|KAIRI: Maintenance Guide and Manual
Author: A.D. Williams PM
Here at Enix/Disney Incorporated, we believe in giving you the finest quality products that money can buy. We greatly appreciate your recent purchase and if you ever have any problems after reading this manual, a support team is available 24/7. Enjoy!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Kairi - Words: 1,258 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 01-07-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6632927
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Ahh, college has started up again and thus I must face the inevitable swamping of work (In one of my previous manuals, I complained that Music Appreciation was my hardest class. Wouldn't you know it's what I made the highest grade in? Demyx would be proud of me, xD! Now I must face the evils of Art Appreciation, coming from someone that has no artistic talent!).
But who cares about that! I've brought you a new manual to read! And read you shall! Because I command it! And my word is absolute and awesome! And um…uh…yeah…
KAIRI units come equipped with:
Paopu fruit keychain
Red hair dye
Common Personality Settings
Perfect Girl-Next Door/Overwhelmingly happy
The Girl Next Door mode is the default setting for KAIRI units. When in this personality, KAIRI's can be the nicest, sweetest units you'll ever meet, baking cookies, helping old people to cross the street, glomping SORA units whenever they see them and being an all-around do-gooder.
Suspicious or Wary mode kicks in when the KAIRI unit feels she is being threatened. Considering their big hearts, KAIRI's are usually trusting of people so should she go into this mode, it means she has a very decent reason to be concerned. These units are very handy when making business deals for they are quick to sense if someone is being ripped off.
Some units have eating desires and the KAIRI unit is no exception. While never asking for a full meal, they will become 'Snackful' and devour the small things they can get their hands on; chips, twinkies, cookies and anything else that can be quickly eaten. Discourage her from these tendencies since such food is very harmful to her operating system.
SAIX: During her incarceration at the Castle That Never Was, SAIX was predominately in charge of overseeing the KAIRI unit. And oversee they did…to the point of watching her all the time. By a miracle of her own Nobody, KAIRI escaped and never looked back. SAIX is high on her dislike list.
AXEL: KAIRI is perhaps the only female unit that hates the AXEL unit. Kidnapped by him and handed over to the Organization, to her, AXEL deserves nothing less than a complete system shutdown. While AXEL's would like to apologize to them, KAIRI's refuse to hear of it. They are now enemies and should never be near each other.
DEMYX: Disobeying orders, the DEMYX unit would entertain KAIRI during her imprisonment with a quick sitar song or two. The units would delve into conversations about the heart and since KAIRI was the first person to believe that Nobodies indeed might just still have hearts, they became something of friends. Owning these two together is permissible.
NAMINE: This is the generally gentle Nobody to KAIRI. Generally being the keyword. In times of separation and boredom, NAMINE's like to telepathically send distressing and disturbing thoughts to her host, causing the two to constantly bicker back and forth. To own both is tentative since results may vary.
SORA: The relations of these two units are on the cusp of friendship-turned-relationship. They fare well in either case, making SORA the only unit that KAIRI is able to fully trust, even more so than the RIKU unit. It's advisable to own both together.
Common Personality Settings
In the department of originality, the KAIRI unit doesn't exactly excel and needs some monitoring. Things like food and the phone should be closely guarded; the latter because phone bills will skyrocket if they get their hands on them. She will speak with a SELPHIE unit all day if permitted.
Also, contrary to popular belief, KAIRI is not a natural redhead! Thus every few months, she will need to undergo a new hair treatment. Do not contact a MARLUXIA unit for this! They are already on probation from questionable acts with NAMINE units. With guidance, let KAIRI do it on her own or take her to a salon.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: I took my KAIRI unit to a shoe store one day and tried to help her find a new pair. There were some really cute ones there in her size but she kept pointing to the women's shoes and demanding she get a size five times what she needed! She kept saying 'that was the style', that everyone that was cool did it. Where did she get that idea?
A: In the mindframe of those connected with the Kingdom Hearts franchise, it is a popular belief that large items are used to create a more innocent/cartoonish effect or to compensate for the loss of something. Great examples would be the swords of the Final Fantasy units, especially that of SEPHIROTH. What he is compensating for cannot be written in this manual…
Q: My KAIRI unit has begun running into walls as a method to solve the NAMINE voice in her head. I can't send her to school now because everyone will think she's crazy! In fact, I think she's crazy! How do I get the harassment to stop?
A: Speaking telepathically with a NAMINE unit is the same as a computer picking up a Wi-Fi signal. Placed at the nape of KAIRI's neck is a switch that when flicked in the opposite direction, it will stop sending out signals to those in the surrounding houses.
Q: Where is Destiny Island? It's all my KAIRI can speak of.
A: It's an island resort owned by Enix/Disney Inc. For a low price, you can buy seasonal tickets there with discounted air-fare so your unit can visit the place any time they want!
Q: My KAIRI unit is harboring a less-than-desirable paopu fruit in her room and refuses to throw it away. The one time I tried, she went ballistic and began tearing apart the house with her Keyblade before fetching it out of the trash and retreating sullenly back to her room. When I asked why she's keeping it, she said she wants to share it with 'him', and that he'll come for her someday. Is she defective?
A: KAIRI, sadly, is becoming a bit of a hopeless romantic. She believes that SORA will come for her and then they will share the fruit. But for some reason, we here at Enix/Disney believe that SORA wouldn't want to eat rotten paopu. The fact that she's hanging on to this particular one is more than disturbing. Show her a fresh new one and when she's distracted with that, throw the old one out. For the record, this manual does say that SORA is the most compatible unit with KAIRI, so as soon as possible, do invest in buying one or putting her in a setting where she can be near one…perhaps the Destiny Island resort?
In the event that she still makes a fuss over the fruit, send her back and we'll adjust her personality settings.
We hope this guide has proven helpful to you. Many well wishes and thank you for buying from Enix/Disney Inc.!