|Lilo and Stitch 3: the Trash Can Crisis
Author: StupidSequel PM
Somehow all the trash cans in the city have mysteriously disappeared, the art museum is a mess, and there's a flash flood warning. Possibly the most confusing fanfic I've written thus far, as it's written similarly to the Simpsons Trilogy of Error.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,299 - Published: 05-31-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7039548
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Lilo and Stitch 3: the Trash Can Crisis
Chapter 3: Nani's day
It was a beautiful spring morning. The paper boy came and threw a paper through the window of the neighbor's house by accident. The house's Japanese owner yelled "KUSOTTARE!" The headline read 'First day of spring. Also, gas hits six dollars a gallon.'
Nani woke up uber early to check the mail. She was so excited, she couldn't sleep. She was looking for a letter from the art museum to see if her art piece made it into the Impressionist exhibit. Her heart raced like a hummingbird's wings when she finally saw that envelope addressed to her. She opened it up and her mind suffered a BSOD. It was a rejection letter. They didn't think her art piece was good enough to be in the Impressionist exhibit, and with good reason. If you looked at her piece, you would think it might as well have been done by a drunk baby with ALS and cerebral palsy. You could not grasp the true form of how angry she was. She crumpled up the letter, threw it on the outside patio, and set it on fire.
"I'm gonna pay them back." And my plan is to steal all the trash cans in the city so that no one will have anywhere to put their trash, and then I will convince the mayor with some simple statistics that the Impressionist exhibit can be a suitable place to make the city landfill. She seized all the trash cans in the house. Stitch was watching her, a look of relief and confusion on his face. Nani held some soup in her mouth for the occasion. She pretended to gag, and then she spewed the soup in the trash can, pretending to be sick.
She went door to door, collecting all the trash cans and putting them in her pockets. After all the city's trash cans were in her pockets and she was sure she didn't miss any, she went to the mayor's office.
"Since all the trash cans are gone now, we have nowhere to put our trash. I was thinking since no one cares about classic art anymore, we could use the Impressionist exhibit as the city landfill."
"Hmmm, you make a good point. Everyone I know finds art museums to be a tad boring. All right. I'll allow the Impressionist exhibit to be used as the landfill. I'll make it official."
"Score!" Nani cheered triumphantly. She raced out of the mayor's office.
Nani thought that the Mega Cavern would be the perfect place to hide out with her collection of trash cans. After all she couldn't keep them in her pocket forever, for they were dirty as heck. She went a little ways into the Mega Cavern so she could unload her collection of trash cans. She had just gotten settled in when she received a call on her cell stating that Lilo had gotten violently ill. She didn't want to leave her precious trash cans until a wall of water came toward her.
"I have to get out of here now!" She screamed. "Oh no!" She couldn't put the trash cans in her pockets because they were now full of water, and she feared that the displacement caused by putting the trash cans in her pocket would destroy the town. She left the trash cans in the cavern and saw the remains of what looked like a damaged spaceship. She checked the trunk. In it was a kayak. Yes. She stole the kayak, and as she sailed away, she heard a voice behind her that said "Somebody done stoleded our boat."
When she got home, she was surprised to see Lilo stuck in the cat flap.
"What in the world?"
"I got sick from eating my rotten banana peel because somehow all the trash cans mysteriously disappeared. Will you let me in?" Nani unlocked the door, but she left Lilo laying there stuck.
"Ummm, maybe some butter or something would help?" Lilo suggested. A gust of wind strong enough to push her the rest of the way in the door blew. She was feeling fine now, but she knew she wouldn't be allowed back at school for the rest of the day. She smiled at something unknown.
"Hey, Nani, I was wondering if you could take me to the Mega Cavern. I saw a billboard that it would be open for tours starting today." Nani tensed.
"No, absolutely not! I forbid it!" Nani and Lilo looked outside. It was a flash flood warning.
"All right then, will you take me to the bowling alley? I just remembered, I was gonna meet my friends there."
"Fine," Nani sighed. She got a text message on her cell phone. It was from Cobra Bubbles. It said 'Let's go out on a date. Meet me at my house.' "Sorry, Lilo, I have to go. I have a date with Cobra Bubbles, my new boyfriend, the guy I called a stupid head, but hopefully he's gotten over it."
1:00 PM (actually 52 seconds after 12:59, but close enough)
While she was kayaking over to Cobra Bubbles's house, she was worrying about her trash can collection. But she had to show up at her boyfriend's house so they could pick a place to go out on a date. Suddenly out of the blue, a spaceship whizzed by her, nearly hitting her in the head.
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, STUPID HEADS!" She yelled while shaking her fist.
She and Cobra decided to go to the aquarium.
"I feel like I could trust you with any secret," Cobra whispered softly. "I once drove away without paying for gas because I decided six dollars a gallon for gas was just too much plenty." Nani wanted to tell her her secret, but at the same time didn't want to. She decided, what the hey.
"I hid all the trash cans in the Mega Cavern because I wanted to encourage all the citizens to use the Impressionist exhibit as the landfill as a revenge plot for them not accepting my art piece." Cobra's gaze turned cold.
"IT'S OVER! I SHOULD HAVE SUSPECTED YOU TO BE TROUBLE EVER SINCE YOU CALLED ME A STUPIDHEAD!" Cobra left her alone. Nani was so angry, she pounded on the acrylic of the shark exhibit, releasing all the water. She snuck behind Cobra and stole his cell phone as a take that.
"I didn't know I was that strong!" she lamented as the aquarium was turning into a pile of destroy. Now the town was flooded even more. She went back to the Mega Cavern because she couldn't stand leaving her collection of trash cans alone for any longer. They were all floating about. "Gah, I have to hunt down my trash can collection one by one and find something to weigh them down." She stole yet another kayak and took it to the bowling alley.
On her way into the bowling alley, she saw Lilo smoking a cigarette in the parking lot, but she didn't want to risk blowing her cover by telling her to cease and desist (she was dressed as a disfigured old lady). She stole all the bowling balls by disguising herself as a disfigured old lady so that everyone would feel sorry for her and not criticize. It worked like a charm. Coincidentally there was an equal number of trash cans and bowling balls in the bowling alley. She saw Stitch there as well as a pink bowling ball with a face and a My Little Pony design on it.
"You sure as hell ain't joining my team even though we desperately need more players to make it more fun." Stitch barked. Nani ignored him. She decided to take Stitch's bowling ball and the pink one with My little Pony. Stitch bit her arm really hard and Nani howled in agony. I'm gonna need to go to the doctor, but first things first.
At long last she put bowling balls in each of the trash cans so they would not float away and took them to the Mega Cavern. After her little escapade, she saw what looked like Lilo going scuba diving. I hope she doesn't undo all my hard work.
Nani was thinking about her plan, but it had a few holes in it. She took Cobra's phone out of her purse and dropped it down an open manhole cover while Lilo was underwater. If Lilo sees me scooping up all the flood water into the trash cans, then she might suspect something's up and even maybe accuse me of such a heinous act, and she won't love me anymore. Lilo eventually resurfaced.
"I heard you've been traveling all over, picking fights."
"Not all over-" Lilo protested.
"That's not why I'm sad. I've been dumped, and it's because I hid all the trash cans in this cave! Will you track down Cobra Bubbles and beat his ass?"
"Sure!" Lilo cheered, instantly forgetting all about Gutter. Lilo stole Nani's phone, knowing full well that it could track Cobra's position since he had a phone with a microchip. Lilo was kayaking her way, following the moving dot, into the sewer, just as Nani had planned.
"Well," Nani thought for a moment. "I will take all the bowling balls out of the trash cans and then I will use the trash cans to scoop up all the flood water and use it to flood Cobra Bubbles' basement, since he told me his basement is mega huge, and that he just had to ruin our date by breaking up with me." As she said those last words, she curled her left hand up into a fist and punched it into her right palm. "I guess I'll have to return the bowling balls to the bowling alley then."
She put back on her disfigured old lady disguise, removed all the bowling balls from the bowling alley one by one and deposited them into the bowling alley (she held onto the My Little Pony one because it talked, saying it wants to be with Lilo). Cofagrigus is awesome. She then went back to the Mega Cavern and began scooping up all the flood water and pouring it in Cobra Bubble's huge ass basement. She got a call on her cell phone. "Dod gammit! This better not kill the mood." It was a call from Lilo's school about how she had gotten sick and threw up in the cafeteria. While she was on her scooping escapade, she noticed the art museum was on fire. Her id suggested to let it burn cuz they deserved it for rejecting her art piece, and then her superego took over by suggesting that they might let her art piece in if they honor her a hero by ridding the town of the flood water and putting out the fire using said floodwater. Classic devil on the shoulder and an angel on the other shoulder scenario. She gathered a bunch of trash cans, filled them with flood water, and poured the water on the flames engulfing the art museum, eventually putting out the flames, which revealed a pile of blackened burnt wood and melted paintings.
After that, she continued to scoop up all the floodwater.
"Burn in hell, heart breaker! Hope you have flood insurance! Oh wait!" She snuck inside Cobra Bubbles's house, taking advantage of the time 3:03, which was when Bubbles would hit on random ladies and get drunk at the local bar. She seized his flood insurance card and cut it in half with a pair of garden shears. "Not anymore!" Nani laughed maniacally. She exited Cobra Bubbles's house and much to her relief, all the flood water was gone now. Anyone who was watching hailed her as a hero.
"You saved the town and the art museum. We couldn't have been prouder because I'd rather die than have a building burn to death," the mayor praised. Nani blushed.
She could drive now that the town was no longer a maze of high flood water that one had to kayak through. She celebrated her new freedom by driving around randomly. She was driving almost full speed until she had to slam her brakes so hard, it created smoke. Lilo was emerging from the manhole cover at that moment.
"Get in NOW!" she demanded. "We are taking you to the doctor. You puked earlier today and I think you might be sick. Also, I need to see the doctor for this bite on my arm that Stitch most definitely made."
"But I'm fine," Lilo protested. "Wait. Stitch wouldn't hurt a fly."
"The school called earlier, shortly after I sc... oh never mind. And I'm gonna kill Stitch."
When they arrived at the doctor...
After Nani's bite was treated, another doctor came in.
"We got a call from an anonymous source that you puked this morning." Nani was between a rock and a hard place. If she stayed and took the treatment, then the doctors would have wasted valuable resources on a perfectly healthy person, but if she admitted she wasn't really sick, then everyone would find out that she was the one who stole all the trash cans. The doctor was about to give her some kind of vaccine. Nani broke down.
"I never got sick. I was pretending." Nani confessed, but now she had to think of a lie. "Because I needed to... save all the fish from drowning." The doctor was stunned, and then he put the needle in the biohazard bin. She came into the waiting room with the doctor. Lilo's doctor spake first.
"She's not really sick. That puke earlier was a one time thing." Nani's doctor spake second.
"And you, Nani, faking illness just to hide something."
"What are they talking about?" Lilo wondered.
"Long story. And here, I believe he wants to be with you," Nani said as she returned the trash can to its proper place and gave Lilo the pink bowling ball. She was so busy placing all the trash cans in the city into their proper places, she forgot about her promise to kill Stitch. City officials gave her a thank you letter for putting out the fire that engulfed the museum, and in her honor, decided to put her art piece up on display in the Impressionist exhibit.