|Seizing the Mandate
Author: Cadeja PM
Cao Pi decides to tackle some recent issues about Sima Yi's health, in a very public manner. Pure and utter crack, that butchers any DW6/7 plot.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Cao Pi & Sima Yi - Chapters: 11 - Words: 11,446 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 08-12-12 - Published: 05-15-11 - id: 6995428
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Pica or Dead Dumplings Tell No Tales,Part 1
That baozi plush seems to mock me, its vacant sewn on stare the only witness to my dirty secret.
Or dirt secret to be more precise. It is good to hold power in Wei, and ,on my better days, I believe I am only second to the Cao family; I'm at least over Emperor Xian in terms of real power.
So no one questions why I've begun to build a menagerie of potted plants, exotic to mundane, from every type of soil. No, it seems my fellow officers and even the servants just believe that all these pregnant woman hormones have mellowed me; bent my interests away from long term calculated violence, and toward domesticated plants. Fools.
Though it is better that they think such, I muse as I take a small silver spoon from my pocket, and a white potted orchid. Damn that devil spawn Zihuan put in me. Damn its uncanny ability to affect my behavior. If it weren't for the the fact I'm the victim, I'd admire the ability to influence another creatures' thoughts. But all I can feel now is a mild aprehension and hope that no one visits me suddenly.
As I place the delicate spoon to take soil out the pot and to my mouth, I just remind myself that no one else has to know. After all, the plush baozi is just a toy. A creepy toy, but still, it can't talk.
"Zhongda, why are you blind folding a toy meat bun?"
"it's stare was creepy."
"...Zhongda, do you realize there's a spoon on your orchid's pot?"
"Ugh. One of those ignorant servant must have done that, again."
"Again?" Zihuan mutters as he walks over to get a closer look at the pots.
"Zhongda... all of these plants seem to have had their soil dug out, by a spoon."
"Why are you looking at me, Zihuan? I wouldn't know anything about something that patently absurd."
Cao Pi saunters over and begins to run his eyes over me. I brush my hand over my mouth to check that there's no dirt on .
"Zhongda, I was just thinking that if a servant was breaking into your chambers to eat dirt, you'd surely have noticed. And yet, I've heard nothing about you maiming the help for intruding."
Ah, I see. Pi's trying to fish for a confession. Not that he'll get one with such a simple trick.
I shrug and pop my neck.
"It is most unfortunate, Zihuan, but my condition, of which you are the cause, seems to leave me feeling a bit tired and inattentive as of late. I'll be sure to let you know when I've got the culprit. Was there something else, Zihuan?"
Pi straightens up and suddenly looks as he were looking for a mental cue card to read from.
"Ah, yes. you have to come with me to look for... the baby's... furniture? Clothes? Toys?"
"Is that a joke? Didn't we give that job to Zhang He?"
"We did, but- you just have to come out with me. I mean you need fresh air, for the baby."
"Pi, you're up to something."
"Zhongda; everyone in the palace is worried that your just staying locked up in your offices."
"But I've always just stayed "locked up" in my offices. Why is now any different? And don't say baby."
"My father's concerned, to put things lightly. Just come with me."
"Fine... and tell your father to stop being so involved."
"I've tried. He's not exactly listening. Let's go."
Pica is the practice of craving substances with little or no nutritional value. Most pica cravings involve non-food substances such as dirt or chalk. The word pica is Latin for magpie which is a bird notorious for eating almost anything. Sometimes seen in pregnant women.
BTW, thanks for the nice reviews, though I'm late in posting anything new.