|Stupid Super Tricks
Author: Sorakage Sama PM
These are the less known adventures of the Heroes and villains of the DC universe. Chapter 9: In which Kyle Rayner figures out how to unite all the lantern corps, just not the way everyone expected...Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 14,345 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 12-26-12 - Published: 05-15-11 - Status: Complete - id: 6994027
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This latest brainchild was concocted with the help of my good friend SwordMasterZ.
"I can't believe this! Carol Jordan nee Ferris snarled pacing back and forth in front of her husband.
Just because the man didn't feel fear (most of the time) didn't mean he was stupid.
"You slept with Helena AND Lady Blackhawk? It's official, my husband is a manwhore." she groaned.
"No offense, but you should have figured this out a long time ago." Wally West chirped happily.
"It's true. He's gone after anything in a skirt since he was fifteen years old." his younger brother chimed in.
"If it wasn't for the fact that most of the women in the league could turn him into a human pretzel, he'd have probably have even more notches on his bed post by now." Barry Allen nodded.
"Why are you three here again?" the Green Lantern growled.
"We're enjoying your misery." Jim smiled.
"Schadenfreude at its finest!" Barry beamed.
"I'm just here for the floor show." Wally added.
"I think an abject lesson is needed...For Hearts Long Lost. And Full of Fright. For Those Alone In Blackest Night. Accept Our Ring and Join Our Fight... Love Conquers All... With Violet Light!" Star Sapphire chanted as her ring began to glow even more brightly than normal.
Several days later...
General Stone was in the middle of a typical day: Get up, shower, get dressed, eat, buy a industrial sized jug of Tylenol (just in case that air jockey Hal Jordan did something stupid…again), go to Edwards Air force base to drum of knowledge into the jughead recruits.
That routine was disrupted a few hours later with a single phone call.
"Hello? General Stone speaking." He said shortly.
"Hello…this is Jim Jordan…Hal's younger brother."
"What can I do for you?"
"Erm…this might seem kind of strange, but Hal's going to have to take a short leave of absence from the military for the next couple of weeks."
"Why." The general grunted.
"Er…he's having gender issues, sir." His brother replied weakly.
"You're damn right I'm having issues!" a voice said from the other end of the line.
"Hailey…er Hal! Put down the golf club construct! How can you make those things anyway?-! The pink rings can't make constructs like that! ACK! DUCK AND COVER!" another voice squawked as the sound of breaking furniture could be heard.
"Could you go into a little more detail, just out of morbid curiosity?" the general groaned.
"Well, Hal's wife, Carol, found out about one of his sexual escapades while they were separated, the one with Lady Blackhawk and Huntress…at the same time, and said that she would teach him to be a little less loving toward other women." Jim replied weakly.
"And I'll do it by whatever means necessary!" the voice of Carol Jordan nee Ferris cackled from the other end of the line.
"And she did this how?" the general replied, although he was dreading the answer.
"She forced a star sapphire ring onto his finger. It gender bent Hal into Hailey." Jim said.
"I'll get you all for this! Eat laser guided homing sharks!" the irate female voice roared.
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering Wally?" A second voice gulped.
"I think I am Uncle Barry: RUN AWAY!" A third yelped.
"And now 'Hailey' is not only experiencing the joy of womanhood, but taking it out on us .Oh Jeeze! Just a second, please?"
General Stone heard the sound of retreating footsteps.
"Hal Jordan! Put that down right now! That was Mom's favorite Ming…." His younger brother bellowed.
"Look at the purty birdies…" the general heard Jim slur seconds later after what sounded like a vase beaning him on the head was heard.
"Hello? Is anyone there?" the voice of Hal's wife said tentatively from the other end of the line.
"Mrs. Jordan nee Ferris I presume?" the General asked dryly.
"Yes sir." She replied.
"After a bit of thought, I've decided to give Ms./Mr. Jordan as much leave as he needs. Just keep him/her away from Edwards until he/she calms down." The pilot's superior officer said.
"Thank you sir. Thank you very…HAL! WATCH THE HANDS" she yelped.
"Carol have I ever told you how hot you are when you get angry?" the purring voice of 'Hailey' Jordan said.
"And that would be the love love effect of the star sapphire rings kicking in." Barry Allen replied dryly.
"Indeed it is, what I wouldn't give for some popcorn." Wally West replied cheerfully as happy moans reached the general's ears before he hung up the phone.
"Mental note, buy two industrial sized jugs of Tylenol." The general muttered, looking toward the heavens.
Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page.