Author: TheMoonclaw PM
The world of Chrono Cross is a complex one, and some things are better explained then others. For those that aren't, we have a saying; "For no adequately explained reason" Known as F.N.A.E.R for short.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 16,551 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 03-07-11 - Published: 02-26-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6781115
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: I don't know if anyone actually cares, but look! Something extra tagged onto the end of this fic. This is just a few extra jokes that my brother and I came up with when playing Chrono Cross, so maybe you'll enjoy them. Same disclaimer and all that jazz from Chapter 1...
(The last scene on this page is pretty much exactly what my brother did in the game, more note at the bottom)
Kid glanced over her shoulder where Serge was wandering up and down the street in front of the smithy's.
He had been doing it for a good three minutes and she was getting annoyed and worried.
"Oi! What are you doing?"
Serge looked up and threw up his hands, "I'm trying to trigger the missing FMV!"
She raised an eyebrow that encouraged him to continue.
"See, on the opening of Chrono Cross it shows me looking all cool with my swallow, preparing to attack something on this street. But, no matter how hard I try, and I can't seem to figure out how to get it to happen! I know it's in Home World because of Van's house behind me being only one story…"
Kid sighed, "Ah, you are one strange bloke…"
Serge frowned and completed his twentieth pass along the road.
They approached the boat in Home World where it was parked near Termina on a jetty.
"Alright! Let's board our boat!" Serge said enthusiastically.
Glenn, always the stick in the mud, pointed out, "Isn't that Norris's boat?"
"No," he retorted, shooting a glare at the other young man, "I don't see his name on it.
Glenn gestured to the side of the boat, "Right there, it says; 'Property of the Porre military, Commander Norris.'"
Serge took his swallow and run its edge along the hull in a screeching line.
"How about now?" he asked haughtily afterwards.
Glenn had a disapproving look on his face, the picture of seriousness. "Now it says nothing." he replied.
"That's what I thought," Serge said, "now get in the boat."
In Another World they approached the boat that was docked near Arni village, ready to depart.
Serge smiled, "Alright, we'll board our boat and-"
"This is Korcha's boat," Glenn pointed out.
Serge turned a glare on him, "This again?"
"Well, you call it our boat, but it's not really ours. We're borrowing it." he explained.
Crossing his arms, the hero sighed, "Look, it's ours while we're using it, got it? Besides, I don't see Korcha's name on it."
Glenn looked the boat over, "…You are right this time,"
"Good, now get in the damn boat Glenn and shut up." Serge ordered, pointing.
The dragoon mock saluted and did as he was told, although he didn't seem pleased.
Harle looked up at Lynx, her red eyes narrowing slightly in confusion, "Uh, pardon me, monsieur Lynx,"
He glared down at her, "What?"
"I was wondering why it iz that'z you got zee Porre military involved in finding zee Frozen Flame."
He looked puzzled, and she shrugged, holding her hands up, "I thought FATE wanted to tezt zee El Nido people without interference from zee mainland,"
"And your asking me, why?" Lynx snapped.
Harle's expressions turned into a frown, "Oh, come now monsieur, we both know that you are the embodiment of FATE,"
He looked around, as if the walls and roof were suddenly interesting.
"I'm juzt wondering," she continued, "because it zeems az if you 'ave trapped yourself by bringing zhem here and ruining your own experiment, non?"
There was a long silence.
Lynx pointed forward, "Look!" he cried out, "Serge!"
And he ran off, leaving Harle shaking her head and without her question answered.
Karsh and Zoah explained the plan of how they would get lady Riddel out of the manner, and then the long haired Deva looked around, "Hey, do you have a white board?"
Serge sighed, "I used too, but it got filled up with Nikki's family tree…"
He pulled it out and Karsh whistled, "Man…"
"THAT IS QUITE COMPLEX,"
Serge nodded, setting it down again, "I know!"
General Viper demanded that he be allowed to go with them to the Bend of Time to help collect money, and Serge felt that he should probably let him even if he'd rather go with some of the his closer friends.
As it turned out, Viper didn't travel alone, ever.
He had to bring the three remaining Devas with him and Riddel usually tagged along as well.
Serge watched them pile off the boat and frowned, "Seriously?"
"Seriously," Glenn replied, affirming the entourage's presence as normal.
General Viper joined them in a battle and afterwards explained that it was a good thing he was here, since they obviously needed his help.
Serge just scowled at him.
"I will raise our spirits with the national emblem of the Acacia Dragoons!" the general announced, charging once more into battle.
He sheathed his weapon and stood tall, crossing his arms one over the other, over his chest.
He raised his chin and then thrust one arm outward as a signal.
Behind him the flag of the Dragoons rose, flapping in an invisible breeze while a short fanfare hailed.
On the sidelines, the gathered group watched the show, all displaying varies expressions.
"Oh, my, gosh," Marcy said, breaking the silence first.
Karsh shook his head and whispered, "I am so glad he's retired…"
"WE WOULD BE LAUGHED OFF THE BATTLE FIELD WITH A MOVE LIKE THAT!" Zoah declared loudly as usual.
Riddel put her hands over her eyes and shook her head, "Oh daddy…"
Serge was trying very hard not to laugh, but the minute he looked to his side and saw Glenn in the same position, they both started snickering.
Viper's Flag Bearer move was completed and he quickly finished off the monster in front of him, turning to the others and asking, "Did you feel inspired?"
The Devas obediently nodded their heads, putting on straight, neutral expressions.
Glenn was trying to do the same, but Serge muttered, "Yeah, inspired because I know I don't look like a spaz, general."
The young dragoon jammed his heel into Serge's foot, obviously telling him to be good. After the Serge had finished hopping around on his uninjured foot, he sighed sadly, "Man, Kid would have loved that…I've got to remember to tell her about it…"
The Home World Viper Manner had started to be repaired and the courtyard was flooded with kids and workers. Serge looked around and then walked over towards the well where Commander Norris was looking around with a bewildered look on his face.
"This would explain the noises I heard…" he muttered.
Serge couldn't believe that he had just now noticed the difference. It's not like the work had been done overnight. This would have taken time and the noise would have been going on for awhile.
"Isn't this supposed to be a Porre outpost in El Nido?"
"Yes," Norris answered.
Serge looked around, "How are you going to explain that you somehow lost it to a bunch of kids?"
Norris looked uneasy, "Uh…"
Serge just walked away and wondered aloud, "I can't believe Porre is the military superpower, they're so bad at their job."
"The Porre military is current investigating this site, please be careful." an official looking solider said.
Serge rolled his eyes and walked by, glancing at his two friends once they were out of ear shot, "When isn't the Porre military investigating something? Earth dragon isle, Fossil valley, Termina…"
Glenn shrugged, "They're looking for something, obviously."
"And yet, they never seem to be doing anything," Serge countered, holding up his index finger.
The dragoon grinned, "Sure they are, their investigating. That's just another word for slacking off."
Kid snorted, "I think they just want to investigate the hell outta something…"
The two boys laughed and Serge shrugged, "Sure sounds like it."
They walked a bit further and he smiled evilly, "Hey, when we get back to the others, let's harass Norris. That's always fun."
Kid snorted, "Don't you mean Commander Norris?" she said sarcastically.
"Well, I do hate Porre, and since he's the only person from there…" Glenn said.
Serge nodded, "None of us like Porre. I don't think Porre likes Porre. But, at least we can pick on Norris to make us feel better."
"Welcome to the Robo Sewer Wash. Would you like to operate the robot?" a metallic voice asked.
Serge pushed the button and watched as a door opened up in the floor and a tiny copper robot came up. It moved for about four seconds before the currents dumped it into the depths. Serge pushed the button again and another robot came up.
Said robot got dumped into the water.
"Dang!" Serge said, gripping the controls, "I'll get this yet!"
Another robot was brought up and prepared.
And promptly fell into the water.
Serge winced, "Oops."
Glenn sighed, "Hurry it up,"
Another robot fell into the water.
"Like, that looks like fun," Marcy comment, going up on tiptoes to see.
Mel nodded agreement, "Yeah."
"It's not fun; we're doing this to gain access to the rest of the base." Glenn told them seriously.
There was another splash and Serge chuckled, "And another one bites the dust…"
The dragoon rolled his eyes while Norris pointed to the joystick, "I think you need too-"
Serge whacked his hand away, "It's my turn!"
"Well, you're hogging the controls!"
"Yeah!" the younger kids joined in.
Glenn crossed his arms, "This isn't a game, just get the gate open and let's go."
They all looked around and nearly everyone rolled their eyes.
"It's totally a game," Serge said, watching as his tenth robot drifted over the edge and disappeared into the murky depths. "A game I intend to win!"
"I want a turn," Skelly mentioned.
"Meee too!" Starky chimed in.
Serge tried again, but Radius knocked him out of the way, "Young man, it's time for someone else to try their hand."
"Hey! Move it old man!" Serge yelled, trying to make a grab for the panel.
Leena pulled out her frying pan, "Let Serge have his turn or so help me this is ending up in your brain!"
Macha glared at her, "WhatCHA saying?"
"We don't have time for this!" Glenn shouted, sounding annoyed.
Everyone stopped and turned to look at him, slightly surprised by the outburst and all giving him the look of, 'what's eating you?'.
Serge frowned at him, "Chronopolis is outside of time…we're good."
"Yeah," Karsh said, tossing a look at the younger green innate.
Zoah nodded, "LIKE HE SAID,"
The dragoon threw up his hands in defeat and Orlha shot him a look, "Loosen up,"
Riddel nodded agreement while Viper and Fargo pulled Radius away from the controls as his fifth robot sank and Zappa slipped into his place.
"Hey! Dad, it was my turn," Karsh whined.
Glenn looked around for a comrade, but even the other serious folks were lining up for a turn. "Steena? Irenes? Funguy? Van? Luccia? Orcha? Sneff? Sprigg? Guile? Greco?"
They all gave him a look and he sighed in a disappointed fashion.
Glancing to the side, he saw the smaller members like Neofil, Pip and Poshul standing in line.
"Oh God, even you Turnip?"
The veggie warrior stared at him, that creepy smile plastered on his face.
Serge smirked evilly, "We're all going to have a turn."
"Yeah!" Razzly said, spinning in a circle.
Korcha and Doc did a high five to show their excitement.
Grobyc was looking something up on the computer panel next to the sewer wash.
"We're single handedly bankrupting Chronopolis!" Serge whooped.
Glenn crossed his arms, "There is no way the computer is going to give you that many robots,"
There hours later…
"Dang!" Janice cried, pouting, "Total bummer!"
She moved and let Pierre slip in.
He waved a flourish, "Watch as I, the fourth Deva to be, take control of these tiny little robots!"
Everyone groaned and watched as his first attempt ended in failure.
Serge looked over his shoulder and saw Glenn sulking in the corner, intent on not joining in the fun.
That was until something pulled his pant leg and made him look down.
"I wanttt a turrrn!"
The dragoon looked up, "Draggy wants a turn,"
"I don't think he can reach the controls," Serge replied.
Scooping Draggy up, Glenn walked over and held him over the sticks and knobs, "I'll just hold him then,"
"You, mister stick in the mud?" Nikki asked, making Miki giggle.
"You try saying no to this face!" he cried, holding Draggy out to them.
The little baby dragon blinked and everyone dissolved into, "Awwww!"
Mojo looked disappointed, "He cut me!"
Another robot rolled along and then splashed into the water. Another followed after that and before long, they were on a roll of destroying the little critters.
"Okay," Glenn said, "it is fun…"
They stepped into the elevator in Chronopolis and watched as the doors slowly closed.
As the device started to move upwards, a little jingle was played over some speakers.
"Welcome to Chronopolis military research facility!"
The party looked up slowly with wrinkled noses.
"Please enjoy the guided tour and make sure to stop by our gift store featuring a subway restaurant!"
They all exchanged a bewildered glance as the elevator came to a halt. With a shrug Serge led them out and onward.
Serge looked completive, which worried his friends. Whenever he had that look on his face, it was never a good sign. It usually meant they would have to go to some strange place in search of something.
Behind him, they all looked at each other, as if daring someone to go and figure out what was wrong. Finally Doc shoved Kid out, and she in turn whipped around to glare at him, but nevertheless continued over and sat down next to the hero.
"Um…what's up mate?" she asked with false cheerfulness.
He shrugged, "Just thinking."
"The ghosts at Opassa Beach."
Kid scowled, "Oi, what for?"
Serge suddenly looked at her and stared at her head, "Why are you blonde?"
"Blonde," he repeated, cradling his chin in a hand and continuing to stare. "The ghosts say you're a clone of Schala, but she had blue hair. So, why are you blonde?"
Kid remained scowling, "How the bloody hell should I know! This is a bunch o' craziness, wasting brain power on something so dumb."
"No, really," Serge said, gesturing with his free hand to her head, "Your blonde, and she was never blonde. And that accent! Where did that come from?"
"I've always had me accent," she replied, crossing her arms.
Serge blinked exceedingly slowly, "You didn't have 'me' accent when I saved you from the burning orphanage."
Kid glared at him and he held up his hands, "Just saying,"
She tossed her golden colored hair and complained, "Well, okay, maybe I picked up this accent somewhere else, eh? And maybe Schala dyed her hair or something."
He looked dubious, "Dyed her hair? With what? It's not like this had a great selection of beauty shops in Zeal…that I know of,"
"Maybe with magic!" Kid snapped back.
"What a waste of perfectly good power!"
She held up a fist, "Oi mate, I'm gonna smack you, you hear? Who cares what color hair I or rather, my cloned momma had?"
Serge knew better then to continue the topic with Kid's bad temper, but the look on his face showed it was still nagging him.
She hopped off the stool she'd been sitting on, "Besides, maybe someone thought my blue would clash with your blue or something."
Serge glanced up at his bangs, "Hmm…a good theory…"
Kid stood in the middle of Sprigg's hut and watched Serge wander around her with the Astral Amulet held out.
He had a look of intense concentration on his face and she raised an eyebrow in watching him.
Nudging Glenn, who was beside her, she whispered, "What's he doin' mate?"
"I don't know," the dragoon replied dryly, "I never know. He's gotten me into all sorts of weird situations."
Kid nodded, "That's the truth, ain't it?"
They watched as he finished his rounds and put the amulet away, only to pull out the Time Egg and wander around with it.
Kid rolled her eyes as he stopped at the pot of green slime in the corner and dropped the egg in.
Serge shook his head and dropped the Aroma Pouch and Beeba Flute in next.
"Um, mate?" Kid called out cautiously.
"Huh?" he said, turning around.
She walked over, "What are you doin'?"
"I'm trying to get the party members from the last time through to join me again." Serge answered in all seriousness.
He turned back and tossed an Ancient Fruit in.
Kid had been gone for awhile out of the group so she turned to Glenn to see if Serge had gone crazy while she'd been away.
He put a finger to the side of his head and spun it around a few times, confirming her theory.
A Backbone was tossed it next, followed by the Prop Sword. Serge frowned and dug around for a second before tossing a Sapphire Brooch.
"Uh…" Glenn said, a worried expression on his face, "wasn't that Orlha's?"
Serge ignored him and went to dump the Tele-porter in.
Luckily Kid snatched it and gave him a look, "What has gotten into ya?"
Serge frowned and looked at Glenn, "Hey, can I borrow the Einlanzer?"
He went to unsheathe it but caught himself and looked back up, asking, "What for?"
Kid shook her head, "This has gone far enough! You're forgetting to just look it up, mate!"
She pulled out a device that looked like mini box and explained, "Lucca made this, and she showed me what to do…"
The boys looked over her shoulder as she fiddled with it. After a moment she looked up, "It says we need the Chrono Cross."
Serge groaned and Glenn frowned, "I guess that means we have to go collect it, right?"
Kid nodded and then looked at the pot of goop, "After we figure out how to get all that stuff out of there…"
I seriously laughed SO hard when I first saw Flag Bearer...simply awesome in the spazzyist way possible.
Yes, my brother wandered around the room clicking every key item until he went and looked it up online and came back saying, "It says we need the Chrono Cross."
Schala's hair bugs me, but I won't rant about that here.
The missing FMV bugs me too, but again, I won't rant about that here.
The boat thing is completely pointless...I like Glenn, but he is a stick-in-the-mud
Robo Sewer Wash: ALL characters (But Harle and Lynx,) are listed, mentioned or have a line. Whew.
And poor Norris...we made fun of him a lot. He actually was treated farly well in this fic, considering.
Nikki's family is an unresolved story and is, as Zoah said, quite complex. I believe they would have white board to keep track.
I whole heartedly believe that Chronopolis has a gift shop.
Alright, I'm done talking now. If anyone makes it this far, thanks for reading!