Nothing in the Whoniverse do I own.

This is dedicated to WhoMe-2 who gave me the challenge for this edition of "In His Head." Hope you like it WM2!

Did you ever want to know what he was thinkin' when Rose suggested that maybe they could settle down and get a mortgage? Of course you do! So here's the true, accurate and verified transcript of what went on in the Time Lord's overly-active brain in the break room on Krop Tor.

She Knows…

"We're kinda stuck…" Him

Been stuck before, but…this...THIS is the absolutely stickiest stuck I've ever been stuck in. And I've stuck her. Stuck us under an impossible black hole. An impossible, reality-eating thing. It just eats and eats and eats. I can feel my future being sucked up. Her future too. That…that thing…it is eating us alive!

"Could be worse…" Her

She's really quite right. It could be worse. Me stuck alone without her: now that…THAT would be much, much worse. I won't let myself think about that. I can't think about being stuck without her…but somehow, I just can't shake this nagging awful feeling…that something bad is coming. Stop thinking about it!

"This lot, said they'd give us a lift." Her

"And then what?" Him

"I don't know. Find a planet…" Her

What kind of a planet would I want to live on? But what kind of a planet would Rose want to live on? What kind of a planet would Rose want to live on…with me? I've never taken her anyplace tropical before. Perhaps a tropical paradise? Might be pleasant, more than pleasant really if it truly is a paradise. Swimming in the azure blue or even emerald green or rosy pink water, lazily drinking banana daiquiris on the beach, getting a tan. Do I tan? I freckle, but do I tan? Might be kind of nice to find out. Oh, and wouldn't Rose look lovely in a red bikini? STOP IT! No thinking about Rose Tyler in a bikini allowed, Old Man!

"…get a job…" Her

And a job! A job? I've had a so-called real job before…I worked for UNIT back in body number three. I wonder…if I got a job, what kind of job would I get? Maybe I could do something completely different…something not in the universe-saving business. Maybe I could be a banana farmer. That's it! I could cultivate an endless supply of bananas in our own personal grove. But that would require a tropical climate, and only, oh .02% of all planets even have the correct conditions for banana cultivation. Highly improbable that we'd be dropped onto such a planet.

Maybe I could be, I don't know, be an actor or something. That's not a climate-specific job, unless of course, the theater is al fresco. I do have a flair for the dramatic after all. Maybe Rose and I could open a theater? That's it! We could start a theater company and bring good old William Shakespeare to the far reaches of the universe. Culture to the masses!

I bet she would be a fine actor, with a bit of training, of course. I could be her acting coach. She might make a good, I don't know, Ophelia? And I could be Hamlet! That would be brilliant! But wait…no, Ophelia dies, and Hamlet is heartbroken. And then Hamlet dies, and then everybody else dies – except Horatio. Good old trusty, loyal Horatio. Forget that idea. Tempest? No, no, no, that's all wrong too – bunch of people getting' stranded on a stormy island. Bad choice. Perhaps Much Ado About Nothing? Hmmm. Benedick and Beatrice. That might work. It is very funny. And there's kissing! You know, no one would ever have to trick me into proclaiming my love for Rose…if I loved her that is…if... Right. If. That's a laugh.

"…live a life, same as the rest of the universe." Her

Living a life. What have we been doing, then, Rose Tyler? We've been living life to the very fullest! Fuller than the fullest. Do you really think I'd be satisfied with anything less now? Would you? Now that I've been shown all of…of…this? Calm down. Breathe. Don't take it out on her. You will never, ever, never, never take it out on her.

"I'd have to settle down! Get a house or something! A proper house with…with… with doors and things…" Him

Doors…the TARDIS has lovely doors – nice symmetry, perfect ratio of height to width…a golden rectangle. Built for safety, those doors. I can't quite think of a more welcome sight than tearing around a corner, Rose gripping my hand for dear life 'cause we're being pursued by a bloodthirsty band of pirates or a Bandersnatch or a troop of rogue Judoon, and there she is, patiently waiting for us, her doors ready and waiting to be unlocked.

But a house with doors now that's a different thing altogether. Doors on a house are to keep bad things and bad people out. They're a feeble attempt to keep the people inside of the house safe. The oncoming horde of Genghis Khan couldn't get through the TARDIS doors. But a house with doors…if Genghis Khan wanted to get through 'em, he and his horde could. No problemo. How will I protect Rose from someone who is determined to get through our doors? I have to keep Rose safe, and simple doors just aren't adequate.

"…Carpets!..." Him

I'm not much for carpet. But I do like a nice plushy Persian rug in front of a fire. So much history and story woven into a nice Persian rug. And wouldn't Rose look beautiful lying on a nice Persian rug in front of a fire blazing in our hearth? We could recline together on the rug, maybe share a nice bottle of wine, some bread, I could read to her…or not, maybe, I don't know. Maybe we could do domestic stuff like talking…or cuddling…or…kissing even… Kissing Rose Tyler in front of a fire on a Persian rug. Now that's a lovely thought. Nope! Rugs definitely do NOT count as carpeting when there's kissing involved. So Persian rugs it is. From Persia of course. We'll go on a trip! That's what we'll do. We'll go to a 9th century souk and haggle. It'll be fun! Maybe we could even find one of those rare flying... Damn. No TARDIS. No trip to a 9th century souk.

"Me livin' in a house! Now that…that…that is terrifying." Him

Even back on Gallifrey, we lived in houses. I grew up in a house. With doors even…and carpets! Why am I so terrified of living in a house now? If I had met Rose Tyler on Gallifrey, I'd have taken her into my house without a second thought. When I first met her I used to huff and puff and go on about not doin' domestic. Me thinks the Time Lord protesteth too much.

"You'd have to get a mortgage!" Her

A mortgage. I wonder if I have a credit score? I knew I should've signed up for last time we were on Earth. Now I'm stuck without knowing my FICO. How embarrassing will that be if my score is bad? What if someone has stolen my identity? Identity theft is a real, serious problem you know. Wait, wait, wait! That's right. I DO have a credit rating. Of course I do. I worked for UNIT! But how would I explain a credit score from the 1970's thousand and thousands of years in the future? That won't work. Nope. I'll just have to re-establish credit. How long is that going to take?

Where will we live in the meantime? Maybe I could build our own home. How about I build us a yurt? That's it. A yurt! That solves the doors, walls and carpeting conundrum. Dirt floor, lots of Persian rugs cast about in front of a roaring open fire with Rose laying on them...me laying on aforementioned Persian rugs with her. And kissing. Yes, definitely kissing in a yurt. That's not domestic is it? It'll be cozy and portable. Our own little travelling home. With kissing!

"No!" Him

"Oh yes…" Her

"I'm dying. That is it. I'm dying, it is all over." Him

Dying…here I've been going on about me. But my TARDIS might be dying, but I can't tell. I can't feel her. Can she feel me? Does she know how much I miss her? Does she feel abandoned? Oh dear, constant companion. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

"What about me? I'd have to get one too! I don't know, we could… Could be the same one. We could both…share…" Her

Sharing a mortgage. Doesn't get much more domestic than that. Last me hated domestic. I guess I really don't mind domestic so much. At least domestic with Rose. That's…that's been fantastic.

"…or not. Whatever. I don't know. I don't know. We'll see." Her

What just happened there? Did she change her mind? Doesn't she want to stay with me? Have I misread her intentions? Her…feelings for me? Or worse, is she afraid that I don't want to be with her?

Oh why can't I just tell her how much I do want her to be with me? Why can't I just tell her? Coward. Just a coward every time.

"I promised Jackie I'd always take you back home." Him

One promise I wish I'd never made. I'm just a selfish old man. But I don't want to take her back to Jackie! I want her with me. Only me!

"Everyone leaves home in the end." Her

Oh. She doesn't think that's home anymore. She left home already. For me. Home…home. I wonder…

"Not to end up stuck here." Him

Let me give her a chance to back out…gracefully.

"Yeah, but stuck with you, that's not so bad." Her

"Yeah?" Him

"Yes." Her

She's not backing out. She really means it. Oh my dear, precious girl. My pink and yellow Rose Tyler… Stuck with me under an impossible black hole.

Home…she was our home. And now our home is gone. But…does it really matter? If it's this cursed rock? Or if it's some planet where they might drop us off? Or if it's the TARDIS?

I suppose…I suppose if Rose Tyler is there, then that's where my home is now. Domestic with Rose Tyler. Not bad. Not bad at all.

I hope she knows. At least I think she knows, but maybe I should tell her, just in case. Just to be sure. Just as soon as…

"He is awake!"