|Sassy Gay Friend: Les Misérables
Author: A Hopeful Voice PM
Meet Eponine from Victor Hugo's Les Misérables. She is about to deliver Marius' letter to Cosette and then get shot and die. This fate could have been avoided if she had a sassy gay friend.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Words: 549 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 2 - Published: 03-11-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6815655
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is super duper short, but I got the idea while watching Sassy Gay Friend: Romeo and Juliet with my sister today. I've not read the book Les Mis, so this is in the musical section even though the beginning references the book. Enjoy and please review! :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Les Mis, Sassy Gay Friend, or Marius. :(
Sassy Gay Friend: Les Misérables
Meet Eponine from Victor Hugo's Les Misérables. She is about to deliver Marius' letter to Cosette and then get shot and die. This fate could have been avoided if she had a sassy gay friend.
Eponine Thenardier looked down the street before she walked across. She didn't want to run into anything. She walked along the Rue Plumet toward Cosette's home. Suddenly a hand was thrust in front of her and she turned to see her sassy gay friend. "What are you doing?" he asked loudly. "What, what, what are you doing?"
"I'm delivering Marius' letter to Cosette," the girl explained.
"Why would you do that?" he asked. "You love him!"
"I just want him to be happy," she interceded for herself.
"Don't you care about your own feelings? You've loved him fo' evuh! He just met her and knows nothing about her! He didn't even know her name!"
"But if you love someone, you have to let them go," Eponine argued.
Her sassy gay friend rolled his eyes. "Seriously? Save it Pocahontas, this isn't a Disney movie."
"I can do whatever I want! He loves her and I want him to love me!"
"Finding the way to love isn't giving the girl he thinks he loves a letter. He's about to go fight in a battle! You're an idiot. You are delivering this letter and ruining any chances of him loving you. Look at your life. Look at your choices. You can deliver this letter, return to the barricades, and be shot and die in his arms, or you can not deliver the letter, return to Marius and not be on your own until you die naturally. Think about it."
"But I—" she protested, tossing her hair behind her shoulder and adjusting her cap.
"No buts, missy!" he interrupted. "Now why don't we rip this letter up and go along our own merry way?" Eponine nodded enthusiastically, finally giving into her sassy gay friend's idea. "But first, we need to do something about your looks! No guy is gonna want to ditch a pretty girl like Cosette for a girl with your looks! 'Ponine, you're pretty, but we need to fix your hair and wash your face. Dirt, really? The grunge look isn't in right now. I understand that you've had a rough life, but really? Marius isn't going to love you if you look like you've been crawling around like an animal."
"I know." Eponine smiled meekly.
"Come on, you stupid bitch," her sassy gay friend laughed. She laughed with him and turned around to head away from Cosette's house. The sassy gay friend broke the fourth wall and said, "She's a stupid bitch." He tossed his sparkly coral scarf over his shoulder and linked arms with Eponine as they walked away.