|The Torture at Bespin
Author: GreatOne PM
Response to a Challenge. Han and Leia get a very odd reception upon their arrival at Cloud City. AURated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Han S. & Leia O. - Words: 1,069 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 05-18-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7002073
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
These were the requirements for the challenge -
~ It must exactly be 942 words long (not included is this intro, or the title or 'THE END' with the word count)
~ Include a Hoojib or Hoojibs
~ A Shockstaff
~ A mousedroid named Alistair
~ Someone, at some point has to burst into a song by Elvis
~ There must be a noticeable costume change for one character, and it must be commented on.
~ Drastic data loss must occur, and there is no backup.
~ The word(phrase?) "brouhaha ha ha"
The Torture at Bespin
After the long journey to Bespin, the Millennium Falcon finally landed in what they hoped would be the safety of Cloud City.
"Where is everybody?" Leia asked worriedly as they exited the ship, followed closely by Threepio.
"See?" said Han, pointing at a group of people coming in their direction. "There's Lando now! I told you everything was going to be fine."
Chewie let out a concerned woof, and Leia nodded. "Why is your friend carrying that wicked looking shockstaff?"
"Uh, I'm not too sure," Han said worriedly as a scowling Lando approached, waving the weapon threateningly in Han's direction.
"You have a lot of nerve coming here after what you did!" shouted Lando.
"Look, Lando, that brouhaha… ha ha.. was a long time ago," Han said, laughing weakly as he tried to lighten the mood. "Where did you get that weapon, anyway?"
"This little old thing?" asked Lando. "Collecting fancy weapons is my hobby." Then Lando rushed forward, giving Han an unexpected embrace while Han cringed away from the shockstaff. "Aw, can't you take a joke, you big lug?" He leered at Leia. "Now, what do we have here?"
"Never mind," said Han, annoyed. "Can you fix up the Falcon's hyperdrive unit?"
"No problem," said Lando. "In the meantime, let me show you to your room."
Threepio tried desperately to keep pace with the fast moving humans, but he got left behind and was upset. Then he noticed a mouse-droid scurrying across the floor. "Hello!" cried Threepio. "I appear to need some assistance finding my way to the luxury suites!"
The mouse-droid stopped rolling, and let loose with a long, high-pitched whistle.
"What do you mean, I don't look like the sort that can afford the luxury suite?" responded Threepio. "That's presumptuous and rude. What is your name? I would like to report you to your supervisor."
The little droid squealed again, sounding annoyed.
"Alistair? What kind of name is that for a droid, anyway? Only butler droids have hoity-toity names like Alistair. I think you are lying to me."
The mouse-droid blatted and rolled away, leaving Threepio to find his own way. As he wandered aimlessly around Cloud City, he noticed something waving in his direction.
"Hey! I do believe you are a Hoojib. What is a cute little bunny like you doing on Bespin?" Threepio turned his head in confusion. "You want me to follow you into this closet? Certainly. I have nothing better to do."
"I wonder what happened to Threepio?" questioned Leia, looking toward the doorway in concern.
"I'm sure he's okay," Han said soothingly as he patted the couch, inviting her to sit down. "That red outfit you're wearing is really hot looking, Princess."
"No, it's quite comfortable, actually."
"Uh, no, that's not…"
Just then, Chewie burst into the room, carrying little pieces of Threepio inside of a box.
"What happened?" asked Leia, leaping up and rushing over to inspect the damage.
*I found him like this!* Chewie roared unhappily. *It's going to take me hours and hours to put him back together.*
"Are you sure you have to bother?" asked Han.
"Han!" Leia admonished. "Threepio has been very helpful."
"Speak for yourself," Han grumbled.
Lando swept into the room. "Join me for dinner?" He eyed the broken droid. "Are you having problems?"
"Nope. Why do you ask that?" Han said blithely as they followed the Baron to the dining room, and the terrible fate that awaited them.
"Please! Please!" Han screamed from inside the torture chamber. "Make it stop! I'll do anything to make it stop! AHHHHH!"
Lando stood on a small stage, looking down at his former friend who was strapped to a chair. "Is this really necessary?" he asked Vader.
"Do not question me, Calrissian!" Vader snapped. "Continue."
Lando sighed and fiddled with the dials. The room went dark, and a spotlight hit the Baron directly in his face. Then Lando curled his lip and shook his hips as he sang into a microphone,
"I've never looked for trouble
But I've never ran,
I don't take no orders
From no kind of man,
I'm only made out
Of flesh, blood and bone,
But if you're gonna start a rumble
Don't you try it all alone!
Because I'm evil, my middle name is misery
Well I'm evil, so don't you mess around with me
I'm evil, evil, evil, as can be…"
"CALRISSIAN!" roared Vader. "I do NOT like that song! Pick something else!"
"YES!" Han screamed in agony. "Make it stop!"
Han was dragged back to the prison cell, and dumped on the cold floor. He turned around and gazed up at the Princess, confusion written across his face. "What happened to your hot red outfit?"
"What red outfit?"
"The one you were wearing at dinner?" Han questioned.
"Oh, Han. I wasn't wearing a red outfit. You must be suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome."
"If you had to listen to Lando singing karaoke, you'd be having mental problems, too," Han grumbled.
*I think I have Threepio all fixed!* Chewie barked happily, turning on the switch next to the droid's head.
Threepio's eyes lit up, and he said, "Hoojibs! Hoojibs! Hoojibs!"
"Dear me," said Leia. "Poor Threepio must have had a drastic loss of data."
*And we don't have a memory backup, so it's probably permanent.*
"Aww," said Han sarcastically. "Isn't that a crying shame?"
Just then the door opened and Lando entered with his guards. "Sorry to tell you this, but Vader wants to freeze you in carbonite, pal."
"WHAT?" Han struggled to his feet, then hauled off and slugged Lando. "You could have done that BEFORE I had to listen to you sing!"