|For Blue Skies
Author: Steffx621 PM
They met by chance, yet everything that happened next was by choice:their choice. Maybe somebody should have been there to teach them just how they were supposed to make the right choices instead. LPNRated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Lucas S. & Peyton S. - Chapters: 38 - Words: 184,421 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 10-01-12 - Published: 12-05-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6533714
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note : lol Yep, lots of drama and it's only Chapter 5 so beware. Thank you soo much for reading! Next chapter should be up soon.
Chapter Five : Now You Know
It was already dark and her eyes were growing heavy by the time the clicking of her front door startled her one more time that day. Probably she should have locked the doors after they left, but somehow that had been the very last thing she was thinking earlier that evening. In fact, not a couple of hours ago she was yelling at the two of them to leave claiming something she didn't entirely buy but that felt as though that was what she had to say nonetheless.
Now it was almost eight o'clock and in her mind, not Lucas, not Nathan could really be back at her doorsteps. It couldn't be them.
She dreaded it was Brooke for reasons she couldn't explain –or didn't want to explain, really, but she still didn't want to face her again.
She couldn't handle her again and that was mainly the reason why she tightly closed her eyes before her bedroom door opened slowly.
She was curled up on the bed; her knees draw as close to her chest as she could, and she was hugging them tightly. Her back was to the door when Haley walked through it a tad too hesitantly.
Honestly, she was upset and she just wanted answers, but when Peyton turned onto her back and faced her after a few seconds, Haley was taken aback at the sight of her eyes red-rimmed. It was obvious she had been crying –too– and Haley wasn't sure what she should do with that knowledge. She hesitated one more moment before uttering a single word. She stepped forward a couple of steps, and looked over at Peyton who in truth seemed as though she was everywhere but there at that moment. "I knew it had something to do with you," She stated in a low whisper warily looking into the blonde's eyes. She didn't come here to judge…though maybe that was what she was doing, but ultimately, she just wanted to help. Not herself, not even Peyton, but Lucas, really.
Taking a breath, she shook her head slightly sitting at the edge of Peyton's bed. At the dip to the bed, Peyton rubbed with her hand sleep off her eyes, and sat up moving slowly to the other side of the bed. She drew her knees up again, and her chin found the top of them. She looked over at Haley softly, but did not say a word.
It really wasn't because she didn't want to; she just didn't know what exactly she should say back at her statement.
It had been kind of the truth though; if Lucas –and Nathan– had gotten into trouble it was mainly because of her.
So she simply stared at Haley, but really, what else she could do?
"I came to yell at you," Haley blurted out quietly, yet sincerely, and rather hesitantly. Honestly, she just kind of needed to break that awkward silence that had settled between her and Peyton. "Lucas was a mess, and I was the one who had to fix up his face," She said rather uneasily, cursing herself inwardly at all the nonsense she was rambling. It was the truth, but she was positive this wasn't the time for that. "He was in a very bad shape, and he just wouldn't say anything and…then he kicked me out," She said shrugging her shoulders. Her eyes were narrowed but she'd shifted them from Peyton's somewhere along her rambling. "Again," She added after a moment upon Peyton's silence. "–He kicked me out again."
It was actually a little unsettling, she was just staring, and Haley had no idea what to do about that, so she…well, she thought she could keep talking but she wasn't sure what else to say.
Well, that of course, she wasn't sure of what else to say that was appropriate.
"You've been crying,"
There, not at all what she was supposed to say, not what was right, not at all what Peyton needed to hear at that.
Just not what she should've said; simply the wrong thing.
"I don't know why and I probably shouldn't care," Haley continued in despite of herself and Peyton, too. She narrowed her eyes, but soon after she took a small breath, she kept going. "Not so long ago I loved to hate your guts," She admitted, and at last, Peyton showed signs she was there. Her big green eyes widened at her words and Haley actually felt bad when she felt relieved at that but she really did. It was something as opposed to nothing, right? "I told you —Lucas…he cares for you, he always has, and it just isn't fair for him you playing games with whatever is that that he feels for you," She said firmly, yet trying as hell not to sound harshly; or at the very least, not too much.
Peyton took a shaky breath of her own looking up from her knees, and into Haley's eyes for the first time that evening. "Did Lucas tell you what happened between us?"
The question was a low, husky whisper, yet Haley rapidly dismissed how broken it sounded and shrugged her shoulders feeling only a little uneasy. "Vaguely," She said simply, shaking a little bit her head. "He just said you weren't ready for a relationship," Haley's eyes lowered almost as soon as the words finished coming out of her mouth and so did Peyton's for some reason.
It wasn't an uncomfortable silence the one that fell between them for a moment. It was just silence, and for those minutes, only their breathing was heard. That was okay with the two of them.
"You always seemed kinda…bitchy to me," Haley said shaking her head, and squeezing her eyes shut playfully as the remark just…slipped out. She looked up at Peyton's eyes, and saw a small smile on her lips. It was soft, and actually kind of forced, but it was still a smile, and just because of that Haley matched it.
It wasn't as if she hadn't meant her comment, she rather did, she always saw in Peyton the girl who stuck her nose up at Lucas almost every day ever since Junior High but somewhere along the way that had also changed.
Perhaps it had been in the last few days, the last couple of weeks maybe, sometime; the point alone however was only one; she had changed.
Haley could see that clearly in that uneasy smile masking all the too many tears that were filling her eyes at that moment. "I always thought Luke deserved better, maybe, but…"
"But what?" Peyton asked shaking her head slightly when Haley's voice faded. That was a line of thought she hadn't seen coming, but wasn't minding too much either now.
"I don't know," Haley said fairly uneasily. She was looking into Peyton's eyes, but she was actually fighting to look down for some reason. She swallowed hard and kept shaking her head. "I just don't think any of this is fair to him,"
Lucas' features hardened and his jaw clenched as he entered the room. He never really gave himself the chance to picture scenarios as to 'How' she was going to be this time; the second time he was walking into her bedroom that day actually. He had been maybe a little afraid about it; afraid he'd break her even more than she already was. Afraid that when he saw Peyton again he was going to be faced with her walls rose up again. Afraid that she was going to shut him out as she so well knew how. Afraid that he wasn't going to be able to reach her.
Afraid that simply because of his mistake he'd missed out his chance to save her.
The reality had been far too different, but in a way, it had been same as painful as he had unconsciously brace himself to.
Nathan's hand let go of Peyton's almost immediately as his eyes met with the blond Scott's. He rose up from the bed, and before Lucas could have a good look of Peyton on the bed, Nathan was harshly addressing him. "What the hell are you doing here?" His eyes were narrowed angrily, and his voice was firm and loud. His pose was threatening and his hands were balled up at his sides. He wanted to punch Lucas. The reasons weren't exactly clear –he hadn't done anything to Nathan other than appear at Peyton's doorstep, but at that very instant, that surely seemed to be enough.
Nathan had stayed calm before which had been harder than he thought it would be, but he still had done it. Nathan had stayed calm for Peyton. He had said very little after her words, but he still had asked that single question Peyton didn't respond.
Or as Nathan guessed, she wasn't able to.
Just before Lucas walked quietly into the bedroom, he had asked her "Who?" A small, rather plain question that was enough to made her break down then and there before his eyes. She'd let out choked sobs and harshly pulled away from Nathan the moment he tried to reach her and hold her into his arms. She'd sobbed for a good moment before her own hand stretched out and grasped Nathan's.
He had been surprised at the action, but not for a moment hesitated to hold tight her delicate hand back. He didn't know what to do; he only knew he was angry at pretty much everybody other than Peyton at that moment.
And then…Lucas happened to appear. No one could actually blame Nathan for wanting to crash his fist against Lucas' cheek, right? Because seriously, what the hell was he doing here, anyway? It wasn't as if Peyton was any of his business. She certainly wasn't.
At last, shaking his head, Lucas acknowledged Nathan's questions had been directed to him. He looked away from his so-called brother's eyes, and fixed them on the floor for a few seconds. "I–I…"
"You should go now," Nathan ordered not nicely at all. He stepped a few steps forward and before Peyton could actually realize it, he was closer to Lucas than she would have wanted.
Her breaths came out harsh and ragged at that moment as she tried to choke out dry sobs. Her head began shaking slowly when Lucas' face lifted and his angry features hardened even more when his eyes met Nathan's. None of it was okay and now the two of them were making it all even worst.
"Get the hell out"
It was merely a scream and was enough to not just anger Lucas more, but to startle Peyton. She didn't utter a word, but a low whimper escaped her lips at Nathan's shout.
They didn't seem to listen though, and Lucas instead of backing off straightened up and pulled away from Nathan shoving him slightly. "I'm not. I–I came to talk to her," He stated firmly, his eyes squinted and the same shallow anger Peyton had seen on Nathan's eyes earlier that day, she was now seeing it on Lucas' eyes. The two men stared into each other's eyes for a good moment before Lucas' eyes fell and after a few seconds he shifted them so that he was facing Peyton for the first time that evening.
He was ashamed. In all honesty, he didn't feel worthy enough to look into her eyes, and at her broken frame, but he still didn't look away but only softened her eyes when their eyes meet. "I'm sorry," He said looking at her, and talking to no one other than Peyton Sawyer at that moment.
Nathan didn't think twice before shoving Lucas with his hands when the words came out of his mouth. Why in hell was he sorry about it? "You got nothing to talk about with her, so…Get out!" He ordered angrily one more time.
Lucas took in a shaky breath looking at Peyton apologetically one last time before shoving Nathan back. "You're nobod–"
"Shut the hell up," Nathan interrupted strongly before Lucas could say whatever stupidity he was about to say. His face twisted into a snarl and sheer fury was flashing through his eyes. "Get out of here, and stay the hell away from us, she…" His voice trailed off for a moment. He looked over at Peyton from over his shoulder and shook his head before shoving Lucas towards the door again. "She doesn't need you," He stressed uneasily and rather firmly.
"Yeah, so she needs you, right?" Lucas encountered just as angrily only seconds before his fist crashed harshly against Nathan's cheek. He didn't even turn to look over at Peyton or at Nathan's eyes firmly, he only did the one thing that he felt as though he had to do. For as long as he knew Peyton –and Nathan for that matter too, all Lucas had seen was him treating her poorly. As if she wasn't worth of his respect, and that, that had been why he wanted to punch him that night.
She deserved better. She always did. She deserved someone that thought of himself lucky just because she decided to be with him; because Peyton Sawyer was his girlfriend. Lucas never saw that pride on Nathan and that upset him more than he thought it did. That's why he punched him and that's why also he didn't back off when Nathan's own fist was clashing against his already sore cheek.
None of them could be sure of how many punches were thrown before Nathan had tackled Lucas already and the two of them where wrestling on Peyton's bedroom floor as if she really wasn't there.
It was a low, aching whisper uttering a "Stop," that caused them both to freeze. Lucas was on the bottom, and at Peyton's broken voice, Nathan rolled over onto the floor and his head snapped over to her.
She was standing by the doorway; none of the boys had an idea as to when she got there but she was still there. She was hugging herself, and the two of them could actually see her clearly fighting with herself and with the tears that so badly wanted to fell from her eyes. She didn't let them fall and instead stood stonily by her bedroom door. "I don't need either of you right now…Get the hell out," She said, this time her voice carrying a whole lot more firmly than it had the time before.
Not Nathan, not Lucas moved from their spot until a few seconds later when –upon their silence and stillness– Peyton shouted out again the very same words she'd said softly before.
There were some undistinguishable words coming out of both Lucas and Nathan's mouths; more than likely they were arguing the fact that Peyton had kicked them out when she obviously didn't need to be alone, but she still couldn't make sense of their words. She just knew they were talking and that she didn't want to understand just what they were talking about. She wanted them gone. Of that she was actually kind of sure at that moment.
Nathan stepped outside first and Lucas lingered walking slowly behind him. Peyton's eyes were down on the ground, yet Lucas could see how haunted she was. How much sadness and pain were filing her features. How much she did need them –whomever, really; she did need someone and now she was shutting them both out when in truth, Lucas was sure –now anyway– how Nathan wanted to help her just as much as he wanted to help that curly-haired blonde.
He couldn't admit that earlier, and he probably couldn't admit it now either to anyone other than himself, but seeing her hurting so much –partly because of him– broke Lucas' heart even more.
At that moment, her pain wasn't just hers, it was his as well, and maybe, just maybe, it was Nathan's too.
Perhaps that was something that came along with knowledge. All three of them knew something that would not let them go back to the life they once knew. Maybe things would turn out okay, but…what if they didn't?
What if she didn't heal?
What if things never got better for her?
What if they had just now screwed up their one chance to help her?
Same as Lucas, Nathan was also hoping none of those things to be any accurate. Not that openly, and a little resentfully too, Peyton was also hoping that.
For her it all seemed more difficult though, and if she was one to say so herself, no one could blame her for that.
"I just want to be alone," She told mostly to just Lucas, but since Nathan was still by the top of the stairs he also managed to listen to her words.
Her words than had been a lie, and not just the boys knew that, she did know it very well too, but that…that was yet another of the things that was hard to admit at that instant.
She had never let herself need others. Not in a very long time that was, but now…now being alone scared her more than she'd ever been scared before.
Or maybe that was not true, but for the time being anyway, it didn't feel as though it was.
She wasn't better off without them. She wasn't. She knew that the moment she heard the clicking of the front door closing, she would be one more time alone in that empty house with thoughts haunting her and that was something she wasn't sure she could bear.
She wasn't sure of what she was supposed to do now –though part of her wanted to call them back…any of them. She fought that urge back and simply closed her eyes sobbing the moment she simply couldn't hold it back.
Why it all had to be so difficult?
"I don't think it's fair to him either,"
It was a quiet statement, one that Haley would have probably missed hadn't she been so close to Peyton. She didn't miss it though, and heaving a small sigh, she nodded her head and actually smiled a little. "I really don't know you," She stated back. Matching softly Halye's smile, Peyton nodded her head too. "But he's my best friend and I just don't want to see him hurting. I–I guess you can understand that, right?"
Peyton's lips pursed, but she didn't look away from Haley's eyes for one second. She seemed somber too, as if she really wasn't judging anymore. Peyton felt comfort in that, and so she nodded her head slightly at her words. Having her there – saying what was appropriated or not, was certainly better than being alone. "What's the worst thing he's done to you?"
Haley shook her head at the question. It was no secret it took her aback. "What? Lucas?" She asked back confused. Peyton heaved a small sigh, and wordlessly nodded her head. Haley thought for another moment before even more strongly, she continued to shake her head. "Kissing me in the seventh grade – I don't know!" Haley cried mockingly getting up from the bed quite hurriedly. A forced laugh escaped Peyton's lips at her words, and the brunette felt a little relieved at that.
"Why'd you ask?" She asked after a short moment; her eyes narrowed slightly, but she wasn't interrogating her, Haley was really just curious as to where that question came from.
"Brooke," Peyton uttered quietly and once again feeling uneasy. She let her eyes fell close for a few seconds taking in a few shaky breaths. "I don't know how much you are supposed to forgive," She added even more quietly, and in that moment, Haley truthfully had no heck of an idea as to what to say back.
It was that feeling that was killing her; she didn't understand anything that was happening, and why now even Brooke was involved? And in fact, she didn't want to know because she was too nosey –though she sometimes kind of was, but not this time; this time she only wanted to know so that she could help.
Peyton's features at that moment however, told Haley somehow that that curly blonde wasn't quite ready yet to share it all with her. Haley couldn't actually blame her for it either, after all, she'd said the truth earlier; she didn't know Peyton and Peyton didn't know her, there were no reasons why she could trust her, really.
"I just want you to know I'm here, anyway," Haley said a bit uneasily, shrugging one of her shoulders. "I don't know what you are going through, or what the hell happened between you and Luke, but…If you ever need someone I guess you can call…Sometimes things tend to seem more complicated than they really are, so…" She paused, one more time shrugging her shoulders. "Call if you wanna talk or hang out or whatever; carrying the world is easier when you don't do it alone," She hesitated a little before smiling, but at last, she did it before heading to the doorway.
Peyton didn't respond to her words or stopped her as she walked out of her bedroom; she simply bowed her head and matched softly Haley's smile.
It never hurt knowing you are not alone after all.
Maybe a couple more hours passed by; all Peyton honestly did in that time was toss in bed unable to fall asleep even when she knew she was exhausted. She didn't want to think anymore, yet she couldn't shut her mind off either.
It was around ten-forty when she decided she couldn't be in that house anymore. It was in that moment when she admitted to herself at least, that she didn't want to be alone…that she couldn't be alone.
That's why she put on the first clothing items she could find in her closet, and without thinking about it twice, she skipped out of her bedroom door and went to the one place she felt as though she could be right now.
Her hand was balled into a fist for some good few minutes before she dare to knock the door. It was familiar for some reason, but it was always foreign for some others.
She took in a breath, and before she had completely let back out the excess of air, the door rapidly swung opened. He didn't seem surprise –not so much at least– and at that moment, Peyton thought coming to him was maybe the right thing to do.
"I need you,"
Perhaps he was whom she did need in fact.
AN : What do you say? :)