Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't own its apple. I don't own an Iphone. I don't a chocolate fountain. I don't own a swimming pool.
I don't own Disneyland.
To be quick, there are a lot of things I'd like to own but don't.

Fifth Oneshot
Title: First Haircut
Time: Post Breaking Dawn
Genre: Humour
Summary: Renesmee is terriffied when her whole family agrees it is time for a haircut...
Characters: Renesmee
Pairings: Canon, mainly Jacob/Nessie
Rating: K
Requester: msnikkirt

Renesmee Carlie Cullen was sitting lazily on her golden four-poster bed, flicking Idly through a magazine. It was one of those days- too sunny to go to school- or work, in the case of her parents, Aunts, Uncles and grandparents. Renesmee was physically fourteen, though biologically she was only about four and a half years old, and due to this she was also mentally a teenager. A few years ago, she would have loved to go out in the sunshine and glow while her family sparkled and Jacob, her best friend, watched in mock disgust. But at the mental age of fourteen, Renesmee wanted to be more like her peers and was almost ashamed of the luminosity that came into her skin when she was in the sun. When she was young, she wanted desperately to sparkle like her family- now she was glad that she didn't.

Sighing, Renesmee tossed the magazine onto a pile on the floor and flopped down onto her stomach, blowing a strand of her bronze hair out of her face. Her hair's growth had slowed over the years, but it still hung around her ankles. Every day, she took painstaking preparations so that she wouldn't trip on it- a smiple ponytail, obviously, wouldn't help and every morning Renesmee had to tie her hair, braid it and twist it around tightly into a bun on top of her head. The result looked nice, but it took a long time. However, Renesmee was secretly terriffied of cutting it- sometimes, she really did act her biological age. Most fourteen year olds cut their hair with ease; Renesmee acted more like a four year old towards it.

Currenly, her hair was let out- it spilled around her like a bronze river. Bored, Renesmee started absent-mindedly plaiting it until it was like a long snake, trailing from her head. Renesmee bound it with a hair-tie she had on her wrist, then turned nonchalantly to the huge television that dominated half of one of her walls in her already enormous bedroom. There was a gold sofa in front of it, but Renesmee preferred watching from her bed. She turned it on with the remote and stared at it, flicking through the hundreds of channels she had access to. She grimaced when she saw Sesame street on one of them- Renesmee had never taken a liking to the show, even when she was a baby, and she liked it even less now. Groaning, she picked up one of the scatter cushions on her bed and tossed it at the patronising fairy prancing about on the screen before quickly changing the channel. Her back was to the door when it slowly creaked open.
"Nessie, Honey?"
The girl turned around to see her mother standing framed by the light in the doorway. She had obviously been out in the sun- her skin had a faint trace of sparkle. Nessie had to admit that her outfit looked nice; over the years, Bella had slowly gotten more ease in dressing nicely, now that she could run and jump without falling over every ten seconds. Today, she was wearing a deep red silk blouse, black skinny jeans and red stilettos. These clicked across the wooden floor as she approached her daughter.
"You Okay?" she trilled happily.
"Bored." Mumbled Renesmee, sinking her face into a gold cushion. Bella sat down beside her daughter and stroked her braided hair.
"Hey, honey, Alice wants to talk to you."
Renesmee sat up with a start, staring at her mother with wide, terriffied eyes. The last time the words Alice wants to talk to you had marched out of anyone's mouth to Renesmee, Alice had burst into the room with twice her weight in beauty products.
"What is it about?" Renesmee said slowly, her voice bordering on a growl.
Bella shook her head. "I don't know, hon. I promise you- she doesn't have a ton of makeup. I even sniffed her down on the way here."
Renesmee couldn't help laughing- Bella delighted in the jingle-bell sound, and she giggled along with her daughter.
"Seriously, I don't know." Bella smiled. "Maybe she-"
Bella was cut off by Alice bursting through the door.
"Nessie!" she sang. "I have a GREAT Idea!"
Renesmee stared at her, confused. Her eyes travelled down Alice's dress to see the object she clutched in her arm...
"A book?" she asked her Aunt, still confused. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her, and she smiled. "Is it a sewing book?" One of Renesmee's favourite past-times was sewing with her Aunt Alice. She imagined the book Alice held being full of gorgeous patterns that she and Alice would turn into stunning dresses. A glimmer of hope shot through Renesmee.
"No!" Alice shook her head, to Renesmee's surprise. "It's a hairstyle book! (Renesmee and Bella groaned) I wanted to try out some of these on you!"
Renesmee groaned again. "Why me? Rose loves it when you do her hair..."
Alice pouted. "But you have the longest hair! Besides, you're the only one whose hair grows back..."
"GROWS BACK!" Renesmee yelled, backing away from Alice. "You mean... you want to cut my hair?"
Alice looked shocked. "Why not? I mean, it's so long and it must annoy you! Wouldn't you prefer it if I cut it for you?"
"NO!" Renesmee shrieked, clamping her hands down on her hair to protect it from her aunt.
Bella stared at her daughter. "Ness, are you Ok?"
"OF COURSE I'M NOT!" She yelled at her mother, retreating further across the room. "That... That mad-woman..." she pointed a finger furiously at Alice "... Wants to hack at my hair!"
Bella approached her daughter slightly. "Nessie, why don't you want Alice to cut your hair? I mean, it's not like it hurts!"
Renesmee's eyes widened and she backed away even more. "So... you agree with Alice?" she cried, horriffied.
Bella nodded slowly. "Nessie, I just think you're overreacting-"
"OVERREACTING!" Nessie squawked, cutting off her mother. "She wants to... she wants to attack me with scissors!"
Bella couldn't help rolling her eyes. "I promise it doesn't hurt!"
"LIAR!" Renesmee decided, and before anyone could say anything she raced towards one of the glass doors in her room, ripped it open and sprinted away.

Renesmee darted up to the big Cullen Manor, panting slightly. Her head kept whipping around to see if anyone was following her. In her mind, she had a vision of Alice running after her, a mad glint in her eye, brandishing a pair of hedge-trimmers and snipping them furiously. However, nobody was following her, and she was slightly relieved. However, she continued to check, just in case, and it was while she was looking over her shoulder, that she crashed into someone. Renesmee froze, imagining Alice and her mother. She let out a squeak, panicking, when a familiar voice spoke.
"Hey Ness!"
Renesmee sighed with relief- it was Emmett. Surely he would back her up...
"Hi, Emmett!" She smiled meekly. Emmett held his hand out, and his niece slapped it, grinning and full of relief.
"Why are you running?" He questioned, curious.
"Well... I'm actually hiding from Alice." Nessie confessed. "She's trying to cut my hair!"
Emmett was deep in thought for a second. Nessie waited, hoping that he would offer to hide her or back her up. Then, he just said simply; "Cool."
"So, you'll hide me, right?" Nessie cried, eyes widening. He HAD to help her, he just had to!
Emmett considered this for another moment, then he shook his head.
"WHAT?" Nessie screamed.
Emmett grinned. "I can't go against Alice- she'll buy me some weird ugly clothes if I do. Besides, I think you'd look really sick with shorter hair." he grinned at her again.
"YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE!" Nessie yelped, then in a second she darted away, searching for someone who would help her. Emmett stood there, confused at his niece's odd behaviour. A few minutes later, Alice and Bella appeared.
"Seen Renesmee?" Alice demanded, snarling in her adopted brother's face. Emmett looked at his adopted sisters- Bella looked a little guilty, and Alice looked, well... evil. He suddenly felt a surge of pity for Renesmee- he needed to help Renesmee hide from Alice's wrath, even if she did need a serious haircut.
"Uh- I think she went to..." he invented quickly in his head. "La Push shops. Yeah, she went to hide out at the reservation."
Alice let out a growl of fury. "That's ages away... But maybe we can catch her!" She ran off, Bella following.
Emmett sighed in relief.
He had helped Nessie.

Renesmee burst into the Cullen manor, searching for Solace. She noticed Rosalie reading in the corner- of course! Rosalie would definately help her!
"Aunt Rose!" she yelled, rushing over. "Help!"
Rosalie looked up in alarm. "What is it, Ness?"
"Alice- she, she... she wants to CUT MY HAIR!" Renesmee wailed. She paused dramatically- then to her horror, Rosalie chuckled.
"That little Pixie." she smiled. "But don't panic- I'm sure she won't go to over-the-top."
Renesmee was horriffied. "You mean- you think she should?"
"Yeah." Rosalie smiled. "Don't worry, it doesn't hurt."
Nessie groaned and smacked her face into her palm. "I don't CARE about it hurting! I just- don't want her to cut it!" Then, before Rosalie could say anything else, Renesmee ran off.

Nessie darted through the bushes. She was in panic mode- what would she do? Carlisle and Esme wouldn't back her up, she knew it, and neither would Jasper. However, she had one last glimmer of hope- Jacob, her best friend, who would almost definately help her. Sighing, she slowed down at his house, panting and gasping for air- which she needed, unlike the rest of her family. Quickly, Renesmee banged at his door.
"Jacob!" she yelled. Instantly, the door opened and Jacob stood there.
"Nessie!" he cried, pulling his imprint up into a bear hug. "How are you?"
"Quick, come inside!" Nessie yelled, running into the little house. Jacob was startled.
"Er... Are you Ok? What's wrong, Ness?"
"Alicewantstocutmyhair!" Renesmee exploded, the words coming out as a blur. Jacob chuckled heartily.
"Woah, woah, woah, Ness. Slow down! What's wrong?"
"Alice wants to cut my hair!" Renesmee cried. "And nobody will help me! Everyone thinks I should just cut my hair and get over with it. But- and please don't laugh, Jake- I'm, well, I'm scared."
She sat down on the sofa and blushed deeply, a habit she had gotten from her mother. She waited for Jacob to laugh, or tell her to grow up, but instead he sat down next to her.
"I won't laugh, I promise. I understand, Ness."
Renesmee was shocked. She looked up, eyes wide. "You do?"
"Of course! Nessie, you haven't known me that long, and the whole time you have, I've been a werewolf. So you don't know that I actually used to have very long hair."
"Really?"
Jacob nodded. "Uh-huh. Of course, it wasn't as long as yours, but pretty long, probably about as long as Esme's, maybe a little shorter."
"Wow." Renesmee muttered, trying to picture it. "Er, what happened? I mean, why did you cut it?"
Jacob scratched his hair, which was currently short and around his ears. "Well, you know the length of a shapeshifting wolf's fur is the length of his or her hair when they're a human?"
"No!" Renesmee gasped. "Well, it makes sense, but I never thought about it..."
"Well." Continued Jacob. "It was Alpha's orders to cut it, otherwise we couldn't see with long hair all over us. So... I cut it."
"And...?" Renesmee asked curiously.
"I hated cutting it!" Jacob laughed. "I had to cut it myself, and it looked terrible! See, Ness, you're lucky. Alice will probably be like a pro. Besides, you always look great!" he grinned at Renesmee.
Renesmee blushed and smiled shyly. "You think so? That was my number one fear- that I would look ugly."
Jacob laughed again and hugged Renesmee. "I promise- you always look great, Nessie!"
Suddenly, there was a knock at Jacob's door, causing Jacob and Renesmee to jump. They turned to see Alice looking through the window.
"Come on, Nessie!" Alice cried. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? Look, I promise I won't scalp you!"
Renesmee sighed, butterfiles swooping in her stomach. She took a deep breath, stood up, then called "Coming, Alice!"
Jacob looked up at her and smiled. Renesmee gave him a shaky smile and walked outside to see Alice.
"Alice." she announced. "I'm ready. I- I think you really should do something about my hair."

Alice skipped around her bright pink ensuite, setting up Beauty products. Renesmee sat nervously in the pink beauty chair that Alice kept in her bathroom while Alice prepared everything. The others, on Alice's insistence, were watching- Alice was treating it like a makeover show on TV rather than a girl's first haircut. Jacob, on Renesmee's insistence this time, was standing near Renesmee to keep her calm. Jasper had offered to mentally sedate her, but Renesmee wouldn't hear of it- this was a memorable event for her, and nervousness would just... add to to the exitement. Renesmee's stomach felt like it was in a twist, and her hands gripped the sides of the chair. Finally, Alice had finished setting up the room, and she pulled out a black hairdressing gown. Renesmee's eyes widened, and she shivered as Alice wrapped it around her neck, buttoned it and pulled it out from underneath the gown. Renesmee couldn't help cringing.
"Ladies and Gentlemen!" Alice announced to her family, while they rolled their eyes at the way Alice was acting about this- as if this was a gameshow rather than life. "Before I start, I would like to announce that all hair cut off will be donated to Locks of Love!"
"That's good." Renesmee smiled nervously.
"And now, I will start to cut! By the way, the client will not know what style I am giving her until the end, but here is a picture!" she handed it around to her adopted parents and siblings, who looked at it with interest. Renesmee's stomach churned- Alice was making this even worse...
She reached out and touched Jacob's hand, demonstrating her embarrassment and nervousness. This really annoyed Jacob- Alice was drawing this out for the girl he cared about more than anyone else.
"Alice!" he growled. "Get on with it! This is really bugging Ness!"
Alice stuck her tongue out at Jacob, but walked over to Renesmee and picked up the scissors. Spraying some water on her Niece's abundant hair, she gently held a bit up to cut. Renesmee squeezed her eyes closed, clutching the chair more tightly with one hand and holding Jacob's hand with the other, just as Alice opened the scissors. Renesmee cringed into her seat, hands shaking...
Snip
Renesmee couldn't help but shiver and let out a little squeak as Alice severed one of her curls. Alice grinned and held it up proudly.
"YEAH!" Emmett clapped and let out a loud cheer, causing Rosalie to slap him. Jacob picked up a bottle of perfume and tossed it at Emmett.
"Does it look OK?" Renesmee asked her friend nervously.
"Yeah, it looks awesome!" Jacob reassured her, grinning. "You look great!"
"Momma?" Renesmee turned to her parents. Bella grinned at her. "You look fabulous, Nessie!"
"Dad?"
Edward smiled a crooked smile at his daughter. "Beautiful, honey."
Renesmee took a deep breath. "Ok, Alice, go on."
Jacob squeezed her hand, and Alice picked up another curl. Quickly and much less dramatically, she cut it off. Renesmee shuddered, a shiver going down her spine, but apart from that she felt... Ok.
Snip.
A third curl was severed, and Renesmee cringed again. She wondered how short Alice was going, and hoped desperately that it wasn't that dramatic.
Snip
"Yeah!" Emmett yelled. "Go Alice! Fight those curls!" SLAP "Ow, Rose, what'd you do that for?"
Alice started cutting Renesmee's hair more quickly, severing handfuls of curls rather than just one at a time. Part of Renesmee was glad that it would be over and done with, but part of her was scared- soon, she would have to see her hair, and it might look horrible. Finally, however, Alice cut the last curl. Renesmee squirmed about in her seat, eager to see her hair. She reached up to touch it, only to have Alice slap her hand back down.
"Silly Ness!" Alice scolded her niece. "It's not done yet! I have to even it, layer it and give it bangs..."
Renesmee groaned, causing Alice to roll her eyes and continue to do her hair. Alice tugged a comb through it gently, pulling sections up and trimming the ends. Finally, however, her hair was finished.
"Voile!" Alice cried, spinning Renesmee around to show her off to the rest of the family. They burst into applause, causing Renesmee to blush, and parted from the mirror.
Renesmee stared intently at her reflection, her hands flying up to touch her hair. Her jaw dropped.
"Oh... My..." Renesmee was unable to finish her sentence.
Her hair looked incredible!
It was short, but anything but severe. Her hair was in a slight concave bob around her chin, the curls making the style softer and natural. Alice had layered the back slightly and cut a large curl into a side-bang. Renesmee tugged lightly at her hair and ran her hands through it. To her delight, she found that no matter how much she played with it, it still looked lovely. She grinned at her reflection, shaking her head. Her hair was so... light!
It felt bouncy, and no longer dragged around her body, weighing her down. She laughed with exhileration, causing her family to laugh with her. Jacob grinned and put his arm around her.
"Wow." Renesmee breathed. "I... I feel great!"
Jacob laughed for what seemed like the millionth time that day. "You look great!"
Nessie grinned, when a thought occurred to her. She spun around quickly.
"Alice- since I grow quickly could you please... well, could you trim it each week?"
Alice squealed. "It would be my pleasure!"

The end
Did you like it?
Picture of Renesmee's hair: .com/imgres?imgurl=/image-files/short_hair_red_&imgrefurl=&usg=_ks8D-w17EOjfi1vNuHMoRa6-thM=&h=250&w=216&sz=15&hl=en&start=28&zoom=1&tbnid=TeTTxREYIPauzM:&tbnh=109&tbnw=92&ei=LGP0TdH7LoPKvQPJ3fzJBg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dshort%2Bcurly%2Bhair%2Bred%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rls%:en-au:IE-SearchBox%26biw%3D987%26bih%3D375%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=242&vpy=64&dur=33057&hovh=200&hovw=172&tx=97&ty=170&page=3&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:28&biw=987&bih=375
Next oneshot: Based on a review from MS, renesmee wants to play Hairdressers with Jake...