|Red Krogan riding hood
Author: Revan Sama PM
Mass effect parody.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Harbinger & U. Grunt - Words: 989 - Reviews: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 05-03-11 - id: 6961036
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Red Krogan Riding Hood.
Once upon a time.
There was a Krogan with big blue eyes who was hated by everyone who looked at him,
"Seriously, does the author has a personal grudge against me?"
(Urdnot Grunt as little Red riding hood)
"How shameful! To wear such...such...such horrible red clothing."
"What suits me the most is SEXY BLUE ARMOR!" exclaimed Grunt.
Oh come one! Don't make me change the clothes color just because you like blue most, it will ruin the whole story if I did.
"Why not?" asked Grunt.
Blue Krogan riding hood? ! Are you serious?
"Okay the title doesn't mach but I still don't like red."
Stop complaining and let me continue the damn story.
The one who hated him the most of all was his grandmother,
"Why must I wear such heavy wig on my head?"
(Udina as the grandmother)
Where else do you want to wear it?
Once she gave to Grunt a little riding hood of red velvet.
"What? ! That's it? ! A cheap riding hood? ! And RED? !" Grunt was outraged.
"Be grateful that I give something for your birthday. And do remember I am the human ambassador ! I only get paid when Shepard gain renegade points...AND HE IS A PARAGON !"
"And also this is too damn small for me."
"Not my problem." said Udina the grandmother.
He would never wear anything else.
Wait...does that mean you don't change your clothe?
"Only when Shepard has won my loyalty. I got cool new clothes then."
And so he was always called 'Big Red Krogan Riding Hood.'
"I want Bluuuuuuuue!" whined Grunt.
Shut up or else it be green!
One day his mother said to him:
"Grunt get your ass over here and take this perfect piece of cake and a perfect bottle of wine; take them to your imperfect grandmother, she is ill (in her head) and weak (Impotent), and they will do her no good."
(Miranda Lawson as red riding hood's mother)
"Does that mean my grandmother is alcoholic?" asked Grunt.
"Only when she look her Asari porn, you know how Udina is..."
"A two-faced bastard." explained Mother Miranda.
Then Mother Miranda gave him some advices...A LOT of advices:
"Set out before it gets hot because remember that you are some sort of lizard, and when you are going, walk perfectly and quietly and do not run off the path, or you may fall and break the bottle,
and then your grandmother will get nothing...Which wouldn't be so bad anyway; and when you go into her room, don't forget to say, "Good morning hold hag", and peep into every corner before you do it."
"I don't know if I can remember all that."
"I know, you'll have to have a perfect mind like myself to remember. But since you have your father's mind 'sigh' I'll write everything on paper."
(Urdnot Wrex has sneezed.)
"I will take great care...especially of the cake" said Grunt to his mother.
"It's not for you." reminded mother Miranda.
The grandmother Udina lived out in the wood, half a league from the village (Then how can she go to the supermarket then? !)
and just as Grunt entered the wood, a wolf met him. Grunt did not know what a wicked creature he was, and was not at all afraid of him.
"Why would I be scared of a wolf? In mass effect 2, I killed a giant worm with Shepard!"
"I will assuming direct control of this story"
(Harbinger as the wolf)
"Dude, Isn't it a bit exaggerated to make Harbinger the wolf? He is taking too much space." said Grunt
"Are you insinuating that I am fat, sterilized race?"
"Yeah, I am." answered Grunt.
"Where are you going so early, Red sterilized species Hood?"
"What did you call me?"
"Just answer the question."
"To my grandmother's...Udina."
"What have you got in your apron?" asked once again Harbinger the wolf.
"I meant what are you dragging..."
"Cake and wine; yesterday was baking-day, so poor sick in the head grandmother Udina is to have something not good, to make her ill." answered Grunt.
"I thought the perfect woman has done this."
"She did...That why Udina will be ill after eating it"
"HEY! I've heard that!" said mother Miranda in her house.
"Where does your grandmother live, Impotent Krogan?"
"Why the hell should I tell you?"
"Assuming direct con-"
"OKAY! OKAY! A good quarter of a league farther on in the wood; her house stands under the three large oak-trees, the nut-trees are just below; you surely must know it," quickly replied Grunt.
Harbinger the wolf thought to himself:
"What a tender young creature! what a nice plump mouthful -"
Harbinger,...You are suppose to be a wolf reaper...NOT a pervert!
"She will be better to eat than the old woman. I must act craftily, so as to catch both."
You sound like a husband who is cheating his wife with a mistress...
He walked for a short time by Grunt's side, and then he said:
"How about you'll pick some blueberries for your grandmother,...their delicious you know."
"You're kidding right? ! I'll take them for me! I haven't eat since the story has begin!"
"Bring her a nosegay too...So you'll have an excuse for being late."
"A gay? For Udina? Well that explain a lot..."
"I said a NOSEGAY you idiot."
So Grunt ran from the path into the wood to look for flowers and food. And so got deeper and deeper into the wood.
"What a pigeon... Even the Protheans weren't so idiotic."
Meanwhile Harbinger the wolf ran straight to the grandmother Udina's house.
"I have a bad feeling about this." said grandmother Udina.
End of first chapter.