Hey Loz here's what I've done to it! Hehehe If you thought it was confusing
beforehand – check out the ending! Hahaha
Title: Dating the Enemy, Again.
Author: Loz and Leese
Emails: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com
Disclaimer: First of all, this idea is taken from the Australian laugh-a-
lot movie, Dating the Enemy – hence the title, which we obviously didn't
come up with ourselves. Also we have nothing to do with Stingers. Also I
make a very small reference to a section of one of Imogen's stories, and
quite a few references to Dating the Enemy the movie and the
characters/actors – sorry (I know NOTHING about their personal relations.
I'm just making it all up for the fun of it). Also Angie Milliken played
Detective-something Susan Abbott – who everybody loved to hate for about
one episode in 1999! Hehehe (and she was in farscape too! Hehehe) And
that's not OT, it's actually relevant. Hah!
All right ppl it gets DODGY! Hehehe
Now Loz did about the first half and I finished it off – Love it Lozza!
EXTREMELY IMPORTANT NOTICE – PLEASE READ:
It is soooo much easier to create the desired affect here with Claudia
Karvan (who btw was this blue scaley chick on Farscape the other night – it
was sooo funny!) and Guy Pearce, and of course – A CAMERA!!! So you'll just
have to do your best. For the record, when referring to people by their
names, I'm talking about the name of the conscience, not the body. TA!
Oh, and Bill's still alive and uh...I'd say it's between season three and
Mac sat in a meeting with the commissioner and Hollister. They were
discussing the current case. She suddenly started to feel funny, a kind of
tingly feeling that spread through her whole body. She started to feel
dizzy and then everything went black.
Pete was at the factory waiting for Mac to get back from her meeting, as he
was doing surveillance again today. He started to get the same feeling that
Mac was having on the other side of town.
Pete's world also turned to blackness.
Peter came to, not knowing how long he'd been unconscious or why, but that
Hollister and the Commissioner where both looking at him. 'What the hell?'
he thought. What am I doing in the commissioner's office? Meanwhile,
someone was talking to him.
"Ellen, are you alright?" Hollister asked. Ellen? Pete thought: This guy
seriously needs glasses if he thinks I look like Mac.
Pete stood and was about to ask Hollister what he was talking about when he
noticed that his hands looked different. They looked like...well they
looked like Mac's hands. Long, slender – feminine!
"Umm, I think I need to go home...I'm not feeling well." Pete stopped still
at the sound of his voice. It definitely was not his voice. If he wasn't so
shocked he could have probably had some fun with it but it was Mac.
"No problem" the commissioner said. "We'll continue this meeting later."
Pete hurried out of the conference offices and into the bathroom. He walked
towards the mirror and reflected back at him was...what he had been
honestly expecting – Mac. 'What is going on?' he thought and hurried back
out again. He dug into Mac's purse and found the keys to her car. In the
parking lot he got in and drove to the factory.
Oscar and Ange stood over Pete, as he lay unconscious on the factory floor.
Neither of them could move him and there wasn't any more they could do
except leave to him there. Just as they were about to go and find someone
strong to help them move him, Pete groaned and opened his eyes slightly.
Oscar went over and gave him a hand up.
"You right mate?" He asked worriedly.
Mac opened her eyes, wondering since when did Oscar call her 'mate'.
"Yeah fine, Stone...I just gotta go to my office...sit down."
Mac had stopped but forced herself to continue. She felt heavy, her head
Mac, Angie and Oscar thought simultaneously: 'What?' Mac because she heard
her voice, and, but it wasn't her voice. Angie and Oscar because Peter
Church did not have an office. He wasn't even close!
Mac (in Pete's body) hurried into her office as Pete (in Mac's body) drove
into the Factory.
He walked towards Oscar and Ange. Mac was dressed quite tastefully today,
for her meeting with the high-and-mighty of course!
"Where's Mac?" she asked. Angie gaped, mouth open.
"Umm...you are Mac, Mac." They said in unison.
"Ahh, oohh sorry I'm not feelin' well, so where's Pete?"
"Umm in your office I think?" Ange said wondering just what was going on.
Must be something that's going around, she thought.
Pete walked into the office, trying not to tug at the short skirt that was
all too UN-familiar to him. Mac was standing there looking at her hands in
the mirror. They were large, rough. She turned and noticed herself standing
in the doorway. In her clothes, with her same expression.
"Pete?" She asked him, listening to her deep voice.
"I have no idea but whatever it is it's bad." He answered without the
"We have to get out of here, work this out."
"Yeah before we end up in the looney bin!"
"Hint, sarcasm like that doesn't work for Ellen Mackenzie."
"So...my place of yours...or I guess...your place or mine?" Pete asked her,
trying his very best not to find the situation funny – she obviously
"Umm mine I think."
"You mean mine?" Mac shook her head after thinking a minute. This was
giving her a headache.
"Ellen's house! Give me my keys, there in my purse."
"Ahhh." Pete said as he rummaged through the handbag. "Can't I drive?
"Can I drive your sports car?" Pete laughed.
"Okay lets go," Mac said motioning for the purse and found them first try.
They walked out and Pete got into his car and Mac got into hers. They both
realised that neither of them had the right keys and swapped while the rest
of the gang watched on and wondered what was going on.
They finally got it right and both drove off.
Mac had beaten Pete to her house and watched as he drove in.
Pete pulled into the driveway and out the open car window two, high heeled
"OI!" Yelled Mac. "What are you doing with my shoes?"
"How the hell do you drive in these, they're bloody annoying and
"It's a female thing Pete." She paused. "I usually take them off!"
"Well that says it all."
"Excuse me?" Mac spluttered "Oh you're gonna regret that in a couple of
days. That is if I don't wake up and find out I'm dreaming all this. Look I
think I know what's going on though!" Pete watched as a devilish grin
spread across her face.
"You're evil!" She gasped.
"You did this, didn't you?" Mac raised her eyebrows.
"Yes I just can't get me out of your head!"
"I wish I was dreaming, but in the meantime, we'll pretend this is real and
that you are in my body and I'm in yours and we're going to have to figure
out what we're doin' before we both get thrown in an institution."
"Good point, lets go inside and I'll show you something. Just stop
destroying my shoes - they're not cheap you know."
"Hah, you think that was destroying, they landed in the garden. You haven't
"I give up! Get inside already."
Mac just shook her head and pushed Pete inside, trying so desperately to
ignore the feeling that she was pushing herself inside as her hands slid
down Pete's, and what used to be her, slender back.
"So what do you think this is?" Pete asked. "I'm getting sick of this
"Then take it off!"
"I've seen it all before baby." Pete screwed up his face and Mac
"What's so funny?" he asked her. She shook her head.
"I can't believe I look like that!"
"Are you forgetting something... *I* can't believe I look like that!
Now, spill, what is it? Is it contagious?"
"No! I saw it on a movie!" Pete put a hand to his temple in
frustration. Ooh, he thought momentarily, soft and smooth!
"Let me guess – Gladiator?" Mac shook her head, walking across the
lounge room until she found a small cabinet under her sofa.
"Make yourself comfortable – it's your house," she murmured as she
looked though. "Here it is! A friend gave it to me ages ago!" Pete snatched
the video from her hands. There was a long silence as he read the back
"I'm not seeing this situation here as very romantic, maybe a little
funny! Well...they had to change back!"
"How?" Pete's eyes grew wide and anxious. "How? How? How?" Mac rolled
"Admit it, I'm not that bad!"
"You're not, but me being you is. It's, Mac it's shocking! ...How did
they change back?" Mac sighed.
"Do you really want to know?" He nodded.
"Yes!" Her eyes drifted from him uncomfortably as her voice grew
softer, well as soft as it could get at such a deep set anyhow.
"Well...they slept together." Pete grinned, spreading his arms.
"Excellent – it's achievable!" Mac laughed.
"Pete they didn't have sex, okay? They well, it was really intimate
and I, well honestly I don't think we're ready."
"What? How can you think not? You're gorgeous. Well, I am! Hah!"
"You're just saying that."
"Sleep with me Mac. I miss my body."
"Oh how romantic!" She paused, growing serious again. "So you've
never seen that movie?" He shook his head. "Do you wanna?"
"I think it's scaring me already." Mac chuckled. "Ohh no!" Pete
exclaimed, looking at the small silver watch on his wrist. "God how does
your wrist not break?" Mac shrugged. The picture of Pete examining her arm
was actually amusing her slightly. He'd held it, touched it even, often
enough but now that it was 'his' arm, it was much more fascinating!
"I'm a fragile woman Peter, you know that!" He nodded sarcastically.
"Yeah well toughen up, you've got a date with Collette tonight."
"What? No! I'll, I'll cancel."
"You can't just cancel!"
"Why not? I'm not gay!" She paused. "Ooh." Pete stopped in his
"Ooh? What, ooh? I don't like the ooh!"
"Ooh Bill's picking me up at eight."
"I'm going to die," he stated matter-of-factly.
"If you kill me I won't be impressed."
"Shut up, we have to work this out. Can't we just go for a quickie
and then it'll all be fixed."
"I tell you it wasn't like that and I don't even know if this is the
same thing!" She paused. "And I'm not going for a quickie with you! Those
days are over."
"You'll enjoy it, I promise!"
"Peter! God have you slept with her?"
"Collette? No, simple. Just make pleasant talk, play with Jessie-"
"By the way I learnt a new word the other day I thought you'd
"Tocophobia. You, Mac, are a tocophobic."
"Stop! Stop! How old is she?"
"You'll be fine. And then as you leave just kiss her on the cheek and
that's it." He paused pointedly. "I'm more concerned about Bill. I get the
feeling it's not a work meeting?"
"Will I be shagging him?"
"I know I know! Cancel! Say you're still not feeling well!"
"Good idea, okay...what's his number?" Mac moved towards the phone,
picking it up and dialing the number. Pete tried to catch her but Bill was
"Who's this?" Mac suddenly realized that he wouldn't be thinking it
was Mac and handed the phone over to Peter, who was coughing to mask the
sound of her voice.
"It's Mac, Bill."
"Oh God you sounded like me! There's not a man there, is there?"
"Actually, my brother, but that was just me."
"I thought he was in jail still?"
"Ooh, no, different brother. Look I'm feeling really horrible still
"Do you want me to come over? See...what I can do?" Pete's face
contorted in mild horror and Mac hid her grin.
"No, no, I think I just need some time by myself...with my
brother..." Pete looked over at Mac and reached out, slapping her across
his shoulder. 'That's sick!' he mouthed.
Over at Pete's house, Pete was trying to psych Mac up for 'their'
date with Collette.
"I can't do it," she maintained. "How do I look?" Pete looked Mac up
and down. She was wearing his leather jacket, casual shirt and long pants.
"Smoochy," he replied. Mac let her head rest backwards.
"Stop calling me that. I'm a lady, after all."
"Fine then – Ellen!"
"Hey..." Pete started. Mac sighed.
"How come you don't call yourself Mac?" Mac shrugged.
"I just can't."
"Don't you like it?"
"You gave it to me, remember? Mac or Macca?"
"And you don't like it?" Mac shrugged.
"Of course I do. I just can't call myself it."
Mac closed the front door slowly as Pete came down the hallway.
"So?" he asked, still not used to hearing Mac's voice echo in his
ears. "How'd it go?"
"I am never, ever, doing that again."
"What if we never change back?"
"You know that's not your only option!"
"Stop it I'm not having sex with you."
"But it was on the movie! What if it does change us back? We should
try it!" Mac watched him slowly. He'd changed before they'd even gone to
Pete's place to prepare for Collette, and so was wearing one of her
dresses. Mac loved that dress, and she only just realized how good it
actually looked on her...
"It's not going to change us back!" Pete grew confused as Mac's hand
slid once more to the door handle.
"Why not?" He was standing legs shoulder-length apart and even though
he knew he was actually a woman, he was having the hardest time coming to
grips with the fact. Mac sighed loudly, before raising her voice in reply.
"Because it doesn't mean anything!"
"Yes it does!" Mac shook her head.
"No, it never did and it never will."
"Is that what you told yourself?"
"I'm going home." She opened the door before Pete grabbed onto her.
"This is Peter Church's house. This is your house."
"It is not 'my' house!" She pulled herself off him and felt a surge
of physical superiority flow through her for the first time.
Pete watched as she got into his car and drove away.
"So," Danni said, cornering Pete in Mac's office as he was trying to
decipher the files on her desk. Her arms were folded. "What's up?"
"Nothing much," Pete tried to reply, brushing her off as best he
could. "Actually I am rather busy."
"Rather?" Danni started laughing. "Are you feeling all right?" Pete
"Yeah, course!" Danni narrowed her eyes.
"Yeah!" She nodded, walking out.
"Mac, I mean, Pete, oh God, just, what is it?" Pete watched as Mac
stood at her own doorstep.
"Colette broke up with you, me, uh, us?"
"What? What did you do?"
"I knew you'd move to that assumption – nothing! She just did."
"There has to be a reason!"
"Oh...well that's okay." He shrugged. Mac's brow creased.
"What? Why aren't you offended or upset?"
"Didn't mean that much to me anyway." But Mac had sussed him out.
"There's nothing else Mac. Put away the fishing rod cos you won't
catch anything." She paused.
"You've heard from Bill." There was an even longer pause before Pete
opened the door and let her inside.
"What happened?" she asked, already knowing."
"He broke up with us too." Mac didn't reply, moving to sit on the
couch. "Was it serious?"
"Kind of. I mean, I thought it was. Why?"
"Your uh...brother. He didn't trust you."
"Oh no, I screwed my own relationship because I was somebody else!
That's horrible!" She stopped as Pete laughed.
"What? It was funny seeing me say that. I look so...like a chick!"
"It's not funny. It was going well I thought."
"There'll be others." He sat down next to her, letting a hand rest on
her back. "Unless of course we're like this forever."
"I don't want to be, Pete. But it can't work."
"Because if it's right, you only change back once you mean it as a
true commitment. And we never would."
"I might," he said, sitting higher in his chair. "You can't know
"Yes I can."
"Why?" he asked softly.
"Because it never meant that much beforehand-"
"Look I messed up, I never let you know. Just, come on, just kiss
"Why don't you kiss me?"
"Because technically I'm the woman and I want the man to make the
first move." Mac laughed as Pete continued. "But then again I still have my
mind, which is still pretty dominant first move wise, so yes..." He moved
forward and Mac's heart fluttered as she felt her own lips meet
her...uh...Pete's (that were actually hers at the time) lips.
Oh gosh, did it work? Mac thought, too scared to open her mouth and
say something. Too scared to even open her eyes. But it didn't take her
long as she felt the slender fingers entwined in the ones belonging to her
"Damn," she whispered, hearing it instantly. Tears sprung to her eyes
but she fought them back. "Goddamnit!"
Pete picked up her hand and kissed it gently.
"I'm sorry for pushing you into it. Maybe, maybe we weren't ready."
"Or maybe this is all just crap and we'll never change back!"
"Then I guess we're stuck with each other." Mac dried her eyes as
they drifted closed.
"Mm...I guess...not such a bad thing...kind of..."
"Heya Church!" Angie stated. Mac looked up and smiled.
"Heya-" He stopped at the sound of his voice, immediately swinging
his head left and right for signs of Mac. "What the-" he started, relishing
the fact that it was his voice, his person. But he had only seconds ago
been in his office. "Crap," he cursed aloud. Mac's office. He'd been Mac.
"You okay?" Angie asked. He nodded silently, running up and enclosing
himself in the office quickly, hoping with all his might that Mac was
She was sitting in her chair, her head on her desk.
"Mac?" he asked.
"Mm..." she stirred. He walked quickly to her side, kneeling and
taking her hand as she lifted her head. He took her hand in his and lifted
it so she could feel her cheek.
"You're you?" he asked, his voice as soft as it had ever been. It
took her a moment as she woke properly.
"Yeah, yeah...I think so. You? But, you were just outside-"
"I didn't even feel it this time!"
"Lucky – my head is throbbing." She tried to stand but Pete pushed
her back down again.
"Sit, sit, do you want-"
"There's water in my bag." Pete reached down before handing her the
"You'll be okay?"
"Yeah," she nodded as everything finally hit her and she laughed.
"We're back!" She turned to Pete and he hugged her tightly.
"But how?" he asked. "It only worked then, and you were asleep and I
was talking to Angie, or the other way around, and then it switched back?"
Mac rolled her eyes.
"Yeah 'that' wasn't in the movie!"
"Any guesses?" She shook her head.
"None...Uh, I don't even know if this is permanent. I, what if it
"If they just keep changing us we're bound to get mixed up with a fly
somewhere along the line!" Mac laughed.
"I think we should make the most of it then."
"Do you think?" He nodded, kissing her. Mac tried to get a word in
but Pete resisted her breaking away, caressing her just how he knew she
"Blinds..." she managed eventually, although it was muffled. Pete let his
eyes slide to Danni looking in, arms folded, eyebrows raised. Pete pulled
off Mac slightly.
"Shit, eh?" he whispered, before kissing her passionately once again
and simply standing and walking out. Mac put a hand to her lips and watched
him go. What was that? She asked herself, trying to hide the smile, but
Danni saw it.
"What was that?" she asked Pete as he exited the office.
"What? Jeez Danni I just kissed her! Surely you can recognise one
when you see one."
Some time on Mac and Pete sat next to each other, watching
"That was less than amusing," Pete muttered as they switched the box
"Do you ever think about what would happen if we got switched again?"
"Not really. Well..." he grinned. "Sometimes."
"I dunno I just think it might be cool to again one day. But not for
long. Short term only!" They laughed.
"No, I mean it could be pretty awkward, couldn't it?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well what if – we obviously have no control over it – what if we got
swapped at an awkward time?"
"What do you mean..." Pete asked, growing suspicious and pulling her
closer to him. "Tell me...I think!"
"Well what if I'd just found out I was pregnant and we got swapped
and you didn't know and-"
"Woah, hang ten, you're not!"
"Really? Mac?" She shook her head.
"No! It was a hypothetical." Pete looked into her eyes.
"I don't believe you."
"Well it was." She managed a laugh as Pete didn't take his eyes off
her, wouldn't have for all the money in the world.
"If you were, that wouldn't be bad thing."
"I'd lose my job."
"But you wouldn't lose me, you know that, right?"
"Yeah!" He nodded.
"Good," he finished as he kissed her softly.
Later that night...
"Do you ever think about-"
"No?" Mac laughed. "What? I didn't finish."
"No more hypotheticals!" He paused, before caving. "All right go on."
She smiled, snuggling in beside him as he ran his hand along her arm.
"Do you ever think who we could've ended up with if not for each
"Yes," Pete replied. "I woulda got Bill and you woulda got Colette."
"Not like that!"
"In our normal bodies. Can you think of anyone else?"
"They're all dead."
"Well that's a start..." He chuckled.
"I'm perfectly happy where I am thanks."
"You know I can see you with Danni." Pete laughed.
"Don't go there! Oh my God!" Mac laughed.
"That's a bit harsh."
"No, not like that. I um...just mean that, I'm with you and, and it
would never happen!"
"Oh no, 'never'."
"Mac, trust me, never." He shook his head as he kissed hers. "Never
ever...ever." She rolled to face him.
"Promise?" He nodded as she leant down and kissed him.
The End...Oh wait no, even later...
"You know that hypothetical from earlier?"
"Well what if it was true?"
"Knew you had eyes for Colette there, Mac!"
"The one before it stupid!"
"Well! What if it were true?"
"What? I'm innocent!"
And even later...
"All right cut!" They pushed off each other, bursting into laughter.
"That's so pathetic."
"What are we on here mate? Santa Cruz?"
And somewhere on another planet...
"Tash, calm down!"
"You said this would be simple!"
"You should know that nothing is simple where science is concerned!
You're the scientist, or is TV going to your head?" There was a pause. "We
must have got mixed up with a fly somewhere along the line."
"Who's Colette? Are you having an affair?"
"Oh Tash for Godssakes! You can talk...Bill!?"
"No really, because after all we've been through-"
"We live together!"
"All right, all right, this is good!" Claudia screwed up her nose as
they sat around the table for the reading.
"I dunno Byron. It sounds sort of um..."
"Fantastic!" Guy put in. "Let's do it."
"Oh Claud don't be a tight-arse. You're getting paid too."
"Don't you start!"
"Why not? I'm entitled to." She turned back to Byron.
"So, who's going to play the other two? The two we get mixed up with? Ellen
"I've got a couple of ideas."
"Yeah?" Guy asked. "Who?"
"Uh...Roxane Wilson and uh...Peter Phelps."
"Who's Roxane?" Claudia asked.
"She's married to the Mole guy. Very good apparently."
"Well I don't think I like her as Ellen. She's not
um...bossie...enough-She's more of an extra person...I think she should be
cast as that extra chick – Danni!"
"You should play the bossie one then Claudia," Guy put in. She ignored him.
"Roxane doesn't suit the character of Ellen. I reckon she's more Danni –
Not Angie um...How about Angie Milliken for Angie, no matter the name
"She's not the sort of person to play Angie!" Guy cut in. "She's cut-
throat. Didn't you see her in Farscape last year? The white-chick!" Claudia
kept going as she looked through Rox's portfolio. God Guy watched some
"What about...for Ellen..." she sifted. "This one?"
"Yeah, but, well...do you think she'll work?"
"Yeah," Claudia said tapping the folio. "I've seen this play while I
was down in Melbourne. Oh and that one! I know this woman! Very good. She
suits this um...Ellen person, very well I think. Plus we both have brown
hair?" Byron shrugged while Guy protested.
"All right then, I'll see what I can do." Hmm...Byron thought as he
compared Claudia and Guy, Anita and Peter. Yes, good character likenesses!
But would they be able to act like they worked together...and then
PS. Of course they can act like they work together! Hahahahahahahaha
(and some more!)
Really the End now. Bye-Bye!