|The Slowest Burn
Author: TypoKween PM
"I don't even realize that the air has gotten hazy. Or that it smells like skunk, or that amidst the clouds of smoke, leaning against the wall is Edward Cullen." - AH, E/B, Lemons.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 36 - Words: 304,811 - Reviews: 6,475 - Favs: 5,589 - Follows: 6,488 - Updated: 01-19-13 - Published: 06-12-11 - id: 7076900
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine.
Thanks you: Jess; always—always. Ysar; thanks for making this nice and pretty for me—you're da best. Everyone: I want to thank everyone who tweets this fic, reviewes this fic, and lurks this fic. I know I suck at the replies, but I'll get better—I promise!
The Slowest Burn
That awkward moment when… you can't trust anyone—not even yourself.
Ch. 8: Grow Up, Girl
Im sorry. –J
I don't care. –B
We need 2 talk. –J
I think we talked enough dont u?—B
U R being very immature –J
I dont like the way we left things yesterday –J
2 bad –B
I called out 2 u and u just walked away –J
Bad hearing –B
I know where u live –J
So now we've come to harassment? Way 2 go Mr. Charming!–B
Im not asking 4 ur forgiveness –J
I did nothing wrong –J
U never do, Jasper. –B
I can't believe it.
She's actually freaking mad at me, so much so that she didn't even come to school today. I'm totally freaking serious. Rosalie Lillian Hale is not at school, and she won't answer her phone. I was prepared to grovel at her feet, but now… What the hell?
"Emmy!" I run up to Emmett in the hall between second and third period. "Hey, wait up, big guy!"
He stops and looks over his shoulder. "Oh hey, Bella."
"Have you heard from Rose today?" I rush to keep in step with Emmett's long legs.
His face grows concerned. "No, why?"
"She's not here," I tell him, "and she's not picking up her phone."
"Maybe she's pissed at you because of your diva act yesterday." He shrugs his shoulders.
"Okay." I take a breath. "I can see that you're upset. You're Jasper's best friend, and—"
"I'm not mad because of that," he's quick to correct me. Then he stops walking, and I stagger to a stop and walk back a few steps to stand beside him.
"Then what is it?" I ask nervously.
He regards me less severely than before. "Just a little disappointed is all. I didn't expect you to get all bigheaded when you started dating Jasper."
"Bigheaded?" I scoff in disbelief. "Em, you gotta be kidding me! You know I didn't ask Jasper or Rosalie to force everyone to do what I said!"
"Maybe not, but you overreacted when you dumped Jasper and yelled at Rosalie. Did you know that I had to take her home yesterday? Jasper drove her car home for her. She was really fucking upset, and whatever you said not only hurt her, but it hurt Jasper, too." He's seriously let down by me; I can see it in his face. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but friends don't make other friends feel like shit for trying to help."
I nod. "You're right. I overreacted, okay? But you have to admit that some of the people here are real dickheads."
He chuckles. "Yeah, but that doesn't make it okay for you to be one, too."
"Em." I blink up at him, shocked. "When did you become Yoda?"
He rolls his eyes and holds out a big paw. "Hand over those notes you promised me, and I'll think about being your friend again. Lord knows you need one."
I pull my bag around and give him the notes. "Thanks, Emmett."
"All in a day's work." He winks and spins around to walk to class.
Step one in the "3 Steps to Fix the Fuck Cluster You Created" plan is to get Rosalie to forgive me. But she's not here, so I'm skipping to step two.
Right now I'm standing outside the boys' locker room waiting for him to come out. He has weight training this period, right before lunch. I'm hoping to catch him when he's off his guard and then somehow persuade him not to hate me and be friends.
"Well, well, look who it is…" Mike Newton taunts me as he saunters out with wet hair from his shower.
I really hate him.
"Knock it off, Newton," Jasper barks as he walks out behind him. He barely glances at me before he brushes past and starts walking away.
This may take some groveling.
"Jasper, wait!" I chase after him. "I'm sorry." I start easy.
"Not good enough," he grunts and keeps walking.
I grab ahold of one of the straps of his backpack and pull. "Jasper, stop!" I cry out to him. "I said I was sorry!"
"And I don't care!" he snaps back at me and jerks his strap out of my grasp. "Damn, Isabella. You didn't even give me a chance yesterday. Give me one reason why I should give you one?"
He stares and waits for me to respond. Most students walk around us, but some slow down to listen, and a few stop altogether. I hate how nosy everyone is. I hate that when I'm with Jasper, I want to be with him, but when I'm away from him, I think of a million reasons why I don't want to be with him.
Don't call me Cullen…
Yeah, one night that obviously meant more to me than it did to you…
Do you have any idea how long I've…
I've been waiting a very, very long time for this moment, Bella…
Don't call me Cullen…
Don't call me Cullen…
Don't call me Cullen…
Cullen's voice echoes in my ears over and over, until finally I decide I have to make it stop. I throw myself forward and press my lips against Jasper's. I kiss him, closed mouthed kisses, but passionate ones. He stands there and doesn't move to touch or kiss me back. But I kiss him anyway. I just want Cullen to go away. Please, Jasper, please make him go away…
I start to slow down when I realize he's not going to kiss me back. Now I'm embarrassed beyond belief and sad that I've ruined a good thing. I knew it was good when I had it before, but I still threw it away. How stupid does that make me?
"Okay then," I mumble to myself, but I'm close enough to Jasper that he hears me. I pull away slowly, my eyes looking everywhere but at him—and definitely not at any of the people who've been standing around watching us.
I take a step back. Another. Another… I turn and walk away. Wow, so this is what rock bottom feels like. Rose won't talk to me, Emmett's disappointed in me, and now Jasper won't forgi—
I don't finish my train of thought. I'm swung around by my wrist, and a warm mouth crashes against mine. It's not a slow kiss. It's fast and sloppy, but it's real, and it's Jasper. I kiss him back with fervor and wrap my arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry." I breath in between kisses and gasps for air. I can't stop, I can't pull away. I'm wrapped up in him, and I feel great and safe and happy and… relieved. So, so relieved.
"I'm sorry, too," he says and grabs my face with his hands to slow me down. "Bella…" His tone makes me pause. "I promise to talk to you before I do anything like that again, okay?"
I nod my head, all too aware of my swollen lips and fast-beating heart, "I can't promise not to overreact sometimes." I shrug guiltily. "It's a hard habit to kick."
He chuckles and leans over to loudly smack a kiss on my lips. "You're really fucking adorable, baby. You know that?"
I blink up at him and give a coy smile. "I do now." I laugh softly. "Can we eat outside? I just want to be alone with you." My fingers play with his hair.
"Want me to find Rose and Em—?"
"No." I shake my head. "Just you."
He grins widely. "Sounds perfect."
While we walk to the lunch line to get our food, I can't help but feel a little, giddy tingle inside of me. Jasper meant well. He was trying to take care of me. That's what I need. Someone to take care of me. Rosalie can't do that forever, and I'm not strong enough to do it myself. Jasper is perfect for the job because he doesn't yell unless it's justified, and he doesn't hit things when he's upset.
He's simple. He's Jasper. He's safe.
He'd never hurt me like I know Cullen could.
Step two is fulfilled, and step one needs to be complete before I can move on to step three –which is to be my own damned person. Screw Jessica and Lauren and Jennifer and whoever else gives me shit about who I date or who I'm best friends with. Why should I feel guilty about that?
I'm still considering quitting the squad. I can tell Jess and Lauren to fuck off, but that won't be so easy if we're forced to hang together as a 'team' every other day. But then I know I'd be letting Rosalie down, and Jasper would feel so much better if I was there to cheer him on…
I'm in the middle of my fifth period class, day dreaming per usual, when my phone goes off. Everyone in class turns around to stare at me with big wide eyes, and my mouth drops open in shock. I cannot believe I forgot to put my phone on silent.
I frown at my screen and wonder why she's calling me during class, when she knows I'm in the middle of freaking class! But then I start to think that Rosalie isn't stupid, and if she's calling me in the middle of class, it's because it's a damned emergency, and now I'm kind of freaking out.
"Ms. Swan?" Mrs. Cope's eyes narrow. "Hand me your cell phone. You will get it back in detention after school today."
My phone rings again.
Mrs. Cope walks toward my desk, and in a split second decision, I grab my phone, bag, books and once flawless reputation for perfect behavior… and start for the door.
"Ms. Swan!" Mrs. Cope shouts in alarm. Never in a million years would anyone predict I'd openly disobey an authority figure. Well, I just did. "Ms. Swan!"
I push the door open and rush outside. "This better be good, Rosalie," I answer my phone and almost drop everything in my hands, "because I might get suspended for this."
She doesn't answer right away, but it's not on purpose. It's because she's crying so hard she can't breathe. "B-B-Bella," she sobs, "I n-need you t-to co-come get m-me."
"Okay," comes my immediate answer, "I'm coming to get you. Where are you?" I ask as I stumble down the hall towards the parking lot.
"P-Port Angeles," she hiccups. "At the women's cl-clinic."
My stomach drops to the floor.
"Why are you there, Rosalie?" I gulp.
"Why do you t-think, Bella?" she screams at me. "Just c-come get m-me!"
Her words cause my feet to start moving again. "Okay, I'll be there. Wait for me. Stay on the phone with me."
"No, j-just focus on g-getting h-here. I just w-want to be alone ri-right now." In our entire friendship, I've never heard her sound so miserable. Not even when her grandfather died last year, and they'd been close. She commands me not to tell a soul where I'm going, not even Jasper or Emmett.
When we hang up, I hurry out into the parking lot and search for my car. I'm running up and down the aisles, and I can't find it. Why the hell can't I find my car? My ankle is starting to ache from my sprint, and that's when it hits me.
My dad hasn't given me my car keys back. We'd even argued over it this morning, resulting in his finally relenting and saying I could have it back next week. I hate being dropped off like a child and picked up like a latchkey kid, especially since Jake has been the one to pick me up twice so far this week.
I stop walking and stand in the middle of the parking lot. I feel like there's a light bulb that's been switched on over my head. JAKE! I never erased his number from my phone. I don't know why, but in this moment I'm so grateful that I didn't. I scramble for my phone and dial him—and then I hang up. What the hell? Why on earth would I think Jake would help me? It's not like we parted with hugs last night.
But then again, we didn't part with name calling either. I have no one else to call. No one else would come. I know Jake enough to know that despite everything, he'll still come when I need him. I at least know that after our talk last night. Before I can dial him again, my phone goes off, and Jake's name flashes across my screen.
"Jake!" I cry in relief. "Oh my gosh, I really didn't know if you would answer. Well, I knew you would answer, but I didn't know if you help me. But you called, so I'm hoping you will help me. I need a ride. I need—"
"Since when are you and Jake friends again?" Cullen spits out, and the blood melts away from my face. "And why call Jake when you could ask your little bitch boyfriend?"
My chest tightens, and my eyes sting with tears of frustration. "I can't do this with you, Cullen. I need help, I need Jake. Why do you have his phone? Give him the phone, Cullen, please. I'm begging you."
He sighs, "Where are you?"
"School." I chew my bottom lip.
"Where do you need to go?" He sounds calmer now, like he's about to take control of the situation. I'm not sure how that's supposed to make me feel. But what I do feel is a fraction of the weight on my shoulders lifting.
"Port Angeles," I tell him.
I hear a bell ring somewhere on his end and then a flutter of activity. "Stay where you are. I'm going to text you in a few minutes so you have my number."
"I jacked his phone as a prank. He doesn't have to know," he explains to me. "Just sit tight, and I'll be there in a bit."
He hangs up.
I'm jumpy. My knee keeps bouncing, and I'm chewing on my fingernails. I feel guilty because it's been a half hour since Rose called me, and I'm still sitting at school. I've texted her about the new developments without actually telling her the details.
She thinks I got Angela to take me.
I hear his engine before I see his car. I'm up and on my feet in seconds, jogging down the street to the corner. My bag is super heavy with my books because I didn't get the chance to dump them in my locker before I charged outside like Xena Warrior Princess. When he rolls to a stop a few feet away from me, I feel my heart hammering away in my chest. My stomach fills with the flutter of butterfly wings, and my skin tingles with the anticipation of his touch. It's involuntary, I swear.
When his doors click and unlock, I waste no time jumping inside. "Thanks," I breathe. He nods his head and turns the car around to start for the highway. This is when I place a hand on his knee, and he tenses up as I reply genuinely, "Really, Edward. Thank you."
I watch his Adam's apple move up and down in his throat as he swallows. His fingers clench around the wheel. "Yeah," he mumbles and slowly turns his head towards me. "Next time just call me. Don't call anyone else."
Before I can respond, his focus is back on the road, and he turns the stereo on. I slowly start to remove my hand from his leg, and like a paperweight on a windblown piece of paper, his hand slaps down over mine to anchor it in place. I gasp in surprise as his fingers flex over mine, and he links our hands together. I hate the way my body responds to him. My heart picks up speed, my breathing quickens, my hands shake, and my knees lock together to keep me from rubbing my thighs against each other to get some friction.
"Edward," I pant and try to slip my hand free from his. "I can't… you know we…" I shake my head and bunch myself into a ball in his seat. I rest my chin on my knees and wrap my arms around them. "I thought you were here to help me," I mumble.
He chuckles. "Doesn't mean I can't help myself, too."
"Please don't make this hard for me, Edward. You know I'm with Jasper." I bury my face in my knees.
"For now," he grunts and turns up the volume so that the music in the car drowns out anymore possible conversation.
We continue like this all the way to the Port Angeles medical plaza where the women's clinic is held. It's here that Rosalie was schedule to abort her pregnancy, and I'm guessing she's really upset about going through with it, but I'm ready to be there for her and let her know she's done the right thing. She's too young to be a mother; she has too much potential in her future.
When Cullen parks in the lot and kills the engine, I turn to him swiftly. "Edward," I begin while staring into his eyes, "Can you promise me something?"
He blinks once and tries to look away, but he fails and ends up clasping his hand over mine. "That's a loaded question, Bella." He exhales a breath of cinnamon. "What is it?"
"I need your silence," I tell him. "I need to know that I can trust you not to ask questions or tell anyone about this."
He looks at me with concern. "Who would I tell?"
I gulp. "I have a feeling you might feel the need to…"
I lick my lips and try to think of a good way to say what I suspect needs to be said. I don't want to admit it out loud, but the signs are all there. And if what I'm thinking is true, then Rose is going to flip out when she sees that Cullen is the one who drove me here. Cullen will be the one to take us home. Cullen will be the one caught between two… friends?
"What am I to you, Cul—Edward?" I clear my throat to try and mask my mistake.
But of course, he's caught it. I wait for him to say something about my slip and am surprised when he doesn't. He just slides his arm across the back of my seat and uses his thumb to push a strand of hair behind my ear. "What do you want to be to me, Bella?" he asks softly.
"I…" I pause and blink a few times, feeling confused. I want to ask him all sorts of questions, but now is not the time. "I want us to be friends." I gently take his hand away from my face and set it down between us.
He sighs and picks his hand up to rub it over his face. "Fine," he mutters. "For now," he adds with his eyes boring deeply into mine.
I decide to take his hand between mine and pull it to my chest. "Please tell me I can trust you with this, Edward."
He gulps loudly and licked his lips. "You can trust me, Bella. I promise."
I jump forward to hug him, and as I pull him to me, I move my mouth to his ear and whisper, "Please remember you said that."
She's not where she said she'd be when I finally come across her. I've been walking up and down and all around the damned building. I expected to find her right outside, and instead I find her across the street on a bench in the park. She looks like a frail old lady, hidden inside an extra large gray sweatshirt that she has wrapped over her bent knees.
At the moment, she's throwing crumbs from a small Cheez-It bag for the pigeons to feast on. She's the definition of melancholy, and it makes my chest hurt to see her this way. I take a step toward her and turn my head to look over at the parking lot, where I know Edward is waiting patiently. I'm asking far too much of him, and I'm taking advantage of the phantom hold I seem to have over him. I feel guilty, but not guilty enough to regret what I've done.
Another strep in Rosalie's direction, and my worn, black Converse crunch down on a twig, causing it to crack in the air like the pop of a firecracker. It startles the birds that trot around where Rosalie's feet should be, and a few of them fly away quickly, leaving behind a fluttering trail of feathers. I start to walk faster toward her because the element of surprise is now over.
"Hey," I call out and slow my pace until I'm standing right in front of her.
She refuses to look up from the bag of crackers in her hands. "Hey," she mumbles.
I sit down on the bench beside her and grab the crackers from her hands, tossing them into the trash beside the bench. "It was Royce, right?" I ask as I turn my face to the sky. We won't be able to get through this conversation if we look at each other.
I see her slight and shameful nod in my peripheral vision. I don't know how to respond, so I don't. I'm disappointed, but I'd be a hypocrite to say so. I have my own version of Royce waiting in the parking lot a few yards behind us.
"You did the right thing, Rose." I turn my face to stare into her eyes when I say this. "Don't you dare feel guilty about it."
Her eyes squeeze shut, and she starts to cry silently. "I didn't." She hiccups, and I know she's going to sob soon.
"You didn't what?" I ask quickly; I need her to talk as much as she can before she's unable to. "You didn't what, Rosalie?" I shake her slightly.
Big tearful blue eyes glance up at me. "I didn't go through with it. I couldn't go through with it…" she gasps and presses a hand to her mouth before falling to pieces.
In my shock, I don't think to pull her to me and give her comfort. As the best friend, that's my job. I know it is, and I'm usually all for it. But I can't believe this. I can't even begin to understand why the hell she'd decide to continue an accidental pregnancy with Royce King of all fucking people!
I'm livid! At him, at her, and at this unborn… thing! This will ruin her! She's smart and beautiful, and she's supposed to grow up and get the hell out of here. We're supposed to get out of here. We're supposed to go to Harvard or Yale or some other snobby college. We're supposed to get our degrees in Journalism and then open up our own Review magazine so that we can openly talk shit about everyone! How are we supposed to do anything if there is a baby in the picture?
"Bella," Rosalie whimpers, and instinct kicks in. Instantaneously, I put everything on hold and reach out to pull her to my side so that I can wrap my arms around her. She's fragile and vulnerable, and she wants me to grab her and hold her and tell her that everything is going to be all right.
But I don't know that. How can I? You, me, and a baby makes three, Rosalie!
I don't any of this, though I want to quite badly. Instead, I tightly squeeze her to me and kiss the top of her head. We stay in this embrace until my back pocket buzzes. I know it's Cullen, so I ignore it, and for a few more minutes we sit in silence, Rosalie and I. Eventually, I know I'm starting to push my luck with Cullen's patience, so I move to stand, and I take a deep breath as I do. This is going to take some serious coaxing on my part to get Rosalie into Cullen's car.
"Okay." I nibble the inside of my cheek. "So… don't freak out, but—"
Her loud snort and eye roll make me smirk and roll my eyes back at her. Yeah, don't freak out even more than you already are, Rose. I shake my head and take a quick glance in Cullen's direction. If I don't hurry up, he might come over here, and then shit will hit the fan.
"Okay, so you know how I told you Angela drove me here?" I ask her and stare at my shoes, which suddenly fascinate me like nothing else. She doesn't respond, so I look up and see her nod her head with a concerned look on her face. She knows this is leading to undesirable information.
"Well…" I go right back to chewing on the inside of my cheek until it's almost raw. "I kinda… lied." I close my eyes open them slowly to see what kind of reaction she has.
It's so much worse than I expected because when I look at her, her eyes are wide, and her mouth is hanging open. She's staring over my shoulder in sheer panic, and her hands are clenching and unclenching around the fabric of her sweater. I don't need to turn around to know why she looks like that. I've reached the end of Cullen's patience.
Shit? Meet the fan.
"What is he doing here?" Rosalie shrieks to the high heavens and jumps up from the bench like a bat outta hell. "Bella Swan! Explain yourself!"
"Yeah, Bella Swan," Cullen repeats my name and folds his arms over his chest while his eyes stare holes into me, "explain…now."
He's scary, but I'm still way more afraid of Rosalie right now. I turn to her first. "I needed a ride, and you said I couldn't ask Jasper or Emmett!"
"So you called him?" she screams and jabs in his direction.
"No," I groan with closed eyes. "I didn't. I called Jake."
"Let me finish!" I yell at her in frustration. "Cullen answered Jake's phone, and I didn't have time to play 'please give him the phone,' so here we are. All I cared about was getting to you, Rosalie. You sounded so upset, and this is a seriously fucked up situation. I had to get here."
"But he's going to tell!" Her eyes are as frantic as her tone. "He can't tell, Bella. I'm supposed to have gone through with this! He even gave me the cash so that my parents wouldn't ask why I took out so much money from my account! I can't have him find out that I couldn't do it, okay?"
I'm stuck where I stand, unable to produce a logical explanation. Who was I kidding? No way would Cullen keep something like this away from his best friend. But how could he know it was Royce? I mentally slap myself across the face; only an idiot couldn't put two and two together. I highly doubt that Royce would ever be able to bone someone like Rosalie Hale and not talk about it to his boys.
"He won't." Surprisingly, it's Cullen's voice that reassures her. "I promised Bella I wouldn't tell anyone." His eyes scan my face notably. "So I won't." He turns his gaze back to her.
"But he's your best friend." She shakes her head, not believing him one bit. "I didn't even tell you who it was, yet you know it's Royce. And I know Bella didn't tell you, because she didn't know for sure until I told her."
"I'm not stupid." He scowls. "I can put two and two together. Wanna see?" He holds up two fingers on his left hand. "You and Royce snuck around behind everyone's back until he wanted to go public, and you dumped his ass like a bad habit…" He holds up two fingers on his other hand. "And now I'm picking you up from an abortion clinic. Hmmm…." He presses his fingers together with both hands, and then looks up at Rosalie. "And now four people know your secret."
I count in my head, me, Cullen, Royce and Rose. Four people, which means Jake is clueless. Wow.
"Fuck you," she sneers angrily.
He shakes his head. "No, thanks." His eyes flick over at me. "I'm good."
"Okay." I walk into the gap between the two of them. "We need to get out of here. Rosalie…" I turn to her. "I had no choice—"
"The hell you didn't!" she snaps at me. "I'm not stupid, Isabella! I know why he's here. You just can't resist the chance to spend time with him; that's why you let him drive you. You could have hung up and called someone else—anyone else, Bella! I would have preferred Emmett to him!" She points an accusing finger at Cullen time and time again.
At this, he's finally had his fill. He turns to me and mutters, "Get her on board in the next five minutes, or I'm leaving both your asses here. I mean it," he adds the last with a fierce gaze.
I wait until he's out of hearing distance before I whirl on Rosalie and start snapping. "Are you crazy?" I shout. "You pretty much just went nuclear on a guy who's not your enemy!"
"Does Jasper know you're still so chummy with Cullen?" she replies in a way that sounds threatening.
But I know her all too well to fall for it. "Rosalie, you're upset. You're not thinking rationally, and I get it, okay? I messed up, and I shouldn't have let him drive me here. But I was desperate, and I don't know… I just… I'm positive he's not going to tell. So just please, Rose… trust me."
She shakes her head sadly. "I love you, Bella, and I always will. But after today? I don't trust you all that much when it comes to Cullen." She brushes past me and walks toward where Cullen is parked, and after a few seconds of holding my breath to keep from crying, I turn and follow her.
I never thought that TGIF would mean so much until today. I am so freaking grateful that it's Friday. That means Rose and I have the whole weekend to figure what the hell to do about this bun in her oven. We're in my room, both of us on our backs, side by side, staring up at the same glow stars that have been here since I was twelve.
"I can't believe you never told me," I say again for probably the seventeenth time. "I mean… five months you guys messed around, and I had no idea? How could I have no idea?"
"Please stop talking to yourself like that," Rose mumbles. "You know it freaks me out."
"Then start answering back, bitch!" I nudge her side with my elbow. "Five months!"
"I know!" She throws her hands up.
"And you lied to me when I asked you if there was anything going on between you and Royce!" I add to the mix of lies she's been spewing for the past five freaking months.
"I know." She clenches her eyes shut. "I'm sorry."
"And you're pregnant!" I yelp and fly upright to press my back against the headboard of my bed. "I can't believe you're pregnant, and you let me think you were sick again."
"I know, I know, I know!" Rose sits upright as well, but she doesn't sit beside me at the headboard. Instead, she turns to face me and bends her legs together. "I was scared, and I kept thinking if I ignored it, that everything would go away. I know how stupid that sounds, but I just couldn't believe this was real."
My eyes dart to her stomach. "Oh, it's real."
"But it'll be okay." She nods her head as if she's reassuring me instead of what she's really doing—trying to convince herself. "It's the twenty first century; high school girls have kids all the damn time now. I could be on fucking MTV, for God's sake!"
Now I'm pissed. I grab her by her arms and shake her. "This isn't the family channel, Rosalie! Your parents are not going to support you through this! They are going to disown you, okay? You know that. Yes, you have me, and I know my dad would never allow you to be homeless. You can stay here when it happens—because you know it's going to happen if you don't fix this, Rose."
"Fix what?" She shrugs out of my hands. "Fix this?" She flattens her hands against her stomach. "No, Bella. I made a choice, and I'm not killing my baby!"
"Oh, so now it's your baby? Do you hear yourself right now, Rose? You sound like one of those Lifetime movie teen moms, and I'm the evil mother trying to force you to abort the fetus and join a convent. This is real life, okay? It's really fucking hard, and it's a bitch. You'll have to work wherever you can, while raising a child by yourself. You'll never leave Forks. You'll be stuck here at the diner, with aching feet and lack of sleep. Who will watch the kid while you're away? Where will you live? Because I'm not staying here, Rose."
Her bottom lip starts to tremble.
I know I'm being a bitch, but she has to realize what she's actually signing up for. "What happened to college? What happened to us going to a prestigious east coast school, where we plan to defile as many innocent, nerdy boys as possible? Our review magazine? Our dream? Are you telling me you don't want any of that anymore?"
Her head shakes side to side slowly. "I want it; I want all of it. But, Bella…" She touches her stomach again. "I can't kill it."
"Stop saying that!" I snap. "It's not even a baby yet! It's a fetus! You're probably what? A few weeks along? Like, what? Two or three?"
"Eight," she whispers.
I feel chills consume me. "Oh, Rose…" I shake my head sadly.
"I need you, Bella," she whimpers as the first few tears start to fall. "I'm scared, and I don't know what to do, but I need to know that you're here for me."
My heart aches for her, and because she's my best friend, and because I fucking love her to death, I nod my head. I open my arms, and she comes willingly. "You know I'm here no matter what," I tell her. "I talk a damned good game, but when it comes down to it, do you really think I'd leave your ass alone in this?" She shakes her head, and I kiss the top of it.
"Thank you." She sniffles. "I'm sorry I said I didn't trust you."
I hold her tight and close my eyes. "It's okay."
I don't trust myself either when it comes to Edward.
Grow up, girl grow up, girl, you are not who I thought that you were
grow up, girl, change, change
oh my god! you are alive! and you're breathing and you know you are
you know we are young hearts, honey,
and we are beating and that we are young bloods and we are bleeding
and the world is under your skin and that world you're living in
but you're breathing, and you know you are
AN: Just remember: it's all part of the plan…
This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song Breathe Like You're Dancing by Sybris. Amazing song, I recommend you download! It fits the story so well. ;)
I'm thinking of composing some playlists for this story since I am such a big music fan and I love to make fanart… let me know what you guys think. I often post TSB related graphics on my tumblr if you want to see them. Link in my profile. I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter.
See you next Friday!