AUTHOR'S NOTE: First off, this is set before the movie. Second, this is strictly my opinion of who Max is. I don't believe you can offer any kind of evidence from the movie to go against this, since we don't see much of Max. Third, this is a requested story. If you haven't run for the hills yet by the time you read this, then enjoy the show!



"Max's Day Off"

A story(requested) by Zycho32



Just a little sweep or two on the object, and all the cleaning was finished.

For Max, this was ordinary for him. He had already been doing this for so long, it was almost involuntarily. His job was filled with such involuntary actions, since they were entirely routine. Boring, right?

He was Darla Dimple's butler. He was also her bodyguard and at times her enforcer. He fit the bill very well, since his looks would drive quite a few people away before they could even get a second glance at him.

Time and again, he wondered to himself why he took the job in the first place. And like always, he found that he was getitng paid much better than most jobs that fitted his psychiqe, not to mention the mansion his employer lived in housed him quite comfortably. When you are about 10 feet tall, and had the type of build he had, you would definetly have a hard time finding comfortable living space. He didn't enjoy playing the role of enforcer, who would? But whatever could pay him well, he'd do in a heartbeat.

Anyhow, enough nitpicking for him. He readied himself for his next duty, which was to wake Darla up. It was always a troublesome duty, because you know how kids will act when adults try to wake them up. All the kicking and screaming, follwed with more kicking and screaming, and yet even more kicking and screaming!!! Such torture, wouldn't you agree?

First however, check the calendar. Max had found early on that she would need to be reminded of what was happening that day, movie wise. He found that out the hard way on the first day of the job. He almost lost the job when she was late for something.

He skimmed through the calendar, looking for the right date, and he found it. What really captivated his attention was the red circle aorund it. It was for only one purpose.

His day off.

Now, when he agreed on the job, he asked for one day off per month. He would have lived with 6 days off per year, but we would have preferred 12 of them per year. After a long discussion, she agreed to it. He always considered himself a capable negotiator, although he acknowledged he was negotiating with a kid, and kids are normally very stubborn, or easily bended.

He knew what to do. He had prepared everything else like today was just a normal day, so, after he brought breakfast up to her room, he was offically off duty for the rest of the day.

He walked up the steps carefully and silently, so he didn't upset her. He had seen her upset before, even though it was rarely directed at him, probably just someone else. But he had seen enough of that to know that she'd really get angry. He didn't want to lose his job; Who would?

After he had carefully set her breakfast tray down near her bed, and he had stealthily made his way out of her room and down the main stairway, he proceeded to his room.

His room was like a typical butler room, except it was larger, to accomidate him. He went through his belongings. He wasn't going to go out into the world in his butler attire. After all, no one has no life, at least enough of a life to avoid going out in your work clothes.

When he stepped out of his room, he was now wearing regular brown shoes, normal pants, black color, and a light blue shirt. The shirt was very hard to find, since almost no one had that type of upper body that he had. He had a brown hat, which was like the kinds of street hats thugs in cities such as New Jersey and Chicago tended to wear when they weren't wearing those gangster suits and Tommy Guns, and such. He put on the hat, then stopped at the giant mirror to take a look at himself.

He was ready.



It wasn't sunny that day, just cloudy. It lowered his mood a bit, but not too much. At least it wasn't raining. It would have been a major bummer if it was raining on his day off. The day had been planned in advance, and he would have to endure the pouring rain.

So, what would be first?

He couldn't visit his family, since they were in New Jersey, and it'd take much longer than one day to get there. He techically couldn't go anywhere outside LA. Not much of a day off, but it was good enough for him. If you had to serve someone like Miss Dimple, you'd settle for ANYTHING, correct?

As he began walking down the street, he noticed a few beings looking at him. He didn't go out on his own very much, only when accompanying Miss Dimple. They were probably wondering what he was doing out here, and dressed in regular clothing of all things!

Yet, the others out in the street with him were the least of his concerns. He was more concerned about what he was going to do today.

Unwittingly, he went into an alley. "You're late." A voice came from within that alley. "Excuse me?" was his response. What a way to start your day.

"I said you're late." Out stepped a regular sized human, total sleazeball, must be in the Mafia. He looked up at Max, apparently unafraid of his size. "Been waiting here for over an hour. Decide this job was going against your conscience or something?"

"What are you talking about?" He asked, in a kind of warning tone, but the guy didn't pick up on that.

"Ah, then you're going to take the job." He haded Max a peice of paper with some information on this 'job'. "You're going to recieve your payment when it's completed." With that, he left before Max could even try to stop him.

Giving into this little mystery, he looked at the information on the paper. Just an address.

3854 Hayview boulevard.



She woke up, expecting Max to be right there, like he always was. Only, he wasn't, just her breakfast was in the room. This WASN'T the way she wanted to wake up.

After taking some time to eat her breakfast(she figured she couldn't throw a fit without a good meal for energy), she went out of her room, screaming, "MAX!!!!!!", not that she was worried, she just expected him to be at attention at all times. While her mouth was going off at an alarming rate, her brain began wondering why he WOULDN'T be where he should have been. It was unlike him.

Max had been a very loyal butler for her, and his only mistakes were made when he was new at the job. After he learned the ropes, she found that he always performed 110% 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You couldn't get much more better than Max when it came to loyalty and effort. Such a shame it wasn't for good things.

A couple minutes later, when she had stomped all over the mansion and had just finished hollering a whole bunch of words, she noticed the calendar, and the red circle on the present day. She groaned. "He should have left a note."

Now she was wondering what she should do to pass the day away.



He reached the right address. It was a modest house. Too small for him to live in, but a modest house nontheless. He proceeded to knock on the door, darn near breaking it down. He had to be more careful about his strength.

Another human, another male, only this time he was normal looking. Normal clothing, that is. "Um, yes?" He asked. Max just gave him the paper. Short and to the point was always the best way to do something, in Max's opinion. It's what made him a good enforcer for Miss Dimple.

"Jocky gave you this?" He asked. Max could only shrug, since he didn't catch the guy's name.

"Must have been him." The guy said. "By the way, my name's Greg. I have a job for you."

"A job?" Max asked. "That's correct, a job." He handed him a different peice of paper. "Go to this address, and ask for someone named Jenks." Evidently this guy also did it short and to the point.

With that, Greg walked back into his house, leaving Max to look at the other paper. The address was located in downtown LA, a National Bank.

This day off was looking much more interesting.



Jocky did have his doubts about Max. He didn't sound like he was the guy. Normally, when you ask what's going on, you're not the right guy you were looking for. Simple enough. And yet, he looked like just the right guy for the job......

He was only two steps from exiting the alley when someone said, "You Jocky?"

He turned to his right. There was a real shady guy, with the type of hat those slick suit gangsters wore. He had a bit of a beard on him, not to mention he clearly had a certain weapon, small, but effective, especially at long range. In other words, a pistol.

"Yeah? You the cops or something?" Jocky responded. He knew he wasn't gonna survive a fight with this guy, since he was 5 feet away, and that was long enough for him to take aim and fire.

The other guy laughed. "No....The Man sent me to meet you here."

For a moment, Jocky remained silent. This guy was the person he was supposed to meet?? Then what about the big oaf??

"You're kidding right? I mean, I had given the address to this big guy who came into the alley, and......"

"You WHAT?!!?!" The other guy screamed at him. He went right over, and began shaking Jocky like the great San Francisco earthquake of 1906! "He could be a COP!!!!"

"B-b-b-but a c-c-c-c-cop would have ac-c-c-c-c-cted p-p-p-p-perfectly!!!!"

He stopped shaking Jocky. "Hmmm.....you do have a point. How did this big guy act?"

"Well, he was asking what was going on....."

"That's a definate sign he's not the right person." The other guy scolded Jocky. He knew the guys wasn't exactly on the smart side, but THIS was rediculous!

"I know, I know! He just looked right....." Jocky tried to explain.

"The guy would have to be 10 feet tall for you to think that Jock...."

"He was!" Jocky shot back. He was in a panicy mood today, and who could blame him? He just gave an important address to a big guy who wasn't the right guy to begin with! He could do ANYTHING to screw this up!

"Okay, okay, okay!!" The other guy tried to calm him down. "Look, I'll keep an eye on this guy for you, okay? I'll see if he's on the level."

Jocky looked reassured, or as reassured as one can get in this situation. "Thanks Maxwell."

Maxwell smiled. "Don't mention it."



Max looked at the building, then at the address, then did a double check, just to make sure. Yep, he was at the right place. He walked over to the two large doors, and opened them.

This was a much roomier place! He wondered if he could have made a good accountant, which would have allowed him to work here, which was just as roomy as the Dimple mansion.

He walked over to the first person he could find that he could tell worked here. This person was a woman, brown hair, red rimmed glasses. Otherwise, she looked rather nice, especially with green eyes. "Yes, what can I do for you sir?"

"I'm looking for someone named Jenks." He replied, as smoothly as possible. With a voice like his, he had to make it soft, or he'd scare everybody.

"Ah, yes, he's up in the second floor. Second room to the right. I'd suggest you take the stairs." With that, the lady went back to her work in the accounting department, a downright boring job unless you're crazy about math.

Why the stairs, he wondered. Surely the elevator would do just fine......

Then he found out the elevator wasn't made for 10 foot people. He would BREAK the darn thing, and who wants to ride in a totally busted elevator?

The stairs, he realized, were just right for him. He barely fit through the doors. The steps weren't a concern because his legs and feet were normal sized. It was just his chest that was un-human.

After the walk up the stairs and to the right room, Max knocked on the door, but softly. He wasn't going to be held accountable for a busted door. All sorts of bad things could and would result from that if he did break it down.

"Come in." Came a voice from inside the room. Max cautiously stepped in after opening the door.

The person was mostly covered in darkness, only a bit of light revealed part of his face. The room itself was dark, very dark. While he knew that the dark was something only children should be afraid of, he had to admit it also worried him.

"Hello Maxwell." The person said.



Truthfully, the other Maxwell wasn't exactly a fan of pushing and shoving, and whatever had to be done to get answers. Still, this wasn't stopping him from tossing Greg around like a rag doll. He knew that it was necessary, so he did it.

"Come on, did you see a big gigantic guy earleir today!?!?!?" He screamed out at the guy. He didn't have the advantage of the address that Jocky was supposed to have given him, so he had no choice but to use force. It wasn't a foolproof tactic, but the best of all options.

"No!!!!!!!" Greg kept hollering. "I don't know ANYTHING copper!!!!!!" 'Copper', was more or less gangster talk that means 'cop'.

"God dangit, I'M NOT A COP!!!!!!" Maxwell screamed at the guy before tossing him back to the ground. "You think a cop would rough you up like this!!!!!! Better yet, ASSAULT you like this!!!!!!" Maxwell didn't have much control over his temper. When he lost his control, he tended to go ballistic.

Greg seemed to have lost some anger. He too knew that cops had certain rules in using force. "Okay......what makes you think I saw a big guy?"

Maxwell rolled his eyes. "Because he recived an address to your house from Jocky."

Greg's little grin faded, as his face took on a look of shock. He couldn't believe this guy knew this information. Their operation would've went down in flames if someone on the outside knew about this...... "How the hell did you know about that?"

Maxwell figured he might as well be truthful. "I was the one Jocky was supposed to give the address too." One had to admit, there was a certain professional attitude in this Maxwell. Even though his actual experience was unknown to everyone except himself, you could take a rough guess and be pretty close, even though he'd never tell you outright.

"How the hell could such a screw-up be possible?" Greg demanded.

"Blame Jocky for that. Brainless amateur couldn't tell this guy wasn't the right type." Maxwell replied. He wondered how the hell someone like Jocky could make such a screwup.....normally, such people like that were never selected for such a thing as this. Just too risky.

"Oh geez....do you suppose he went to tell the cops?" Greg asked, almost scared to death. No way could the cops know about this......

"Not likely....you think the guy would have acted like he knew what was going on......" Maxwell said. He had his doubts too. There was no way of telling who this guy was working for, if he was working for anybody at all. "Where did you send this guy anyway?"

"There's a National Bank in the center of town. That'd be there The Man is." Oh yes, The Man, the person that sent Maxwell on this little mission in the first place.

This was begining to be an awful day.



"How did you know about my name?" Max demanded. He didn't like the idea that this person knew his name. He didn't like the situation he had been all day, to be honest. The smirk that he could see on this shadowed person further irritated him. A brief thought of clobbering and squishing this stranger passed through his mind, before he discarded it due to the thought that he'd most likely be in total trouble if he did such a thing.

"I know everything about you Maxwell. Unfortunetly, I didn't ask you here to discuss about your history and things. I need you to pick something up for me." Jenks replied. He wasn't ducking the question completely, but he discarded it, and was quite quick and efficent about it.

"What do I have to pick up, where, and when?" Max asked.

"Just a package, at a bus stop with the following location," He handed Max another little peice of paper, "And the time is 7:00 at night, tonight. I thought you knew this Maxwell."

To his suprise, Max decided to play along. "Oh, I did, just making absoltely certain."

Jenks didn't make an issue of it. He just nodded. "Very well Maxwell. I trust you to be on time. You're free to go."



After he walked right out of the building, Max was mentally kicking himself everywhere. He was furiously asking himself, why, OH WHY, did he play along?? This wasn't the type of thing that he wanted to get involved in!!!! Finding yourself in a top secrect activity, most likely a BAD one, was NOT the way to start your day off!!!!!!!!!!!

Then again.........it gave him something to do......

Max litterally pounded his head with his fist once, twice, and then a third time for measure, trying to tear that one little thought that crept through his head like a little burrowing worm. And yet, he found himself actually agreeing to this little thought.

He guessed it was near noon. That gave him about 7 hours before he had to be at a specific bus stop. He checked the address. Okay, he knew where to go. Now he needed some answers.

How lucky Max must have felt when the bum, better known as Jocky, bumped right into him!



He had been down in the dumps and worried as hell. Who wouldn't be when you screwed up such an important assignment? And especially when it was all his fault in the first place? He just felt like dissapearing.

When he found out the guy he just bumped into was the guy he gave the address to in the first place, he figured he was gonna get his wish, although he didn't really look forward to HOW he'd get there!

It seemed to only be moments later before Jocky found himself tossed into an alley, the big oaf right behind him. Escpae was impossible, but that didn't stop his mind from desperately trying to find a way out. He didn't even get a chance to do so when Max grabbed him by the shirt, and slammed him into the wall!!!

"Now, here's the deal."Max said, smoothly, like an interrogator would do just before he torutred someone. "You're going to give me some answers. If you don't give me answers, I will SMASH you into little bits!!!!!!! You get what i'm saying?"

Jocky was more or less under tremendous pressure. So much pressure, he couldn't talk, he was babbling all sorts of stuff that Max couldn't really understand, but he took as a yes anyway. Why wait for this guy to answer like a civilized being? Better yet, was there any logical REASON for him to say no, specially to a guy as big as him??

Although, waiting for the bum to stop babbling was starting to get tiring. Very tiring. A couple slaps to the face, which looked like it could have torn his head off, remedied the problem. Somewhat.

Jocky wasn't babbling, he was out cold.

Max sighed. This was gonna take some time.



"Look, basically, The Man gets secret packages on the basis of twice a month. In order to prevent any detection by the police, we engage in a relay system. One person gets addresses at 2, maybe 3 locations, then finds The Man. He's given the address and time to recieve the message, he makes the pickup, and then the relay system is used again for a delivery to The Man. You got what I said so far?"

Max nodded. Jocky, when he came to, was more willing to spill the beans, and one ddin't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out why. "I'm confused though as to why this relay system works."

"Well, the police had been getting reports of illegal deliveries. This system is based to avoid any direct tracking on any person. If one is intercepted, we quickly call the designated backup, we have a stock of them in our employ, and he continues on."

"Illegal deliveries?" Max asked.

"Why would we use relays if they weren't? Of course, we don't know what's in the packages, and if we bother to peek, Slash!" Jocky said, using one finger to pretendedly slash his throat, "It's our necks."

"You don't even know the guy's name?" Max asked.

"Nope, it's to prevent identification by the cops." Jocky responded.

"You could actually be being used to run some errands." Max pointed out. Jocky just shrugged. "If so, i'm not complaining. Getitng paid to run errands at the rate of pay, it's well worth it."

"And if this little errand business falls?"

Jocky went into deep thought for a moment. "I guess i'll just be a hot dog vendor or something....."

Max didn't bother to comment.



"So, you say you're the REAL Maxwell, you're the one who was supposed to pick up the package, and the Maxwell I saw was an imposter?" Jenks asked the professional sitting inside his office.

"Could also be some schmuck who got involved unwittingly. Would you like me to deal with him?" Maxwell responded.

"How would you deal with a LARGE guy?" Jenks asked skeptically. You don't forget that kind of size.

As if responding, Maxwell held out his gun. "I never underestimate ANYONE sir."

He clearly was a professional, to even think about using a gun with live ammo in such a trivial matter, where a screw up like this would spell doom to such a business like Jenks'.

Imagine, a bullet causing that much havoc.



Jocky breathed a sigh of relief. He never said so much about this operation to anyone. In fact, he was prepared to give his life in order to keep this a secret, at least that's what he kept telling himself.

And yet, all Max had to do to keep him talking was curl his hand into a fist............

"Okay, I told you all I know about this operation. Now what?" he asked. He got this sinking feeling this big oaf would try to stop it....

"We come up with a plan to stop it." Called it on the spot. Jocky gulped. "Better question, WHERE are we gonna go?" He shot back.

Max looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

He got his answer with a loud 'BLAM!!!!'. The bullet just missed the big guy's head, probably intentionally. It nevertheless got the attention of both of them, as they turned around to see Maxwell, gun aimed at them. "I hope this answers your question!" Jocky said.

Maxwell eyed both the amateur bum and the giant oaf with neither fear or admiration. Whether this was determined by the gun he held in his hands is debatable. He simply kept his aim on either one of them, prepared to drop the one he targeted if any of them moved.

"Who are you, and what do you want?!" Max demanded, with a fearless look, well, as fearless as one could look with a gun pointed at him.

"I don't believe it matters Max." Maxwell responded coolly. "All that really matters is that you're in the way, willingly or not."

"You mean the package?" Max asked curiously. Jocky looked at the guy like he just went nuts. A gun is pointed at him, and he asks a stupid question which would NO DOUBT result in the guy getting his head BLOWN off....

His head too, now that he thought about it.

"Of course." Maxwell responded calmly. He guessed that he'd know about the package. And he also guessed that it'd be most likely Jocky who told him. Therefore, the bum had to be eliminated. He carefully aimed at Jocky, who flinched, shutting his eyes so he wouldn't see death claim him.

And that's when Max took action. Quickly taking off the hat on his head, he flung it at Maxwell, who didn't have the time to dodge the incoming object as it smacked him at the shoulder neck and chest, his left side, causing him to just miss the target.

First Jocky heard the shot, then he felt a hand, now he noticed Max was dragging his body away from the scene, Maxwell still firing shots, but missing each one of them. It was considerably easier to hit a stationary target rather than a moving one. He had to wonder why this big guy bothered to carry him along where he could make his escape on his own. Probably would use him for whatever purposes he needed, THEN dispose of him.

"See what I mean?" Jocky asked Max once they got itno an alley, Maxwell safely behind them. "We need to hide somewhere undetectable, so that trigger-happy lunatic doesn't get us in his sights again!"

"You made your point." Max replied, slightly out of breath. He wasn't used to running full sprint. Just wasn't in his job description. Despite his build, he was just as out of shape as anybody else. "You have any suggestions as to where we should go?"

"You forget, I am a part of that group. They'll go everywhere that I would go when hiding. No, you'll have to find a place for us." Jocky responded.

Max was in thought for a moment. "I believe I know a place."



Both of them had to be careful. Walking past the carefully mowed lawns and the huge fountain, all just to reach the front door. However, they were taking a side route, as they carefully moved past all the big windows decorating the walls.

It wasn't everyday, in other words, that Max had to sneak back into Miss Dimple's mansion.

Max carefully crept to the side wall of the mansion, Jocky following closely. He had to admit, he was impressed. This big oaf was the butler, enforcer, bodyguard, you name it. He chose to keep his mouth shut.

Max found the window he was looking for, a big enough wndow to get his frame through. He slightly opened the window, and peeked around, satisfied that he couldn't see Miss Dimple anywhere.If she saw him, what was he gonna say? 'Excuse me Miss Dimple, but me and my companion are hiding from gun toting maniacs in order to intercept an illegal package'? THAT'D be a good enough reason to have his days off revoked!!!

He carefully got himself inside, and then proceeded to get Jocky through the opening. He was fortunate to find a window very close to his room. So, as fast and silent as possible, he got them into his room, and closed the door as silently as possible.



She heard a 'click'. The sound of a door closing, or opening.

She was curious. She should have been the only one in the mansion. She noticed the sound came from Max's door. So she carefully walked over there.

"Max?" She asked, as she reached for the doorknob......and found it didn't move when she tried to turn it. She tried again, and again, and again, and yet nothing worked. The doorknob wouldn't budge, as if it was locked.........

Then it dawned on her that Max would have locked it before going out. As she walked away, she began wondering what the heck was that click sound.



When he presumed she was far away enough, he breatehd a sigh of relief. It was realitively easy to trick a simple kid, which he was employed to. At least he know this place would offer comfort as well as security.

"Nice place." Jocky commented at seeing the room that Max lived in. He would have killed to be in a place like this. It just looked so inviting, so cozy.

"It's acceptable." He replied, as he sat down on the floor. "Now we should be able to come up with a plan."

Jocky figured, if he needed to make a stand on the issue, might as well do it now. "Haven't you considered forgetting about this incident? You know, going back to your normal life.........."

"Hunted by a demented freak with a gun?" Max asked, cutting off what Jocky would have said, and striking home a VERY obvious point. They'd still be hunted no matter what. Might as well take out the operation, to ensure they don't have a motive to destroy them.

"Okay, I see where you're getting at." Jocky said. "Well, the package will most likely come by bus. So all we need to do is somehow intercept it before someone else does. Um, why are you looking at me like that?"

Max had a thoughtful look, with such a disconcerting smile on his face. "I believe I have a plan to get close enough to the package." Jocky gulped. This couldn't be good.



He wanted to scream. He wanted to just get the hell out of here, but he couldn't. He was stuck in an embarrasing situation. Even worse, it was needed for a plan.

He was dressed as a dame.

It was unbelievably pathetic. A blond wig was on his head, covering up his dirty blond hair fairly well. He was also wearing a pretty pink dress. Hell, every peice of his outfit aside from his wig was either pink or white. It made for a very disgusting little picture.

"Why do I have to be disguised like this?" Jocky complained. "It's awful! It's insulting! It's........."

"It's the best I could come up with on such short notice." Max replied. "And if you haven't noticed, we're rather short on time." Couldn't argue with that, no matter how irritating it really was to wear something uncomfortable, especially in a certain part.

Jocky's attention was diverted by a picture on the wall, which he studied with an amused smile. "Family?" He managed to get out.

Max turned to look at the picutre. "Of course." At this, Jocky began trying to fight a bunch of giggles and other bits of laughter that were threatening to overtake him, and of course, if he let one little peep out, he'd be roadkill, or maybe it's rugkill........

It became easier to supress it when he saw Max extra large fist just millimeters from his face. "Not. One. Word."

The picture was decent. Max was in the middle, his brother on the right side, his sister on the left side, and his parents behind him. The brother was wearing a simple t-shirt with shorts and a cap. The sister was wearing a white dress with a cute little hat. The mother was also wearing a dress, but with an apron, and also blonde hair. The father has a businessman suit on, complete with a funny looking hat, which seemed to be what businessmen usually wore.

So what was so funny?

All of them looked the exact same.



Maxwell calmly looked around. He was at the right spot. Since he coudn't find those two, he had no choice but to head to the bus stop to pick the package up. It was what he was supposed to do in the first place. Well, at least this would be over soon, and he could go back to hunting those guys down. They'd still be a threat after this delivery was completed.

He noticed quite a few beings around. All kinds. Unlike most humans, he wasn't really biased. He was comfortable being around animals for the most part, just as long as he wasn't the only human in the crowd. Call it an insecurity if you want.

He wasn't the only human around. There was another one. Looked like a female. Rather attractive, even though he wasn't interested. Even if he was, he wouldn't pay attention to her, due to the mission. Hell, it was everything right now.

He saw the bus come in. It was normal, not like it'd be some wacky design to let everybody know it was carrying some package that oodles and oodles of cops would DIE to get their doughnut-grabbing hands on. It would be, for lack of a better word, stupid.

He noticed the female coming slightly closer. She looked like she was going to take a ride. Not that he cared. The door on the bus opened, and he could see the package sitting on the step near the sliding door. Had to be the one, since no one would just leave a package at that spot. A voice interrupted him.

"Excuse me sir?" The female had asked him in a slightly unfeminine voice. He turned around...........

WHAM! A kick to the.....well, YOU KNOW where!

POW! A punch right to the jaw!

And................

WHAM!!!!!! Smacked across the face by a FRYING PAN!!!!!!!

It seemed to be hours before Maxwell came to his senses. He got up slowly, so he wouldn't further irritate both a splitting headache, and an UNBELIEVEABLE pain coming from the (Censored), right up into his teeth! After getting to his feet after several attempts, he found that the bus was still there, but the package wasn't.

Well, THIS was turning out good.



"Miss Dimple is gonna KILL me."

That's all Max could say as he inspected the frying pan with a dent the size and shape of someone's head. Jocky tore off the blond wig, and would have taken the rest of his clothes off before he reminded himself that the clothes he was wearing were the ONLY clothes he was wearing. "Hey, I had to buy enough time to get the package and get the hell out! You tell me how I could have done it!"

"Remind me to use this on you to fix the dent." Max said, rather threateningly. "In the meantime, let's just get out of here."

No words were needed.



Ah, it really felt nice to sit in a living room, next to the fireplace, sitting in a comfortable chair, and reading a book. To Greg, nothing could match up to this. It gave you such a sense of security, knowing you're warm and safe and sound.

And yet there were always the occasional distractions, like the knocking sounds that just came from the door. Reluctantly, he got up form his chair to answer the door.

His mind was unbelieveably shocked, and this wasn't from the sweet, rather pretty looking girl at his door. Actually, his attention was set on the giant that was right behind her. He'd seen him before. He was the reason this operation was in such chaos.

And then he realized that the entrance had just been ripped apart, most likely to allow the big guy entrance. The insurance company would REALLY like THAT explanation.

The dame removed the blond wig, revealing her to be Jocky, although Greg wouldn't have known who he was. He only knew him by name. "That is the last time i'm wearing this STUPID disguise! Gimme my clothes Max!" He demanded.

Moments after recieving the pile of clothing from Max, he proceeded to the bathroom, leaving the big guy to crawl his way inside. "Pardon my companion's manners right now." He explained. "He's had to wear that disguise for quite some time, and it's driving him mad."

Moments later, Jocky emerged from the bathroom, back in his regular clothes. "So, let's open the package!" He said.

Greg got a worried expression, understandable after hearing this. "No, wait! You can't-" WHAM!!!!! The frying pan struck again!

"Don't you ever get tired of doing that?" Max grumbled. "Just open the package." Jocky replied, putting the frying pan away.



What an awful day. First someone infiltrates into the operation, said infiltrator, along with the bum who screwed up, allowing the infiltraitor in in the FIRST place, then got away from the line of fire. Then some dame kicks the crud outta him, and supposedly takes the package. NOW, it was raining badly, he didn't have an umbrella, and he was worried his gun would rust. Even worse, he was still looking for the package! Just awful.

Maxwell felt like shooting someone, ANYONE, just to relieve the stress. Only trouble was, there was no one around to shoot, and he personally never felt better when he shot some little decoration or other object. It had to be alive.

He was coincidentally passing by Greg's house, when he noticed the really big rip in the guy's house. That meant one thing. "Max." He silently said to himself. Quickly arming himself with his trusty pistol, he carefully approached the now redicously enlarged opening. Aside from that, the rest of the house wasstill rather decent.

That's when he noticed Greg in a really peculiar situation.



"I still can't believe you hung him upside down, tied and gagged him, then hung him RIGHT NEAR the fireplace!!!" Max shouted. That little incident didn't sit very well to him.

"Hey, you SAID, 'make him comfortable'. And so I did!" Jocky shot back. He was on edge for some reason.

"You are a strange person Jacques." Max said. This only made Jocky madder.

"I should have NEVER told you my real name!!!" He blurted out. "I REALLY hate that name, just like what was in that package!!!" He dashed out, and in a unknown but probably ill-reasoned idea, he tried to kick a fire hydrant, with predictable results. Of course the predictable result was him hopping madly on one foot, holding onto the kicking foot in obvious discomfort. He was also hollering words that REALLY shouldn't be uttered in an outside enviroment like they were in right now.

And yet, Max only chuckled. "It was THAT disturbing?"

"You bet!! )^&*$^&*%$@#^*%$#^&*%$#&^%$#&%$@7!!!! Can't believe The Man would be THAT sick......" Jocky managed to put his aching foot down onto the ground, and tried to walk the pain off. It was a valiant effort, but not without setbacks. Such as Max suddenly stomping on his sore foot, thinking a moment, then stomping the other foot.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU &^%$#^%@%&#%$#@^%#@&%@$#*^%#^#$@$#^%$#@$#&#^%@%$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He shouted. Now he was on his butt on the sidewalk, trying to fix his now probably shattered feet.

His reply was both simple and disconcerting. "My job calls for me to be vicious and cruel. I need the practice."



How odd, it was several hours earlier when he and his still hobbling companion had looked down the barrell of this gun, which belonged to this crazy lunatic, who'd probably just shoot them for the hell of it.

Maxwell just stared at them, gun aimed at either one of them. Exactly like what happened earlier today, only the big oaf didn't have that hat. He said calmly, "What's to stop me from killing you?"

Max decided to do the talking, as Jocky was once again a quivering little twerp. He honestly didn't know how the guy could be so...so volatile in his emotions..... "Aside from the fact you have something we gave you?" Max asked.

Maxwell hesitated, resumed his aim, then hesitated once again. Finally, he placed the gun back in its holster. Then, reaching behind him, he pulled out the package. He took a look at it, then looked up at them. "I guess this will do."



"Your little fits of violence are starting to scare me Jocky." Max commented, looking at all the little dents now all over the frying pan.

It certainly was odd. Maxwell had aimed the gun at them again anyways, but when he fired, nothing happened. While he was distracted by this malfunction, Jocky took out the frying pan and attacked. Gotta admit, you could predict the rest. At least they left the package with him.

"It's called self-defense. So what if it gets out of hand?" Jocky shot back. "Anyway, we got out of it alive, we gave back the package, now what?"

"Simple, we part ways. If there's one thing I've realized, is that my day off is almost up." Max replied, with a thoughtful look on his face. "As much as I hate to say it....thanks for the help Jocky." He held out a hand, to shake most likely. Jocky hesitated, and then reached out his hand......

WHAM!!!!!!!!!

Max watched Jocky fly through the air, as he held the frequently used frying pan. "Heh, now I see what you like about this.......Jacques." He said with one hell of a smile. He could just imagine Jocky flying through the air, a giant bump on his head, and feverishly planning his revenge. And was just for him uttering his real name!!

Then he noticed that, oddly, all the little and big bumps on that frying pan were suddenly gone. "Thanks again!" He hollered out into the sky, fairly sure the bum could still hear him.....if he landed. At least he wouldn't have to hear about this over and over from Miss Dimple. She really could be a crabapple if she REALLY tried.

He hoped he wasn't too late. He never brought a clock with him.



Ah, nightime was such bliss. The stars were out, the moon was shining. It always seemed that way in Hollywood. Although a butler wouldn't really think about it, like Max was as he approached the Dimple mansion.

He recapped this day's events in his head. It was, despite all the near danger, a very neat day off for him. How many days do you honestly get to fall into a weird little package delivery?

He approached the front door. He debated the idea of knocking. After all, only robbers or purely annoying people go into houses and other private places unannounced. After a moment, he decided to knock, and so he did. No response. He kocks again, still no response. So, considering the possibility of an accident, he opened the door.

He searched the house carefully. Possibly a kidnapping, maybe a bad accident. When he came across the giant couch in the living room, he saw a peculiar sight.

Could you imagine the biggest star of Hollywood, Darla Dimple, asleep on the couch? It was actually a very adorable sight. It could probably give any grown person the dry heaves!!

Max smiled, then went to his room to change to his butler's clothing.

It was a GREAT day off.



Maxwell studied the scene with a peculiar interest. Like most others of The Man's services, he often wondered what was in all those packages. And now that he was in The Man's office, having just handed him the package, and closed the door behind him, he was about to find out. He tenderly touched the many bumps and bruises on his head, a reminder of the struggle he had all day. Of course he still hurt from the kick in the....well, you know what!

It wasn't because of a threat. Maxwell found out he had no ammo. It was more or less allowed that the cheif pick-up guy would get to see the package.

Carefully, Jenks opened the box, and took the item out.

Now Maxwell felt like shooting himself, and yet he had no ammo. Then he considered jumping out the window, but there was none. He searched frantically for a weapon to commit suicide, but couldn't find any. As a final option, he just got the hell out of the room, oddly screaming like a banshee, like he just became unbelieveably insane.

Of course who could blame him?

He had just went through all of that trouble for a lousy Pink Teddy Bear!!!!!!!



THE END

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