Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

It begins one sunny afternoon when Lily Luna is five years old and she disappears from the Potter house. There's no scream, no scuffle to indicate that someone had taken her but Harry whirls right into panic mode because it's his Lily-flower missing and everyone knows how much Harry loves his daughter. So he has James and Albus hunting the house and garden, trying to find Lily.

They scream her name until their voices are hoarse and Harry is on the verge of tears. But then sixteen year old Teddy Lupin tumbles from the fireplace, holding a sleeping Lily in his arms and an expression of the upmost confusion.

Harry nearly rips his daughter from Teddy's arms and cradles her to his chest, trying unsuccessfully to string a complete sentence together to find out how Teddy had got Lily. Thankfully Teddy understands what Harry is trying to ask as James and Al return to their colouring because Lily's found and the discussion will be boring.

"I came back from a date with Vic," he tells Harry. "And she was curled up, fast asleep on the rug. Gran's been out all day so I figured no-one would know where she was. I brought her straight back."

Obviously Lily receives hugs and kisses and warnings about never leaving the house without an adult. Finally Harry looks into Lily's green eyes and asks her why she chose to disappear and leave them worried sick.

"I had to see Teddy," she says with the logic of a five year old. "He's my bestest friend."

And she beams up at Teddy, who laughs as his hair brightens from dark blue [showing he's been brooding] and scoops her up in his arms to hug her.

"You're my best friend too," he laughs and she plants a sticky kiss on his cheek.

Lily demands Teddy put her to bed that night and he reads her The Tale of Three Brothers [because Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione who sometimes put Lily to bed refuse to read it]. He tucks her up and kisses her head.

"Love you, Lily-flower," he tells her as he shuts the door.

Harry bribes Albus and James not to tell Ginny and begs Teddy not to mention it. Teddy just laughs because he doesn't want to get his godfather into trouble. In the end, it's Lily who tells Ginny about her 'adventure' and Ginny goes ballistic but Lily just sits on Teddy's knee and smiles serenely, despite her mother screaming at her father, brothers and best friend.

Lily Luna is a picture of innocence.

:-:

It's summer now and Lily's nine. James takes her and Al to the Burrow and she's happy because she's going to see Teddy, her best friend.

So she runs off to the huge garden to find him when they arrive, her red hair flying in the wind. She knows Teddy will be in the tree house so she climbs cheerfully up the ladder to find Teddy locked in an embrace with Victoire, their lips pressed together.

Lily doesn't make a sound, she just retreats from the tree house and walks back through the Burrow, climbing up to Uncle Ron's old room, where she sits on the bed and wonders why she feels so miserable that Teddy's with Victoire. And seeing them kiss wasn't like the Muggle fairytales she used to love, it looks disgusting and she didn't understand why Teddy would want to kiss Victoire.

It's her second disappearing act.

Teddy finds her half an hour later [and it's so typical that he's the one who knows where to look].

"Hi, Lils," he says cheerfully. "Al and James seemed bewildered you weren't with me... Hey, what's up?"

"Fuck off, Teddy," she snarls and Teddy looks taken aback.

"Where did you learn that world, Lils?" He asks, already knowing the answer.

"James," she says innocently, not knowing that she was swearing.

"Oh, right," Teddy says but ignores it because he's more worried about why she's sad, not lively. "So, what's up, Lily?"

Lily just glares.

"You don't want to be my best friend anymore," she announces and Teddy looks appalled.

"Of course I do!" he protests and Lily shakes her head firmly.

"Nuh uh. I saw you in the tree house," she says half angrily and half miserably.

"Oh, Lils," Teddy says, his hair darkening from pink to his natural brown. He picks her up like he used to when she was little and despite her protests she settles down quickly, laying her head on his shoulder. "I might like Vic but I'll always love you more. You're my best girl, you know?"

"Promise?" She asks him seriously.

"I swear on... Honey's life," he says, swearing on her owls life. He bought Honey for her at the start of James' first year at Hogwarts so Lily could write to him – it was the kind of thing Teddy always did for Lily.

A grin lights up Lily's face and he sets her on her feet as she drags him off to play dolls. And despite Victoire motioning him over for the rest of the afternoon, Teddy stays sat with Lily on the floor as she jabbers on about Barbie or whatever the Muggle dolls name is and tells her mother to 'fuck off' when Ginny tries to coax her to the table for tea.

:-:

Her third disappearance isn't the kind where her family doesn't know where she is. They know exactly where she is.

They receive Hogwarts acceptance letters on the same day: Lily's accepting her as a student and Teddy's welcoming him to the staff. They both scream and they both spin each other around the kitchen, sending teapots and plates flying.

"We're going TOGETHER!" Lily shrieks as Harry runs into the kitchen, his wand out. "Teddy and me! We're going to Hogwarts!"

So Harry and Ginny see Teddy and Lily off, Lily on the Hogwarts Express and Teddy via Floo.

Teddy is the only one of her family who claps when the hat decides Lily would do best in Slytherin and he watches her grow, spreading her wings. She makes friends, she's bright, the teachers love her. She waves at him in the corridors and Teddy is the one person [apart from Dominique, who was in Slytherin with Lily] who thinks that being in Slytherin is good for Lily.

And Lily Luna disappears to school with bright eyes and a smile on her face.

:-:

When she's fifteen, Teddy comes into class looking tired but cheerful. Lily's sat with her best friend, Daisy Nott, in the back row when Teddy bounds in and is telling them what pages in the books to turn to and what they'll be doing.

"Lily, shush," he says but because Lily's in the middle of describing her new dress she doesn't stop so Teddy raises his voice. "Lily, stop talking or I'll tell Vic you've been too naughty to be bridesmaid!"

With that one sentence, Lily's world collapses because Teddy is engaged to Victoire, her perfect and flawless cousin. She doesn't cry all through class, she sits in stony silence with Daisy shooting worried looks at her. When class is over Lily dives for the door but Teddy holds her back.

"Lils, you know I was joking about the bridesmaid comment, right? You'll be bridesmaid at my wedding no matter what..."

But Lily just shrugs and jerks her arm away, racing to the owlery to cry in private because she isn't his best girl anymore and as pathetic as it sounds it hurts like hell because he doesn't love her the most anymore.

When she reaches the owlery she finds her beloved owl dead on the floor and she cries with huge, gulping sobs because Honey being dead proves that Teddy went back on his promises.

:-:

Lily stays with Daisy that summer, touring Germany and France with Mr and Mrs Nott and Daisy's brother, Jacob. It's her fourth disappearance and she's orchestrated it so she doesn't see Teddy or Vic during those six weeks.

Over the summer Lily grows up fast, She and Daisy sneak out and get tattoos and piercings, smoke fancy French cigarettes, get drunk and hitch rides off boys on motorbikes. They take Paris and Berlin by storm, the two beautiful, crazy English girls with their respective red and blonde curls, smoky eyes and short skirts. Lily kisses so many boys her lips are chapped and it reaches a point where she doesn't really feel anything when she kisses any more.

But that's what she wanted: to be emotionless.

:-:

So it's a new ice cold Lily that arrives at Hogwarts. She's taller, her hairs longer, she wears a glittering green emerald through her cartilage and another through her belly button and there's a lily on her shoulder blade and a funny symbol on her hand that kind of looks like a "T" with a heart but no-one's sure. She strides around the school in her stilettos and her skirts get shorter and shorter.

Teddy doesn't recognise the red-head at the back of his Transfiguration class. When she speaks to him her tone is filled with acid and sarcasm drips off her ever word. But he's determined to try because it's Lily.

"Hey, Lils," he says as she heads for the door.

"Don't call me that," she snaps, glaring.

"Sorry," Teddy shrugs. "You didn't write this summer. I was worried."

"Yeah, helps when you've got an owl to send messages with," Lily shrugged.

"You've got Honey," Teddy points out.

"Not anymore," Lily says with practised indifference although thinking about her dead pet makes her want to break down in tears.

"Oh, Lily, I'm sorry," Teddy says, realising what's happened.

"Don't be," Lily shrugs. "It was only an owl."

And with that lie cast down she sweeps from the room.

:-:

Each lesson with Teddy allows herself to detach a little more, to be able to move away from the pain.

The worst time is when Victoire arrives in the lesson, looking perfect with every hair in place to throw herself into Teddy's arms, her diamond engagement ring sparkling in the light. Lily feels her stomach twist as Vic tells Teddy in a low voice [that everyone can hear] that Dominique's been hurt because she got in the way of a curse and it's damaged her foot or something.

Obviously Lily's worried about her favourite cousin but she can see Victoire's hand resting on Teddy's muscular arm and she feels like she wants to scream but she can't. She closes her eyes and tries not to cry and she can't help what happens because all her magic breaks free and the windows of the classroom explode and a fierce wind whips around the room.

Lily just stands there – vaguely wondering when she stood up – feeling the chaos ensue as she wraps her arms around her torso, trying to hold herself together. Victoire's screaming and Daisy's looking at her, comprehension in her eyes and Lily wants to be alone. It's time for her fifth disappearance and this time she doesn't care how she does it. She needs to go.

So she does the most stupid thing she could do. She crosses to the window, the frame empty bar a few shards of broken glass. She grips the frame tightly with one hand, ignoring the glass slicing her palm open, as she climbs onto the windowsill.

She looks back at the classroom before gripping her wand tightly and stepping into space. She hears Teddy's below of "NO!" and several screams.

Lily Luna falls, pointing her wand at her head to mutter the Bubblehead charm. Then she closes her eyes and feels her body fall into the lake, breaking the surface and plunging her into the gloom. She wanted to be alone, this was the first thing she thought of. She can still remember her Dad's story of the task for the Triwizard tournament. So she swims slowly underwater until she reaches the shallows. She pulls herself out of the lake, shivering when she steps out of the water and looks around. She's cold and she's got her wish: she's alone but she's finally learnt her lesson: disappearing doesn't solve your problems.

Ignoring the way the water drips off her clothes, Lily walks down in the direction of Hagrid's hut for some tea because now she's realised she doesn't want solitude because then she has to think. She's halfway there when she bumps into a harassed looking Professor Longbottom who drops his hat when he sees her.

"LILY!" he shouts, taking off his thick cloak and draping it around her shoulders. She's only just realised her teeth are chattering violently. "My God, people are out searching the forest for you just incase but we spoke to the Merpeople... Surely you haven't been in the lake the whole time?"

Lily nods mutely as Neville walks her back to the castle.

"Victoire's been in hysterics in the hospital wing; first Dominique and now this!" he's saying.

"She's probably just stressed if I'm not around she'll have an uneven number of bridesmaids," Lily says coldly.

Neville looks at her and realises something is drastically wrong but he doesn't say anything, he simply hands her over to the elderly Madam Pomfrey, who makes her swallow a variety of potions, and forces her into a bed.

Then the visitors flock in: Harry and Ginny come first, with James and Al, having been convinced she was dead because of the desperate Floo call from Teddy. Then her cousins descend, Dominique on crutches with a grin.

"Thank God you're alright," she tells Lily, plonking herself down on the bed and grimacing as her hurts her foot, causing Lysander Scamander to remind her to be gentle with it. Dom studies her cousin carefully. "Well, physically. I can tell you're not happy, Lily."

Lily doesn't say anything, she just looks into Dominique's navy eyes.

"It's Teddy," Dominique says firmly in a low voice and Lily pales.

"Am I that transparent?" she whispers.

"No," Dominique shakes her head. "But I know you."

"And so do I," Roxanne puts in, causing Dom and Lily to turn because they didn't realise she'd been listening. "We're here for you, Lily."

Teddy comes in last, his eyes grey and his hair brown.

"My Merlin, Lily," he says, reaching her bed. "Are you alright?"

"Does she look like she's alright?" Dominique asks sharply.

"I've been worried sick," Teddy tells her. "What were you thinking, jumping out of a window? I thought you wanted to kill yourself!"

"No," Lily says. "I wanted to be alone."

Just then Victoire comes in, all blonde curls and swaying hips.

"Teddy, we need to go," she says. "I have to go and pick out shoes for the wedding and I want your opinion." It's only then she notices Lily. "Oh, Lily. You alright now?" She makes to turn back to Teddy but Teddy pulls away, to focus on Lily, at the same time that Dom and Roxanne stand up.

Admittedly Dominique crumples into Lysander's arms because she put weight on her foot but the effect was still the same.

"Are you really that insensitive?" Roxanne snarls, her hand resting on Lily's shoulder.

"Merlin, Vic, she's jumped out a bloody window and all you can say is 'Oh, Lily. You alright now?'" Dominique asks from Lysander's lap.

Victoire turns to Teddy, her eyes wide.

"Teddy, please," she says and he looks at her.

"Victoire," he says coldly. "Lily's hurt. I need to be with her. If you are more bothered by your shoes... Forget it." He shakes his head. "Just go."

He turns away, sitting down on the spot Dominique had vacated minutes earlier. She doesn't protest because she's happy in Lysander's arms.

I know you guys want to see Lily," Teddy says to the group whilst never breaking eye contact with Lily. "But I need to talk to her."

Slowly, with many grumbles, the large family leaves the Hospital Wing. Lily sighs and looks at her hands in her lap, the small bitten nails painted white.
"What is it, Teddy?" she asks wearily. "I really can't cope with anything more today."

"Please, Lily," Teddy begs. "Tell me why you're doing this to yourself."

She looks at him incredulously and half snarls.

"Because it hurts so fucking much to get your heart broken!" She's furious, the anger radiating from her. "I'm sick of it Teddy, I just wanted to disappear to MAKE THE PAIN STOP!"

Lily's out of bed and screaming, the nightdress Madam Pomfrey bullied her into falling off her shoulders.

Teddy looks at her in confusion then reaches to draw her into a hug because that's what he really wants to do. She's crying and hitting him, sniffing as she sends a weak punch into his stomach all while being curled up in his lap.

"Ssh," he soothes her. "Ssh."

"Why are you marrying Victoire?" she asks him sadly.

"Because I have to," Teddy tells her.

"You don't love her?"

Lily curses herself for asking but the question burst free before she could stop it.

"No, not really," Teddy plays with the ends of her red hair. "But I can't have the person I really love."

Realising he's said to much, he slips Lily off his lap and runs a hand through his hair.

"Get well soon, Lils," he tells her before striding away, heading to his chambers to sit and stare into the flames.

:-:

Lily recovers and leaves the hospital wing, her body mended but her heart as shattered as ever. She's working one night in the Slytherin Common Room when Daisy sits down beside her.

"Lily," Daisy says seriously. "Why are you moping around after Teddy? If you want him, go get him. If you can't do that, get over it. You're killing yourself here, Lily, and I can't bear it."

Daisy's words hit home. Lily hugs her tightly and then leaves the Common Room, making her way to the lake and sitting on the shore, watching the full moon hang over the water. It's quiet and peaceful outside and Lily realises that she could stay out here forever.

She doesn't register the footsteps. She only notices Teddy has joined her when he sits down beside her.

"Lily," he says.

"Teddy," she replies. "Look, I don't think you should be here. My heads a mess, my hearts in pieces... I don't need any more grief."

"Neither do I," Teddy retorts. "You don't think you doing this to yourself and pushing me away has been painless do you? Because it's damn near killed me at times!"

But Lily's on her feet, tackling him to the ground, punching him wherever she can. Teddy grabs her wrists and holds her to the ground as she pants, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"I fucking love you, Teddy Lupin," she snaps. "And it fucking hurts."

"Lily, I'm your teacher," he tells her.

"Tell me honestly you don't love me ," she challenges. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me."

"I can't do that, Lily!" Teddy looks angry, his hair flashing blazing red but then his lips are on hers, gentle and sweet.

Lily feels her arms lock around his neck and their legs tangle together. She presses her body to his and holds on because she finally has Teddy.

:-:

The wedding is small and quiet with only family there. Lily has Roxanne and Dominique as her maids of honour and she beams radiantly. Teddy doesn't let go of her all night, only allowing Harry to claim her for the father-daughter dance.

They continue to live in their small cottage and one night Lily lies in Teddy's arms, both of them holding onto her swollen stomach, feeling the baby – their baby – kick. He's telling her a funny story and they're laughing together, just revelling in being together.

It's then that Lily realises that she hasn't pulled a disappearing act since she was sixteen.

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