
Author: Hokuto Uchiha PM
Feliciano eats the Lukasiewicz family's entire Thanksgiving turkey. Now Feliks and Feli must find a replacement turkey before Feliks' parents come home! Based on the Kenan and Kel episode, "Turkey Day".Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Poland & N. Italy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,240 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 11-23-10 - Published: 11-20-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6490967
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: I'm only making Roderich Gilbert and Ludwig's big brother in this story for the laughs.
Chapter 3: Part III
Roderich Edelstein was closing the store, Quickstop, for the night. He walked to the front entrance carrying a brown bag of groceries.
"Lizzie will certainly enjoy these raw eggs…I think," he said. Roderich turned off the light and was just about to walk out of the store when Feliks and Feliciano burst in. Feliciano knocked Roderich down on the floor, forcing the half-Austrian/half-Prussian man to drop the bag.
"Like O-M-G, Roddy," said Feliks. "Are you alright, dude?"
"What are you guys doing? You knocked me down!" said Roderich. When he got up, he felt his jacket. "Oh, now I'm all eggy!" he whined.
"Roddy, we totally need a turkey," said Feliks. He and Feliciano then spotted turkeys in a large case at the front of the store. "Oh." The teens went to work picking out a good turkey.
"Well, hurry up," said Roderich. "I'm supposed to meet my family at the Thanksgiving dinner at Les Meats."
As Feliks and Feliciano were busy looking for a turkey, Roderich mumbled, "Which means I'll most likely end up being stuck with those idiots I have for little brothers."
"Perfect," Feliks said, holding up a good-sized turkey. "Alright, Roddy, see ya later, dude." He and Feliciano ran out the door with the turkey.
"Wait, you're supposed to help me clean this up!" said Roderich. "Feliks—ouch." He covered his nose right after the door hit it.
Back at the house, Feliks and Feliciano rushed through the door and hurriedly took their coats off.
"Man, we've, like gotta cook this fast," said Feliks. "Hand me the cookbook." He placed the turkey on the counter
Feliciano came over, flipping through the cookbook. "Uh…'Roast'…'Soup'…'Squash'…" he said, reading the recipes.
"Give me that," said Feliks, snatching the cookbook away from Feliciano. "We, like, don't have a lot of time, schmuck." Feliks then looked through the table of contents until he found what he was looking for. "Ah, 'Turkey'," the Polish teen said. He then flipped rather quickly to the page where the turkey recipe was.
"Oh, man!" said Feliks. "It, like, says it takes 8 hours to cook."
"We don't have 8 hours," said Feliciano.
"No, we don't," Feliks said, the tone of his voice indicating that he knew perfectly well they didn't have 8 hours to cook a turkey. Feliks then got an idea. "I, like, know how we can cook this turkey fast." He then tried putting it in the microwave, but ended up messing it up a little trying to fit it inside.
"It's not going in," said Feliciano.
"Uh…hand me a lubricant," said Feliks.
Feliciano handed Feliks a bottle of cooking oil, and Feliks poured some of it on the turkey. The oil made the turkey fit in somewhat, but Feliks had to prod the bird to fit the rest of it in the microwave.
"There!" Feliks said triumphantly, a big grin on his face at what he considered a job well-done.
"Um…Feliks," said Feliciano. He was looking at the cookbook again. "It says here that even in the microwave, it takes 2 hours."
"I got your 2 hours," said Feliks. "Here." He unplugged the microwave, opened the oven, and shoved the microwave inside. "There," Feliks said. "That, like, ought to speed things up."
"Yeah," said Feliciano.
Meanwhile, in the living/dining room, Rena and Marek were still busy trying to entertain the relatives with their karate. Marek was standing before a board being held up by two small pillars of concrete blocks.
"Ready?" said Marek. "Hi-YA!" When he chopped the board in half, Lidia jumped. Wera was still sleeping on the sofa, and Henryk still looked bored. Krysia and Rena clapped for their little brother. "Ta-da!" Marek said and bowed.
Just then, there was an explosion from inside the kitchen. The six people in the room jumped at the sound and looked towards the kitchen.
Inside the kitchen, Feliks and Feliciano were standing at the round table, dirty and their clothes torn from the explosion.
"Anymore ideas?" asked Feliciano. Just then, the turkey that he and Feliks tried to cook in less than 2 hours or more fell from the ceiling and onto the table. The kitchen was in pretty bad shape as well.
Krysia and the twins walked into the kitchen and looked at the mess and the boys, very confused as to what happened.
"What the—?" asked Krysia.
"Like…don't say anything, okay, Krys?" said Feliks. "Just…you and the twins clean up this mess…and we'll, like, be right back…Hey, Feli?"
"Yeah?" said Feliciano.
"Where did Roddy say he was meeting his family again?" Feliks asked.
"Les Meats," said Feliciano.
"Oh, right," said Feliks. "Les Meats. Well, we'll, like, be back…Come on, Feli." Feliks and Feliciano turned to leave.
"Hey, wait!" said Rena. "What about this mess? You know—"
"Just…you three…just clean this mess up, we'll be back later," said Feliks. He grabbed his coat from Feliciano, and the two headed to Les Meats.
Feliks and Feliciano rushed into Les Meats, out of breath.
"May I help you…gentlemen?" asked a Turkish man by the name of Sadiq upon seeing the teens in their torn and slightly burnt clothes.
"Yeah,' said Feliks. "We, like, need a turkey."
"Dead and cooked…turkey," said Feliciano.
"It's Thanksgiving," said Sadiq, rolling his eyes at the duo.
"Like, doy!" said Feliks.
"If you want a turkey, it must be ordered two full days in advance," said Sadiq. "They take 8 hours to cook."
"So I've heard," said Feliks.
He and Feliciano then saw Roderich with his family: his wife, Elizabeta; 3-year-old daughter, Hannah; stepfather, Claus; mother, Elise; and his baby brothers, 20-year-old Gilbert and 16-year-old Ludwig.
"Feli, look," said Feliks. "Roddy's here."
"Good," said Feliciano.
The both of them ran past Sadiq and up to the Beilschmidt family's table.
"Roddy, dude!" said Feliks.
Roderich and the rest of the family looked at the state of the two boys standing at their table.
"Mommy, Daddy," Hannah said, pulling on Elizabeta's sleeve and pointing to Feliks and Feliciano. "Look at the funny boys."
Gilbert's jaw dropped. Ludwig said, "Feliks, Feli…what the heck happened to you?"
"Hannah, sweetie, it's not polite to point at people like that," said Elise.
"What are you doing here?" Roderich asked in surprise. "Why are your clothes all betattered?"
"Tattered," Elizabeta, Gilbert and Ludwig corrected him.
"Oh…sorry, guys," said Roderich. "Anyway, what do you want?"
"Where's your grandpa?" asked Feliks.
"He's in the bathroom, putting in his meat teeth," said Roderich.
"Feliks?" a voice said from behind Feliks and Feliciano.
Feliks turned around. "Liet, hey!" he said happily when he saw it was his friend, Toris Lorinaitis. "How you doing, dude?" he asked.
"Alright," said Toris. "I'm here with my parents and Ed and Rai." He was, of course, referring to his little brothers, Eduard (13) and Raivis (11).
"Like, is that Ivan bastard here?" Feliks asked in a protective manner.
"No, thank God," Toris said with relief.
"Hello, Toris," a voice said from behind Toris.
Toris turned around and saw Ivan Braginski. "Oh, no," he groaned.
"Become one with Mother Russi—" Ivan said, until Feliks cut him off.
"Hey, dude!" said Feliks. "If you, like, so much as touch Liet, I'll totally make my uncle turn Moscow into Warsaw! Now, do your mom and dad want that? I, like, don't think so! Now, step off."
"Fine," Ivan said, pouting because he didn't get to make Toris become one with Russia.
"Toris, big brother," said Raivis. "Mom and Dad want you back at the table."
"Okay," said Toris. "Later, Feliks."
"Later," Feliks said as Toris and Raivis made their way back to their table.
"Here's your turkey," said a Greek man named Heracles. He brought over a large platter and set it down in the middle of the table.
"Wonderful," said Claus. He took the cover off the dish on the platter and smiled when he saw a huge, delicious turkey.
"Wow," said Gilbert.
"This is a beautiful turkey," Roderich said in amazement.
"Oh, is this gravy?" Feliks said hastily. He then poured the gravy on Roderich.
"Noooo!" Roderich exclaimed, standing up. "You got gravy on my trousers!"
"Ha-ha!" Gilbert laughed at his big brother.
"Not funny, Gilbert!" Roderich said angrily.
"Mommy, Roddy yelled at me," Gilbert said in his innocent voice. He gave his mother the big puppy eyes, just like when he and Ludwig were little.
"I'm, like, so sorry, Roddy," said Feliks. He then turned Roderich around and wiped the stain.
"Hey, stop wiping my pants!" Roderich said while Feliciano put the turkey under his shirt.
"Feli, give that turkey back!" said Ludwig.
"You're not awesome right now, Feliciano!" Gilbert shouted.
"I'm sorry, Lui, but we need it," Feliciano said. He then ran away from the half-German/half-Prussian teen and the rest of the family members chasing him. "Feliks!" he called.
"Coming," said Feliks. He pushed through the mob of Beilschmidts and caught up with Feliciano.
"Oh, no no no," said Sadiq as he saw the teens running out with the turkey.
"Don't tell anybody," said Feliciano.
"Feliks, where are you going?" Toris called.
"Uh…later, Liet," Feliks called back. He and Feliciano then ran back home.
Feliks and Feliciano ran back to the house. Feliciano took the turkey out of his shirt and placed it in the pan.
Feliks opened the blinds dividing the kitchen from the living/dining room and saw his siblings and relatives still in there. No sign of Ignacy and Aurelia yet.
"And my parents aren't home," he said. "We are totally cool! Oh, man, I, like need to sit down." Feliks pulled up a chair and sat down.
"And I need some grape soda," said Feliciano. He went to the fridge, and sure enough, there was a bottle of grape soda in there. Feliciano took the bottle out of the fridge. "Who loves grape soda?" said Feliciano.
"Oh, like, here it goes," said Feliks.
"Feli loves grape soda," said Feliciano.
"Is it true?" Feliks asked sarcastically. He waved his hands in the air and rolled his eyes; he really wasn't in the mood to do that right now.
"Mm-hmmmmm," said Feliciano. "I do, I do, I do, I do—" When Feliciano opened the bottle, it landed somewhere. Feliciano had a horrified look on his face.
"What?" asked Feliks.
"Th-th-the bottle cap…flew into the turkey's hole," said Feliciano.
"What?" exclaimed Feliks.
"D-D-Don't worry, I'll get it," said Feliciano. He reached into the turkey and felt around for the cap. "I…I think I feel it…ouch, it's hot!"
"So, like, take your hand out," said Feliks.
"I can't," said Feliciano, trying to pull his hand out. "I'm stuck."
"This cannot be happening to me!" said Feliks as he went over to Feliciano.
"Hurry up, Feliks!" Feliciano yelled as Feliks tried pulling the turkey off. "It's hot! Ow, it's hot! GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Feliciano then ran around the kitchen, knocking over a lot of stuff. He even got on top of the table and thrashed around, knocking the tablecloth off in the process.
Krysia, the twins, and the relatives were sitting out in the living room when they Feliks and Feliciano shouting.
Just then, both boys came out of the kitchen, Feliciano still wearing the turkey on his hand.
"What the heck—?" exclaimed Henryk.
"Feliks! Feli!" Krysia exclaimed in surprise.
"Is that a turkey on that boy's hand?" said Lidia.
"Feli, stop!" Feliks said, trying to control his friend. But Feliciano escaped Feliks and ran around the room, knocking Wera out while doing so. Lidia, Krysia and the twins went over to Wera and tried waking her up.
"Feli!" said Feliks. He then saw Henryk trying to eat the turkey while Feliciano swatted at him. "Wujek Henryk, stop eating the turkey. Stop eating the turkey."
The two live turkeys came out of one of the rooms.
Ignacy and Aurelia came through the door at that moment.
"Sorry we're late," said Aurelia. "What the…turkeys?" she said, looking around at the scene, including the two turkeys.
Ignacy saw Feliciano with the turkey on his hand. "What are you two doing with my bird?" he exclaimed. Right after he said that, Feliks managed to get the turkey off Feliciano's hand. The turkey slipped out of Feliks' hands and hit Ignacy in the head, knocking him out. Aurelia bent down to try and wake her husband up. Krysia and the twins did the same.
"Uh…Feli…" said Feliks.
"Yeah, Feliks?" said Feliciano.
"Which way are you going?" asked Feliks.
"Um…that way," Feliciano replied, pointing towards the door.
"I'll go this way, then," Feliks said, pointing in another direction.
Both boys split up in order to try and evade Ignacy.
Needless to say, that year's Thanksgiving didn't turn out quite as planned. Feliks got grounded for three weeks for what he and Feliciano did. Feliciano got the same punishment, only it was Giuseppe and Gabriella, Feliciano's parents, who grounded him.