|Roxas's Talk Show
Author: ForbiddenKHfan216 PM
Sequel to Axel's Pranks and Prejudice: Roxas has been forced to do a talk show! With his friends as his co-hosts and crew, he gets to ask the KH crew all the questions he wants! Warning: There'll be pranks, stupid questions and bashing galore!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Roxas & Xion - Words: 1,921 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 9 - Published: 04-11-11 - id: 6895273
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Dedicated to Koddie since it was her birthday yesterday and I offered to give her the first chapter as a present.
Happy birthday, girl!
May your special day be filled with randomness and excitement as I hope this chapter is!
Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and Disney do NOT belong to me. Youtube girls are the ones who did "The Sora Show" or something like that on Youtube. Pretty funny, even with the Yaoi in there.
With that said, ForbiddenKHFan216 does belong to me. Cause she's a personification of myself.
To my co-authors (you know who you are), send me the chapter bits already!
I'm not exactly happy at having to do this all by myself, ya know!
Oh, and this is another sneak peek for the summer. Cause I ain't doing TWO Q&A's at the same time!
Roxas was sitting in the studio, pacing around nervously and messing with the tie he had been forced to wear along with his suit.
"I don't want to go out there." Roxas says for the fifteenth time in under ten minutes as he turns blood red at the thought of actually hosting a television show.
"Relax! Everything's gonna go fine. After all, you did help with my show." Axel informs him in an encouraging voice, patting the anxious Keyblade Wielder on the back.
This does very little to comfort Roxas and he continues pacing.
"Five minutes til airing! … Where is she anyway?" Xion asks, coming out with a clipboard in hand and a small headset screwed into her ear.
"She said something about getting the other authors… Why did I agree to this?" Roxas mumbles to himself, shaking uncontrollably.
"The authoress is gonna give you a truck of ice cream, remember?" Axel says with a grin, already imagining the icy cold dairy treats. Naturally, Roxas would be sharing with his two best friends.
"True… Alright, let's do this thing." Roxas says as a loud cheer comes from the audience and his two best friends give him double thumbs up. He glances around, and upon hearing a violent swear in Spanish from the audio booth, he walks on stage and shouts:
"HELLO FANS OF KINGDOM HEARTS!"
The crowd of Disney characters, Final Fantasy monsters and heroes, and with the main crew of the series shout and cheer as he walks onstage as his theme song plays out in a slightly more upbeat way.
"Alright, how's everyone doing tonight?" Roxas calls out as the various characters shout and cheer as he runs around in the audience, personally shaking hands and greeting the ones he knew.
"Hey, Maleficent, thanks for the fruit basket. They were great!… Cid, you rock, mate! … Cloud, you emo shit head… Yuffie, what's up?… Jack, my man, what's been going on? You stole Christmas again? Awesome!…. RAWR to you, too, Simba!" Roxas says to various characters.
"Huh, he's doing pretty well." Axel says from behind stage as he readies the envelopes with the Authoress' questions.
"I know, right?" Xion says, chuckling as she continues to badger one of the other co-hosts to hurry up.
"Anyway, I bet you guys are wondering just what we're doing here, huh? Well, welcome to Roxas's Talk Show, where all your Kingdom Hearts, Disney and Final Fantasy-related questions are gonna be answered! If we call on you for a question, come on up! …. Goddamn it, I can't be so cheerful for long…" Roxas murmurs this last bit to himself, looking like he wanted to run.
Then the loudspeaker suddenly goes off.
"Attention, fanfictioners! This is the Authoress backstage talking! You get me the questions by private messaging me! All shall be anonymous so ask the stupidest questions you want! Yes, it can be about stupid couples, too! Like Roxas and someone better than him! That is all!"
"It's for the sea salt ice cream, it's for the sea salt ice cream..." Roxas mutters to himself angrily, struggling to keep his fury in.
Xion walks onstage, handing him an envelope.
"HI XION!" Sora's voice shouts from the audience as she waves wildly to the crowd.
"Welcome to the Roxas Show! Please leave your sanity at the door with your coats! …. HI DADDY SORA!" She shouts cheerfully, sending most of the crowd into fits of laughter.
"Xion, get off the stage!" Roxas hisses at her, pointing back behind the curtain.
"You're no fun, Roxas! I'll remember that the next time you sleep in my bed!" She huffs, running off.
"I HAD A NIGHTMARE, YOU MORON! AND YOUR ROOM IS WARMER THAN MINE!" Roxas shouts after her, blushing furiously as the crowd wolf whistles at him and a lot of the guys shout comments at him.
"Oh la la! Bad Roxas, bad! No incest on this show!" The loudspeaker laughs as Roxas glares up at it and throws Oathkeeper up at it, smashing it to bits.
"FIRST QUESTION: Xemnas, are you or are you not a Sith lord? … Forbidden, you said no Star Wars jokes!" Roxas shouts backstage to the amusement of the crowd when a kid appears on one of the TV screens, quite visibly shouting insults at him, but due to technical failure, the girl's voice was muted.
"Okay then. Ahem, Terra, Aqua, you here? This one's for you." Roxas asks as Aqua and Terra walk onstage. Aqua waves at the crowd cheerfully while Terra looked slightly embarrassed. They take seats on the many chairs that were up on the stage after shaking hands with Roxas.
"What are your thoughts on the other Keyblade wielders? Are we as strong as you guys are?" Roxas asks politely.
"Pfft. As if." Terra snickers under his breath.
Aqua glares at him, stomping on his foot and making him yelp in pain.
"Well, you guys have done pretty well for not being trained. You guys have done so much and all by yourselves. I'm especially impressed with you, Roxas. Sorry for the no heart thing though." Aqua says in a soft voice, smiling at him.
"Thanks, Aqua, I'm working on it. Thanks for showing up, guys! Hope your fic is going well!" Roxas says as they walks off.
"Not likely… she's gonna make me teach Ventus how to fly on a glider…." Terra mutters darkly to himself as he leaves.
As soon as the stage was empty, besides himself, Roxas holds up the next envelope with the questions from the Authoress.
"Alright guys! She has another one for you: "Who is the better Keyblade Master; Riku or Sora?" " Roxas reads out loud as the crowd of Kingdom Hearts and Disney characters cheer at the two kids that had just ran onto the stage.
Riku, like usual, looked like he didn't even want to be there. Sora was grinning cheerfully and was waving to the crowd.
"So Sora, give us your opinion. Are you the better Keyblade Master?" Roxas asks, holding the microphone he was speaking into up to Sora's face.
Sora takes it and nods.
"Of course I'm the better Keyblade Master! I mean, I can fly, shoot fire out of my weapon and I'm adorable to boot! Not to mention…. I got the girl!" Sora adds this last part to Riku who was rolling his eyes throughout his speech.
"And Riku? What do you think?" Roxas asks, holding the microphone out to him.
"Puh-lease. I'm the better one. The only reason that I wasn't the main character in the series is cause I would have gotten everything done faster and the game wouldn't be as long. Besides… It was supposed to be mine in the first place. So there." Riku says with a spiteful grin.
"The only reason you're not the main character is cause you would have stayed in Destiny Islands, sitting in a corner and being emo!" Sora retorts with a snicker.
Riku summons up his Way to the Dawn and holds the point of the winged blade to Sora's throat.
"Mind saying that again?" He demands quietly in a dark way, glaring furiously at his so called "best friend."
"Whoa, no weapons allowed! That's the rules! Now drop it, Emo Boy!" Forbidden's voice somehow shouts from the broken loudspeaker as Riku's Keyblade suddenly vanishes.
He glares up at the ceiling, looking more than a little pissed at having his precious Way to the Dawn taken away.
Sora on the other hand, looks absolutely delighted.
"And… and… Riku's just like the mailman! He DELIVERED my Keyblade to me!" Sora adds triumphantly.
"You got that from those two girls on Youtube!" Riku snarls but Sora just shrugs.
"Hey, they had a point. So I'm the better Keyblade Master." He says stubbornly, crossing his arms childishly.
"… Personally, I think I'm the better Keyblade Master. I mean, I have two to you guys's one." Roxas says with a smug smile but the two friends were ignoring him.
"In fact, I have a demonstration! Roxas, hold this for me." Sora says as he starts searching through his many, many pockets.
Eventually, he finds a small packet of chocolate covered cookies and hands them to Roxas.
"Xion, come up here!" He requests next and she quickly makes her way on stage.
"What's up?" She asks in confusion.
He hands her a sugar cookie.
"Now, you're Riku and I'm me. You want this cookie, riiiiiight?" Sora asks her in a sweet voice, pointing down to the sugar cookie.
Xion looks at it and nods.
"It does look really good…" She says wistfully, looking as if she really, really, really wanted to eat it.
Sora points to Roxas and to his bag of chocolate cookies.
"But look! Roxas has chocolate ones! And all you have to do is give that silly old sugar cookie to me to get them." He informs her innocently.
She immediately hands him the cookie.
"Deal!" She squeals as she runs to go get her prize.
The moment she does so, Sora turns to Riku smugly.
"And that's exactly what happened." Sora says with a grin as he takes a bite of his "Keyblade" cookie.
"Wait, so I was Maleficent?" Roxas asks in mild confusion as Xion continues munching her cookies.
"That is NOT how it happened!" Riku shouts, blushing furiously in pure utter anger.
"YES IT WAS!" Sora shouts as the two go into a full out brawl onstage.
"… Lexaeus, come in, Lexaeus. Lexaeus, please get these idiots off my stage." Roxas says into his microphone which in turn, reached the security office where Lexaeus was currently sitting in his new security guard uniform.
He nods at Roxas's command, knowing fully well that the host couldn't see him as he Corridors onto the stage. He takes one glare at the dueling teens and they immediately freeze in their tracks, allowing him to grab them by the scruff of their collars and throw them back into the crowd.
"Thank you, Lexaeus. Anyway, since this is only the pilot episode, that's all folks! See ya next time!" Roxas says as he bows formally to the audience, running off stage the second that he can to hide in his dressing room.
"… Wuss." Axel comments quietly, rolling his eyes at his pal's stage fright.
"You said it, Axel." Xion says as she keeps running around, getting everything ready for the next show.