In Memoriam

A/n: Just found myself really missing Rose after watching the Descent for the first time in ages. She was a really good character and Damon was really broken after her death. Though I'm still a hardcore Damon/Elena shipper, I did like the Damon/Rose relationship. So here is a tribute to Rose.

There's a moment (in between others) where he walks in Mystic Falls' local cemetery, perusing the gravestones with a mild sort of interest. There's one missing, however, one which rightfully deserves a place amongst the other fallen citizens.

And his heart breaks as he thinks about her final resting place. It's in the darkest corner of the woods, where no one can find her, when it should be here, where the entire world can see (but not necessarily remember) her.

There's a moment where he allows the misery to engulf him (it was meant to be him), before he walks off before he allows the memories of her to take over him.

The last thing he needs is a distraction.

But of course, she's never been that to him. Not like Andie.

….

He flops back down on the sofa and looks at her. Without even speaking, she seems to make him feel better. She rubs his shoulders and feeds him words of comfort (words he'd otherwise have scorned).

She seems to know a bit about unrequited love.

And the way she looks at him seems to both unsettle and flatter him.

You can't feel that way about me.

He doesn't want to hurt her.

But in the end, he's the one to stake her. And though he tries to convince himself it hurts him more than it hurts her, he knows it's a lie. A lie to try and nurse the broken heart he's carrying

….

Inside his arms, she feels the safest she's felt for a long time. Running all those years almost seems worth it (she feels human around him).

And it doesn't even matter he's in love with someone else (though it does sting a little). To have even one eight of his attention is worth settling for. And, at the end of the day, they both bring out each other's humanity.

She can see it in his face he's missed feeling human.

Guess they have some common ground after all.

….

She has time to catch his protective stance around Elena. When she flees, she tells herself it's because of Elijah, that she's scared of him taking her down for being here, for letting the Salvatores stab him.

She's always been a good liar (even to herself).

Without even analysing the situation, she knows she'd give anything to have someone protect her like that. The only one who even came close to that mark is gone (she's alone).

When he catches up with her, he dismisses her apology. They both know it's a lie anyway. That's why it's just so easy to tumble into his arms and forget the world (for just a moment). It's so easy to forget his heart isn't hers for the taking. It's so easy to pretend her heart isn't hurting (but it is).

….

When she was five, she remembers holding her mama's hand, gazing at the peaceful fields and the dozing cattle. There will be many moments later when she'll think of this moment, relive it even though (for her) there's no going back to that life.

And when she closes her eyes and finds herself there again, the warm sunshine against her face, and the soft grass against her toes, she wants to cry. (How did this happen? How did she end up here?)

And when she sees him sitting there, gazing out at the sky, her heart bursts with understanding. (You. Just you).

She runs to meet him, a laugh quickly turning into a sob.

It's the first time in a long time she feels so loved.

So loved.

….

Miserable.

It's the only word to accurately dictate his feelings (if anyone cared).

It feels almost wrong Elena's comforting him. Her arms feel restrictive (leaves him silently begging for air). It should be everything he wants. She's voluntarily touching him, voluntarily letting her guard down for him.

But he thinks of her and he can't react.

He's ended many lives - some cruelly, others quite sadistically. Somehow, it feels worse ending one because you wanted to spare someone you cared about the pain (so much worse).

He doesn't know what's worse. Realizing his humanity is on show for the whole world to see (because of her) and, with it, his grief, or the fact he'll never be able to atone for this. Not to himself.

Elena's pity just makes it all the more worse.

….

After a particular rough session of lovemaking (she's not going to sugar coat it, it is what it is), she's sprawled across the bed, grinning as he emerges (half naked, of course) with two glasses of whiskey.

"I'm surprised," she tells him. "From what I've gathered, you've sustained quite the bad boy reputation. Yet, right now, you're behaving like a perfect gentleman."

"I am a bad boy," he protests, smirking. "What do you think all that was?"

"Sex."

"It was animalistic. Wild. The best you'll ever have."

"And the, er, drinks?" she asks, grinning at him.

"Easy. I'm trying to get you pissed so we can go for round two. You have no choice in the matter."

She should've guessed.

With him, there's always an ulterior motive, a game plan somewhere.

It's a predictable trait she's seen in many a fellow vampire. But, then again, he's never been a predictable character. And it intrigues her, even turns her on. And he does have a fantastic body.

(Like she said, she's not sugar coating the truth).

….

The first time she comes face to face with him, he is surprisingly gentle considering she was behind Elena's kidnapping. His hand is pressed against her mouth, his eyes scrutinising hers.

Can I trust you to be quiet? his eyes seem to say.

She inclines her head.

You can trust me.

And, with that, he removes his hand, his eyes still on hers.

Even after all this time, she can't quite believe he put his faith in her to remain quiet. And she can't say for sure what made her keep her silence.

And in that moment, she knows she has to help in some way.

He could've killed her without blinking but he didn't.

(Why? I've got nothing to live for).

And the image of Trevor gives her extra motivation to go against Elijah and help the Salvatores.

That, and the fact Damon's not exactly the worst looking guy she's come across. (I'm more of a sucker for the bad boys myself).

….

As she lies in his arms (broken and disorientated), he hears her humming under her breath.

He rocks her gently, humming alongside her. Her hands grip his softly. In the quiet serenity, they take time to appreciate each other (for the last time). He feels the stake in his hand and feels numb.

Numb, but broken.

After that, he can no longer listen to What a Wonderful World.

Because, really, it's a terrible, crappy world where innocent people die every day and you can't do a damn thing about it.

….

"This is even more pitiful than I thought."

The words are murmured; he's too weak to even vocalise properly.

How pathetic.

It's the same song, just a different tune. He knows Elena won't have the balls to drive the stake in his heart, and nobody's going to come rushing in anytime soon with a cure, so this will be a dragged out death.

Good.

He deserves this pain (every bit of it).

"There's still hope," Elena iterates.

He can hear the hopelessness in her voice. Liar. But he appreciates her being here, even though he doesn't deserve her company. He'd rather have died alone, broken and cold like Rose's final resting place.

He can visualise her now, though the image of her is faded now. He left the dream at the exact moment she smiled; it brightens up an otherwise heartbreaking (crushing) memory.

And he feels cheated when the cure is brought.

Why do I deserve to live and she didn't?

It stings the relief, makes it difficult to swallow.

I deserve to die. This isn't right.

The guilt then grows bigger when he learns his baby brother gave away his humanity (everything) to save him.

I suck. This isn't fair.

But then life isn't meant to be fair. It's robbed him of Stefan, robbed him of Katherine, and robbed him of Rose.

The three people he cares about most.

And the one person he loves beyond endurance is staring at him blankly, her eyes swimming with tears and he realizes how screwed up all of this. And only one word comes to mind.

Shit.