|A Bug's Life: A Bug's Pranks
Author: Groudon202 PM
Since they were 2nd Grade larvae, Francis, Slim and Heimlich have had a monthly pranking contest. This time, they let their newest friend, Flik, in. Dot wants to join, but isn't allowed under the pretext of "girls CANNOT pull pranks." When this doesn't suit well with other female insects, primarily Atta and Rosie, the stage is set for sophisticated attempts at gender domination!Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Adventure - Francis & Heimlich - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,393 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 05-27-11 - Published: 04-01-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6865377
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A BUG'S PRANKS
CHAPTER 1: CONTEST SETUP
In the anthill's underground tunnels (specifically the otherwise empty canteen), Slim found himself examining a small fluorescent mushroom poking out of a wall. He had to bend down in the tunnel to get a good look at said mushroom, but it really seemed to have captured his interest. He snapped it out of the wall, and lowered it to Aphie who was at his feet. The Queen's aphid barked and snatched it out of Slim's hand, jumping around frantically.
'I'm about to witness something really special,' he whispered, bending closer. Aphie bit off a section of the mushroom, letting the rest fall to the ground. He stood very still, with Slim watching intensely. Two nervous seconds passed...
'Slim – it's time!' yelled Francis suddenly, running right past the walking stick and out of sight in a mad hurry. Slim jumped upwards and, forgetting completely about the mushroom, sprinted in the opposite direction. Aphie squirmed in disappointment at the stick insect's departure. He turned around to chew on more of the mushroom, his rear end now glowing the bright turquoise of said mushroom.
In the morning sun's glow, on the outskirts of the main colony clearing, Heimlich stared down the gigantic beauty in front of him. He licked his lips, satisfied with his luck, moving steadily forward, his chubby red hands shaking...
'Heimlich – come on!' Slim whizzed past Heimlich in a hurry, huffing and puffing. The fat caterpillar, his attention now diverted from the big raspberry in front of him, leaped after Slim.
Further on, on the rock hanging off of Ant Island's edge, Flik was fiddling with a harvester machine, upgrading the straps so they could fit any ant. And then...
'Flik!' The blue ant turned around at these words, seeing Slim and Heimlich coming his way.
'Hey guys, what's u –'
He didn't have time to finish his sentence, as the two of them grabbed him, and instantly wheeled him forward in the direction of the anthill.
One quick anthill trip later...
Into a small, unused room (which was currently serving as the lounge for the circus bugs) came Slim, Heimlich, and a totally confused Flik.
'Guys, what's going on?' he questioned for the fifth time. They merely steered him into sitting on a small rock seat in front of a grass blade table, before sitting either side of him.
'Flik,' said Francis, 'we've had a monthly competition for several years now.'
'And this year...' added Slim, staring intently at Flik, who leaned backwards in minor hesitation.
'We want u in et too!' finished Heimlich. 'Four wel make dis more fun den three!' Flik glanced between the three of them, still a little uncertain.
'Okay...' he said slowly. 'What's the contest?' Francis leapt onto the table at this, startling Flik.
'Gentlebugs,' he began dramatically, 'it is time to find out who will be crowned the next Sir High King Lord of...'
In one quick move, he leapt down, reached under the table, and placed upon it a custom-made leaf crown, with splashes of yellow juice upon it and numerous plant jewels.
'Pranks,' concluded Francis, gesturing around the crown. The three bugs leaned in with excited faces and happy expressions, Flik's previous hesitation completely forgotten.
'All right!' said Flik, pointing a finger upwards for effect. 'I'm in!'
'As last month's victor,' continued Francis, 'I must now let all ye competitors challenge me for yonder crown!'
Heimlich sighed in happiness, staring at the crown. 'Et seems like just yesterday dat we made dat crown en art class!' Francis then brought up a bunched-together collection of leaf sheets and tossed it onto the table.
'The rules are simple,' said Slim to Flik, flinging the first page open, and reading from it. 'If ye is pranked, ye is out. The last bug to go unpranked becomes Lord High King, and wins the crown!' Everyone present stared longingly at the crown, feeling the tension in the air.
'And also,' said Dot out of nowhere, popping up beside Francis, 'I am playing.'
'Playing?' Heimlich reacted, his chubby face saying all. 'Dot, dis esn't a game!' Francis spoke up as soon as he was done.
'You're too young, and too girl!' Dot also reacted facially at this, except it was of an even bigger disbelief.
'And,' contributed Slim, pulling the book towards him, and holding the cover up, 'no girls shall play, so says Lord Prankertons' Book of Rules!' All that was on the cover was an illustration of Francis with cartoon muscles and a badly drawn mustache.
'You made that up in the 2nd grade!' whined Dot. 'And that,' she said, gesturing to the book, 'is an inaccurate representation of you, Francis!'
'Blasphemy!' yelled all three clown bugs, rapidly pointing at Dot.
'Dot,' said Flik, leaning forward, 'this competition could get very ugly. And if you get hurt, your mother will kill me!'
'This,' said Dot spitefully, 'is not over!' Without saying anything else, she buzzed her small wings and floated through the leaf doors of the room, her wing sounds fading away pretty quickly. Paying this little heed, Francis turned back to the others.
'Very well,' said Francis, clasping his hands together, 'each participant gets two hours to prepare, for the pranking commences at –'
He glances to the side, the others following his gaze. The huge discarded human wristwatch that took up most of the room read 10:03.
'Noon,' finished the ladybug.
He leapt over the table towards the door, with Flik also bolting upwards, and Heimlich leaping out of his seat. Slim, however, didn't make much effort to move at all, merely turning around.
'You know what,' said the stick insect, standing up, 'you guys go ahead. Gotta find my flower prop!'
Flik and Heimlich shrugged, and moved through the leaf door as fast as they could, Francis slamming it shut as they went off into other areas of the anthill. As soon as they were gone, Slim smirked.
'And by flower prop, I mean I will be Lord of the Pranks!' Whooping, Slim moved off into a different area of the room.
In another room of the anthill, where P.T. and his crew were allowed to stay and keep their circus stuff, the circus fireflies, Blip and Flash, were relaxing on a leaf couch, reading two Bug City newspapers, and having a drop of Black Flag each. Suddenly, Ymri, the tarantula who was the circus musician, scuttled into the room.
'The other guys are late,' he said simply to his fellow employees, 'and they're not in their room.'
'Oh,' said Blip simply without moving, 'that's cause we gave them the day off for pranking.'
'What?' Ymri did not look best pleased. 'We have got a ton of rehearsing to do!'
'Ymri,' said Flash, the both of them turning to face him, 'pranks are an important rite of passage.'
'They're a ritual for the young male,' said Blip.
'Really?' said Ymri, tilting his head in fake enthusiasm. 'I can't wait to not hear any more of this story.'
It took Blip and Flash two seconds to realize they'd been dissed.
'Fine,' Flash said sourly. 'Now, please be useful, and get us some sugar for our Black Flags!' Sighing silently, Ymri turned around to comply.
'Thank you,' added Blip sourly also, as Ymri approached the circus wagon a few centimeters away. The tarantula opened the back of the wagon –
Only for dozens and dozens of sugar fragments to spill out, totally engulfing him. Blip and Flash laughed silently as he struggled against the avalanche, but it finally knocked him over, burying him completely. To say the prankers were delighted at this would be an understatement.
'The sugar fragment pile-on!' the fireflies chuckled, standing up. 'A Blip-and-Flash classic!' They made a knuckle with a fist and punched them against each other.
Ymri stood up, covered in sugar all over. He shook his many limbs, the sugar falling off of him.
'You got pranked!' laughed the two fireflies. Ymri folded his front arms and glared. Clearly, he was not best pleased.
'When the guys return at noon, they'll seek refreshment.' Back in their room, Slim was preparing a prank. On the table were three dew droplets of water, three straws. He pushed a leaf balloon into each of the droplets with a spare hand, fingering with a container of a yellow liquid with his fourth.
'They'll see my free drinks, but what they don't know is that each drink is a hidden balloon filled with half a pound of Aphie's pee!' He poured a small bit of the yellow liquid into the droplet, where it sunk in quickly.
'Then, they'll pick up the sharpened straw, push it down into the drink and BOOM!' He imitated puncturing the drink, lowering the straw closer. 'The crown will be mine –'
The straw made contact with the droplet, which exploded instantly. Slim had no time to move before he was drenched in the stuff, particularly on his face and eyes. Clenching the stuff, he began yelling, wandering around hopelessly.
Gypsy sprang into the room, panic all over her face. But as soon as she saw the predicament Slim was in, she grew slightly irritated.
'Please tell me this isn't about that stupid crown you guys made in 2nd grade?' she asked in desperation.
'I can't see!' cringed Slim, his eyes throbbing with pain. 'I can't see! I can't see!' Gypsy sighed in frustration.
'Come on,' she moaned, taking Slim by the arm. 'I'll take you to Dr. Flora.
Out onto the main root spiral below the anthill's exit came Francis, Heimlich and Slim. Francis was carrying several leaf cases of rotten food. Flik had a jar of pupa liquid and a leaf pillow. Heimlich, on the other hand, was in his bumblebee costume, along with his Little John sword and leaf hat.
'A bee,' smiled Francis as they continued forward. 'Interesting...'
'De crown wel be mine!' whooped Heimlich –
'What's this about girls not being good at pranks?' Directly in front of them were Rosie and Princess Atta, both of which looked irritated, to say the least. Atta was the one who had spoken. Beside them was Dot, who grinned sheepishly at the guys.
'I never said that,' said Flik, shaking his arms, which Heimlich folded his arms. 'I just said it could get ugly and girls could get hurt.'
'So you're saying girls are not as tough as guys?' commented three light purple female ants, coming up behind Atta. They were the Ivys, three girls with the same name, attitude, and hobbies. Francis scoffed at their statement.
'Have you SEEN the bee standing next to me?' On cue, Heimlich whipped out his sword. 'This competition gets scary!' Heimlich pounced forward, swinging his sword in the air, and pointing his rear sting forward.
None of the girls flinched. Heimlich glanced, confused, at his fellow male bugs, who shrugged.
'Sounds to me,' said Rosie, 'like you guys are scared at getting your abdomens beat by a bunch of girls!' The ladybug, caterpillar and inventor ant all looked at each other, smiling in disbelief.
Rosie snapped her finger, and four more female ants came up behind her: Daisy and Reed, Dot's fellow blueberry scout members; Cora, Dr. Flora's sister and assistant, and latest circus acrobat; and Quick, former messenger of the Queen and also latest circus tumbler. The three guys' smiled faded instantly.
'Vhat?' Heimlich whipped off his leaf hat and stared forward. 'Ten against four? Yah, dat's fair!' The girls seemed a bit puzzled at this before –
Thorny and Manny jumped in behind Flik. Out of nowhere, Molt did a dive roll and landed beside Francis. And finally, a huge rhino beetle landed down from the sky with a thud behind the group, and two pill pugs rolled off his thorax, popping up with a "Hey!"
'We're in!' said all the new males. Heimlich and Flik instantly regained their confidence, while Francis counted how many they had.
'One two three four five six seven eight – hey, we're still one short!'
'I'm in too!' announced Bud, an old bully ant, coming in beside Flik. Just as the girls looked happy at having an even number, Flik and Bud looked at each other, and drew backwards.
'What? I don't like you,' he shrugged. 'But I will defend my gender!' On cue, he and Heimlich made an awesome knuckle touch.
'So be it!' announced Francis. 'As reigning Sir High King Lord of the Pranks –' he rested his spare hand on Tuck and Roll's shoulders '– I now declare this day Mega Prankatition!' Everyone cheered and whooped at this, particularly Dot, who was still eying Flik down.
Just then, a ring was heard. Everyone glanced to the anthill wall, where a big clock the ants had put into the wall a year ago now had both its big and little hand at twelve.
'Bug out!' cried Flik. Instantly, all the girls and guys split up and ran in different directions. But just as Molt and Dim flew into different tunnels, Thorny fell forward with Tuck and Roll straight onto the ground. Stopping dead in their tracks, Francis, Flik and Heimlich saw that Tuck's right antenna was wound around Thorny's left one with a strand of spider web, while the council ant's right antenna was tangled with Roll's other antenna and a string of spider web.
'Hei brivyr ngyee!' Dot sprung up from the ground, clearly responsible for the prank.
'Antennas tied together,' smiled Dot. 'Classic!' The three remaining male bugs drew backwards, fear now vaguely visible in their faces.
'So, that's three dudes down,' commented Rosie, fingering her hand over the fallen males.
'And three to go,' said Atta creepily. They stared down the boys, who now looked scared, until –
'Boo!' they said. Francis jumped backwards and fled, followed by Flik and Heimlich, still carrying his leaf hat and sword.
Another quick anthill trip later...
They legged it into their now empty room and slammed the door shut apprehensively, still looking like they'd seen ghosts.
'Okay, new plan,' explained Flik in earnest. 'We lay off each other until we prank all the girls.'
'Yes, an alliance!' agreed Francis, throwing a punch at the air.
'So et's agreed!' said Heimlich. 'Ve eliminate de girls, den de othur guys, entil it's just de four of us!' The guys looked briefly happy, until their looked forward.
'Make that three.' Francis could see the remnants of Slim's backfired prank, which included the remaining water droplets, the yellow liquid, and the scattered fragments of the leaf balloon. 'Looks like Slim pranked himself again this month.'
'Yep,' said Flik and Heimlich simultaneously.
Some of the character names here were borrowed. Thanks to Neithersparky for permission to use the names for Ymri, Blip, Flash, Cora and Quick (all of which existed in the movie, but never spoke or were named), and to Imaginative Light for Bud.
I really shouldn't be writing this, as I'm neglecting my Powerpuff Girl fanfic. But the idea plagued me a fortnight ago, and I just HAD to do it. This'll be short, only 4 chapters in total. Hope you liked it! I thought it would be appropriate to upload a fic about pranking on April Fool's Day! Please read and review.
P.S. This takes place after the events of Neithersparky's The Bug In Winter but before the Epilogue at the end of the movie. So it's, loosely, a in-the-movie fic.