I'll love you 'till I die

Pairing: Buffy/Angel (what else ;-))

Timing: Buffy Season 3-4 and Angel Season 1

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters and I don't use them to make money. Nothing's mine but the idea to the story. And the song's mine too.

It's only my second story and I really hope you like it. Please send me reviews! So, here goes the first part. =)

Angel was once again standing in front of the house in Revello Drive, which was so familiar to him. A long time ago, when he had been together with Buffy and they hadn't known about the curse yet, he had often visited her when she had been grounded or when she couldn't sneak out. Then he had just come to her and they had shared a few long kisses before she went to bed and he went home. Angel sighed at the memories of those happy times. Those were the happiest moments of his unnaturally long life – the moments he had got to spend with Buffy.

Nowadays he spent at least two nights a week here, in Sunnydale, her home, where she had her friends and her mom, where she would soon go to college. He had only been standing there for a few minutes and he already started a debate within himself. Should he jump onto the roof and look through the window to check on her? The answer was no, he shouldn't. He should leave her alone. He had broken up with her so she could have a normal boyfriend, a normal relationship. He had told her to forget him, but did he want her to forget him? No, he didn't. He wanted her to remember, to cherish all those memories, just like he did.

He knew he shouldn't check on her, he shouldn't even be in town without saying hello, and in his brain there was a piercing voice telling him to stay away, to just get into his car and drive back to LA. A few nights ago he had stood in the very same place and he had promised himself that he would stay away. He had sworn to not come back again. It was unfair to her, always seeing her although she couldn't see him. And he had really tried to stay away, but he couldn't. She was his reason for fighting, his soul mate, his love. He felt a pull towards her which he just couldn't ignore.

One day, he had just felt such an urge to see her, so he had waited for twilight, then he had gotten into his car and driven right to her house. He had climbed onto the roof to look through her bedroom window and had found her lying on the bed, sleeping. She had looked like an angel, sleeping so peacefully with a slight smile on her face. He hadn't been able to tear his gaze off her until he had felt dawn approaching, and he had known he had to get back to LA.

Since that night, he had been to Sunnydale almost every night, when there were no demons to kill or vampires to slay. He would just stand on her roof and watch her sleep until he felt the sun come up. He always felt so content when he looked at her, it was like he was still a part of her life. But then he would remember that he wasn't, that he was just an outsider, looking in on her life, the life she had built herself here, a life without him.

And after a while, Angel had just gone to Sunnydale and watched, while he was trying not to think about any of it. Because he didn't know what to think. His mind was full of thoughts about how he shouldn't be there and how he desperately wanted to stay and never leave. He also knew that he loved her with all his unbeating heart, but that it could never be. All his dreams about them finally being able to be together would never come true.

So now Angel was standing in front of her house, looking up to the window of her bedroom. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't see the little bit of light shining in her room. He figured she would be sleeping at such a late hour. Not wanting to wake her, he jumped onto the roof, careful not to make any noise, and made his way to her window, to sit on the windowsill like always. Her window was open and just as he quietly wanted to climb in, he noticed the little lamp on her nightstand illuminating the room just slightly. He looked around and found his Buffy sitting on the bed, facing in his direction. But she wasn't looking at him or the window, she was looking down on the guitar she held in her hands.

He was a little bit anxious. What if she would look up and find him there? What would she think, what would she say or do? But when he realized that she was holding a guitar, he stopped thinking about leaving. All of a sudden, Angel was curious. He had never seen her with a guitar or heard her sing or say that she liked playing. Perhaps a new hobby?

He then noticed that she was also writing something down, and she was murmuring to herself.

"C, yeah, that's the chord I've been looking for, okay finished. Let's see if it sounds good," Buffy said to herself, oblivious to the fact that Angel was standing just outside her window. In these two months since Angel had been gone, she hadn't really gone out much or had had a really funny evening. In fact, she had been really miserable. She just couldn't forget him. And then the dreams had started. Really vivid dreams about Angel and herself. Willow was the only one, who knew about these dreams. She hadn't told any of the others because they were expecting her to move on and forget Angel, but she couldn't. She loved him with every fiber of her being and Willow was also the only one who had been there after he had broken up with her. She had been the one who had had to endure heart-broken Buffy. But since Willow was on vacation with Oz in Romania, she had no chance of talking to her all that much. So she decided to write songs again. She had done that a lot when she hadn't been the slayer yet, and then every once in a while a song would come into her head and she would sit down and play it. And since Willow had been away she had written lots of songs, all about Angel. Tonight, she hadn't been able to sleep, so she had just gotten her guitar out of the closet it was usually in when she didn't play, and she had started writing, almost crying as she brought the words to paper, because they were all connected with a memory. So she began to play and sing out loud, not having to worry about waking her mom. Her mom was in LA, buying some artwork for the new exhibition at her little gallery.

I'm standing here alone

I can't believe you're gone

You walked right out of my life

Without saying goodbye

Angel was stunned. He hadn't know that Buffy could even play the guitar, but she was playing like a pro. She was really good. And her voice! She sang so beautiful and when he really listened to the lyrics of her song, a silent tear made its way down his cheek.

Just one 'I love you'

Was enough to survive

You said 'always'

You just passed by

It was so heartbreaking. She remembered everything. Every word he ever said to her, every move of him, every gesture, just every moment they had together. And she sang with everything she had, she laid every emotion into that song as she began the chorus.

Never wanna be without you baby

I know I won't be alright

And I know I won't survive

Now that you've left my side

Did she really feel this way? It was like she was singing everything he felt. He couldn't survive without her. That was the reason why he was always lurking outside her window and staring at her sleeping form.

I'm crying all the time

There's no reason to smile

My reason is gone

They all want me to move on

Was he really her reason? He knew exactly how he felt, she was his only reason for everything, but it couldn't be mutual, could it? She had so many things worth living for, so many reasons to smile in her life, she just couldn't feel so strong about a vampire that had once been a part of her life.

But I know I never will

It's like time is standing still

Until you come back to me

Baby, please

She wanted him to come back to her, she wanted him in her life, that was what she had told him back then. How could he have been so blind? He had thought to know what she wanted, that he knew what was best for her, that she had been to young! No, she hadn't been to young. She had always known what she wanted. She was a smart, beautiful, young girl and she had always known what she wanted. Was that what the song was about? Could she really want him back, after all that they had been through, after all the times he had hurt her in so many ways?

Never wanna be without you baby

I know I won't be alright

And I know I won't survive

Now that you've left my side.

And I'll love you 'till I die.

Buffy had ended her wonderful song and sighed. She had always liked to play the guitar and she hadn't had a lot of time for things like this since she had come to Sunnydale, but it was good that she had time now because it was the only way of getting it all out, with her best friend being in Romania. She stood up, wanting to put her guitar back into the closet and the paper back onto her desk. It was only then that she noticed the dark haired man standing outside her window.