|How I Feel
Author: Aliens Exist 182 PM
A collection of letters from various characters admitting how they feel about life and eachother. Sound cheesy? Get the chedder out of your ears. Bad pun, I know.Rated: Fiction K - English - Cole M. & Peter D. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 960 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Published: 05-29-11 - id: 7032328
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I'm back! This one is from Cindy Matthews to Cole. Yeah, it's amazing.
This was supposed to be a one-shot thing, but I forgot a disclaimer D: So I was all, "O NOEZ," and thought it would be stupid to just make a new chapter with the disclaimer only, so I wrote this. I then remembered that I could've just edited the chapter, but decided, "Eh, what the heck. I started this thing, and gosh darnit, I'm gonna finish this thing!" So, I finished it, and now, a clever disclaimer by yours truly.
MC Hammer: Stop! Disclaimer time! She doesn't own TSB. Or me.
Me: Thank you, Mr. Hammer. Now let's get this show on the road!
Yes, it's your mother again. I know it doesn't make sense that I keep writing you these letters, because I know you won't be able to get them, but it feels nice, writing these. It's like, I don't know, writing a letter to you at summer camp. You've never been to one (at least, not that I remember; I'm a terrible mother), but it gives me a sense of normality, I guess, pretending you're at one.
How would I know what normal is, anyway? My definition of normal comes from those stupid, fake, overly dramatic soap operas I used to watch, before the accident. I don't watch them anymore. They gave me false standards that I used to aim for, and when I missed them, I would feel horrible, like I wasn't treating you like you should be treated, and I would drink and try to ignore everything; what your father was doing to you, for instance. You will never know how guilty I feel about that. I just sat there and watched while your father beat you, never doing a thing about it. Sure, I tried to get your father to stop once or twice, but when he threatened to hurt me, I chickened out. I hate admitting it, but I felt it was better he hit you than me. I put my life before yours. I deserve the Nobel Prize for Bad Parenting. Maybe one day I'll show you this letter, show you all the letters I've written to you, so you can read what I've been trying to say, what I've wanted to say for years.
It's lonely here, without you. I wish I could say I'm never alone, that you're always in my heart and I'll never let you go, but the times before your father hit you, before I became a drunken idiot, are long gone. The older you got, the farther I drifted from you, because I thought it would hurt less. Putting me before you was one of the stupidest, no, the stupidest thing I've ever done. But when you come home, I'm determined to change everything, and become a family again. I love you, Cole. You know that, right?
Yep. That was my beautiful letter. I threw in some pop culture references (like, two), and they may be sort of hard to see, but they pop out to me, probably because I put them there, so I know where they are. If you can see them, kudos to you. If you can't, you can just ask me. Or not, if you don't care.
Well, see you.
-Aliens Exist 182