|Duck Duck Moose
Author: Lucky-Angel135 PM
Giggles has been given the worst news of her fifty plus lives so far. Lumpy, the blue monster/walking environmental hazard, has put the moves on her mother claiming they will be a happy family. Yeah, over her dead body. Or bodies...Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Giggles & Lumpy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,953 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 12-24-10 - Published: 12-20-10 - id: 6572758
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Um, hello! First story for this fandom, although we've been lurking for awhile! There are a lot of great writers here. So, here's our contribution. A silly story full of betrayal and gore! Yeah, this is hideous, but we hope you enjoy! This story will be a three-shot with Giggles' attempts to thwart Lumpy's happiness. Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: Happy Tree Friends all belong to Mondo Media.
This had to be a joke.
There was no way something this horrible would happen.
"Giggles, honey? What do you think?" her mother questioned, expression anxious. Giggles merely gave two slow blinks, opened and closed her mouth once, then promptly burst into laughter.
"Oh, ha ha Mom, that's soo funny," she broke off to laugh some more, unable to contain it. This had to be a joke, a sick one, but one that she could appreciate. However, her mother didn't join in and her mouth remained a downward arc. At her mother's solemn expression, Giggles' laughter died down into nervous chuckling. "Oh, you…aren't laughing." She let out a deep breath and muttered, "I am so uncomfortable right now."
"Now dear, I know this is a shock but—"
"We'll be a big, happy family and stuff!" Lumpy exclaimed over her, wrapping and arm around Giggles' Mom's shoulders. Giggles felt her bottom left eyelid twitch involuntarily. By everything that was sweet and sacred this had to be some kind of joke. She waited for something to confirm this, the big laugh, all of her friends jumping out of a hiding place to shout "April Fools!" or…or something, but it never came. She just continued looking from Lumpy's crooked grin to her mother's tentative smile, dumbstruck and disturbed.
Her mother and Lumpy?
Her sweet, kind, innocent mother and…Lumpy?
"Sweetheart, say something, you're scaring me," her mother prompted. Giggles opened her mouth, but all that came out was an incoherent noise that sounded like a cross between a whine and a groan. Her mother looked nervously at Lumpy, who let out the loudest, most obnoxious laugh Giggles ever heard spew from his mouth.
"Hey, Giggles, I guess this means you get to call me Da—"
She screamed before he could finish, then ran up to her room with no intention of coming out until this nightmare was over.
Later after the news sank in she found herself sobbing into her phone, knees curled to her chest with a garden of empty ice cream containers and chocolate wrappers growing steadily around her.
"Cuddles, it's terrible!" she wailed before taking another large bite out of a chocolate bar. She didn't even taste it as she chewed, too miserable to even comprehend she had eaten a good third of her body weight already.
"Aw, it can't be that bad," Cuddles replied.
"My mother is dating Lumpy! Lumpy!" she screeched angrily before bursting into tears again, images of the horrible blue moose doing…things to her mother floating through her mind. She shuttered and nearly felt the urge to puke.
"So? Lumpy is a nice guy. He needs love too, ya know?" Giggles couldn't believe what she was hearing. Cuddles was condoning this sinful union? She thought out of everyone she could turn to her boyfriend would understand.
"H-How can you say that?" she demanded. "Lumpy…he's killed us so many times! Painfully, I might add!"
"So has Flippy, but you don't seem to hold anything against him," Cuddles pointed out. "He does it on purpose too."
"Flippy is an emotionally traumatized wreck who at least makes it up to his friends and apologizes for when he loses control of his actions. Lumpy is an idiot who talks to lettuce and pretends to be too stupid to remember he did anything wrong!" Giggles nearly shouted. "And Flippy isn't dating my mother!"
"Ew, could you imagine?" Cuddles questioned, giggling a bit. "At least your mom and Lumpy are the same height!" Giggles gritted her teeth in frustration at his immaturity, but then froze as she spotted her reflection in the mirror by her bed. That alone nearly made her start crying incoherently again. She looked as awful as she felt, her red bow wilted and her pink fur messy with tears and chocolate stains. Her lips began to quiver as a lump rose in her throat. "Giggles? Giggles, are you alright?"
"No, I'm not alright," she answered, still staring at her desolate reflection. "I'm not going to be alright for a very long time, Cuddles." She heard a sigh from the other end.
"I don't understand what the major malfunction is here. So Lumpy and your mom are together, so what? They're happy. Why is that such a bad thing?" Again, Giggles felt her anger rise.
"No, she isn't happy with him! She's lonely that's all! Lonely! Lumpy is an idiot who doesn't deserve her! He's greedy, stupid, disgusting, and doesn't care at all about the environment or about anyone else for that matter!"
"Hey, that's not true! Lumpy cares about all of us!" Cuddles argued. Giggles couldn't help but feel horribly betrayed by the defensive tone in the rabbit's voice. He was supposed to be on her side no matter what! He was meant to be her shoulder to cry on and here he was defending a practically brain dead moose! Some boyfriend he was.
"Lumpy is the one that gets us killed!"
"On accident mostly! I know there was that time around Christmas he killed Toothy and sold everyone his body parts, but nobody's perfect! He made a mistake! You should give him a break!"
"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" Giggles exclaimed. "He purposely kills your best friend, sells us his body parts, never apologizes and you're telling me to give him a break? Seriously Cuddles, what are you on?"
"So? It's not like Toothy died for good and Lumpy has done a lot of great things for us!"
"Oh, like what?"
"He saved Flaky from a sea of chicks when we went to the zoo."
"He gave her a balloon made from your eyeball! She was so traumatized she could do nothing but shake and whimper for two months!"
"He took us on that field trip."
"He killed Petunia and crashed the bus! I remember we were trapped on an island for months!"
"He gave Flippy therapy."
"The poor guy ended up hallucinating, beat himself up all over town, and then got hit by a chicken truck!"
"He helped direct our Christmas play."
"The building exploded!"
"He tries, okay!" Cuddles finally snapped. Giggles was taken aback and looked at the receiver as if it had just bitten her ear. "In case you didn't notice, Lumpy isn't all there in the head, but he still tries his best to make things fun for us all, and he's one of the best friends a guy could ask for!"
"I can't believe you," she said lowly. "Why are you so intent to stand up for him?"
"Because he's my friend and you're being really unfair, Giggles." Giggles scoffed at this. Of course Lumpy was Cuddles' friend. Everybody in town was Cuddles' friend. Yet the fact he would choose any one of them over her was what hurt the most and it upset her even more than this whole Lumpy business.
"Moose and chipmunks don't mix," she said shakily, taking deep breaths to keep from sobbing.
"Then I guess rabbits and chipmunks don't either." There was a click and a dial tone. Giggles stared stupidly at her ugly reflection for a moment in disbelief. The yellow moron had the nerve to hang up on her in her hour of need! She slammed the receiver on the hook and laid back in her bed, biting back another round of sobbing.
Oh, Lumpy was going to pay for this. He was going to pay big time for every lake he polluted, every tree he cut down, every one of her friends he killed, for turning Cuddles against her and for putting the moves on her angelic mother. The moose had it coming. With an uncharacteristic malicious glint in her eye she reached for the phone again.
"Hello?" the sleepy voice answered after the third ring. Giggles froze up for a minute, thinking of what she was about to ask. It really wasn't very nice, but, she reasoned with herself, this was important. "Look, if this is Mime, I'm sorry about the other day. On the bright side though, your fire juggling skills have improved. Tap the phone once if you forgive me?"
"Flippy, it's me."
"Petunia? Look, sorry about Saturday. I know that gardening trophy meant a lot to you, but I'm sure Sniffles can remove it from your—"
"It's not Petunia," Giggles interrupted impatiently. Although Petunia was her best friend they sounded nothing alike, and quite frankly she didn't want to picture where exactly Flippy had put that trophy.
"F-Flaky?" he stuttered, suddenly becoming nervous. "Uh, about the whole shoving a lawnmower down your throat…I uh—"
"It's not Flaky either," she growled through clenched teeth. There was silence on the other end for a moment. By what was left of her sanity, this couldn't be that hard. It wasn't like there were a whole lot of girls running around town. Finally Flippy spoke again, only his tone was hushed and seemingly amazed.
"Did you find your voice, Mime? I never thought you were a girl! Who knew gurgling gasoline could—"
"It's Giggles!" she yelled, her heart racing and her fingers tightening around the receiver.
"Ow," Flippy groaned weakly on the other end. Apparently her yell had been more of a shrill shriek. "Sorry, it's just you never call, so I don't know your voice over the phone." She didn't bother with replying to the statement.
"I need your help," she said, instead cutting right to the chase.
"Sure, what do you need?" Again she felt a guilty pang in her stomach. She really didn't like taking advantage of people, and she knew Flippy was always eager to help a friend in need. Still, after all the trouble he caused, intentionally or not, it was the least he could do. It wasn't her fault he owed everyone in town at least a dozen favors.
"I need you to meet me tomorrow at my house."
"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean the last time you, Lammy, and Petunia invited me over of a tea party I lit your house of fire, shoved all three of you on a giant stick and roasted you over the flames like a giant shishkabob." Giggles flinched at the memory of said stick being thrust through her torso and how she and her friends screamed in agony as the fire consumed them. Of course when they reincarnated the next day, Flippy had apologized with a face so sad it was impossible to stay angry at him, but the memory was terrible. Maybe he was right and it really wasn't a good idea, especially with what she was planning.
"Yes, this is important. Like I said, I need your help," Giggles said firmly, pushing the memory away. "Besides, I trust you."
"Ugh, no pressure then, thanks," Flippy muttered sarcastically before sighing in obvious defeat. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Yes, and thank you." She hung up with satisfaction. Lumpy was going down if it was the last thing she ever did.
Well, I wonder what she will be up to? Review if it so pleases ya! I shall give you cookies and funnel cake! :D