Author: Lee Velviet

Disclaimer - I own nothing! It all belongs to J.K. Rowling!

A/N - Please note that this fan fic was written LONG ago, and there are many, many, MANY things that have been revealed in the newer books that weren't taken into consideration here. Please read on with an open mind! Also, please forgive the massive amount of lyrics here - I didn't remove them because those two songs really did inspire this fic. Thanks for reading!

This Chapter Edited/Revised 11/5/06

'Why does the sun go on shining?

Why does the sea rush to shore?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

If you don't love me…

Why do the birds go on singing?

Why do the stars glow above?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

I wake up in the morning and I wonder,

Why everything's the same as it was?

And I can't understand, no I can't understand,

Why life goes on the way it does.

Why does my heart go on beating, why do these eyes of mine cry,

Don't they know it's the end of the world?' – Nina Gordon, End Of The World

-

The straw that broke the camel's back, to use a Muggle term, came for Ginny when she couldn't stand keeping her feelings about Harry to herself anymore, during her fourth year at Hogwarts.

Hope and dread and impatience had bubbled up inside her like a cauldron left boiling too long, and finally, nearly biting through her lip with nerves, she cornered him at the door of one of the side entrances he used when going out for Quidditch practice.

As soon as she'd approached him, her face both pale and burning red at the same time, Harry had waved on Dean Thomas and the new Gryffindor team captain, Oliver Woods's younger brother, Quentin, and he'd frowned at her in concern, his intense green eyes patient as he waited for her to speak.

Ginny had found herself babbling almost incoherently about her feelings until she finally realized that his face was flushed almost as dark as hers felt, and she'd closed her mouth abruptly, looking at him in dawning horror.

He'd looked painfully embarrassed, and he'd kept running his hand through is already tumbled hair; a sure sign all was not well with Harry Potter.

She'd known then it had been a Whomping Willow-sized mistake to tell him what she had.

Red-faced and heart-achingly handsome in his worn scarlet and gold practice robes, he'd caught her arm as she turned to flee in total humiliation, and he'd cleared his throat, lowering the Firebolt from his shoulder and leaning it against the wall. He'd pulled her aside as other players moved out through the doors on the way to practice.

"Ginny…I'm sorry. I knew – I mean, Ron said - " He'd stopped and sighed heavily at the look on her face. "I'm not making this any easier am I?" His lopsided grin had made her heart soar for a moment, only to drop with a ear-piercing crack as he explained to her gently but firmly, that she was too young to know what she was feeling, that it was just a phase, he was just a regular wizard with mediocre scores who had a bit of skill at playing Quidditch, and had the misfortune to have been born on Lord Voldemort's bad side. He'd gone on to explain that he was her friend, that he'd be there whenever she needed him, that was all there was between them, and he wasn't really interested in a relationship with anyone at the moment anyway.

She'd wanted to scream at him that he was a liar - she knew he'd had an interest in the Ravenclaw Seeker, Cho Chang, and if she'd but winked at him he'd have been dragging at her robes like a lost house elf.

"I hope you understand, Gin." Harry had looked at her so fondly she could have almost tricked herself into believing he was lying, he really did love her - but she hadn't been that big of a fool since she'd found Tom Riddle's Diary.

"So…you want to come and watch me practice? Ron and Hermione are going to be there."

Ginny had felt an incredible itch in her hand to slap him. She'd stared at his friendly, flushed face, his encouraging, friendly smile, and sparkling green eyes shadowed by so many troubles and worries and dark secrets, and had felt her chest break open as surely as if she had been hit by the Veritas curse. He had no idea, she'd realized. He had no idea what she was feeling, and this warm gentle understanding and let down was somehow worse than if he had just rolled his eyes in disgust and annoyance and just stalked off.

She'd just stared at him, loving him more than ever for being so patient and kind, and sweet about it, and hating him - actually loathing him, for making her feel that way.

Ginny hadn't known what to say, she'd been so mixed up inside. She'd finally just forced a tremulous smile to her lips, brown eyes sparkling with hurt and unshed tears, and half shook her head, watching his face fall before she'd turned and walked away, not even knowing where she was going.

Mostly what she remembered that day was that she hadn't known it was possible to hurt that badly...

-

'This is the place where I sit

This is the part where I need you too much

This is as hard as it gets

Because I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough

I'm here if you want me

I'm yours you can hold me

I'm empty and faking

And I'm flat out breaking

Cause you don't see me

And you don't need me

And you don't love me

The way that I wish you would

I dream of a world where you understand

Well I dream of nothing on sleepless nights

I dream of fire when you're touching my hand

But it just fades to smoke when I turn on the lights

I'm speechless and faded

It's too complicated

Is this how the book ends

Nothing but good friends?

Cause you don't see me

And you don't need me

And you don't love me

The way that I wish you would

This is the place in my heart

This is the place where I'm falling apart

Isn't this just where we meet?

And is this the last chance that I'll ever get

I wish I were falling

Instead of just stalling

Crystal and see through

And not enough to you

Cause you don't see me

And you don't need me

And you don't love me

The way that I wish you would

The way I know you could…' - Josie And The Pussycats -

-

It was now the beginning of her fifth year at Hogwarts, and she'd changed in the six months since that day - in more ways than one, and, she knew, not all of them good.

Ginny gazed into the mirror in the bathroom at the Burrow, wondering if she was really getting ready to leave for the train station or if she were just hiding until it was time to go.

She felt like she'd been hiding ever since Harry had shown up two weeks earlier to end the summer holiday with them.

She wished she could blame it on Déjà vu. She hadn't felt so quiet and shy around Harry since first meeting Harry at King's Cross over four years ago. Shyness, and Déjà vu had nothing to do with it unfortunately. She just simply couldn't bear to look at him, or hear his cheerful, husky toned voice.

Her hair needed brushing. She looked at the bristles tiredly. She didn't feel much of anything besides tiredness and annoyance anymore. She'd pretty much gone numb inside, since last year.

Examining her hair, she was conscious of the fact she hadn't cut it in over a year - it fell down to the small of her back, wild and red, curly and impossibly tangled. Her skin looked drawn and pinched, an odd gray pallor beneath her cold, flat brown eyes that had changed slowly to some boring hazel color, and the hollows of her formerly round, ruddy-hued cheeks. Not having spent a whole lot of time outdoors that summer had made her pasty, and she hadn't been much interested in food of late. Her Mum had had to take in her robes several inches, even as she'd had to let out the bust.

Her eyes felt tight and dry, and she closed them momentarily, savoring the semi-silence around her. It wouldn't last much longer. If only she could sleep, just once, a decent nights rest. Maybe she could find an empty compartment on the train to get some rest in - though that was about as likely as Harry Potter falling to one knee in the Great Hall and proposing to her at Hogwarts that year.

Ginny tried to smile at the thought, but her face was frozen in unhappy, tired lines.

A sharp knock sounded on the door, and Ron hollered rudely, "C'mon, Gin! We haven't got all day, y'know! We have to leave, now! The cars have arrived from the Ministry!"

She let her eyes drift in the mirror to the door behind her - she couldn't make her stiff lips form any sort of nasty, sisterly comeback - there just wasn't anything there to give at the moment.

"Okay," she managed, her voice rusty with disuse.

Ron snorted and she heard him move on down the narrow hall. There was a muffled thump and Ron howled, and then there were shouts from the end of the hall. "Bloody hell, Harry!"

She heard Harry laugh mirthfully, and the icy lump in her chest hurt suddenly, and she rubbed it absently. She looked back at herself, seeing a red flush high on her cheekbones, and she watched miserably for a moment before turning away and grasping the door handle.

"Poor child," she heard the mirror say sadly before she closed the door.

-

Ginny ended up seated between Harry and Ron in one of the Ministry cars sent to take them to the station by her dad. She'd rather have sat on the roof than beside Harry, but her Mum had been tired of the two boys picking and prodding at each other mischievously, and had made her sit between them. She had managed, however, to convince the two that she was utterly engrossed in the thick book on her lap, and they didn't bother her, chattering the whole way about the things all young wizards talk about - Quidditch.

Her nerves were about shot on this day, already. She managed to tune out Harry's distinctive voice almost completely, as she'd gotten rather good at doing it over the past six months. So that was why she started so when she looked up absently and saw Harry's green eyes looking at her questioningly.

"Well?" He asked, his brow creasing slightly.

Ginny cursed the breath that left her lungs upon her eyes meeting his again after so long avoiding them, and she shook her head, trying to look apologetic, but her face felt like it was carved out of wood. She knew she came off as looking cold and bored, but she couldn't help it.

"Er…sorry. What were you saying?" Sweet Merlin, even her voice sounded flat and impolite. She sounded like - Malfoy. She shivered.

Weakly moving her hands from it's death grip on the book in her lap, she rubbed the back of her neck under the fall of her hair and watched Harry and Ron exchange looks. Sighing inwardly she dropped her hand and wondered just what they were on about. She wished Harry would just repeat whatever he'd said so she could get back to the tedious job of trying to ignore his existence.

She looked through the car window and saw that they were finally entering London - thank Merlin it wouldn't be long now. Honestly, she would rather share a compartment with that prat Malfoy than spend another agonizing minute with Harry's leg brushing hers.

"I asked if you were feeling well," Harry finally said, his voice low and his eyes concerned.

Ginny had noticed that that was really only how he ever looked at her anymore, like she was a terminally ill friend to be pitied.

She hated him.

Pushing herself like she'd never done before, she forced a cheerful smile to her colorless lips and winked at him, though she knew her eyes remained quite empty. "Thanks, I'm fine, really. Just thinking about classes. I'm excited to be going back."

Ron rolled his eyes, looking at Harry as if to point out just how excited she didn't look.

Ginny smiled at Harry reassuringly, like a good friend was supposed to, and turned back to her book, eyes stinging suddenly. The smile dropped off her lips and she closed her eyes briefly in relief. A heavier weight had settled onto her chest, making it impossible to breathe.

'Think of Hogwarts,' she told herself tiredly. 'You can hide from him all year long; you'll hardly ever have to look at him.'

Her stomach convulsed feebly at the sudden picture of Harry being surrounded by most of the female population of the school, not including the Slytherins or the teachers. Almost every female there had targeted him last year, and it had made her positively ill. Even though he'd told her himself he wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone.

That is except everyone but maybe Cho Chang.

The car stopped, and Ron got out, Harry getting out on the opposite side, and holding the door open for Ginny to get out.

Just thinking of the pretty asian girl made Ginny want to rip her heart out - she took a steadying breath and blinked, realizing there had been a loud crunching noise. She looked down and saw in her hand the door handle; she'd gripped it so tightly the shiny steel lever had snapped off cleanly in her hand.

She blushed when she saw Harry staring at her, eyes wide.

She managed to open her clenched fingers one by one and dropped the piece of metal to the floorboards. "Car's a bit shoddy, isn't it?" she remarked tonelessly, and pushed the door closed, looking up at the gray London sky.

-

TBC

-

-The Veritas Curse belongs to Cassandra Claire.