|The HummelBerry Situation
Author: Pyrofrickenmaniac PM
Kurt Hummel is trapped in the body of none other than Rachel Berry, and Rachel in his. But can Rachel use this to her advantage to win back Finn while keeping up Kurt's relationship with Blaine? Body-swap. Klaine and some Finchel. Humor. M for smut/slashRated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Friendship - Kurt H. & Rachel B. - Chapters: 19 - Words: 39,779 - Reviews: 402 - Favs: 250 - Follows: 249 - Updated: 12-09-11 - Published: 05-27-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7025899
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Sorry if this gets a bit confusing. I'm still using "He" for Kurt who is in Rachel's body and "She" for Rachel who is in Kurt's body.
Background: Rachel and Finn are still broken up but Blaine and Kurt are dating.
When Kurt Hummel woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself in an unfamiliar bed.
Actually, it was familiar, this was Rachel Berry's room; the tell tale 3-year-old white princess drawers still covered in unicorn stickers on the far wall. How did he get there?
He laid in the bed, feeling almost unable to get up just yet because of this strong mental fog he was experiencing as if he was hungover. Did he get drunk? No, he and his new boyfriend Blaine watched Moulin Rouge last night in Kurt's dorm at Dalton and then he went to bed, simple. So why was he in Rachel's room of all places?
He finally pushed himself to the side and sat up. Something was off.
He looked down at his lap. What he found most peculiar is that he did have morning wood. He always had morning wood. Then he noticed that he was wearing a floppy and tacky purple nightgown.
Straight brown hair fell past his shoulder. Long straight brown hair.
And finally he saw the boobs.
Rachel Berry almost fell off her bed when an unfamiliar ring tone of "SexyBack" began playing from her phone.
Who did I set that to? She asked herself, not even remembering where she would have downloaded that song in the first place.
She lunged at the phone and "Text from: Blaine Anderson" flashed on the screen. Blaine? And this isn't my phone! This isn't my room! This is Kurt's room! Where's Kurt?
She tried to sit up, but got insanely dizzy and flopped back down on the pillow. Minutes later she tried getting up again and her crotch felt numb and uncomfortable as it grazed against the sheets.
A blanket lay over her lap, but there seemed to be an object on her thigh. She removed the cover and under her alien silk pajamas was a stiff lump protruding from her crotch.
Her hands flew to her chest and her breasts were gone! She stood up and almost fell. She was much taller and her weight was placed differently.
Her jaw dropped and she began freaking out, but was interrupted by the phone ringing again.
"Shut it off," Finn mumbled into his pillow.
Rachel held back a shriek. Finn! How would she tell Finn that she had been turned into a boy? She kept her mouth shut and Finn fell back asleep. She tip-toed around the room, but gave that up soon when she couldn't stand seeing her... her boner wagging back and forth when she stepped.
Just act like nothing is wrong and you'll be fine, she said to herself. You're going to go to school today and finish this dream up and act normal. It's just a dream.
Rachel opened a closet accidentally, then opened another door and found the bathroom. She stepped inside and locked the door. She studied the shower and eventually was able to turn it onto a warm rinse.
This is just a dream. Act normal and maybe it will end faster.
She stripped off her clothes, trying not to see herself in the mirror, but it was almost impossible. Oh! There's Kurt!
"Kurt!" she said, whipping around. Kurt did the same in the mirror. She looked behind her to see Kurt, but he was not there.
She leaned against the wall and stared into the mirror. She was good-looking...she was Kurt.
This is just a dream, this is just a dream, she chanted to herself. Just go with it and it will all be over soon. She walked Kurt's body into the shower and took a shower as she normally would on any normal day. Then she remembered that she was Kurt, and it was Kurt's penis that was erect in the warm shower. Curiosity got to her though and she studied the protrusion, she refused to touch it just yet, still only seeing it as Kurt's penis.
Wait... this was Kurt's cock? Damn! Boys always joked that they had "nine inches," but she had never heard Kurt ever talk about his own size. I suppose those who say the least have the most to talk about, she thought to herself. Kurt was easily 8 inches long and thick as well. How the hell he covered that up in his skinny jeans, she was baffled.
Hmm, if my subconscious is giving Kurt a big dick in this dream, do I have suppressed feelings for him or something? She pondered.
Rachel almost smiled, poking at the erection then becoming bold and stroking the length of the dick. She shivered in ecstasy. This was a realistic dream! She forced herself to stop when she heard the door rattling.
"Kurt, open up," Finn said.
"I'm in the shower!" she called back in Kurt's voice. She automatically covered herself up, only then realizing that she had no breasts to cover anymore, instead she desperately needed two hands to cover up Kurt's huge package.
"But I have to pee!"
Finn rolled his eyes and fished out a quarter from the side table. He shook his head thinking that Kurt had already leaned that the simple turn-lock wasn't even worth using as long as he had access to a quarter.
Rachel heard the door open a minute later and she rushed to finish washing her body. "Finn! I said to not come in!"
Finn snorted and took his penis out, aiming at the porcelain. "I'm not coming in to jerk off, I'm just peeing!" he said irritably.
Rachel heard him peeing and resisted the urge to peek at Finn's junk that he was grasping right out in the open- oh shit.
Stop! Down! No! Rachel said to her member that was thickening again as she thought about Finn's dick being held out in the open a mere meter away from her.
"God dammit," she mumbled.
"Kurt, you okay?" Finn asked warily.
"Fucking wonderful," she mumbled. She was stumped on how to get this thing to stop growing! When she was a girl, of course she would get 'lady boners' sometimes, but it could be easily forgotten since there was no evidence. Then again, this was a dream which she seemed to have some control over. Couldn't she just walk out naked and Finn wouldn't care... she could fuck Finn for all a dream was worth!
God dammit, this was not helping her problem!
"Kurt, I know you usually take a long time in the shower, but you're going to take all the hot water!"
Suddenly she remembered the "cold shower" thing that guys always referenced! She turned on the cold water and she yelped from the sudden change, but at least it did work almost instantaneously on her problem. She finished her shower, amused that she didn't have to maneuver her breasts to wash under them and she automatically looked for a razor for her legs and armpits, but then remembered that she didn't need to shave!
But for the cleaning of the man parts, she squirted some soap on and let it rinse off. She was scared to touch it again in fear of it revving up.
"Holy shit Kurt, fucking hurry up!"
She gasped. She never heard Finn talk like that! She did as he said though and had barely covered Kurt's body with a plush white towel before Finn dropped his and jumped into the shower.
She blushed from briefly seeing him totally nude. She opened her towel a bit to make sure her penis was under control. She smiled, maybe she was getting the hang of this.
As soon as she stepped out of the bathroom though, she slumped to the ground and held back tears. This was too realistic to be a dream.
She was Kurt.
Kurt ran to the mirror and Rachel Berry stared back at him. He bit down hard on her fist, but he felt the pain. Trying not to hyperventilate, he ran to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, but Rachel Berry's remained.
Kurt's hands shook and he tried to sort out his thoughts. Okay Hummel, I'm sure this can be explained. What do you do right now? Might as well start with the obvious: he had to pee. Kurt stood in front of the toilet and fumbled around his crotch area for the slit in the fabric, but remembered that this was girl sleepwear... and that he would have to sit down.
Even though he had already figured out that he was trapped inside a girl's body, it was still an unpleasant shock when he didn't see his cock.
Not wanting to touch "Rachel" down there, he flushed and jumped into the shower, washing himself quickly just to make sure this wasn't some elaborate trick. It was not.
Still in a bit of a daze, he ran back to her room with the intent of putting on whatever she had thrown on her floor. His mind was changed though when all he could find out of her closet were the unicorn sweaters which he loathed, and gray slacks.
He went to Rachel's cell phone and called... himself, once, twice, and a third time with no answer.
He was able to find a green cardigan and blue-striped shirt which he paired with dark wash jeans, but the real test was figuring out which bra to wear. She had a white push-up, a black t-shirt bra, and a champagne colored racer back. After trying the latter two on and seeing that the racer back was actually a sports bra and the black showed through the white places in the shirt, Kurt attempted to adjust Rachel's boobs into the push up. It took him another four tries to get her breasts to sit on top of the padding and not look lopsided, but he finally prevailed.
"What to wear," she whispered to herself with the thought of Finn still in the back of her mind. She and Finn were still platonic for now since their relationship had fizzled out, but maybe she could use this to her advantage and talk to Finn about her... Rachel.
Rachel sifted through Kurt's never-ending supply of clothes and she tried putting on three different pieces only to find that she couldn't figure out how to put them on.
She finally put on a t-shirt and jeans. Kurt would kill her, but she didn't really care.
Rachel turned to see her ex-boyfriend shirtless with a towel around his waist, steam radiating from his semi-sculpted form.
"Yeah?" she squeaked.
"Why aren't you wearing your Dalton uniform?"
Kurt's cell phone rang again. Rachel answered it.
"Hey Kurt, do you want coffee before school?" Blaine asked.
"Sure. And, Blaine, you should pick me up because you're my boyfriend. And you should come get me today. Because we should spend more time. Together."
Blaine starting laughing, but replied. "Okay, I'll be there in a half hour."
"Are you sick?" Finn asked, pulling on underwear and jeans before removing the towel. He combed his hand through his hair and glanced in the mirror.
Rachel looked at the phone. 3 missed calls from Rachel... or Kurt. She couldn't call him back right now with Finn in the room so after she scarfed down a quick breakfast of half a muffin and orange juice, she redialed outside.
Rachel's phone rang.
"Hello? Rachel? Hello?" Kurt said.
"Kurt?" Kurt's voice squeaked from the other line.
"Holy shit," Rachel's voice responded.
"How did this happen?"
"How the hell would I know!"
"What should we do?"
Kurt went to run his hand through his hair, but surprised himself when he met the long strands. "I-I don't know. I guess just try to act like me today and I'll try to- Blaine! Oh my god, we were supposed to get coffee today! And oh shit, what if he wants to kiss you-me-whatever!"
"I've already kissed Blaine, don't worry, I'm not going to steal him away from... you?"
"No! No kissing him! Oh god, then he'll think I'm such a prude!"
"Prude? Wha-Kurt! We have more important matters to think about right now!"
"I'm going to my house-your house for now- after school. Tell Blaine to drop you off home..." Kurt sighed heavily into the phone, voice a bit thick, "and that you want to spend time with him, you really do, but you have a huge project that you have to work on... and that you're sorry that you have to cancel our plans, but you promise, promise with all your heart, to make it up to him..."
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing, just tell him that!"
"You better not embarrass me today!"
"Right back at you sister."
"Hey good-looking. Need a lift?" Blaine asked as Kurt's body stepped into his car. He leaned over to kiss his boyfriend, but Rachel only gave him her cheek. Blaine kissed down Kurt's jaw and neck. "He" was still unresponsive.
Blaine took Kurt's chin and angled it towards him. "You okay?"
"Um, no not really. I'm having a really off day. Don't mind me," Rachel answered quickly.
Blaine gave up and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel quickly. "Well, happy 3 month anniversary, by the way."
Rachel gaped. "Oh! Yay! 3 months! Seriously? Wow. It went so... fast." She felt bad now. Should she just kiss Blaine so that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable.
"And I guess if you're not feeling well... I guess we're not going to..." Blaine scratched at the back of his neck. "You know."
"What?" Oh shit, what was she supposed to tell Blaine? Something about not being able to do a project?
Blaine stared at Kurt with huge eyes. "Seriously?"
"I think I might be sick," Rachel blurted. "My head is all fuzzy. Maybe I should just stay home."
Blaine chewed on his lower lip. "Yeah, maybe. You look a bit pale." Rachel started to leave the car, but Blaine pulled her back and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before trailing his fingers along her jaw. "Feel better. Call me later."
For literature people out there, I got inspired to write this because I have to read "the Metamorphosis" by Frank Kafka so I started the story out similar to how his begins.
THE HIATUS HAS BEGUN!
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