Authors vs. Characters

Chapter Numero Uno: CtC vs. Sonic!

I AM BACK! :D Is this a great day for FF or what?

Anyways, this is a new thing I'm trying, a collection of character-author interaction oneshots of around 1000 words. Think of it as a way to poke fun at every single Sonic character here, and let out some steam in the process.

So yeah… First up, you know him, like or not you buy his games in the droves, it's SONIC!

Sonic (bound and gagged to chair): MMMMFFFFF!

Nice of you to agree to this StH. Anyways, on with the show!

Today truly was beautiful. That much could be deduced.

Sonic inhaled and exhaled the clean fresh air joyfully as he ran. The sky was a robin's egg blue, the grass greener than the Master Emerald; a perfect day for running, in Sonic's opinion.

Mind you, his opinion on most things either resorted to trashing it or saving it, depending on the situation.

Red shoes hit the earth rhythmically: one two one two one two one two. Peach arms pumped his body along. Sonic didn't care where he was going; all he cared about was chasing the horizon. An impossible task to those who contemplated it and took into consideration all the distances and geography and such, and anyone with half a brain would deduce it as insanity.

But as we know, Sonic tends to run on less than a quarter of a cranium, if ever.

Not that he cared. Eggman was lying low, surprisingly. As far as Professor Pickle and Tails knew, there wasn't supposed to be another gargantuan otherworldly event for the next couple of days, though with the gods, you just can't tell. Shadow was too busy working a desk job for G.U.N lately to challenge him to a race or be duped by an imperious alien race, and Rogue was stuck as well in the cubicle grind, therefore allowing worldwide diamond retailers a breath of relief.

Heck, even Amy hadn't bothered him for the past little while, which instantly made him suspicious of a possible marriage stint. He didn't mind her chasing him; on the contrary, it provided an opportunity to practice his rapid retreats. Very rapid, mind you, this is Sonic we're talking about.

Sonic shook his head and cast an eye upwards, "Why do you always need to do that?"

"Do what?" came the reply in a teenaged male voice, seemingly from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

"The whole back-story stuff," Sonic commented wryly, feet still a-pumpin', "You hate doing it as much I hate it happening."

"Gotta give the readers somethin' to base the plot on, pincushion."

Sonic scowled, "Didn't I already tell you to stop calling me that?"

A short pause followed," You do realize the story started less than 400 words ago, right?"

"There goes the fourth wall." Sonic contemplated dryly.

"Heard that."

Sonic was flummoxed, "Wait wha… oh." Once he got his tiny brain working on it, the reasons made sense "STOP THAT!"

"Stop what?" Came the innocent reply.

"Making me look like an idiot of course!"

"Pfft, please. To say that you even thought at all is a complement in itself."

Sonic was slowly approaching his shorter-than Knuckles' temper. "OH WILL YOU JUST CUT THAT OUT!"

"Fine." Was the sulky reply.

Sonic ran on for a short while longer, eventually humming his favorite tune, "Live and Learn." However, whenever he tried to come to the chorus, a heavy punk-style guitar chorus, complemented by whiny vocals, interrupted him.

"Seriously, stoppit." Sonic growled.

"You're just jealous that you're bound to your music contracts, and that you can't listen to good stuff."

Sonic laughed, "You listen to good music? Next you'll be telling me the US is actually going to defeat Osama bin-Laden." For some reason, he thought he could hear a loud crash after this.

After some bumping and swearing, the triumphant reply came, "Sum 41 trumps Crush 40."

Sonic skidded to a stop, eyes burning, "OH NO YOU DON'T! COME OUT AND FIGHT LIKE… Uh… um… A nerd?"

His reply was a loud blast of the chorus of "No Brains". The combination of Dave Baksh's awesome guitar combined with Deryck Whibley's deep voice blasted him back a good 15 meters.

"I hate you today, I can't find a way, don't drag me down now." The universal voice sang badly along.

Sonic slowly peeled himself off the grass, "Fine, you have a point. Sum 41 is the greatest band ever to exist, ever." he sighed, then paused, "Wait, what?"

"You heard it here first kids, Sonic the Hedgehog loves Sum 41."

"Now THAT was a new low for me." Sonic muttered under his breath, taking off again. However, in short order, a silver streak shot past him with a thunderous roar, obviously itching for a race.

"Now THIS could be fun." Sonic grinned, speeding up to his top speed, breaking the sound barrier with a thunderous clap.

He soon learned this was pointless, as the metal form just kept on getting smaller till it disappeared over the horizon.

"What in the name of Chaos was that?" he wondered aloud.

"A Super Hornet. Top speed, Mach 1.8, able to take out 12 enemies with one trigger pull." The voice sounded dreamy, but snapped back to reality a second later. "wha-oh, and you may want to start stopping in 3, 2, 1…"

"Greeeeeat, I have a fighter-freak for an author today…" groaned Sonic. He casually glanced ahead just to see what the fuss was, and instantly wished he hadn't. There, straight ahead of him, was a rolling expanse of dark blue, Sonic's old adversary. He jammed his feet hard into the ground, as a massive cloud of dust trailing behind him. His toe only stopped a few inches short of a massive cliff, dramatically knocking over a few small stones into the raging ocean below.

Sonic held his breath as he peered over, grimacing at the height and churning waters below. He took a few steps backwards and turned, relief evident on his face.

"Well, at least that's over…" he cast an eye down the text, "And it looks like this story's almost complete as well. Ah well, no more torture for me!" he cheered.

"Nooooooootttttt quite…"

"Wha…" Sonic suddenly paled, "No, no one person can be that cruel…."

"Welcome to my life. Enjoy our free beverages."

Then, the sound Sonic had come to know and detest rang out over the savannah, as several large mammals looked up in confusion…

"SONIKU!"

Sonic was rooted to the same place, and unable to control himself, screamed like a little girl.

"Wait a sec, why are we in Africa?"

"Shut up and stop questioning author convenience."

Before Sonic could reply, Amy latched herself onto him at speeds rivaling a missile, and over the edge they went.

" YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU CCCCCCCTTTTTTCCCCCCCC!" Sonic shouted as he and his "girlfriend" tumbled towards the raging waves.

"Yeah! (Insert YGOTAS Kaiba's Winning quote here)"

I've always wanted to throw a character off a cliff. :') It's a great day to be me.

So yeah, I'll put a poll up on my profile with who should be fed to my imagination next. The one with the most will be the next victim… whenever that may be. :D

Oh, and if you want to submit your own version, just pop me a PM. Always open for suggestion peeps!

(leaves)

Sonic: (see above for current predicament): MMF! MMFF MMMFF MF?

R&R!