|Questions for Uncle Puck
Author: xoElle23 PM
Sequel to The Dads Club. Ava Hudson has some questions and Noah Puckerman gets the lucky task of answering them. Oneshot.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Family/Humor - Puck - Words: 1,170 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 3 - Published: 01-17-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6662427
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: This one is for Kailee- beta, friend, and just all around amazing. I can't say it enough, girl.
"Uncle Puck, where do babies come from?"
The sweet, innocent eyes of six-year-old Ava Melody Hudson gazed up with intense curiosity at one Noah Puckerman, causing the man in question to panic more than a little bit.
"Uh, are you hungry? I'm really hungry. I wonder if there's any more of those vegan brownies your mom made-"
"Uncle Puck." Ava frowned. "I asked where babies come from. You're dodging the question."
"Well, uh," Puck grimaced. "Look Squirt, that's really a question for your mom and dad."
"But they're on a date." The little girl pointed out. "And you're a daddy, so you have to know. So you should tell me."
Puck silently cursed Quinn for taking Beth out to have a mother-daughter evening and leaving him alone. He loved his niece, of course he did, but the girl was a spitfire and had the power to make him do things. It was just plain scary sometimes.
"Uncle Puck," the child prodded. "Tell me where babies come from. And don't say the stork, 'cause I'm six now and I know better."
Puck sighed and ran a hand over his head. The days of sporting the 'hawk were long gone, so it was now buzzed. "Fine. Uh, well, when two married people want a kid, they wish really hard." He began. "And then, they go to temple and ask God for a baby."
"What if they're not Jewish, like Daddy and Aunt Quinn?" Ava cut in.
"Uh, well, then they go to their church. It doesn't really matter, as long as it's somewhere to, y'know, be religious and stuff." Puck said. "So then, when God decides the two people are ready to be parents he puts a baby in the girl's stomach and nine months later it's born."
"So if I want a baby all I have to do is ask?"
"No!" Puck shook his head rapidly. "It only works if two people are thirty and married."
Ava's next question nearly stopped Puck's heart.
"Where does the baby come out?"
It took the muttering a few silent curse words before Puck could respond.
"Well, it pops out of the girl's belly."
Ava frowned. "You mean like a poptart pops out of the toaster?"
"Sure. Yeah, it's exactly like that."
"Huh." Ava paused for a moment to think this over. "Are you sure?"
Puck scoffed. "Please, I'm your Uncle. Of course I'm sure. I have a kid don't I?"
"Then I obviously know what I'm talking about." Puck clapped his hands together and stood up. "Now, how about we go play a game?"
"I know the perfect one!" Ava said excitedly getting to her feet as well. With a surprising amount of strength for such a small girl she pulled Puck behind her to her pink princess-themed bedroom. "Okay, we're gonna play American Idol!" Ava announced happily. "We dress up in pretty costumes and sing songs and then we get judged!"
Puck nodded, putting his game face on. "Alright. Let's do this."
"Yay! Okay, we need to dress up. My costumes are in here." She pulled over a large trunk overflowing with various costumes. Puck frowned.
"Squirt, there aren't any boy clothes are there?"
Ava shook her head. "No. I'm a girl, Uncle Puck. And boys are gross, plus daddy says they only want to steal my talent so I shouldn't bother with them."
"I can't wear chick clothes."
"WE ARE NOT CHICKS! WE ARE WOMEN AND WE WILL NOT BE OJESTESIZED!" Ava shouted.
Puck rolled his eyes. "First of all, it's objectified smarty pants. You spend too much time with your mom. Second, I'm still not wearing that stuff. Besides, it's too small."
"Nu-uh!" Ava dug to the bottom of the chest and pulled out a long purple sequined gown. "Mommy let me have some of her old dresses and she's a grown up, so it will fit you."
"Look, Squirt, you know I'd do just about anything for you but this is where I have to draw the line."
Ava's big eyes instantly filled with tears, causing Puck to grow nervous.
"Wh- what's wrong?"
The little girl burst into tears. "You don't love me enough to play my favorite game!" she sobbed.
"That's not fair!" Puck cried helplessly, his pleas falling on deaf ears. "You know I can't wear that stuff!"
"My uncle hates me!" she continued to wail. "HE WISHES HE WAS WITH A BOY HE COULD PLAY STUPID BOY GAMES WITH INSTEAD OF DUMB OLD ME!"
"That's a lie and you know it!" Ava's cries only grew louder, so finally Puck sighed. "All right, all right I'll play!"
Ava's tear instantly stopped. "You will?"
He sighed. "Yeah."
Her eyes went thin as she double checked. "You promise?"
"I promise." Puck sighed, holding his hands up in surrender. "Just don't do that again, okay? You know Uncle Puck isn't good with tears."
Ava nodded brightly, a grin on her face. "Deal! Now let's get started, we have to find America's next superstar!"
It was just after eleven o'clock that night when Finn and Rachel arrived home to find Ava in the living room watching TV.
"Hi mommy! Hi daddy!" she said pleasantly once noticing their presence. "How was your evening?"
"Um, it was fine." Finn said slowly. "What are you still doing up young lady?"
"Watching Jersey Shore." Ava answered. "Sam and Jenni got into another fight and there's this new girl Deena, she's Snooki's friend-"
"I think you've seen enough." Rachel snatched the remote and clicked off the TV. "You know MTV is off limits missy."
Ava frowned. "Sorry."
"Where's Uncle Puck?" Finn asked tiredly.
A small grin appeared on the little girl's face. Silently, she motioned for her parent's to follow her as she came to stand in the doorway of her room. Rachel and Finn had to cover their mouths to keep from bursting into laughter.
There, lying on the child-sized bed fast asleep, was Noah Puckerman.
"Is that one of my old dresses?" Rachel whispered while Ava nodded.
"Is that make-up?" Finn squeaked, seeing his friend with bright splotches of color on his face, obviously applied by his daughter. "Oh my god."
"We played American Idol." Ava explained quietly. "I won, of course, due to my overwhelming talent, but Uncle Puck took a close second."
"Wow." Finn let out a sigh. "Well Ava, I think we can overlook your Jersey Shore marathon on one condition."
The little girl peaked with interest. "What?"
Rachel grinned. "Go get the camera."