Author: Jupiter hits on mars PM
Bella has a smart ass of a husband.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Bella & Edward - Words: 1,564 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 12 - Published: 05-12-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6984487
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Hey Guys just picked this one shot from a site that must not be named.
Hope you guys enjoy it =)
Twilight is not mine, just the teachers' name
Hi, I'm Bella Cullen, wife of Edward Cullen: The Smart Ass. I have brown hair that reaches just above my waist with golden streaks in it. I have big green eyes with specs of hazel on it. My smart ass of a husband on the other hand has penny colored sex hair and has gray blue eyes. He's a catch ain't he? Well, I hated him first when we were younger because he was one smart ass.
Want to know why he's a Smart Ass? Let me fill you up with the times Edward was such a smart ass to his teachers since we were in kindergarten.
5 years old (Math Class)(A/N: Let's just say bella is super smart so that's why her head's like a nine year old's or something like that)
"Good morning Children" Ms. Tann greeted us while she entered the room. "Good morning teacher Tann, how are you today?" we said in unison. "I'm fine, thank you children. Now, you have a new classmate, why don't you come in here Edward?" all the girls' face lit up, but I didn't care. I mean, come on, we're just 5 years old for cheese cake's sake.
Our new class mate was seated beside me, unfortunately. Now the girls will be glaring at me 'cause they're afraid I will get him allllllll to myself. Well, I would've done it if I were like them.
"Okay, so class today, we'll be doing multiplication" majority of the students groaned. "And, you'll do it without the tables" she added. I looked at Edward confused when he started doing the multiplication on the floor. "Teacher, Teacher!" I got my teacher's attention and she came to me. "What's the problem, Bella?" I pointed at Edward. "Edward? What are you doing on the floor?" She questioned him. "Well teacher, you said to do it without the tables"
You see? Such a smart ass eh? Well, I kinda fell for him because of that. And there's a lot more. Go on, keep reading.
5 years old (Middle of the semester)
"Okay class, spelling time!" Mrs. Willer shouted enthusiastically. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYY!" All the students yelled. I don't know what's with Mrs. Willer but, she manages to have a happy vibe every time she enters a room. Even when she says there'll be a test today we'll be all excited, weird right?
"Okay, Edward, you first, how do you spell crocodile?" all of us turned into Edward's direction. "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" We looked at him weirdly, "Edward, that's wrong." She told him "I know it is, but you asked me how I spell it."
Woohoo. Another smart butt moment right there.
5 years old (Later that day-Reading Class)
"Edward, give me a sentence that starts with 'I'" Mr. Castillo, our reading teacher, said.
"I is…" Edward started, Mr. Castillo cut him off "No, no, Say I am.." he corrected him.
"Oh, okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." Mr. Castillo Face palmed.
10 years old (History Class)
Eventually, me and Edward became best friends because of my ignorance and his smart butt ness. We entered our history class and sat in our respective seats. "Goodmorning class" Ms. De Guzman greeted us. "Goodmorning Ms." We greeted back, "Okay pop oral quiz." All the students groaned.
"Let's just get started, everyone, get ready with your answer to the question: what are the things/ people that wasn't here ten years ago."
5 minutes later…
Guess who's answer that was.
10 Years old (Last day of school-History Class)
"Okay class, time for our last oral pop quiz" all of us groaned. "Oh come stop moping" Ms. De Guzman said.
"Bella" she pointed at me. "Show to the class where North America is" I pointed it and went back to my seat. "Very good, bella. Now class, who discovered North America?"
she asked all of us. "Bella" They all said in unison.
Yes, you read it right UNISON.
10 Years old (Later that day)
We ran out of the school, happy that hell days are gone. "Come on Baby Swan! Let's go to the playground" "Let's go!"
Hours later, we were smelly and dirty from the playground when we were spotted by our teacher, Mrs. Ring. "Bella, Edward, why are you always dirty?" she asked us "that's because we're a lot closer to the ground than you are." I clamped my mouth shut and glared at Edward, who's wearing a smirk on his pretty face.
Wait, hold up, did I just say pretty face? Oh no, I've got a crush on my best friend.
13 years old (English Class)
"Good afternoon class, you may now pass your assignments" Oh shit, I forgot, I looked at Edward, hoping he has no assignment. Unfortunately, he has.
"Free time for all of you while I check your assignments, but, in the classroom only."
An hour later, the bell rung. "Bella and Edward, stay for a moment please" I understand why I got to stay, but Edward? I looked to him, confused. He shrugged.
"Well bella, it seems that you don't have an assignment, so that's detention for you. As for you, Mr. Cullen, it seems that you and your brother Emmett have the same Essay "My dog" Did you copy his?" he questioned him. "No sir, it's the same dog." He answered. Before our teacher could say anything else, "Sir, we'll be both in detention" I said while pulling Edward to the hall way by his ears despite his protests.
13 years old (Biology Class)
"Class, Pop Quiz." He paused for a moment. "Stage one" Phew. That was the easiest for us, just basic things. "Edward, stand up." He called. "What's the chemical formula for water?" he asked. "H, I, J, K, L,M ,N, O" What the hell? "Why is that Edward?" our teacher asked with a poker face, nothing phased him. "Sir, you said yesterday that it is H to O." he sat down.
15 years old (Good Moral Class)
"So, class, today, we'll be learning about honesty" Oh great you're just getting started and I'm already yawning. There's a cure to this: Edward. Once he unleashes the Smart Ass, it's all good. I cocked my head to see him, shit, he's so beautiful and I'm in love with him. "Bella, Earth to bella?" Edward snapped me out of my day dream, "I love you too." He winked at me. Oh shit, did I just say that out loud? "yes you did." Edward answered. Shit, I've got to stop doing that.
"We'll talk later" Before I could say something the teacher already started the lesson. "George Washington not only chopped down his father's tree, but also admitted it. Now, why didn't his father punish him? Anyone who can answer?" He asked. "Because George still has the axe on his hand." Snickers broke out into the room. Including my own.
16 Years old (Good Moral Class)
I walked hand in hand with Edward to GM class, while returning the glares of the green monsters, HA! Take that bitches. I smirked at them.
We took the two seats at the back also, hand in hand while our teacher started the lesson. "Edward, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?" Mr. Guill asked Edward. "No sir." He answered. "Why? You're not a catholic? "No sir, it's just that my mom cooks really good."
I rubbed my temples.
18 Years old (Last day of school-English Class)
Oh god, this is so boring. "Bella, What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested." Mrs. Cass asked me. "A Teacher." I answered accidentally, I clamped my hands to my mouth. While Edward said behind me " I knew you were the one." I glared at him. "SWAN, DETENTION."
You see? Now, I am under the influence of a smart ass of a boyfriend. He's just lucky that I love him so much.
23 Years old (Present day)
"Hey love, how are you this fine day?" He said while rubbing my still flat stomach. Yep, I'm pregnant! I always told Edward that I don't want our child to become like him, except for his features, but I secretly want to. "Bella? Do you want to hear a joke about my penis?" what? "What the fuck?" He grinned and said, "Never mind, it's too long." Ohh I get it. "Well, did you hear a joke about my vagina?" I asked with a serious face. "Oh, never mind, you won't get it anyway." I told him, freeing from his grasp.
"So that's how you wanna do it huh?"
Sorry guys if it's really crappy.
But, send me a review of what you think of it