|Fear in a Handful of Dust
Author: Zoraya Windwalker PM
Be careful what you wish for, or it might actually happen. Lives will get turned upside down, hearts get broken and everything is NOT the way it should be. Also... nothing good EVER came of a wish that starts with "I wish you could..."!Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Damon S. & Elena G. - Chapters: 18 - Words: 50,152 - Reviews: 302 - Favs: 143 - Follows: 172 - Updated: 03-21-12 - Published: 02-07-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6724729
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Aaaand, here I go again. My second multi-chapter fiction for TVD. Don't know how many chapters there are going to be yet, but I think at least ten. We'll see^^
As for all of my other stories: A huge thanks to my amazing beta AVECIA (you should go read her stories, if you haven't already!).
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about TVD. And the title is from "The Waste Land" by T.S. Eliot
Now, on with it!
Elena was livid. Not just a little bit upset, or even angry. Right now there was a kind of fire burning through her veins that she scared herself a little bit. Or… she would, if she were able to set her mind on something else than all that anger.
How dare he?
Since the day she had met Damon Salvatore, she had been pissed at him plenty of times. Really, it was kind of normal by now that she cursed his name at least once a week. But never, ever like this.
Because right now, all she wanted to do was reach inside his chest and rip his heart out – similar to what Elijah had done to those two vampires on that day as she went to sacrifice herself. She knew it was a little over the top, those bloody, cruel thoughts. But she wanted to cause him pain – pain that would rival what she felt herself right now.
As she pushed down harder onto the accelerator, she recalled the moment that had brought on this rage.
"How can you compel other vampires? I mean, I know that you've been around for quite some time, but it still seems strange to me."
Elijah cocked his head to the side as he looked at her.
"Why do you want to know?"
"I don't know. I'm just curious I guess. Katherine had been this… frightening shadow of the past for quite some time. Then she breezes into town and turns everything upside down. It took a whole bunch of people – vampires, witches and humans alike – to overpower her. And then you come along and tell her to stay in there… and she just does. It's freaking me out. Just a little bit."
The vampire just nodded, as if satisfied with her reasoning and then answered.
"Well…it's certainly not a common trait, not even among us Old Ones, of that I can assure you. But the very first vampires weren't at all like the ones now. Not even I know how the very first – Klaus – came to be. But I? I was chosen to be made into something immortal because of a few other traits I already possessed. Just like I am able to do now, I could compel people back then. Even when I was human. It was something that caught Klaus' attention I imagine – something he wanted for himself- so he turned me. And with the change, this power was enhanced. Now, almost no mind is safe from me, there is no other compulsion with more force and power."
Elena had a thoughtful look on her face as he finished.
"So… when you say it is more powerful than any other compulsion… does that mean you can override someone else's, too?"
That definitely got his interest. He had learned quickly that with Elena, he always was in for surprises. At the beginning of their… deal, he just wanted to make sure that she would stay alive long enough for her to be able to lure Klaus out when he was ready to kill him. He kept watching her from the sidelines, making sure that she stayed true to her word. But he started to… well, not like per say, for he had been too long without his feelings to actually like someone but… she intrigued him. And so he started to visit her every once in a while talking or listening… whatever they were in the mood for. And he learned that most of the time, a simple question from her, most likely was not so simple at all. So…
"Is there a reason you are asking? Or is that just your need to know everything there is to know, again?"
"Yes, actually there is a reason. The day that Rose and Trevor brought me to that old house, you ripped my necklace off. The one with vervain in it? Well, I thought it was gone for good, but then, after I came out of the shower that evening, it was suddenly around my neck again, and I can't remember how it got there so…"
"So you think that someone compelled you to forget what happened."
Elena just nodded in agreement and waited.
"Well, I guess I could erase the compulsion. If there really is one. But whoever brought the necklace back to you was obviously not a threat. Are you sure you want this? There has to be a reason…"
"Yes, I am sure." She knew he hated to be interrupted, but there really was no reason for him to talk on. She knew what she wanted.
"Alright then. But you have to take it off first – not even I can enter your mind with the protection of vervain."
She nodded again and, without any hesitation, took the necklace off and deposited it on the coffee table.
He sat on the table, right in front of her, and stared deep into her eyes, pupils dilating.
"You are going to remember everything from the night you got your necklace back. Whatever you had to forget, it will come back to you now."
And just like that, everything came rushing back to her.
Damon told her he loved her. That he was in love with her. And then he made her forget.
No sooner than the memories were back, her face twisted in anger and she shot up off the couch, grabbed her car keys off the table beside the door and stormed out, leaving Elijah in her living room, not caring one bit that she was acting like a loon.
End of Flashback
Her car came to a skittering halt in front of the Boarding House, and she was rushing to the front door even before the dust from the gravel had entirely settled.
She didn't knock – barely even slowed her steps – as she raced inside, her feet carrying her straight into the parlor.
He was there of course; sitting on the couch, tumbler of Bourbon in one hand, and some old, leather-bound book in the other.
He didn't even look at her, just reading on and taking a sip out of the glass.
"What can I do for you on this wonderful day? If you're looking for Stefan, he's not here at the moment. Probably out, trying to extinguish the entire squirrel population this side of the Equator and… hey, I was reading that!"
The last comment was due to the fact that Elena, eyes aflame with barely contained rage, took the book out of his hand, throwing it aside without consideration.
"You have three guesses how much I don't care about that. I mean, it's not as if you are in the habit of caring what people want or do before you go and ruin everything!"
Damon was officially confused now. True, Elena was known to change her mind – or mood – without a moment's notice, but this was ridiculous even for her standards. Usually he at least knew what he had done wrong – this time though, he had no idea, whatsoever. He had kept his distance from her lately (at least, as far as she knew. There was no reason to tell her that he was standing guard in front of her house at night). He hadn't picked a fight with Judgy, and it had been ages since he riled up his saintly brother or Vampire Barbie. At least enough for them to go venting to Elena. So right now, he was kind of lost.
"Right. Okay, you're pissed – hard not to notice. Care to tell me what I've done to deserve it before you go, ripping me to shreds?"
Suddenly Elena was very, very calm. Her posture relaxed, her hands – which had been balled into fists – straightened out, and a sweet, innocent smile replaced the sneer on her face. The alarm bells in his head were going crazy in an instant. If he knew one thing about Elena, it was that this calm demeanor was spelling trouble for him. In big, capital letters. So instead of staying seated on the couch and being an easy target, he pushed himself out of it, before sauntering over to the dry bar.
She turned to face him again, and just as he was about to take a sip of his newly poured drink, she started to talk.
"I love you Elena, and it's because I love you, that I can't be selfish with you…."
His eyes went wide with shock as he stared at her; voice imitating his usual drawl.
"Why you can't know this…. I don't deserve you. But my brother does."
He wanted her to stop speaking; he desperately wanted her to just stop. But she spoke right on, voice getting only louder as he tried to get a word in.
"God, I wish you didn't have to forget this…. But you do."
As she was finished reciting – word for fucking word - the most selfless words he had ever spoken, they were just standing there, looking at each other, not daring to move.
Her eyes still held too much anger, burning her from the inside out, while his were anguished, sad… nearly vulnerable. But right now, she didn't care. Only hours before, she might have rejoiced at this show of humanity, but right now she was beyond that. Right now, the only thing she cared about, was this deep feeling of betrayal.
"After every bad thing you have done, after all the chaos you have been responsible for in the beginning… the one reason I have always been able to forgive you, has been because you've been honest with me. When you messed up – not matter how small or big – you told me what had happened. You never made a secret out of the person you are, you never tried to make me believe that you are something that you're not. I was able to trust you, Damon. And then you go, and mess with my memory. You know that this is what I fear most about vampires – the ability to mess with a human mind. And then you… the one I was so sure would never do something like that…. How could you? I…"
Shaking her head, she turned on her heel, trying to get out of this house before she did something stupid. Like trying to slap him again, or stake him or…. She didn't really know what. She just had to get out of there. But before she could, a hand wrapped around her forearm, holding her in place.
She could still make out the pain in his eyes, but this time it was overshadowed by the same fire burning in hers.
"Oh, way to go, Miss Gilbert! I have no idea how you remembered this, but don't play the act of the poor victim here. It's not as if I made you forget about what I did to Jeremy – or any of those other horrible, horrible things I did."
The last sentence had been full of mock, and her features hardened even more. This was Damon, trying to protect himself, and there was no reasoning when he was in that mood. But as she, herself, wasn't thinking quite straight at the moment, she couldn't care less about it.
"No, you just chose to take the easy way out, like always. Things get too tough for you, and you reserve to dirty tricks. A human man couldn't have made me forget. He would have to live with the fact that I know, and don't feel the same way in return. People do that every day!"
She knew that she was being a bitch. A gruesome one at that but… she was hurting, and she wanted him to feel the same thing.
"Yeah well, the last time I checked, I wasn't human. Like you said: I never pretended to be someone I'm not! What is your problem anyway? I made you forget what I said. Big deal! I hardly think that you want to know – you're too busy fucking my brother to notice what's going on with anyone else!"
Elena stared at him wide-eyed, all fight suddenly gone, leaving her dead tired, and her limbs heavy as lead. She tried to pull her arm out of his grip, but he wouldn't let go, instead only changing his grip so he was surrounding her wrist. As she didn't retaliate in any way he calmed down again, finally registering what he had said to her, feeling instantly guilty.
"Look Elena I'm sorry I…"
"I shouldn't have come here …"
They smiled sheepishly at each other, and Damon gestured for her to speak first.
"I shouldn't have come here until I calmed down again but…"
"I was just so angry all of a sudden. I never thought you would do something like that. Not you."
Her tone was sad and tired. And beside the fact that he really wanted to know how she remembered, he wanted to make up for betraying her trust.
"It's alright but… I really had to say it, but I also couldn't burden you with this. Making you forget was… the only way I could think about to have it both ways."
They were silent for a few moment moments before they started to speak at the same time – again.
"I just wish you could know how it feels to be me right now."
The moment they fell silent again, the bracelet around Elenas wrist – the bracelet slightly hidden under Damons hand; the one that had been a Christmas present from Bonnie– began to glow. Before they even realized what was happening light began to explode outwards, slamming into them and knocking them out cold in an instant. Soon the light faded again, leaving the Boarding House quiet and peaceful with the two of them completely unconscious on the floor.
So… I know you probably think that there is a body switch going on, but that's actually not the case, so just bear with me! Also…PLEASE let me know what you think about this first chapter… if I SHOULD even continue with it, or if I'm wasting my time, because it's not good anyways. Just click on the little button below to let me know. Reviews are love, people!