Comfortable

Sometimes I can't believe just how comfortable I have become, especially since it's taken me so long. Seven years and I can finally relax.

I always felt more at home in Hogwarts than I ever did at home with Mum and Dad and Petunia but I was never totally comfortable. I suppose my choice in companions has always been the factoring influence that has decided how relaxed I'm allowed to feel.

Looking across the Great Hall and I can see my old best friend sat looking as emotionless and indifferent as ever, sitting next to the group of people who took him from me. I say they took him from me, but I'm wrong. He had a choice and he made it, forgetting that his choice changed everything. How could I be friends with Severus Snape when he believes everyone of my heritage is filth? He tried to convince me other wise but just one slip up proved my doubts correct and I separated myself from him.

When we were friends, as close as we were though, I was never totally safe. Despite all the times he'd promise to protect me and try to tell me how I was finally away from my retched sister and safe to be who I truly was, I wasn't happy. I never truly felt save being Severus Snape's mudblood friend.

The pressure eased when I was around my roommates. Alice, Marlene and Hestia were the best girlfriends I could wish for. They helped me recover from 'losing' Severus but in the end, somewhere deep down I still knew something wasn't right.

I look at them all sat on my left, Alice next to me and Hestia and Marlene sat opposite, and smile knowing they are all so important to me and knowing that again, if I need them to be, they will be there. But I still don't feel the same comfort.

I used to wonder, if I'd ever be truly comfortable with my life, my culture, my heritage. My magic.

It was when I was distancing my self from Severus that the sense of comfort became acknowledgeable.

I'd ignored the safety that they brought to me from long enough that when I did finally find it that it was fresh and encouraging.

A hand wraps around my shoulders and gives a squeeze and it's washing over me all over again.

I look in front of me and Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew are smiling along to a joke the two men on my right have just told and I giggle along with the punch line. This is safe.

I felt the comfort ever so suddenly one day that it initially scared me. I was just sitting, the four men in my life, sat around me by the lake and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I would never trade this – them - for anything.

Looking to my immediate right, he's looking at me, his arm still around me, though its slid to my hip, subtly pulling me into his side, holding me, protecting me forever.

Sirius Black is on his right and now, following years of wishing the prat to disappear, I see him as a brother; yes he's still a prat but I'd trust him with my life.

Finally giving in, the hazel eyes beside me capture my green eyes and I see it in him.

James Potter has become my safety. He's become my happiness. He's become my everything and I can finally relax and feel at home because I let him in and realised he is my home.

I smile up at his expression, undoubtedly curious to my uncharacteristic quietness. I lean up to whisper in his ear and with a cheeky grin say, "I love you," and pull back to see his triumphant smirk, "Did you know?"

He kisses my temple, rests his forehead on the spot for a brief moment and whispers back, "Had to happen sometime, love," and I catch the wink he flits my way.

This is the comfort I always wished for. I, Lily Evans, am comfortable.

A.N. Ooookay. So I was in a rambling mood. It doesn't make sense and you'll probably have nightmares because it's horrifyingly bad. But it had to be done, so there.

I was in an angsty, self depreciating mood and this is what came of it so like it or lump it :P

Annnyway, reviews are welcome, good or bad.

Thanks for reading,

Jess!