Author: fallen-musician PM
It's Valentine's Day at the Order, and everyone is celebrating in style—except for Kanda, who just can't seem to get any. A tale of sex barred, minds scarred, and soba marred. KandaxLavi/Yuvi.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Kanda Yuu & Lavi - Words: 3,287 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 1 - Published: 02-13-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6742451
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Just in time for the holiday, some KandaxLavi adorable sexy hilarious goodness for you all. Hope you have a great time with whomever you love-family, friends, lovers, anyone.
Rated M for Kanda's mouth and "adult situations/themes" between two guys.
I don't own D. Gray-Man.
It wasn't like he was sentimental or something ridiculous like that. He was Kanda Yu. Of course he didn't care about something as stupid as a maudlin holiday that sent the beansprout making little moony faces at Lenalee and Miranda blushing every time she caught Marie's eyes.
He wasn't in love, or anything. Definitely not. It's just that...well, he had sort of an understanding with a certain annoying redheaded exorcist who had been making dirty jokes for the past month about all the mischief the two could get up to this Valentine's Day, alone in Kanda's room after the rest of the Order had gone to bed.
But Komui had sent Lavi and Bookman off on a mission together a few days ago. They weren't expected back until tomorrow, at the very earliest. And so now not only did Kanda have to deal with all the lovey-doveyness everywhere he looked, but he couldn't even get a good fuck out of it at the end.
This was not going to be a good day.
Kanda avoided breakfast and the predicted aggravating romanticism that would accompany it. Instead, he stayed in his room, meditating, until hunger pangs got the better of him and he had to go to the cafeteria for lunch.
It was as if someone had let a sparkle princess riding a unicorn loose on the room.
There were pink and red balloons everywhere Kanda looked, with matching streamers in between. Heart-shaped confetti littered each table. It took only a few seconds to locate the source of this monstrosity to the eyes. Of course. The beansprout.
The vegetable in question was standing on a ladder, with what-would-have-been-the-object-of-his-affections-if-said-object-didn't-have-an-older-brother-with-a-serious-sister-complex holding the ladder. There was one of those offensive pink streamers in his hands, and he was busy trying to affix it between two equally noxious pink balloons while gentle encouragement floated up from the girl below.
Kanda fixed one of his more potent glares on this clear affront to humanity and frantically prayed that the beansprout would fall off the goddamn ladder.
Unfortunately, luck was not on Kanda's side today. Allen just looked down and smiled, as if Kanda was not giving him one of the looks that usually made akuma realize that their killing spree had come to an untimely end.
"Oh, Kanda! Are you coming to the Valentine's Day party tonight?"
"Go to hell."
Allen gave a miffed little huff. From the bottom of the ladder, Lenalee sighed, a bit more gently. She, being the persistent woman she was (who possessed frightening skills with clipboards), had weaseled the truth out of Kanda a week after Lavi had started visiting him regularly at night. Since then, her female senses had seemed to indicate that this was some sort of tragedy-tainted love affair that needed her special touch to make it truly worthy of a fairy tale.
"Kanda, I know you're sad today-"
The glare switched its focus, a little diminished in power now, on this new threat to Kanda's well-being.
"-but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself just a bit. Why don't you come to the party? You might like it more than you think."
Now that was ridiculous. And deserving of no greater response than a "tch" as Kanda stalked off to the cafeteria window to soothe his sorrows with soba. At least that couldn't be ruined by this idiotic excuse for a holiday, he figured.
He had clearly forgotten who the Black Order's chef was.
From behind the window, Jerry was beaming as if he were Cupid's personal emissary on Earth. Kanda tried to ignore it. "The usual," he grumbled. He needed to calm down, eat his soba as quickly as possible before someone else pissed him off, and then go take his anger out on invisible enemies in the practice rooms.
Luck really wasn't on Kanda's side today.
Jerry beamed even more, if that were possible, and handed Kanda his tray of soba.
What. The. Fuck.
Were the fish cakes cut into heart shapes?
Kanda stared at his tainted bowl of soba in utter horror.
"Don't worry, Kan-chan~!" Jerry said with some sort of giggly tone that seemed to be an attempt to inspire confidence in the other man. It wasn't working. At all. "I know your boy~friend isn't here today, but nothing stands in the way of true love, especially on Valentine's Day~!"
Kanda's eyes widened even more. How the hell...oh. Of course. This was Jerry who was talking to him. That man knew every miniscule piece of gossip that circled around the Order. The Japanese strained to fix his expression of shock into a passable glare while yanking the soba from the chef's grasp and stomping off to his usual unoccupied corner of the cafeteria before anyone noticed the hearts in his bowl.
Well, maybe Jerry had some sense. If there was any day to expect a miracle in the name of Kanda and Lavi's fucked-up mess of a relationship, it would be Valentine's Day...
Kanda scowled in order to force his mind from that train of thought. He had to think logically. There was no way Lavi and Bookman could finish the mission in just a few days. And anyway, it wasn't like there was anything Kanda was expecting today. It just would have been nice to have that kinky slut in his bed tonight to ameliorate the effects of an overdose of pink and red and white during the day. That's all.
Kanda choked his soba down as fast as possible before fleeing from the cafeteria to the most out-of-the-way practice room he knew of. At least he could release some of his stress where he was unlikely to be bothered by anyone. He shrugged off his heavy uniform jacket and shirt and left them folded neatly on the floor before carefully unsheathing Mugen and beginning one of his more difficult routines, one that he knew would keep his mind firmly off of what was probably his least favorite day of the year.
Until he was interrupted by something that sounded most certainly like girlish giggles. Why the fuck did this holiday inspire giggles in everyone?
The door to the practice room was pushed open by the beansprout, of all people, with Lenalee, presumably the source of the giggles (though Kanda wouldn't have been the least bit surprised to hear those noises emanating from the beansprout's mouth), clinging to his hand.
"Oh! Kanda!" Lenalee gasped in sudden realization, a blush spreading across her cheeks as she turned to her partner. "I thought you said this room was never used, Allen!"
"Well, I thought it wasn't..." the boy stammered
Shit, why couldn't anyone be sensible today? With a glare just as powerful as the one he had utilized during lunch, Kanda pulled on his shirt and grabbed his coat.
"Kanda, really, you don't need to leave, we'll go somewhere else," Lenalee apologized.
"Tch. It's not my problem."
"Are you sure?"
And he left with a swish of black hair.
As Kanda stalked along the corridors, he considered where he could escape to to wait out the rest of the day. The garden? It was quiet there, at least, and he didn't think there was anyone who had the balls to mar the little corner he cultivated himself, even in the name of Valentine's Day.
And so Kanda made his way to the side exit that led out to the gardens, his spirits lifting just slightly. It was only a quick walk down the path, and then...
Yes. Even his garden could be ruined by this fucking holiday.
For some reason Kanda didn't even want to contemplate, Marie and Miranda had decided that, despite the huge area of the rest of the Order's gardens, his spot would be the perfect place to have a romantic tête-à-tête. And so there they were sitting, holding hands and whispering in a way that anyone else would have probably found adorable, but that just succeeded at pissing the Japanese off even more.
Kanda briefly considered threatening them with Mugen, but he had to work with Marie in the future, and Miranda wouldn't stop apologizing for probably months, definitely weeks. Instead, he turned on his heels, and his scowl deepened until it was at the magnitude that killed Finders after a second's exposure.
Where to go next? Anywhere that normally had people lingering was most definitely out, and Kanda's favorite secluded haunts were likely to be host to exactly the same types of events he had been previously, unwillingly, exposed to. And, well, his bedroom wasn't exactly going to stop him from concentrating on Lavi's absence...
...Lavi's absence. He could always check with Komui to see whether there had been any news from the other exorcist. It was slightly desperate, but at least it might sate Kanda's appetite for a little longer. And maybe Lavi would be back earlier than expected, and then...
Kanda's walk down the corridors of the Order was occupied by these rather titillating daydreams. By the time he reached Komui's office, he was barely concentrating on his surroundings, enough so that he didn't notice the somewhat questionable noises coming from behind the wood doors.
This was really not his day.
As Kanda pushed open the door, he was greeted with a rather mind-scarring sight. There was his supervisor, sitting on his desk, pants around his ankles and dick out. To make matters worse, Reever was kneeling between the other man's legs and stroking him.
Kanda's eyes widened as he took in the sight in front of him, and Komui's pleas reached his ears. "Please, Reever...Lenalee might hear!"
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Kanda slammed the door shut and walked quickly off, trying to calm an errant blush from infecting his face.
Was everyone getting some today except him? Shit, the stupid beansprout and his supervisor-with-the-sister complex and Miranda were doing something! He was apparently the only person in the entire goddamn world who could not get laid on a day that was basically all about fucking. Even the Earl was probably at it right now.
Kanda managed to make it back to his room, with the intention of meditating for the rest of the day, but once he sat down on the floor, he found that his mind was anything but clear. His previous conversations with Lavi echoed through his head, so that all Kanda could hear was the other man promising him "a good time, yeah? Since 's Valentine's Day and all, we should celebrate in style."
Well, that clearly was happening for everyone else.
After Kanda had spent about an hour trying not to think about exactly what Lavi had meant by "celebrating in style," there was a gentle knock on his door.
The door opened just a crack, and Lenalee poked her head inside. "It's not healthy to just sit here and mope, Kanda. I know you're sad, really, but why don't you come join us at the party?"
"I am not fucking sad," the man insisted. "And I am not coming to your goddamn party."
All this elicited from Lenalee was a sigh. "Fine, I won't force you. But the offer's open. If you feel up to it later, you can always come down to the cafeteria and join us."
Another sigh, this time a little more exasperated, and the door closed, thankfully. And so Kanda was left alone with his thoughts, which were still inhabited, annoyingly enough, with one very, very stupid rabbit.
And, even more annoyingly, Jerry's words were also ringing in his head. "Nothing stands in the way of true love, especially on Valentine's Day~!" Yeah fucking right. If that were true, Lavi would be in his room right now, preferably shirtless, so that Kanda didn't have to worry about ripping through yet another one of the thin garments.
Kanda was attempting not to think about his own personal redhead writhing underneath him when he heard yet another knock on his door. Shit, he knew there was a reason he tried not to bother with women. "Lenalee, leave me the hell alone," he growled.
The door opened a crack and a familiar bright green eye peered at him. "Darlin', I know 'm gorgeous, but I don't think my legs 're that much of a strike. And plus, my chest's pretty flat, my hair's pretty red 'n' unruly, and 'm never gonna regain my youthful soprano, yeah?"
Kanda was too shocked to even register the endearment tacked on at the beginning of the sentence. "...Lavi?"
"Who else'd it be?"
"You were supposed to be on a mission!"
The redhead cracked a smile and slid into Kanda's room, closing the door behind him. "I got through the akuma 's fast as possible. I promised you sexy lovin' tonight after all, yeah?"
Barely a step to close the distance between the two men, barely a second before Kanda's arms were around Lavi's and Lavi's arms were around Kanda. "Idiot," Kanda murmured. "You could have been killed."
"Nah. I wouldn't 've missed this night for th' world. And 's not just the sex, Yu. 's that...I care a lot about you, and, well, today's the day for lovers, yeah? And so...I want to spend it with Yu. Because I know I'm not supposed to. But I love Yu."
It took Kanda at least two minutes to absorb the fact that Lavi had made two puns on his name, and at least another three minutes after that to absorb the fact that Lavi had just confessed his love. He stared blankly ahead as his brain worked overtime on this taxing act of comprehension.
"Yu?" Lavi tried in vain to hurry this process along, or at least ameliorate its eventual effects. "'m sorry if I upset you or anything. I just...wanted to tell you."
Whir, whir, went Kanda's brain, metaphorically. The metaphorical gears spun and twirled metaphorically, until a metaphorical calculation was reached, also metaphorically. A metaphorical bell dinged. Comprehension attained, the little metaphorical voice inside his head intoned.
"Idiot. You don't need to tiptoe around me like I'm a woman or something."
Lavi's smile grew even wider, so it seemed as if it were about to split his face open. "Gods, Yu, I really love you. 'm so glad I can say 't now."
One kiss, and then another, and then a bite to Lavi's lip, pulling it away from his teeth. And then a kiss, and a mouth sucking lightly on a neck, and a kiss. And then a confession.
"As much as I fucking hate it, I love you too, asshole."
It took a minute, at most, for the two men to pull their shirts off before they were heatedly kissing once more, tongues sliding against each other, Kanda's teeth pulling at Lavi's lips and ears, Lavi's hands roaming across Kanda's muscles.
Lavi had just started working on Kanda's pants button when the door slammed open. "Kanda, I—Oh, Lord."
The two sprang apart at the sound of one very annoying vegetable. "Get. Out," Kanda intoned, thankful for the familiar presence of Mugen at his hip.
Allen gulped as a very, very sharp katana was suddenly far too close to his face for personal comfort. "I didn't see anything! I promise! Lenalee just wanted me to remind you about the party! I didn't see anything!"
"Good. Otherwise I'll shove Mugen through your throat."
Kanda lowered his sword, allowing Allen to back away and breathe easy. As soon as Allen had ascertained he was out of the Crazy Samurai Danger Zone, his worried expression morphed into a fairly sadistic grin as he slowly exited the room. "Though I might have know you would like men, Kanda. There's your hair, and your more feminine looks, and..."
Allen ran out of the room laughing, and it took all of Lavi's strength—well, about a third of his strength and a strategically-placed hand to Kanda's crotch—to keep the other exorcist from chasing after Allen, sword drawn.
"Don' worry 'bout it, Yu. Who's he gonna tell, anyways?" Lavi's free hand snaked up to pinch one of Kanda's nipples. "What's all this about a party?"
"Some stupid...ah...stupid shit Lenalee put together."
"Sounds like fun," Lavi chuckled, before gnawing briefly at Kanda's neck. "We going?"
"You've got to be kidding me."
"C'mon, Yu, enjoy yourself a bit." Lavi let go of Kanda's crotch and turned the man around in his arms, before planting a kiss on his cheek. "You might wanna straighten out those pants before, though."
Kanda's usually potent glare was, for some bizarre reason, slightly mollified by the grinning redhead whose arms were winding around his back like a goddamn ivy plant.
And so the two men would adjust their pants, so that their previous activities were a little less obvious to the rest of the Order, despite the embarrassed flush spreading across Kanda's cheekbones. They would make their way downstairs, back to the dining hall which had been mauled with pink and red. Lavi would laugh, and try to get Kanda to try one of the Valentine's cupcakes Jerry had baked. Kanda would scowl at the couples who were staring into each other's eyes, and maybe hazard a glance at Lavi's bright green one, the color of emerald or absinthe. Komui would run madly around the hall, trying to keep Allen from dancing with Lenalee, and Lavi would pull Kanda up to dance—and promptly get chased madly around the hall as well.
Then Lavi and Kanda would make their way back upstairs, and Lavi would ignore a warning glare from Bookman in favor of an exasperated glare from Kanda. They would sneak into Kanda's room and close the door, pausing awkwardly in front of the bed, before Lavi laughed, and pushed Kanda back onto the sheets.
And it would be different than before. They wouldn't fight over who would give and who would take, they wouldn't rush through pleasure so Lavi could run back and make excuses to Bookman, they wouldn't avoid each other's eyes. Because as much as they both hated to admit it, they wouldn't be fucking. They'd be making love.
Afterwards, Lavi would linger in a drowsy stupor, sprawled across Kanda's half-sleeping form. And maybe Lavi would stay silent for once. Or maybe he would whisper something to his lover before surrendering to sleep. Maybe an "I love you." Or maybe a "Happy Valentine's Day."