Author: Darth Hel'eon PM
This Is Set Before Civil War. The New Avengers Have Recently Formed. Deadpool, Seeking To Better Himself, Asks To Join The Avengers - Only Wolverine Isn't Too Keen On The Idea! Contains Bloody Violence, Bad Language, Butchering Of English LanguageRated: Fiction M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 48,468 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 08-04-12 - Published: 05-06-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6969942
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Deadpool: The Motor Mouths vs Logan!
Pete wrestled with his left boot whilst hopping toward the elevator* with his right foot.
*Note: Those wondering why Spidey is using the elevator instead of a window, well, Stark's Tower's windows are sealed for security*
Suddenly PING the elevator doors opened to reveal a pissed off Mary Jane Watson-Parker. She was red-faced, wild-eyed and had jaw and fists clenched – Pete stood there with mouth wide open in wide eyed shock, he managed to stutter
" Ummh... heurrrhh... ah... h-h-how? " MJ barged past not even looking at him or muttering a single word. She hurried to their room and slammed the door shut. Pete dropped his boot and followed in a daze, he cautiously knocked on the door
" MJ?... MJ please, I'm so sorry... " he put his ear to the door listening out for a response – he wasn't granted one, Pete decided to continued
" C'mon MJ – I said I was sorry, please just let me explain " he was cut-off by MJ
" EXPLAIN WHAT? " she yelled " EXPLAIN WHY YOU LEFT ME ON A ROOF! EXPLAIN WHY I HAD TO SUFFER THE HUMILIATION OF BEING RESCUED BY – BY BLACK CAT! ARRRRGGH! " Black Cat? Thought Pete, but not wanting to press the issue he carried on his apology
" Okay – so you're pissed, I get that – I do but, it was an honest mistake. I really am so very sorry MJ... MJ? "
" SORRY? NOT YET YOU'RE NOT! " Pete recoiled from the door and swallowed hard, something about the way MJ said that sent a shiver down his spine and a feeling of nausea washed over him.
Pete slowly, still in a daze, headed back into the T.V room and slumped down in the sofa next to Deadpool, he sighed a heavily and started to contemplate on how to make it upto MJ and why Black Cat had helped? What was in it for her? His thoughts were interrupted
" Potato chip? " Deadpool said casually as if he was oblivious to what just happened, Pete shook his head no, closed his eyes and put his head in his hands
" sigh Man, I am soooo dead! " Pete mumbled, Deadpool glanced at Pete and said
" Huh? Fuhgedda'boutet! She'll come round " Pete looked up from his hands at Deadpool in disbelief
" I don't think so " he said dubiously " I 'LEFT HER' - on a 'ROOF' - and 'FORGOT' about her "
" So? " Deadpool shrugged " We aaaaall leave our wives on a roof and forget about them at some point " he joked, Pete frowned
" What? If you're trying to cheer me up it's not working. MJ is right to be angry with me. She's been angry with me before but, this time it feels – different " Pete said with a hint of unease. Deadpool decided to continue watching T.V and munch on potato chips, Pete put his head back in his hands and resumed his agonizing thoughts. Steve entered the room, he headed towards the kitchen, glancing to his left as he did so, Steve noticed Pete had his head in his hands and was dressed in his Spidey gear, except for his mask and left boot
" Is everything alright? " Steve inquired as he came to a stop
" Pete left MJ on a roof and forgot about her, now she's locked herself in her room " Deadpool answered nonchalantly with a mouthful of potato chips, Pete looked at Deadpool astounded
" Pete. Can I have a word in the kitchen please? " Steve motioned for Pete to join him, Pete hesitantly rose to his feet and sheepishly made his way to the kitchen. As Pete entered the kitchen Steve was already seated and was motioning for him to sit, Pete did so
" Do you wish to explain a little more on what Deadpool said, son? " Steve asked with a friendly smile
" Not really " replied Pete looking down at the table too ashamed to make eye contact, Steve folded his arms and leant back in the chair and changed his tone to an authoritative one
" Okay. I need to know. Will this affect your duties as an Avenger? Would you and MJ like some time away? " Pete didn't really know what to say, MJ wasn't speaking to him, he wasn't sure if she needed time away or whether this would indeed, affect his duties as an Avenger. Steve was staring at Pete intently, measuring his reactions, waiting for a reply. Pete carefully considered his answer
" ... I think - I just need to clear my head, have a swing through the city whilst letting MJ cool off " Steve nodded in acknowledgement, he unfolded his arms and returned to his friendly tone
" Okay. But remember son, we are a team. We are friends, you do not have to go through this alone " Pete nodded and smiled
" ... thank you "
" HEY GUYS? YOU MIGHT WANNA SEE THIS? " yelled Deadpool, Pete and Steve looked at each other and made their way to the T.V room. Deadpool was pointing at the T.V, scenes of SHIELD containing the 'Unknown being' the Avengers had fought earlier were being shown, Pete and Steve stood in the middle of the room
" ... attacked earlier today, luckily for the citizens, SHIELD subdued and arrested this – Unknown, makes you wonder where the costumed vigilantes were? A spokesperson of SHIELD had this to say - " a clean-shaven, generic looking man with dark brown hair styled in a military crew cut appeared, no-one that Pete, Steve or Deadpool recognized
" We plan on being a more pronounced force in dealing with such occurrences. Citizens can rest assure that SHIELD is out there patrolling the city, ready to stop 'any' threat to New York " it switched back to the news reader who moved on to another story, Deadpool noticed Pete and Steve standing in shock, fixated on the T.V, he swiped his hand in a dismissive manner at the T.V and whined
" What the? They totally forgot to credit us. That's soooo not cool " Deadpool finished by folding his arms in a exaggerated huff
" Something's not right? " Steve remarked concernedly whilst stroking his chin
" What part? " shrugged Pete " The interview? The fact they want to go public? Or the fact that they negated to show or mention 'our' involvement? "
" The whole thing " Steve said assuredly " I was suspicious when they refused our help, but now - this doesn't make sense? " he stated shaking his head in bemusement, Pete pondered on Steve's words for a second
" Maybe SHIELD have been 'forced' into the spotlight? " he finally chirped
" For what reason? And by whom? " retorted Steve, Pete scratched his head
" ... I got nothing " he conceded
" Whatever the reason, it cannot be good " Steve stated in a vigilant manner
" Agreed " Pete said, he then motioned a thumb over his shoulder at the window and said " Imma head out, clear my head " Steve nodded, Pete turned to Deadpool " Deadpool you wanna come? " Deadpool choked on his potato chips, Steve looked at Pete in disbelief
" What? " Deadpool cried spitting potato chips everywhere " You're inviting ME? " he asked stunned, Pete nodded " Sure do! Don't need to ask me twice " Deadpool said excitedly leaping up from the sofa and punching up in the air, Steve smiled and headed off to the lab to talk with Tony.
Deadpool and Spidey set off into the cool, refreshing feel of the evening night, Deadpool clung to Spidey's back as they swung through the city. They soon noticed SHIELD patrol units all over New York
" Wow, they weren't joking when they said they were gonna be patrolling New York huh? " Spidey remarked casually
" So? What happens if some super-powered freak appears causing trouble? Do we leave it for SHIELD now or what? " asked Deadpool in earnest
" Not sure – but, I cannot in good conscience just sit by and watch " Spidey said with resolve
" Hmmmm... what's gonna happen to The Avengers now? " Deadpool bespoke
" Wouldn't like to say " retorted Spidey
" Okay, so what's the plan? " Deadpool asked eagerly
" We are heading to my fave spot for contemplation "
" Oh – cool... can we stop off at Macky Dees* first? "
" Uh – sure, why not? "
*Note: Macky Dees is slang for McDonalds®. Other fast food branches are available*
Meanwhile. In the laboratories of Avengers Tower. Stark is working on a new costume for Deadpool
" TONY? " Yelled Steve
" IN HERE STEVE! " Tony yelled in reply, Steve headed to the room he heard Tony's voice. He knocked and entered with a heavy look on his face
" Tony, I have some troubling news regarding SHIELD "
" Great " Tony stated wryly before asking mockingly " So – what are 'they' upto now? " Steve furrowed his brow and folded his arms
" It would seem they wish to become a public world police force "
" WHAT? " Tony exclaimed in shock " But isn't that against what they were created for? "
" I know. It doesn't make sense. I need to speak with Natasha immediately! "
" Hah, good luck with that Steve " Tony jested " She sure didn't seem interested in talking with us earlier, not even MY charms will work on her ha ha ha " Steve smiled
" Still. I need to know what is going on Tony "
In the city. Spidey is on a rooftop overlooking Deadpool who is entering McDonalds® to a chorus of stares, then a kid shouts
" Hey Spidey! What happened to your cool new costume? "
" Uh sorry little dude, I ain't Spidey, I'm Deadpool " he said pointing to the katana strapped to his back " Spidey's loaning me this costume – besides, I'm cooler than Spidey, right? "
" Huh? " the kid looked bemused,
" DEADPOOL SUCKS! " a kid shouted, Deadpool looked around wildly
" WHO SAID THAT? " he demanded, clenching his left fist and motioned rolling up his sleeve, a moment of silence passed then a couple of kids started chanting
" We want Spider-Man, we want Spider-Man " then the rest of the kids joined in the chanting
" WE WANT SPIDER-MAN! WE WANT SPIDER-MAN! WE WANT SPIDER-MAN! " defeated, Deadpool made his way to the counter, a nervous looking blond haired girl greeted him
" G-G-Good evenin' m-may I take ya order? " Deadpool leant on the counter
" Goooooood evening beautiful, now – let's see... hmmmm... I'll haaaaave... " Deadpool looked at the menu boards tapping his chin with his left index finger
" HEY! Spidar-freak! Ya wanna hurry it up? I wanna eats bafore Christmas! " a burly New York native said aggressively, Deadpool looks at the girl behind the counter
" Excuse me a mo', YO! BUDDY! " he spun round and punched the guy in the face. Before the guy fell, Deadpool grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close " Ya wanna eat ya food through a tube for the rest of ya life? 'cause I can make that happen! " Spidey notices the commotion (internal monologue)mimics Deadpools voice " Can we stop off at Macky Dees first? " mimics self " Uh - sure, why not? Because Deadpool might kill someone THAT'S WHY NOT! Man, I knew I shoulda gone in with him " Spidey drops down and enters McDonalds®
" DEADPOOL! " Spidey yells, both the guy and Deadpool look over at Spidey who, is standing with hands on hips " Unhand that man – NOW! " commanded Spidey, " You're scaring the children! " Deadpool looked around, the kids and parents were wearing worried expressions upon their faces. Deadpool unhands the man, then proceeds to dusts the guy off and readjusts his shirt, then looks at the floor ashamed and fidgets with discomfort, the kids start to chant for Spidey. Spidey motions for them to settle down, Deadpool turns back to the girl behind the counter
" I'll have a McChicken Sandwich® please "
Moments later. Deadpool and Spidey head out of McDonalds®, Deadpool lifts up his mask to expose his mouth and takes a bite of his McChicken Sandwich®, Spidey turns to Deadpool
" What is 'wrong' with you Deadpool? You're an Avenger now, you need to set an example for kids "
" I was " Deadpool mumbled with a mouthful of food
" How? " Spidey challenged him sharply
" By showing them to stick up for themselves " Spidey pondered for a moment
" Okay. You got me there – I'm not sure what happened or what was said? " But before Spidey could continue, a kid came running round the corner, he bumps into Deadpool knocking his McChicken Sandwich® to the floor
" GOD DAMMIT! " exclaimed Deadpool, the kid fell to the ground
" I am TOTALLY gonna rip you a new - " Deadpool pulled down his mask and looked the kid over " Hey! Didn't me and Cap kick your butt the other day? " he inquired stroking his chin, the kid trembled and murmured in bemusement but, couldn't actually say anything
" Not much of a talker is he? " Spidey remarks in jest
" That's definitely him. He was just as talkative when me and Cap stopped his sorry ass the other day hahahaha! " retorted Deadpool placing a foot on the chest of the kid pinning him to the ground, the kid didn't quite understand as his eyes kept darting between Deadpool and Spidey
" Aaaand, if memory serves me correct " Deadpool says tapping his finger against his head " I said next time I wasn't gonna go easy on ya! " Deadpool joked pulling out his right gun. He adjusted the settings and twirled it a couple of times before aiming it at the kid who, closed his eyes and squirmed trying to free himself. Spidey allowed Deadpool his fun but, was ready to step in if it went too far
" Wait, am I missing something here? " Spidey asked nonchalantly, Deadpool lowered himself and looked the kid in the eyes
" This 'kid' cost me a chocolate indulgence ice-cream AND a chicken burger! Not to mention, an earache on the ride back from Cap about the disrespect this kid showed, running away when he was delivering one of his speeches " he explained, not taking his eyes off the kid for a second, the kid finally twigged, despite his appearance, that it was Deadpool NOT another Spider-Man he was dealing with
" Ha ha sooo THIS is that kid! Ha ha ha " Spidey continued to jest
" Puh – puh – puhlease, don't " The kid whimpered, holding his hand up to shield himself from attack
" Oh, so he 'does' speak ha ha " Spidey mocked
" I – I – I'm sorry man " the kid shakily apologised
" Sorry? " Deadpool questioned rhetorically " Sorry doesn't get me my ice-cream and burger back DOES IT? " he protested waving his gun around. A shadow loomed above them
" Leave the boy alone! " Deadpool and Spidey look up, it was the Vulture! He wore a puzzled expression as he looked over Deadpool, who was dressed as Spidey, and Spider-Man noting that one of the Spider-Men had a gun. (Spidey internal monologue) " Oh great! Just what I need, why does this keep happening to me? " Spidey's thoughts were cut short
" pssst... Spidey? " Deadpool whispered, removing his foot from the kid and leaning in close to Spidey " There's an old man pretending he's a bird. What do we do? Freeze and hope he doesn't notice us "
" Ha ha, that's old man Toomes – he's more dangerous than he appears " Spidey chuckled
" I AM THE VULTURE! You are right Spider-Man when you say I'm dangerous, more dangerous than ever! " The Vulture announced whilst hovering above them
" Riiiiight? The ONLY dangerous thing about YOU - is that NOSE! Seriously, you could peck someone's eye out with that thing! " Deadpool mocked, both Spidey and Deadpool burst out laughing
" YOU SIMPLETONS! " Vulture spat
" Awww whutsa matter, Polly wanna cracker? Ha ha ha ha " Spidey ridiculed
" THAT'S AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BIRD! " Vulture snapped, he dry coughed and composed himself turning his attention to Deadpool " I trust you're that buffoon 'Deadpool' posing as Spider-Man? Do you 'even' know who 'I' am and about the terror of The Vulture? " he questioned through clenched teeth
" Errh – aren't they cowardly birds that prey on the weak or dead! " Deadpool replied with a hint of sarcasm
" Hmpfh! I can assure you, I'll have no trouble taking on a fool like you! " Vulture pointed at Deadpool angrily " For my upgrades have made me more formidable than ever before! " Deadpool patted his mouth, signifying boredom, inciting Vulture's ire, Vultures eyes bulged in disbelief quickly replaced with a deathstare
" DO NOT! INSULT ME! Lest you wish to feel my wra- " BANG Vulture started to spasm, he dropped from the sky and hit the ground with a crunch, Spidey looked at Deadpool
" What? " Deadpool shrugged " He was boring me " Deadpool replaced his gun into it's holder, for once, Spidey was glad that he had brought Deadpool along and that Deadpool had used that paralysing shot – it ended this before a fight! Although, the kid had used the distraction to escape and Spidey wanted to know what his connection with Vulture was. Spidey webbed Vulture to a nearby lamppost for the police to deal with, but, if he awoke before the boys in blue could deal with him, Spidey would extract the info he needed from Vulture himself.
(Spidey internal monologue) " I don't believe it? Deadpool took down Toomes without breaking a sweat! No blood! No collateral damage! No casualties! I know I should be happier, but, to do it so easily. Can't help but feel like a loser! Hmmmm... Maybe I should get Tony to make ME one of those guns? Would sure make 'my' life a heck of a lot easier! "
" What IS it with your villains taking on animal identities? " asked Deadpool with a slight touch of humour " First a rhino, now a vulture – there's a gorgeous black cat, then there's an octopus, a scorpion, a lizard, a chameleon, a vampire bat, a – a ... does a goblin count? " Spidey turned to face Deadpool
" No, a goblin is a fictional being - not classed as an animal " he informed him " Maybe it's 'cause I'm an animal persona myself? " he offered
" AARRHHH! YA IDIOTS! " Deadpool and Spidey spun round, a shadowy figure stood on a rooftop across the street from them, something about the figure and voice seemed familiar
" Ya think he's talking to US? " Deadpool jested, the figure jumped down, Spidey's eyes bulged in disbelief, the figure stood across the street from them
" Logan? " Spidey inquired bemused
" LOGAN! BUDDY! Deadpool said joyously throwing open his arms and walking towards Wolverine "We've been looking all over New York for ya!... Logan? " Deadpool stopped, Logan was staring at him with murderous intent whilst shaking with rage
" Errrh, Deadpool " Spidey started nervously
" Yeah " Deadpool replied casually over his shoulder
" You might wanna run " suggested Spidey with a hint of urgency
" Ahlright bub, time ta finish whut ah started back at Avengers Tower " Wolverine said menacingly with his eyes fixed on Deadpool and unsheathing his claws
" Logan! You remembered to call me bub " Deadpool said with patronizing delight
" Logan no! " Spidey began to protest
" Stay outta this slim! " barked Wolverine motioning with his left hand for Spidey to stop. Deadpool pulled out his katana and twirled them about
" ASSASSIN DRAGON FANG STANCE! " Deadpool announced striking a pose, which consisted of him balancing on one leg with one arm outstretched in front and the other behind, the other leg was bent at the knee and raised to his chest, Spidey facepalms
" Whutevah? " Logan remarked unperturbed and readied himself crouching. Deadpool and Wolverine began to circle each other. A few tense moments passed as they eyed each other up – waiting for an opening. Spidey watched in horror as Wolverine and Deadpool charged at one another, Deadpool blocked Wolverine's attack, spun to the right and slashed across Wolverine's back causing a massive cut from the top of his left shoulder diagonally to his lower back. Wolverine turned round and they circled each other again. Spidey wasn't sure what to do? (Spidey internal monologue) " Okay sooo, we've achieved our objective of locating Logan. Only problem is – he's pissed off and wants to fight! Great... guess I should call in The Avengers as back-up? But I can't stand here and wait from them while these guys fight! I 'could' join the fight and hope to make them both see sense?... Make them see sense! Ha ha hah yeah right! Ones blinded by rage and the other isn't playing with a full deck! No way either of them are gonna see sense... aww man, why? Why did WE have to find Logan? " Spidey heard a shout and saw Wolverine flying backwards towards him! He jumped out the way in the nick of time thanks to his 'Spider-Sense'. Spidey crouched down to the fallen Wolverine
" Look Logan – you don't have to do this! " Spidey pleaded
" Heh heh – ya a good kid, and I know I don't 'have' to – I 'want' to! " Wolverine replied with a smirk, Spidey shook his head and webbed Wolverine to the street
" Grrraaahh! Ya gonna regret that kid! " Wolverine threatened through clenched teeth
" Alright Spidey! " shouted Deadpool appreciatively " The Motor Mouths are back in action! " he said with pride
" I thought I told you NOT to call us that! " scolded Spidey
" Why? It sounds cool " Deadpool justified. With Spidey distracted arguing with Deadpool, Wolverine was able to cut the webbing and free himself unnoticed, he then lunged at Spidey, who, back-flipped over him, leaving Deadpool open to Wolverine impaling his claws into his chest knocking him to the ground. Wolverine stood on Deadpool's stomach and pulled his claws from Deadpool's chest and jumped to the side, as Deadpool checked the damage Wolverine motioned for him to get up
" Whut's tha matter Wilson? Lost ya killer instinct " Wolverine goaded, Deadpool sprang to his feet fully healed, although the same could not be said about Spidey's costume
" Alright, no more Mr. nice guy " declared Deadpool twirling his katana, he then returned them to their attachments on his back, Wolverine cocked an eyebrow – Deadpool then pulled out his guns, Wolverinesmirked. Deadpool, by way of fight with 'Unknown', knew the paralysing shot couldn't be continuously used so he needed to line-up his shot carefully. But Wolverine was too fast and he lunged at Deadpool and swiped at his right hand, severing it at the wrist, his hand splatted on the street
" Oh maaan " Deadpool whined " HEY SPIDEY! I NEED A HAND*! Ha ha ha ha ha " Spidey was amazed – even with a limb missing he was still joking, like it didn't matter.
*Note: Obvious, over used joke I know – my apologies*
Spidey quickly webbed Wolverine, again, much to Wolverine's dismay. Deadpool picked up his severed hand and placed it on his stub, a few moments later he started to get feeling back in it
" No need to worry Spidey, it's healing nicely " Deadpool said, Spidey nodded in acknowledgement wishing that he had an accelerated healing ability so he too could recklessly throw himself into battle. Deadpool picked up his gun and re-holstered them
" So ya takin' his side? " Wolverine sneered
" Of course he is! " Deadpool chirped "We are The Motor Mouths!" he declared
" Oh brother " Spidey sighed lowering his head in embarrassment
" Look Deadpool, we are Avengers – not Motor Mouths" explained Spidey, turning to face Deadpool inadvertently turning his back on Wolverine
" Ah don't know, seems ta sum ya up " mocked Wolverine, Spidey glanced over his shoulder to see Wolverine grinning ear to ear and grinding his claws together with glee " Now where was we Wilson? " Spidey couldn't believe it, once again, Deadpool's distraction enabled Wolverine to use his claws to break free from Spidey's webbing, Spidey started to think Deadpool was doing this on purpose, that he too wanted to fight. Spidey decided to let them get it out of their system and would try to stop any innocent casualties or unnecessary collateral damage.
Deadpool and Wolverine again circled each other, Deadpool pulled out his katana and tapped them together inviting Wolverine to attack. Wolverine rushed Deadpool, Deadpool cartwheeled to safety laughing while he did so, Wolverine swiped, he caught Deadpool across the face, Deadpool retaliated with a katana across Woverine's face. Wolverine blinded swiped wildly in Deadpool's direction. Deadpool rolled to the left managing to cut Logan's left leg, Logan spun round enraged and stabbed at Deadpool who was down on one knee and instinctively shoved both katana into Wolverine's chest. An evil smile crept across Wolverine's face, he forced himself down the blades until his chest was touching the hilt guards of Deadpool's katana
" Surprise bub! " Wolverine slashed away at Deadpool cutting him as fast as he healed! Deadpool held onto the katana and kicked Wolverine hard sending him flying of the blades and into the ground, Deadpool put away his katana and whipped out his gun instead, aiming them at Wolverine
" Heh, guns again huh Wilson? " Wolverine stated rhetorically " Ya know they ain't gonna stop me right? "
" We'll see " Deadpool said with a hint of smugness
" STANDA DOWN AGENT WOLVAREENE! " shouted Black Widow, she was accompanied by a dozen SHIELD agents. Spidey and Deadpool froze, Woverine reluctantly retracted his claws, as Spidey looked around all he could think was Agent Wolverine?
Next Time: Deadpool: Revelations!
Where has Wolverine been hiding?
What is the 'Unknown' being and what is SHIELD's involvement?
Why do SHIELD want to be a public global police force?
Find out all this and more revealed in the next chapter!