|Blaine Anderson VS His Sexuality
Author: RidgelessRidgeback PM
Blaine falls asleep while watching "Scott Pilgrim VS the World" with his boyfriend, Kurt. Within the depths of his sub-conscious, he must defeat Kurt's seven evil ex-crushes and deal with his own repressed bisexuality issues. Silly. Cracky. Totally Indie.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Blaine A. & Kurt H. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,549 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 03-16-11 - Published: 03-13-11 - id: 6822488
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: This is my version of a 'crack fic.' I hope it is crazy enough for you. I found it pretty delightful to write. I consider this a sort-of sequel to 'Queen', but they both stand alone. All that means really is that Kurt and Blaine are starting out in a stable relationship. Queen tells the story of how they got there. And Blaine is a little more confident/aggressive than in canon.
I assume that somebody has done this prompt before, but I just wanted to do it quite badly after a friend sent me a parody of the glee characters as the Scott Pilgrim cover. I also planned to release this all as one chapter, but I guess I started to get antsy since I've been writing it so long. Sorry for having more than one in-progress story at once, I just write bits and pieces of all of them until one is finished. :|
If you haven't seen Scott Pilgrim, maybe this will pique your interest. If you haven't seen Glee (how did you find this?) maybe you'll start just to see Kurt and Blaine?
Blaine didn't like to watch movies when he was tired. But he also didn't like to say no to Kurt's pouty face. It was sooooo cute.
"You don't understand," he said, trying not to whine (and trying to ignore Kurt's fingertips massaging his scalp.) "I get nightmares when I watch a movie and I fall asleep."
"Ooh, nightmares," Kurt teased, nuzzling his nose against Blaine's face. Kurt's hands slide down his back and Blaine almost forgot what he was talking about.
"Seriously, I do," he mumbled. "I don't want you to laugh at me if I talk in my sleep. Or worse, elbow you in the face."
"That's a risk I'm willing to take," Kurt said, leading him over to his bed. "Did you forget that my parents are out of town and Finn- best brother EVER- offered to spend the night at Sam's? So we are all alone. No one can tell us we can't cuddle in my bed all night."
"I did not forget, although I've found myself wondering what Finn and Sam might be up to," Blaine admitted with a mischievious smile.
Kurt scoffed. "Well, I haven't. I'm a lot more interested in what's right here. You're way cuter than both of them combined."
"Seriously Kurt? I'm blushing."
"Good." Kurt pushed him back on the bed, where he sank into a mountain of satin pillows. Then he was fiddling with the DVD player and Blaine remembered why he was protesting.
"I really will fall asleep and have nightmares, Kurt. Don't do this, please?"
He just giggled. "So fall asleep! Then you'll be well rested for whatever we do later. I just really want to have this experience: movie at home, popcorn, a boyfriend to cuddle with." Kurt cupped his own face in his hands. It was a gesture only a Disney princess could have taught him. "Oh, that word is just delightful. A boyfriend."
His enthusiasm was too infectious; Blaine decided he'd have to suffer through it. Kurt wrapped himself around Blaine and he had to admit, it felt great to be touching and cuddling freely together.
Great enough that his eyes started to lose focus, and he began to get sleepy...
"What's the name of this movie anyways?" Blaine managed to say as it began.
BLAINE ANDERSON VS. HIS SEXUALITY
Not so long ago...
In the mysterious land of Blaine's imagination...
"Blaine Anderson is dating a girl?" Wes asked with dripping distaste.
"Really? Is she hot?" David asked, looking up from the amp he was tweaking.
"How straight are you, exactly, Blaine? Do you or do you not sing the soundtrack of Mamma Mia to yourself in the shower?" Wes's glowering was diminished by how small he appeared behind his massive drum set.
"I do, yes," Blaine said, voice cracking a little. "I like Colin Firth, he's a fine actor."
"And yet you still found a girl to date you," David clarified.
Thad stumbled up from the viewing couch, tripping over the microphone wires. "Did you guys 'do it' yet?"
Blaine leaned against his guitar. "We do many things... we talk about showtunes... she tells me about glee rehearsal, I tell her about band rehearsal..." He let a wistful smile settle on his face, ignorant of how stupid he looked. Or at least how stupid Wes thought he looked.
Blaine Anderson, Junior. Rating: Dapper.
"But have you actually kissed her?" David asked. He wasn't going to let a story this good go easily.
"We almost did, once, but then the Youtube video of Queen's 'Radio Gaga' finished buffering."
"Oh geez. You being straight is as believable as me performing in RENT," Wes said with a dark laugh.
"So, what's her name?" David asked, trying to keep the peace.
"Sunshine Corazon," Blaine said with his smuggest smile. "She's from the Phillipines."
"Whoa..." Thad said, readjusting his Dalton tie.
At that moment, there was a knock on the side door. With his smarmiest smirk, Blaine rushed to answer it. On the stoop was a tiny Asian girl with a sweet smile.
"Do you promise to be good?" Blaine whispered to her.
"Sure," Sunshine replied, adjusting her large glasses on her tiny nose.
Sunshine Corazon, Freshman. Rating: Non-citizen.
"No really," Blaine replied with wide eyes. "Please be good."
"Blaine, I will knee you in the groin if you don't let me in this door."
He shuffled her in. David bounded up to greet them.
"So, are you going to like, geek out on us or whatever?"
"More like gleek, man. She's from Vocal Adrenaline," Blaine said proudly.
"Cool," David pointed at her with both hands as he walked backwards to his guitar.
Sunshine looked around the room suspiciously. "I don't want to sound rude, but this isn't a crackhouse, right? I had this scary encounter one time..."
"Ha ha! What? No, this is the warehouse we rent for band practice. Hey Sunshine, meet the rest of the guys. Let me take your, uh, Hello Kitty backpack..." Blaine slipped the bag off of Sunshine and began to test it out on his own shoulders.
"Oh, hello, what's your name?"
Wes was still glaring. "Wes."
"You play the drums?"
"Are... those your drumsticks?"
Wes looked down at his own hands, both of which were holding wooden gavels. "Yes."
There was silence. Sunshine shifted her weight, uncomfortable.
"I'm Thad," the last member of the room said, approaching.
"Hey Thad. What do you do here?" Sunshine asked.
"I get really mad when people mock us. You don't plan to mock us, right, Sunshine?" Thad glared at her ominously.
"Blaine, your friends are creeping me out..." Sunshine said miserably, but sat down next to Thad on the couch as Wes, David and Blaine got ready to jam.
"You got this, Wes?" David asked, and in return-
"WE ARE THE BLAZING PAVAROTTIS! 1 2 3 4!"
The Blazing Pavarottis use the ability "Take a Bite of My Heart Tonight." Working Title.
As they played, Sunshine found that she couldn't take her eyes away. Blaine was especially captivating while jamming on the guitar, even if he was wearing her Hello Kitty backpack. Maybe he wasn't such a bad boyfriend after all.
When the song ended, they waited for her to say something, hopefully encouraging, about the loud racket they had just made.
"You guys are so..." Sunshine started, then realized despite her years of English study, there were still a lot of words she didn't know. What was another synonym for blazing?
"...flaming," she finished.
Wes threw his gavels down in disgust.
A mature looking fellow, perfectly coifed from his wavy locks to his designer shoes, sat on the edge of the bottom bunk bed. He was the picture of composure as he sipped his coffee and read from a newspaper. Not just any newspaper: the UCLA Campus newspaper.
Jesse St. James, dormmate, Senior, Rating: Narcissist.
"Before you hear some dirty rumors elsewhere, yes, I am dating a girl," Blaine told his roommate as he came through the door.
"That's gay," Jesse said without looking up from his paper.
"Ha, ha. Wait. No, I'm not," Blaine told him as he hung up his blazer. If he muttered 'anymore' while his face was turned away, who was to know?
"Does this mean you have to stop sleeping on top of me?" Jesse asked.
Blaine climbed the ladder to the bunk bed, grumbling. "There's a mattress, a plank of wood, and three feet of air between me and you when we sleep. Hardly erotic."
"You never know what people are in to," Jesse replied. He put his newspaper away and whipped out his cell.
"Jesse, you're not doing what I think you're doing-" Blaine's phone began to ring and Jesse escaped into the bathroom successfully.
"You're dating someone from Vocal Adrenaline!" Rachel screeched into his ear.
Rachel Berry, younger sister, Sophomore, Rating: 5 out of 5 gold stars.
"But she's a foreign exchange student," he whined. "She makes me lumpia!"
"I don't know what that is, but it better not be against Glee club regulations," she snapped. "Besides, aren't you gay?"
"Why does everyone want to talk about how gay I am? Or, not," he quickly defended.
"Why are you doing this?"
"I just needed to do something... easier," he sighed, falling dramatically back onto his pillow for no one's benefit but his own.
"Is this a phase, or are you switching sides?"
"Why so nosy? Wait a second." Blaine looked around the dorm room. Was the chandelier always made of candy canes? "Am I a McKinley High student? Or a Dalton student? Aren't you my competition? Were you always my sister?"
"I'm telling our dads about this, Blaine!" Rachel threatened as she hung up.
Next: Blaine meets the man of his Teenage Dreams and all his emotional baggage.