|It's Not Even Evil
Author: KBJones PM
Just a silly story about an illegal nuclear reactor in Megamind's cellar. Megamind/Roxanne/Minion Post-MovieRated: Fiction K - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Megamind & Roxanne R. - Words: 753 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 4 - Published: 04-06-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6882406
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Oh, you worry too much Roxanne. It isn't even evil," argues Megamind.
"What's not evil?" asks Minion as he walks into the room in time to hear the last of the conversation.
"The illegal nuclear reactor in the cellar," answers Roxanne in a accusatory tone of voice.
"Oh, that." Minion chuckles without concern.
"Roxanne, If I had to get rid of everything I had that was illegal, what would I use to protect the city with? Hmmm?"
"Well, you still have that-"
"What about the-"
"Violates strategic arms agreements of most major world governments."
"Right, but you could use-"
"The tags are expired."
"Wow, Megamind. Is there anything in your lair that is legal?"
"I think we paid for the couch, Miss Ritchi," volunteers Minion helpfully.
"With a stolen credit card," corrects Megamind.
"Oh, right. I forgot about that," the fish concedes.
Roxanne is alarmed by all this freely admitted illegal activity. "Aren't you supposed to be the hero now? They find out about this," she gestured around herself at the entire formerly-evil lair, "you're going back to prison."
"Oh, no I won't. And do you know why?" A manic grin is on his face.
"Why?" she asks skeptically.
The two aliens, in unison shout, "Full Pardon!" and high-fived each other, laughing.
"I got all this stuff before it was signed." explains Megamind, "It's grandfathered in. I can only get in trouble for new illegal activity. And I'm the hero. I'm actually allowed to have illegal things, so long as they're used in the fight for good. It's in the contract."
"The Metrocity's Protector contract. It's why Metro Man never had to pay for the damages we caused to the city, even though he was often partially responsible. It's pretty standard. You wouldn't believe the number of illegal things that Bat guy over in Gotham City has. Though..." he looks around him, "I'm pretty sure my stuff's more illegal. After all, he was never a super villain." Roxanne thinks it's funny that Megamind seems pleased that his stuff is more illegal than any other superhero's. Ah, boys and their toys. "Legally, the hero can do no wrong. At least, so long as it's connected with the job. Heroic Immunity. One of the perks." He grins evilly, "It's actually almost as good as being Evil Overlord. Except I can't steal things for no reason."
"Okay, but back to the non-evil nuclear reactor in your cellar." Roxanne asks, "How is that even possible?"
"Oh, didn't I mention, my dear? I'm a genius." He waggles his eyebrows at her. He's really enjoying this.
"I know, dear. A genius who's supposed to be the city's protector, not the cause of it becoming a radioactive wasteland."
"Oh, the odds of that are infinitesimal." How is it he can pronounce that, but not Metro City or Hello? "It's only a small one. It's barely even radioactive. It's perfectly safe."
"A perfectly safe nuclear reactor?"
Megamind sighs, "It's really not a big deal. It just provides us power to run the lair so we can be off the grid. We use a lot of electricity. If it were on the grid, it would be impossible to hide. For the same reason, I can't exactly install solar panels or wind turbines on the roof and a gasoline generator is noisy and environmentally irresponsible. Generators using other fuels are better. But still, a nuclear reactor is really the best option here."
"Well, yeah, if you ignore the whole issue of meltdowns and nuclear waste." Roxanne rolls her eyes.
"It can't melt down and there is no nuclear waste. I wouldn't be that irresponsible."
"How is there no nuclear waste?"
"I just neutralize the radiation when the fuel is spent. "
"You neutralize the radiation? How do you do that?"
"Fine, but when the nuclear regulatory agency comes down on you, I'm so going to say 'I told you so.'"
"I have a de-regulate setting on my gun."
"What does that do?"
"Destroys paperwork, corrupts files, and pretty much reaps havoc on the bureaucracy."
There is a de-regulate setting on his gun. I stepped through the movie and looked at it. I wanted some excuse to mention it.
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