|The Turmoil and Wreckage of Life
Author: Captain MadHat PM
PJ and Nick revisit the station after the expolsion. Nick helps PJ rveal some harsh truths. PJ/Maggie, PJ/Jo Warning: this is a totally off the cuff unbetaed story.Rated: Fiction T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 638 - Favs: 1 - Published: 05-02-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6960084
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"It doesn't hurt as much." PJ stared past Nick.
"What do you mean?" Nick was worried PJ was losing it. Two special people in his life have died in horrific ways. In the same way Nick was just as worried about the Boss. They were standing in the wreckage of PJ office next to what was left of his desk.
PJ's voice cracked "It hurts oh god it hurts but Nick, she was right. It does hurt but not as much as when Mags died. I loved Jo I know I did so why doesn't it hurt as much? What kind of person am I?"
Nick sighed and gripped PJ's shoulder. "The person who has already seen the horrors of life, PJ, Maggie died in your arms, three days after she agreed to marry you. Also I'm betting you weren't immediately best friends with Jo either, you and Maggie were electric from the beginning. PJ I'm gonna tell you the brutal truth, Maggie was your true love and you were hers. There was no way you would ever find someone like her but you did exactly what she would have wanted you to do. You moved on, you tried to find happiness and you found someone to love. It just is the worst for Jo and in some ways yourself that you'd already given your whole heart to Maggie. Mate Zoe and I had this discussion when I told her about Jennifer. You know what she said to me, she knows I love her as much as I possibly can but there is a part of my heart that will always belong to my wife and child and she can never take that away from me. Now that part has grown slightly smaller over the years because I do love Zoe but she is right, she will never have my whole heart. Jo should have realised the same."
PJ stared at his hands. "You think? I want to feel what I felt then, I did love Jo and I feel guilty for not feeling it but you what kills me. When we came back to see what we could salvage, you know what I want? Maggie picture frame from my desk drawer, I have a copy at home and the photo isn't the point but ...How much of a selfish bastard can I be?"
Nick gripped his shoulder tighter as he shook with grief. "PJ, Patrick Joseph Hasham, I totally understand."
PJ also gripped Nick's hand on his shoulder in understanding. "Thanks mate. For everything you have been a great friend to me over the years despite the distance."
"Back at you mate. No come on lets go drown our memories and grief in a manly way. No more of this emotional crap. But first let's find that frame. Shouldn't leave a diamond lying around someone might get ideas."
PJ gave a hollow laugh and bent down to pick up side of his desk nearest the door. The legs had been blown off and it was badly charred but as he picked it up, he saw that the frame was only mildly damaged. The photo had bubbled and burned a bit but on the whole PJ felt lucky it was even still there. Nick nodded as PJ dropped the desk and then steered him to the door.
"Come on Chrissy's top shelf is calling."
A/N Ok I've just watched all of Maggie's episodes plus Echoes and the explosion episode and really felt for PJ and Jo. I thought this might put into words PJ's emotions and turmoil and that Nick might be the only bloke aside from the Boss would come close to understanding. Anyways all reviews are welcome. Xx Phoenix