A/N: So I was bored and wrote a bunch of Twilight bashing fics. Read at your own risk! Jacob is first. This one-shot takes place in that tent before the battle in Eclipse.

Jacob scratched his head yet again, trying not to let Bella or Edward see. But because Edward could read people's thoughts, he smirked.

"Why are you scratching, dog?" asked Edward mockingly. Bella turned around.

"Do NOT start fighting now – Jake, why are you scratching?"

Jacob blushed. "I – I have fleas," he muttered. "It's a werewolf thing!" he insisted as Edward snickered.

Bella's face went white. "Fleas?" she whispered. "I'm terrified of bugs, you freak! Get OUT of this tent!" she screamed. "I hate you, you dog! You filthy, dirty, dog!"

Jacob stared at her. "Bella," he moaned, and fled the tent.

Bella turned to Edward. "Thanks, Edward. That idiot was getting on my nerves."

She pulled the tube of fleas from Edward's jacket pocket and they both dissolved into laughter.