|Soulless Warlock's How Sue Stole Christmas
Author: Soulless Warlock PM
Inspired by 2x10. Sue hates Christmas and plans to steal it from the Glee club. What does she learn along the way? A Sue-centric story told like Dr. Seuss' classic story. Read and Review please.Rated: Fiction K - English - Parody/Poetry - Sue S. & Becky J. - Words: 1,651 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12-24-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6586513
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, that honor goes to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk, nor do I own any of the songs featured in this story, that goes to their writers, record companies, and artists.
A/N: I was inspired by Sue's storyline in A Very Glee Christmas. So, I found the brilliant Dr. Seuss story and I altered it to suit the story of the episode. I had hoped to finish this before Christmas and, what do you know, on Christmas Eve, I did it. So, I hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful holiday season.
Liked Christmas a lot...
But Sue Sylvester,
The Cheerio coach,
Sue hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that her head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be because her tracksuit was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason,
Her heart or her suit,
She sat in her office, hating the school.
Staring out of her office with a dark, Becky on a stool
At the decorated halls that dominated the school.
For he knew Will Schuster and the Glee in the music room
Was busy now, placing the gifts for the holiday boom.
"And they're giving gifts to the homeless!" she snarled with a sneer.
"I deserve all the present! They should be in here!"
Then she growled, with her fingers all nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, by Christmas, she knew...All the Glee goons
Would arrive bright and early! And they'd rush to the room
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing she hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Glee kids, tall and small, would stand up to sing.
And they'd sing! And they'd sing!
And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
They'll sing Lady GaGa, and about that witch, Brittney
Whom was someone that Sue would listen to for all the world's money!
They'd do something she liked least of all!
Everyone in the Glee Club, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And those BRATS would keep singing!
They'll sing! And they'll sing!
AND they'll SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more that Sue thought of the Glee-Christmas-Sing
The more that Sue thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for twenty-six years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
Then she got an idea!
An awful idea!
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" Sue Laughed in her throat.
And she made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a Sylvester-patented trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer..."
So, Sue looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop Sue Sylvester...?
No! Sue simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So she took Becky Jackson. Then she took some red thread
And she tied a big horn on top of her head.
He loaded some bags
and a calculator for checking, you see
On a ramshackle wagon
And she hitched up little Becky.
Then Sue said, "Giddyap!"
And the wagon started toward
The music room where the Gleeks
placed the gifts the day before.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the students were home, dreaming sweet dreams without care
When she came to the music room of the squares.
"This is stop number one," The old Grinchy Sue hissed
And she snuck into the room, empty bags in her fist.
Then she slid down the entrance. A rather tight pinch.
But if those out-shape losers could do it, then so could Sue Sylvester.
She almost broke the lock once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head in to the cursed music room
Where the Glee kids stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," she grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and she took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And she stuffed them in bags. Then Sue, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then she slunk to the candy dish. She took the Glee's sweets!
She took the Glee Hershey's! She took the Reese's!
She cleaned out that candy dish as quick as a flash.
Why, that witch even took the very last chocolate piece!
Then she stuffed all the candy in the wagon with ironic glee.
"And NOW!" grinned Sue, the Grich, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And Sue grabbed the tree, and she started to shove
When she heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
She turned around fast, and she saw a Cheerio!
A one Brittany S. Pierce, who was as smart as a rap-music blasting stereo.
Sue had been caught by this little blonde tart.
Who had stayed after school to play on the janitor's golf cart.
She stared at Sue and said, "Santy Claus, why,
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that Sue was so smart and so slick
She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tart," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And her fib fooled the dolt. Then she patted her head
And she took the present from her hands.
And when Brittany S. Pierce left the school smiling,
Sue returned to the tree and tossed it outside!
Then the last thing she took
Was the log for the faux-fire.
Then she slip out the back door, the old liar.
On their walls she left nothing but hooks, and some wire.
And the one speck of food
The she left in the room
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
She did the same thing
To the other classrooms
To those teachers
who loved the holiday boom!
It was quarter past dawn...
All the Gleeks, still a-bed
All the Gleeks, still a-snooze
When she packed up her wagon,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet back! From one end of the school to the other,
She rode with the load to her office to hide them from Schuester!
"Pooh-pooh to Will Schuester!" she was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"He's finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just coming in! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all those Gleeks in the music room will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned Sue the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So she paused. Sue put a hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
She stared down into the cafeteria!
Sue popped her eyes!
Then she shook!
What she saw was a shocking surprise!
Every member of Glee, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
She HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And Sue stood, with her Sue-feet, froze watching the show,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And she puzzled and, `till her puzzler was sore.
Then Sue thought of something she hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," she thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well...in McKinley they say
Sue Sylvester's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her heart didn't feel quite so tight,
She whizzed with her load through the bright morning light
And she brought back the toys! And the old Christmas tree!
Sue Sylvester placed the star on the Glee Christmas tree!
A/N: And that is, how you say, that. I hope you guys enjoy reading this story. I shall now leave you all with this little poem that was placed on the end of the film version of Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
Welcome, Christmas, bring your cheer.
Cheer to all Gleeks far and near.
Christmas Day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to clasp.
Christmas Day will always be
Just as long as we have Glee.
Welcome Christmas while we stand,
Heart to heart and hand in hand.
So, now, until next time, I bid everyone a good morning, good afternoon, good night, and good luck. And Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it and a happy holidays to those who do not.