|Serendipitous Science Theater 3000
Author: I am the Poptart PM
The boys and co. build a movie theater, which then gets shot into space by none other than the Dr. Doof himself. For his own amusement, he decides to send them cheesy movies. Exactly what you think would happen ensues.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 21,001 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 03-26-12 - Published: 02-11-11 - id: 6735000
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Poptart Notes: I've got a lot of things to work on, but for right now, I'm just going to throw this out there because I'm having trouble with another important thing I have to work on. Don't worry; it'll be finished eventually. Plus, this sounded like fun. Enjoy, read, and comment if you will!
Chapter One: Space Cinema Adventure! It's a Cinema Adventure in SPACE!
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, platypuses and…well, that's actually it." Phineas, clad in suit and top hat, announced. Ferb was similarly dressed.
"I'd like to thank each and every one of you for coming, on this day, to assist in our grand opening of… 'The Grand Danville Theater Royale'!" Phineas gestured to the day's creation which stood behind him—a large theater. He wasn't sure of what had happened himself, nor was Ferb, but what they did know was that they had suddenly become aware of high ticket prices for film viewings at a regular theater. Therefore, they solved the problem themselves.
"Are there any questions?"
Baljeet, Buford, Isabella and Irving had come on their own account. Perry had simply wandered into the yard. Candace had been persuaded to come and to not delve into her obsessive behavior that day by Isabella, but nonetheless, she was cynical.
"How much do you expect people to pay to see a movie in some random kid's backyard?" She asked, hands on her hips. Phineas looked absolutely dumbfounded.
"Pay?" He echoed. "Why would they pay?" Candace blinked repeatedly, now dumbfounded herself.
"You mean that, regardless of the basic needs of keeping this place clean and functional, which require money to pay to make that happen, you intend for nobody to have to pay for this?"
"Well, we don't see why they should." Phineas replied casually, opening the door to the theater and gesturing for everyone to enter.
"Look," Candace sighed as she walked in, "I'll explain this slowly. See, in order to keep things clean and working, people must be hired, equipment must be bought, and—wait." She stopped short, and her expression shifted to a glare. "You guys have already planned for all that, haven't you?"
"Now that you mention it, I do remember putting a self-cleaning function in the blueprint, so…yes, yes we did." Phineas answered. Candace groaned. They were the supermen; she was just their Lex Luthor.
"Regardless, you're the only person in the world who'd think of letting people into a theater for free, Phineas."
"Free?" A voice suddenly came from outside the establishment. Everyone turned around, only to find that Albert had appeared right at the open door, with a very pleased expression.
"Yes, as we've just covered." Phineas responded to Irving's older brother, nodding while he did so.
"In that case, count me in!" Albert announced as he walked in. Irving looked a bit irritated.
"I thought you didn't care what Phineas and Ferb were doing today." He pointed out.
"No, no I did not—at the time." Albert explained. "But that was because I intended on seeing a movie today which I found out I could not pay for so I returned and discovered that there was a free theater right here and I just thought that since free means what I think it does I could just come right over here for the day!"
There was a pause.
"And why are you putting random stresses on words?" Isabella asked.
"Well I had five dollars and a pop costs five dollars so I got one of those but I did not see a movie!"
Candace pretty much smacked her forehead. "Joy! Just what my day needed! A sugar-high nerd!"
"It's only temporary." Irving told her, as if that would help matters.
"How long is this 'temporary' you speak of?" Candace raised an eyebrow. Irving paused to think.
"About…maybe thirty or so minutes. Then he falls asleep for about another half hour."
"Wait." Baljeet suddenly spoke. "The theater is only about a twenty-eight minute walk from here."
When he finished, there was a thud. Those who had not been watching turned back around to find Albert out cold.
Buford found a stick and poked the body a couple of times.
"I could totally give him a swirly like this. Can you give me five minutes to see?" He asked.
"Just shut up and drag him in here with us." Candace demanded. Shrugging, Buford complied.
"…And that's the film schedule for the first twelve hours. Then we switch off to the first half of the 'Space Adventures' saga for a couple more hours before we all go home and rest up." Phineas announced from the front of the screening room, where everyone was seated. He then noticed Irving, who looked very unamused. His sleeping brother was taking up three seats next to him, laying on the armrests—and, since Irving was sitting in the far left side of the room, he had no armrests himself.
"Or, in Albert's case, rest up some more." Phineas added. There was some chuckling from everyone besides Irving. "And with that, let the cinema begin!"
Phineas took a seat among the others. Ferb pulled out a small remote from his coat pocket, pressing a large green button. However, the screen did not begin to show anything. What did happen, though, was the sounding of a deep groaning rumble and a quaking from beneath their feet. The entire theater seemed to shake.
Candace, deciding to briefly break her promise against busting, stood up and cried, "I knew it! I don't know what I knew, but I knew it! I am SO calling mom!"
"That's going to be hard to do…" Baljeet murmured. He had ran over to the window to see if he could find out what the problem was from there, and the sight that met his eyes had made him weak in the knees.
"Why?" Candace asked, walking over to the window where he stood as well. She gasped, and she was followed by the others. The children imitated her when they saw the world outside.
To be more accurate, they had left the world, and were currently floating in the middle of space.
"You guys…you…bust…I'm…WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Candace stammered as she stepped back. Phineas wasn't reacting with panic. Rather, he met the situation with thoughtfulness, like it could be easily solved.
He turned to his brother and asked, "Ferb, can I see those blueprints we drew up earlier?" The roll of blue paper was placed into his palm. He unfurled it and scanned the contents. "Alright, I've looked back over the building plan, and it's become apparent that neither I nor Ferb have any idea why we've suddenly shot out into the solar system." He declared. Candace threw her hands into the air.
"Whee! Fantastic! Beautiful! I'M LOST IN SPACE WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THEY ARE DOING AT ALL!" She cried.
"Candace, calm down! It's gonna be okay!" Phineas insisted. This did nothing but fire up Candace further.
"'Calm down'! What is calming down going to help? Is calming down going to get us back down to Earth?"
"IS IT GOING TO GET US DOWN TO EARTH, PHINEAS?" Candace repeated. Phineas sighed.
"No, no it won't. But neither will panicking, you know."
"I don't see what you all are so worried about!" Buford had seated himself back in the screening area, where he was yelling over at them from. "We just won a free trip to outer space! Plus, we're getting a bonus movie!"
"What do you mean, 'bonus movie'?" Isabella asked as she strode back into the room, the others following her. They then all saw that the screen was, in fact, showing an image—that of an older, long-nosed man. He slouched forth in his lab coat, glaring out at the theater with his eyes, which were in heavy dark circles.
"Wait, what is this? Really, what is this?" The man asked, his voice surprisingly shrill. "Am…am I reaching the right place?"
"Excuse me," Irving piped up, "But what are you doing on our movie screen, Mr. Pharmacy Man?"
"Shut up, kid." The man returned casually. "Well, I guess I should just get right down to business—are there any platypuses around here? I was just using my Perry-the-Platypus-Tracker-Inator—"
"Perry?" Phineas asked, picking up his pet platypus. "What do you want our pet platypus for, Mr. …Mr., uh…"
"I am Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, the most vile and villainous creature in all of Danville." The man answered. "You're not trying to tell me that is Perry the Platypus, are you?"
"Well, his name is Perry, and he's a platypus." Candace answered.
Perry himself began to feel quite panicked. This couldn't be happening right now. It would've been bad enough for his cover to be blown, but at the moment it seemed that all the people he cared for were going to be dragged in as well. Send Perry away to a new home; fine. Decommission him from the agency; okay. Drag his human family into the mix; no-siree-bob.
As for the evil doctor, he was looking a bit sheepish as he glanced over the platypus. "Well, I guess I've caused you some trouble…that's not the platypus I was thinking of…see, my Perry the Platypus is a cool, suave, semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action…that's just a platypus…boy, now I feel really bad about all this—"
"EXPLAIN OUR LOCATION IN SPACE." Candace cut in. Doofenshmirtz shrunk back a bit.
"Well, you see, I just thought that in the event that my Perry the Platypus was here, I could just, y'know, trap him in space by using my Space-Shot-Inator, so that he could never foil my evil plans again. I picked this house off of the list that the Perry-the-Platypus-Tracker-Inator gave me, and, well, I guess it was wrong." He explained.
"So, how are we supposed to get down?" Isabella asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Uh, you sort of can't." Doof replied.
"Oh." Phineas sounded disappointed, as he should've been. "Can we still watch our movies?"
"'Fraid not, kid." The doctor sighed. "See, I was taking an extra precaution when I built the Space-Shot-Inator where I get total power over the building that I shot into space, so Perry the Platypus wouldn't be able to use it against me."
The children in the theater moaned in disappointment.
"Now what are we supposed to do for fun?" Baljeet asked to nobody in particular. As a reply, Buford swatted him on the cheek. "Ow!"
"I don't know about you, but I could do that for amusement." Buford grinned.
"Oh, don't worry, don't worry!" Doofenshmirtz insisted. "I'm a fair guy! I'll think of something."
"Good morning, sir!" A voice suddenly rang from off screen. The speaker then walked into frame—a large robot, who was carrying a large box full of DVD boxes.
"Oh, and by the way, everybody, this Norm, my robotic assistant." Doof added. "Norm, be a polite young robot and greet the children."
"Hello, young children! My name is Norm!"
"That is creepy." Baljeet said.
"Hi, Norm!" Irving waved.
Doofenshmirtz dug through the box in Norm's arms. " 'The Menacing Eye'? 'Year of the Cutthroat Blade'? 'The Party of the Undead'? Norm! I told you to get some good movies from that garage sale!" He exclaimed.
"But these were all such great bargains!" Norm replied. Doof glared at him.
"Gee, I wonder why. I remember that when I first saw every one of these movies, I always thought that they could've been on that…that…that one show. The one with the guy and the two robots and all the bad movies." Doof tapped his chin. "What was that called? Ugh, I have to look it up now. I do remember that it was really funny, though. They'd just watch the movies and make up the greatest cracks while they did!" He sighed in reminiscence. "I wish they'd air it again. I'd love to see it back on—"
Doof cut himself off. He was having one of those moments where he was having an idea. Not just any idea, but one of those ideas; the kind where you have to stop short and think about it, because it is so crazy, so out there, so flat-out stupid that it could just work.
"I've got it!" The scientist exclaimed. "Here's an idea—why don't you kids watch these movies for me?"
"I don't know. Why should we?" Candace countered. Doofenshmirtz considered this briefly.
"If you get through this first movie, we can work out a deal later for making contact with your parents." He then offered.
"Sounds like a good idea to me!" Phineas said. "Alright, Doofer…Doofy…Doof…Heinz, we'll do it!"
"What?" Candace cried.
"So, what will we be watching first, sir?" Isabella asked.
"Your assignment today will be 'The Menacing Eye'. I remember it being this really cheap art-house film about the sky or something." Doof answered as he started pressing buttons on a control panel. "I've sent it right about…now!"
At that moment, the screen turned white. Black text appeared across it, reading "[Movie in Reception…Please Hold]".
"Well, I guess now we're going to be stuck watching movies." Candace sighed.
"Alright, everyone!" Phineas announced as he stood up from his seat. "Let's take this opportunity while the movie is loading—theme-song time!"
In the very near future,
In fact, as we sing,
Phineas and Ferb and all their friends are going through the strangest thing,
First they built a theater for cinematic films,
Then were shot into space's crazy realms,
Then they heard from a guy who gave them this curse,
Some crazy evil doctor that goes by 'Doofenshmirtz',
"That would be me." The doctor spoke over the music, pointing to himself. He then carried the song on:
"I'll send them cheesy movies—"
"The worst you can find?" Norm interrupted. Doof glared at him.
"Of course, the worst!" He exclaimed. The doctor then resumed.
"La la la! They'll have to sit and watch them all— And you know, just for the sake of it, I think I'll monitor their minds—La la la!"
Now keep in mind the boys can't control where the movies start and end—la la la!—but they'll just sit back and watch them casually, with the help of all their friends!
(Everyone ready in one, two, three!)
Candace! "You're busted!"
Buford! "Prepare for a beating!"
Baljeet! "Where is the music coming from?"
Albert! "I've yet to receive any reason of how this all happened..."
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, and other science facts, just remember that it's just a show—
"Wait, wait, wait a minute!" Phineas interrupted the music. "Where's Perry?"
"We're in the middle of the solar system, A.K.A., absolutely nowhere, and you're only worried about where Perry went?" Candace cried. Isabella leaned into frame.
"You should really just relax!" She sang so the main theme could restart.
For "Serendipitous Science Theater 3000"!
Poptart Footnotes: Next chapter, Part ONE of 'The Menacing Eye'! Also, no, none of these movies actually exist.