Disclaimer: Ookami Kakushi belongs to Ryukishi and PeachPit; Chester A Bum belongs to Doug Walker.

And now it's time for Bum Reviews with Chester A Bum

Tonight's review:

Ookami Kakushi

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST ANIME I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

Hassaku, Hassaku SPOILERS!

So there's this anime called "Ookami Kakushi" written by the same guy who wrote Higurashi.

I remember Higurashi! I still have nightmares about it!

And yet those girls who kill people oddly turn me on.

I want Rena to take me home and then kill me! I'd get off on it!

But anyway, there's this kid named Hiroshi who's kind of a pussy, but anyway, he moves into this weird town with a weird festival…

Like Higurashi!

And he meets this girl who's kind of crazy…

Like Higurashi!

And this other girl's killing people…

Like Higurashi!

But there's a twist! Unlike Higurashi, this show…HAS A PEDOPHILE!

No wait, that's also like Higurashi…wasn't there that doctor, something something, ah forget about it.

But then, something UNLIKE Higurashi happens: He actually sees them KILLING someone!

And he's like:

"Believe me."

And this other guy who kind of looks like Ledouche from "Code C.C.'s Ass" is like:

"I believe you."

But wait—this guy is ALSO a pedophile! He's always trying to get time alone with younger boys and touches them affectionately!

Like Michael Jackson! *ahem* No disrespect.

So then after the other pedophile gets killed, clingy girl confesses her love to Hiroshi under a blood red moon…

Which is the only type of moon on this show—ever!

Maybe it's the moon's time of the month.

Or maybe the moon is on drugs.

But anyway, scythe girl shows up and there's this epic showdown between scythe girl and clingy girl!

It's more epic than a showdown between Chuck Norris and Shion Sonozaki!

Except then clingy girl is like:

"Whoops, I'm no longer convenient to the plot, time to go!"

And then there's this totally epic twist: The scythe girl…is the girl with the purple hair!

What a twist! I totally did not see that one coming!

That was an even bigger twist than when Snape killed—that guy with the beard—what was his name?

But then it turns out that scythe girl killed Ledouche's girlfriend, even though there's this other girl who kind of looks like Ledouche's girlfriend, so maybe she IS Ledouche's girlfriend, and she has this weird illness called "Fatal Coughing Disease".

And it's never explained, but hey—coughing is fatal, people! The last bum I met who coughed ended up getting hit by a bus the next day!

But maybe that had less to do with the fact that he was coughing and more to do with the fact that we went streaking.

But it still counts!

So then Ledouche is like:

"I will show you the truth."

And then he gets into this epic battle with the purple-haired girl, and Ledouche wins even though he didn't do anything other than whimper like a little girl and throw random objects at her.

I tried that tactic against a dog once! I ended up in the police station all night!

And then Ledouche locks up Hiroshi and the purple-haired girl together and he's like:

"This is the truth!"

And then it turns out that Hiroshi smells funny and this makes everyone horny.

Why can't my smell ever make other people horny? It just makes people run away from me!

One person even called the cops!

But then at the festival, Ledouche is like:

"Scythe girl did it!"

And then he goes:

"Now that I've told you what I've been trying to tell you the entire time so that everyone can know the truth, I am now going to destroy the village so that no one ever knows the truth!"

*beat* Makes sense to me!

So then Ledouche breaks into this dam station which is only guarded by one person, and then he opens the dam just by pressing a button!

That is the best design system ever!

I tried living in a dam station once.

But then I got kicked out after using drugs.

So then Hiroshi is like:

"I must do something! Even though I never did anything but stand around the entire time!"

And then scythe girl is like:

"Go power rangers go!"

And then the day is saved.

Hooray!

But then Ledouche threatens to shoot more people in the forest and everyone is like "Shoot me instead!"

Like Higurashi! *beat* It's been a while since I got to say that.

So then scythe girl's like:

"Kill me."

And then Ledouche's girlfriend is like:

"No, kill me."

"Kill me."

"No me."

"Me!"

"Me!"

And then Ledouche is like:

"SHUT UP AND LET ME SHOOT ALREADY!"

And then his girlfriend is like:

"Let's go for a swim."

And then they do.

But they never come back up!

But maybe Ledouche is just hiding.

Or maybe he escaped to "Code C.C.'s Ass".

And then Hiroshi is like:

"We should be nice to people who are different."

Wait, we were supposed to learn something? I thought I was just in this for the crazy girls! Who turned out to be not so crazy! What a rip-off!

And that's the end.

Unless you count this really weird episode with the scythe girl in a bunny suit, and Hiroshi in this weird castle, and then he's dressed as a maid, and…and…ah, forget about it.

This is Chester A Bum saying: CHANGE? YA GOT CHANGE? AW C'MON HELP OUT A GUY WILL YA? Come on, change…

Won't you at least help me get to the Antarctic to save that dude who got eaten by his dogs? That was the best part of the show!

The End

(Seriously though, "Ookami Kakushi", the anime, is just okay.)