|The Official List of Unofficial Rules
Author: Saphura PM
When a new crew member joins the Enterprise, they are sent a set of rules they won't find anywhere else.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 67 - Words: 45,748 - Reviews: 836 - Favs: 200 - Follows: 191 - Updated: 04-22-13 - Published: 12-02-10 - id: 6524523
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
So... yeah. This is the first time in months that I've actually been late for a Rule's update. Terribly sorry about that, 10 page papers are a pain and take up all your time!
So, you all know the procedure: Read. Laugh. Review. Favorite. Follow. Have Fun!
Lt. West saw at the small table in the back of Sickbay, nervously munching on her sandwich that she had swiped from the Rec. Room. Lunch had been interrupted by a Yellow Alert and call to battle stations, sending the entire Enterprise into a controlled rush to achieve the call to stations. She could hear a few stragglers sprinting past.
"You were smart to bring that with you," Christine Chapel said, pointing at West's sandwich.
"You should have seen the look the Doc gave me when I came in," West replied. "I had the other half of this sticking out of my mouth."
Chapel smiled, and then sobered. "I hate all this waiting. It does nothing for my nerves."
"I brought entertainment too," West said, and pulled out her PADD. "As long as no one decides to attack us in the next five minutes, of course."
1141. *Refusing to say 'I' at the beginning of a sentence is not okay. Neither is taking random pauses to breathe through your nose (the latter is starting to drive people nuts).
1142a. *All "your Mum" jokes are now banned from the Enterprise. No exceptions.
1142b. What about "yo Mama"?
1142c. You idiot!
1143. *Please stop referring to Lt. Uhura as Tyra Banks. She does not appreciate the "Bite me" reference and will punch the next person to say it.
1144. *Do not shout "pwned!" after someone is told off by a superior.
1145. Theme Days must be okayed by a senior officer first.
1146. Holding the ship's supply of coffee hostage is not a good idea, even if you are a senior officer.
1147. There is no such thing as a "gay-dar".
1148a. No, mayonnaise is not an instrument.
1148b. Neither is horseradish.
1149. *Mr. Spock does not know anyone named Gabiel Gray of Sylar. Please stop asking him.
1150. *When watching a sporting grand finale/championship in the Rec. Room and you team loses, do not state that the other team cheated and start a riot.
1151. *Stop telling the Scottish crewmembers (namely Scotty) to "fry something.
1152. *Please stop calling Mr. Spock "Master Xehanort". Yes, they sound the same, this does not mean they are the same person.
1153. (NorthStar51) It doesn't matter how many jail and prison breaks Captain Kirk has made, do not call him "Colonel Hogan". He has only used the tunnel method of escape one time.
1154. *Voices in your head do not have higher superiority than your superior officer.
1155. *When delivering a report to a superior, you should not start said report with "Which version of the truth would you like?"
1156. Do not yell "PIKACHU!" when you stun someone with your phaser. Phaser blasts are not electricity per-say.
1157. *Spock is not Tim the Enchanter. Stop calling him that.
1158. Scotty is not, and is not related to, Tim the Enchanter.
1159. *Do not play "It's the End of the World As We Know It" over the ship's intercom.
1160. Making "Darth Vader" noises through a breathing tube will most likely alert people of your location.
"I never understood these," Chapel said, shaking her head. "They can't all be serious!"
"Well you tell me," West said. "You've been on this ship longer than I have."
Chapel paused to think for a few seconds. "I think I'm going to make sure we have enough painkillers."
West shook her head as the Chief Nurse walked away.